X-E is the ultimate nostalgia website. Anyway, here’s more stuff about my pet crab.
It cost 85 bucks to provide George with an adequate home, and I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. (Though I do admit to buying more decorations than were feasible to fit in his tank, so let’s be fair and say 70 bucks. It’s still an awful lot of money to spend on such a tiny crab.)
It all went down yesterday night. I was a man obsessed. While at work, I actually sketched out what I wanted the tank to look like, and because I know that sounds made-up, I snapped a pic of the sketch with my phone’s shitty camera. It sounds mundane, but it was actually mindblowing action.
We shopped at the same Petland where George was purchased, and the staff kept trying to tell me that the tank he came with was totally fine. Part of me wondered why they were trying to talk us out of spending more money, but it was pretty clear that George needed more than a dinner plate covered in rocks and water to enjoy life. Really, if giant aliens from a distant galaxy scooped me up and kept me in a tank, I’d hope for more than rocks and water.
Researching moon crab habitats is frustrating. Google didn’t give me a lot of options, and every new site I came across seemed to contradict the previous. Caring for a moon crab can’t be that subjective, can it? I’m sure there’s a correct way to go about it, but there’s no way to tell which “experts” are on the up and up, and which “experts” are just lameass griefers who get strangers to kill their pet crabs for kicks.
I decided on a middle ground, and built George’s home to a hodgepodge of specifications set forth by at least a dozen online strangers who so generously took the time to write random guides on keeping crabs happy.
First up, the floor layer isn’t actually sand, but rather a very fine gravel made to look like it. Real sand would’ve been a better choice, but Petland had none for sale. (I love George, but I’m not going to two stores for him.) Near the back of the tank is George’s coconut hut, where he’s free to map out his wayward crab schemes in total privacy.
Water is important, even for land crabs. Aside from keeping the sand moist and chewy, I’ve also provided George with a pool. The pool isn’t filled with regular water, but rather with Petland’s special “hermit crab water.” George isn’t a hermit crab, but I must assume that hermit crab water is better for him than people water. PS, if you think shit like Dasani is expensive, get a load of hermit crab water: $5 for an eight ounce bottle.
There’s also a little bit of fencing held up by suction cups, so George can give into his primal instincts and climb around. He may be disappointed to learn that the fence doesn’t actually lead anywhere, but truth be told, this probably isn’t an issue…because George does not move at all. He is a stationary crab.
I have to admit, I’m a little concerned. George hasn’t really moved since we got him. I mean, he has, but only when I’ve made it impossible for him not to do so. He hasn’t eaten, either. And it can’t be that I’m not feeding him the right foods, because I’ve tried feeding him every possible type of food, except maybe grapes.
When I can encourage George to move, he does it well enough. His legs are in working order. (Except for the one that’s missing, which we just noticed tonight.) George has spent the past 48 hours doing about as much as a dead crab would do, and I’m guessing that this isn’t optimum.
Some of the sites on moon crabs claim that they’re “very active,” and yeah, there are even several YouTube videos that seem to purport this claim. Maybe he just needs more time to adjust?
Then again, it’s possible that this is just how George is. He seems relatively healthy, except for the missing leg. Maybe he’s just a laid back, take-it-as-it-comes kind of crab? Bleh, this is obviously my punishment for naming him after the most passive character in Gremlins 2.
Enjoy your new Craborama, George. Please do tricks for me tomorrow?
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
Rev. You are a fascinating creature and I adore your habitat.