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	You are all doomed. Why not surrender? We might let you live.

04/06/2009: Monster Rap.

Hello!

I was going to post this as a comment, but considering that the last thread is nearing 1000 comments (all positive) and takes about seventeen minutes to load, we may as well start anew.

I’m alive and unchanged. Seriously, I’ve just been working. A lot. It’s been a less-than-ideal grind and I very much look forward to the current wave passing so I can get back to doing what I love to do best: Nothing, with a side of you.

Some of you have expressed interest in an early return for the Halloween Juke. I couldn’t agree more and will try to include this soon as a partial mea culpa. I’ve been listening to that shit constantly, though I don’t know if it has as much to do with me wanting Halloween as it does the fact that Geico’s “Somebody’s Watching Me” commercial airs 772 times each hour.

Also, there was an a site in circulation that evidently attempted to redirect users to a bad place. I cannot lie: I thought you guys were mistaken, but you were right, and the ad guys at UGO (and me) really, sincerely apologize for any trouble it caused. It’s been eradicated and you should have no further trouble.

I finally watched that Clone Wars movie. Now, I was as hard on the prequels as anyone, but despite what seemed to be common opinion, I really didn’t think it was bad at all. Granted, I fell asleep halfway through, but I’m assuming it grew no more offensive from there. Plus, the first reveal of Jabba’s son, suddenly crawling out and goo-goo gah-ing with absolutely no build or fanfare, cracked me up so much that I had to rewind the scene seven times before watching the rest of (or the rest of the first half of) the movie.

Very odd to hear an ice cream truck’s jingle playing during a thunderstorm in early April, but I swear, I just did.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 571 comments

« Previous 1 ... 6 7 8 9 10 ... 12 Next »

Dear god, after that terrible episode of 24, im DONE!
That show is so bad now. Its literally the same plot every season.
TERRORISTS, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS, JACK IS A FUGITIVE, DOUBLE CROSSES, JACK CRIES, SHADY VICE PRESIDENTS, NUCLEAR ATTACKS!!
lame
The season started so well too.
: (
sorry…needed to vent.

Ghosted by Boner Jams 03 @ 04/13/2009 10:07 PM EDT

Am I the only person who likes old things but also doesn’t mind restorations? When I say “restorations” I mean going back and cleaning up a worn, dusty, old print for future preservation– not deleting or adding new material. If they didn’t restore prints from time to time, lots of old films would end up looking pretty bad.

Ghosted by Annette @ 04/14/2009 5:09 AM EDT

Annette: No your not the only one. Why would someone mind if the film is cleaned up? That has to be done to certain movies because of their age.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 04/14/2009 6:18 AM EDT

It has now been 5 weeks since the last review. I hope you all realise that there is no way somebody could be so busy with work that they couldnt find an hour and a half in 5 weeks. Considering we just had a long weekend I dont see how it could be work that is keeping Matt from posting.

Ghosted by Guy @ 04/14/2009 8:58 AM EDT

I think people are confusing “restoration” with “alteration”. ALL films deserve restoration. Film degrades over time, and if left untouched it will yellow. A digital restoration is the best thing you can do, as it saves the film forever digitally. Megabytes can’t turn yellow Cool fun fact: a friend of the family personally restored the earliest existing Kodak color film, footage of the Boy Scout World Jamboree.

As for “alteration”, my take is that as long as the film is in existence in its original form somewhere, then alter away! The extended Lord of the Rings, Star Wars Special Editions, Daredevil Director’s Cut, Superman Director’s Cut, Superman II: The Donner Cut, Spider-Man 2.1 and the upcoming extended Watchmen are all preferred over their original versions in my opinion. I’m a footage junkie.
The longer the film and the more the story the happier I am. I cannot tell you how p.o’d I was when the Harry Potter films started getting shorter as the books they were based on were longer.
I’ve got the time, so let me experience all the filmmaker has to offer.

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/14/2009 8:58 AM EDT

Take a look at Lowrey Digital’s website, they have a sample movie of what a film looks like when not restored:

http://www.lowrydigital.com/restoration.html

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/14/2009 9:02 AM EDT

I agree about the LOTR films, the extra footage is essential!

Ghosted by drew do @ 04/14/2009 9:05 AM EDT

Not seeing the demise of Dooku- er, I mean Saruman was a major letdown in the theater. While the extended version isn’t totally true to the books, I thought it was a great scene.

CHUCKY KILLS DRACULA!!!

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/14/2009 9:20 AM EDT

Sorry, what I really wanted to refer to was re-releasing movies in blue ray format. For example, I don’t need or want to see The Godfather in hd. For some movies I suppose it legitimately makes them better, but all in all, it’s just another slimy way Hollywood fools people into parting with their money.

Ghosted by Brew Master @ 04/14/2009 10:11 AM EDT

…And you’re right. For me, the LOTR movies are borderlne unwatchable without the extended footage, especially ROTK.

Ghosted by Brew Master @ 04/14/2009 10:14 AM EDT

Yeah some movies shouldn’t be HD. Like Clerks, what a waste of $.

Ghosted by drew do @ 04/14/2009 10:29 AM EDT

I have no prob with Blu-Ray re-releases, I mean you have to have some way to get HD quality movies to consumers (besides digital downloads). What I hate is when they hold back on special features for the DVD release and have Blu-Ray exclusives. Want a commentary? Not on the DVD! Only the Blu-Ray gets that! Pshh… >:^/

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/14/2009 10:35 AM EDT

I just tried the Sierra Mist with grapfruit soda and I got to say I was disappointed. The grapefruit is hard to detect, probably because it’s already a citrus soda. Adding another citrus didn’t add anything. They would have been better off doing a cherry flavor or something.

Ghosted by King JLA @ 04/14/2009 10:36 AM EDT

Cars and Ratatouille failed to include commentaries on the DVD versions, while including them on the Blu-Ray versions.

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/14/2009 10:37 AM EDT

Hooooly cheese. You guys need to go to http://www.juliensauctions.com and check out the stuff they’re auctioning off from Neverland Ranch. Video game HEAVEN.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 04/14/2009 10:55 AM EDT

Terminator Shell-vation: The T-500 vs. The Ninja Turtles

Discuss.

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/14/2009 10:59 AM EDT

Since I have a PS3, it’s not a big deal for me to buy Blu-ray discs if I want the extra content. I just can’t see them in HD (yet). But I do agree that it’s kind of slimy to push Blu-ray by including extras on it and not DVD.

Ghosted by Annette @ 04/14/2009 11:47 AM EDT

You know what? Gravity doesn’t exist. The world just sucks.

I saw some action figures from DB Evolution last night. meh. The punching Goku with the multi-arm effect was amusing though.

Meanwhile, I just ate a Spam sandwich with avacado slices on it. Who needs Twitter-witter-tawt-I-taw-a-putty-tat when you have the X.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 04/14/2009 2:35 PM EDT

has anyone tried the new Dr. Pepper Cherry yet? I haven’t seen it in Canada yet (what else is new)…but I’m REALLY wanting to

Ghosted by jennyroo @ 04/14/2009 5:50 PM EDT

I just had a Dr. Pepper Cherry after lunch. Good stuff.

And not all of us had a long weekend, mine just felt long. I was out at shitty Hatboro most of the weekend for Easter celebrations with the fiance’s fam. AND his mom had some kind of massive migraine all weekend and was holed up in her room. I didn’t even get to initiate my evil plot to give her a massive coronary episode by sticking out my stomach and rubbing it while proclaiming, “OH MAN I can’t wait til I finally have this baby!” Faking pregnancy would have been hysterical.

But Easter was okay overall… Easter-eve I met the fiance’s other grandmother who informed me I had a “special spot in heaven” for putting up with him. Then Easter day I finally met my fiance’s best friend who’s this massive furfag and minor douchebag. Dinner was at his exceedingly Catholic aunt’s house, who was eyeing me up like I’m some kind of heathen… which I guess technically I am. *shrug*

Ghosted by Mystie @ 04/14/2009 6:11 PM EDT

Yes, I managed to track some down at Target. I figured, “Hey, I like Dr. Pepper. Hey, I like cherry. This is a no brainer.” And it is. It’s so smooth with just a nice hint of cherry to top it off. I really hope it manages to stick around because it’s my new favorite drink. In fact, I am drinking some now. Jealous? Yeah, I thought so…

Ghosted by Ash @ 04/14/2009 6:49 PM EDT

Mystie, you understand a furfag is somebody who dresses up like an animal and has orgies with other people dressed like animals?..

Ghosted by Guy @ 04/14/2009 6:52 PM EDT

so…..apparently there is suspicious activity afoot in the neighborhood. Where I live. It’s not in the papers…yet…however, there were several FBI agents behind the local convenience store/deli, because a block down from my back door…..Frikkin AL Quaida pirates are using the boat dock as a pick off drop off point for their agents in the area!

There is a lot of evidence that this is NOT just hearsay.

I did in fact, see some odd looking cop cars in the area and there have been some helicopters flying around more than usual. We heard about the whole pirate thing from an ex military guy who knows people in homeland security.

Ghosted by mandy_Reeves @ 04/14/2009 7:05 PM EDT

Man, that ex-military guy should be more careful with FBI information, especially if they are trying to bust high level terrorists! Not to mention the active guys in Homeland Security who blabbed!

Ghosted by drew do @ 04/14/2009 7:21 PM EDT

I go out of town for Easter for a few days and come back to more and more bickering about lack of updates. Blah, blah, blah…If you kids don’t quiet down I’m turning this car around and you will NOT get any ice cream. And I mean it.

On the plus side, looks like I’m not alone in my Shia the Beef hate (Oh, hey there squee4242. One day you’ll join us too). I’ve also decided to add Seth Rogan to my list of people who’s passing would make this world a better place.

As for 24, I’ll say while this season isn’t its best season, it’s still one of my Top 5 favorite shows of all time. I just finished watching last night’s episode on Hulu and lost my shit at what happened during the last couple of minutes. I won’t spoil it of course, but it had me screaming at the computer.

Ghosted by DJ D @ 04/14/2009 8:24 PM EDT

Yes, Guy, that’s exactly what I meant.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 04/14/2009 8:25 PM EDT

Well I dont know why your friend would let information like that slide to his pals it sounds kind of embarassing.

Ghosted by Guy @ 04/14/2009 8:28 PM EDT

It’s not my friend, it’s my fiance’s. If he wants to dress up like a wolf and rub on on other people in animal costumes, I guess to each his own. Ain’t hurting no one.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 04/14/2009 8:43 PM EDT

Should have had you as my lawyer Mystie, as thats not what the courts said to me. hehe

Ghosted by ory_bloodmyre @ 04/14/2009 9:10 PM EDT

Oh Holy Crap:

I’m watching the world broadcast premiere of “Snakes on a Plane” on FX. You know the famous Samuel L Jackson line? The one about the motherfucking snakes? Well this is what the censored version is:

“That’s it! I’ve had it with these Monkey-Fighting snakes on this Monday-Friday Plane!”

Seriously? What. The. Fuck.

Would have been better just to bleep it!

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 04/14/2009 9:52 PM EDT

If that movie had actually been about monkey-fighting snakes it would have been at least 500% better.

Ghosted by jazzy @ 04/14/2009 11:52 PM EDT

jazzy:To be fair, alot of movies could be improved by puttin monkey fighting snakes in them.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 04/15/2009 1:02 AM EDT

especially that one with mathew broderick where the monkeys fly their own plane I think its project x but im not sure. They missed the boat not making em fight snakes in that one.

Ghosted by owen hart @ 04/15/2009 2:02 AM EDT

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH I JUST CUT ME DAMN FINGER!!!!!

Ghosted by Capt. Will @ 04/15/2009 3:04 AM EDT

Cameron T ,

Pluck you, melon farmer!

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 04/15/2009 9:49 AM EDT

Rev.: “Everyone I know is dead. Most likely because I killed them, yes, but it was a necessary sacrifice. All in the glory of the Erotic Space-Lord, Ungulor!”

Brainwashed Victim: “Oh! He sounds GLORIOUS!”

Rev.: “It’s technically a she. Well, technically it’s neither. It has several different kinds of pleasure-zone.”

Brainwashed Victim: “I am enthralled! I wish to learn more! I wish to be its servant and its victim!”

Rev.: “Pshh. You’re not worthy! You wouldn’t even make a suitable ultra-slave for myself.”

Brainwashed Victim: “I can be taught! Trained! I am oh so obedient! And OH SO willing! Give me a task! A test to prove my worth!”

Rev.: “Hmmmm. Very well. If you wish to prove yourself to me, you may then be able to work your way up to serving Ungulor, The All-Inseminating.”

Brainwashed Victim: “Yes! YES! I shall please you! What would you have me do? Lick your boots? End the life of a fool!? Speak it and I shall obey!”

Rev.: “I want you…. to make home-made scratch-and-sniff E.T. stickers that smell like the bizarre pine-forest where he resides.”

Brainwashed Victim: “….But…that’s impossible! Nobody can do that!”

Rev.: “Think of it as a learning curve. Many have tried but all have failed. If one were to succeed, he or she would surely earn my respect. You know, there was one who came close. Once.”

Brainwashed Victim: “No! I don’t believe that! He was a fool for even trying! What became of him?!”

Rev.: “It’s true, a lot of people share your opinion that he was a fool for his attempts. It was akin to mocking God.”

Rev. smiles.

Rev.: “But at least he had the courage to stick his neck out.”

Rev. cackles wildly and lightning courses through the alien skies.

Ghosted by Morfnblorsh @ 04/15/2009 10:26 AM EDT

Fargo replaced every “fuckin’” with “frozen” in the broadcast version. Being from the midwest, we don’t have thick accents like they do in the film, and don’t use the word “frozen”. Though I DO wish we DID do the latter.

Frozen idiots.

Ghosted by Barry @ 04/15/2009 10:27 AM EDT

Once again, I am the star of one of Morfnblorsh’s bizarre cthulhoid fantasies, and once again, I am beyond honored. Ungulor indeed. I don’t know how you found out about him, pal, but until you get your membership card in the mail you should probably keep mum about it. They are here, and they are always watching.

/cackles wildly.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 04/15/2009 10:56 AM EDT

Rev and Morf: Please get a room.

Ghosted by King JLA @ 04/15/2009 11:25 AM EDT

My fave swear-substitution has to be from the Breakfast Club on TBS, when Bender yells “FUCK YOU!” they change it to “FOOL YOU!”

yes….fool you all!! especially yous with the Dr. Pepper Cherry

Ghosted by jennyroo @ 04/15/2009 11:45 AM EDT

Don’t get me started on TBS, or Peachtree or whatever it is now…they show old movies I love like “The Great Outdoors” or “The Wizard” then when I get into it, smile on my face; I realize “Wait- they’re going to ruin the scene with the crucial, much needed swear words!!” And…they do. FAIL.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 04/15/2009 12:44 PM EDT

Hey, I know that some of you have been wondering where I have been lately. Well, I got promoted at work so I have been really busy. I just want to give you an idea of what a day in the life of the boss is really like.

Write some articles (LIKE A BOSS)
Leave for a few months (LIKE A BOSS)
Give no excuse (LIKE A BOSS)
Come back for thirty seconds (LIKE A BOSS)
Read the comments (LIKE A BOSS)
Laugh my ass off (LIKE A BOSS)
Leave for a few more months (LIKE A BOSS)
Abandon my readers (LIKE A BOSS)
Dont apologize (LIKE A BOSS)
Turn into a rocket (LIKE A BOSS)
Crash into the sun (LIKE A BOSS)
Now Im dead(LIKE A BOSS)

Ghosted by Matt @ 04/15/2009 1:16 PM EDT

One of my favorite safe for regular TV subs is in “Stand By Me” during the Lard-Ass Hogan story. When the crowd starts chanting “LARD- LARD- LARD-” and you can hear the cut before “ASS!”, cracks me up every time.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 04/15/2009 1:17 PM EDT

I’ve never understood why some movies are edited and aired for TV when it’s obvious editing them will rip the heart out of them, and everything that’s funny. Ocassionaly networks will try to air Cheech and Chong movies. Once you edit out the swears, the drug references, and the sexual innuendo, you’re left with…a 20 minute movie that makes no sense. What’s the point?

Ghosted by tanta07 @ 04/15/2009 1:43 PM EDT

I wish I could remember what movie it was, but I saw a movie aired on TV, and they took it a step beyond dubbing in innocent words over the swears; they also tried to digitally manipulate the actors’ mouths to make it look like they were saying the innocent word instead. So instead of getting an abrupt word jammed in over the original dialogue, you also got a weird digital effect smearing the actors’ mouths while they talked. The effect was beyond bizarre. I think had I been on mushrooms at the time, my brain would have fused.

Ghosted by tanta07 @ 04/15/2009 1:48 PM EDT

Kingklash – I remember watching that same edited movie! But when I watched it, they called him “Lardo” and they wouldn’t say barf-o-rama. Instead, all that blueberry pie resulted in an “o-rama”. ???

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 04/15/2009 1:49 PM EDT

“Rev and Morf: Please get a room.”
-King JLA

King JLA See, that requires each person involved to mutually like each other that way. I can say without confirmation that we don’t know each other well enough to make such a declaration – nor would we be able to act on it even if we did. Let’s review some supporting facts that otherwise negate your suggestion:

A) She’s spoken for.

B) She considers punching to be form of foreplay.

C) I am undesirable.

Any of these individually is reason enough, but we have all three present simultaneously. It’s a Tri-Force of fail and it must be obeyed.

I include Rev. in my nonsense only because I admire her and respect the horrific agony she is capable of delivering. What better way to honor someone you admire (and fear!) than to put them into several improvised scripts where they badly injure people in a setting I refer to as the “Futureverse”!

If you can think of a better way, I’d like to hear it.

Ghosted by Morfnblorsh @ 04/15/2009 1:58 PM EDT

that air on TV with never before seen scenes, like Caddyshack!

Ghosted by drew do @ 04/15/2009 2:11 PM EDT

Jesus, the site dumped most of my post…

First, for someone who doesn’t care that sure was a long post!

Second: Best all time TV edit was Fastimes at Ridgemont High.

Damone: The car looks great, you’re really keeping it up won-der-full-ly

Charles Jefferson: DON’T FOOL WITH IT!

Damone: Shoot! That’s my man!

I also like movies that air on TV with never before seen scenes, like Caddyshack and the lawnmower scene with Ty and Carl!

Ghosted by drew do @ 04/15/2009 2:15 PM EDT

My favorite TV/Movie dialogue edit: Waterworld

Deacon: “Well? How’s it look?”

Smoker: “Not bad, not bad at all.”

Doctor: “I-I like it better than your real eye.”

Deacon: “What do you say, Toby? The truth.”

Toby: “Looks like slime.”

Deacon: “That’s why I love children – no guile.”

*looks in the mirror and pauses*

Deacon: “IT DOES LOOK LIKE SLIME!”

Ghosted by Morfnblorsh @ 04/15/2009 2:31 PM EDT

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