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7777.

I was hoping my first post after a seventeen year drought of blog entries would be more substantial, but I had work today, so all you get is filler.

The Advent Calendar isn't finished. I feel okay with this, because we still haven't taken down our Christmas tree. I'm serious. And it's a real tree. And the decorations are still on it. And it's right in the middle of our living room window, so it's not like we can keep this dastardly secret to ourselves. Believe me, it has nothing to do with refusing to let go. When you get down to it, we're just kind of disgusting,

Or maybe the Advent Calendar is finished, but linked in mysterious ways. It's very doubtful and I'm probably lying.

I don't owe anyone anything. I was quoted on the Ghoulies IV DVD box, for Christ's sake. You're lucky I turned down Hollywood.

I hope everyone's well. I don't have work tomorrow, so unless I come up with some brillaint excuse to get out of writing, there will be new, actual content here. What will it be about? I'm not allowed to tell you.

Clearly, a survey is in order. In the comments, tell us your least favorite movie of all time. It doesn't need to be the worst movie you've ever seen, because bad movies can be great. Muster all of your personal bias, and present the reasons why "Movie X" makes you want to kill people with rocks.

Once I finish building my robot, I'll join in.

Posted by Matt on 01/16/2009. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 1,241 comments

Sin City. It does not make me want to kill people with rocks. It makes me want to kill MYSELF with rocks. It’s gosh danged disgusting.
Same with all of those freaking Saw movies.
And the Stepford Wives.

Whoever thought up all that drek owes me hours of my life back. I’d probably just waste them again, but it’s the principle of the thing, gosh dangit! ;p

Chestnuts roasted by Cutie Kitsune @ 01/17/2009 12:49 AM

Thin Red Line, Napoleon Dynamite. Napoleon Dynamite is one of the most overrated movies ever, and Thin Red Line remains to date the only movie I’ve ever walked out of, though I would have been better off walking out of The Happening.

Chestnuts roasted by Whitebacon @ 01/17/2009 12:58 AM

The remake of the Wicker Man, the one with Nicolas Cage. Yes, I was one of those people who actually enjoyed the original, its practically a cult classic in some circles.
But to remake it with bees, mute males, feminists and women luring men to their deaths was nothing like the original. It was a complete failure. I can’t stand it.

Chestnuts roasted by Mnstn @ 01/17/2009 1:01 AM

worst movie ever?

ENVY with Jack Black and Ben (no talent) Stiller. OMG this piece of shiat was horrible. Ms tigerfan and I went with another couple who picked the movie. If I ever see Ben Stiller, I will repeatedly punch him in the face until I get my ticket money, time and suffering back. if he can’t pay up, i won’t stop beating him.

Chestnuts roasted by tigerfan @ 01/17/2009 1:05 AM

Any live action of a classic cartoon — Bullwinkle, Underdog, all the Garfields. I hate them as a class so I don’t even try to watch them anymore. But the last one I walked out on in the theatre was Dances With Wolves.

Chestnuts roasted by rabrab @ 01/17/2009 1:06 AM

I have something to say. I hope nobody tells me I’m horrible.

In Sin City, the yellow guy? Who was also Ben on Carnivale who could heal your crippled daughter but would kill your fields of corn?

I think that is what X-E Matt looks like. I don’t really know what X-E Matt looks like, but I picture the yellow guy from Sin City. Only not yellow, with regular skin.

Hey X-E Matt: Do you look like Carnivale Ben? Who boned that dowdy chick in the rain and maybe put satan’s baby in her? And saved the carny who got burned up with tar? Or have I assigned a familiar looking face to your holographic persona in order to better understand your blogs when you post them.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 01/17/2009 1:24 AM

LoneStar76 — Makes as much sense of anything else.

Looking at my previous post, I realize it may be unclear as to whether I believe the lemur or the pencil could have appendicitis and write a better movie.

Frankly, it could be either one.

Chestnuts roasted by BlakeMP @ 01/17/2009 1:29 AM

Mr. Holland’s Opus! What a sappy piece of crap.

Chestnuts roasted by CS @ 01/17/2009 1:40 AM

I’ve seen a lot of stinkers but these are a few that come to mind:

V for Vendetta: the advertisements would lead one to believe there was all kinds of action to be had, but really it seemed more concerned with showing the same flashbacks over and over, a creepy mask bobbling to indicate talking similar to the Power Rangers, closeups of nasty teeth, and pointless sequences. V torments Evey and this somehow convinces her to believe in his cause. Really? Somehow this is on the top 250 on imdb and I have a hard time seeing why.

Speed Racer: hard to believe something with so much color and activity could be so boring. I don’t partake of the herb, but that may be the only way it could have been enjoyed. Also every transition from scene to scene seemed to be footage of somebody’s head sliding past. Ugh. Also it seemed really friggin’ long.

The Punisher (2004) I hear the new one is pretty crap too, but I won’t be subjecting myself to that one. I wanted to walk out of the 2004 one 10 minutes into the movie, but sadly didn’t. From the hamming it up of John Travolta to the corny opera sequence with the apartment dwellers, this movie had me checking my watch many, many times. If I hadn’t been with someone who insisted we stay despite hating it as well, I wouldn’t have stuck around.

Chestnuts roasted by Dragonstorm @ 01/17/2009 1:44 AM

I mentioned in a previous thread my overall annoyance with “A Smile Like Yours”. I went because I was a Greg Kinnear fan and when he first started doing movies, I went to everything he made whether it looked good or not. What an awful movie. What’s funnier than a comedy about infertility? Ho ho! Two completely selfish people with no redeeming qualities try unsuccessfully to have children, so she tricks her husband into fertility testing (how healthy) and they find out that, of course, they have issues. The movie even attempted to be funny with a “humorous” montage of her enduring invasive procedure after increasingly invasive procedure. The stress ends up driving them to separate, though at the end they decide that their love for each other is more important than babies (which, in another insult to infertile couples everywhere, magically made all their problems irrelevant and they promptly conceived triplets.) Of course, these people are so terrible, you’re actually angry that they managed to reproduce. I was bothered by the movie 10 years ago, and now having actually been through fertility treatments, I hate it even more in retrospect.

Another movie I hated was The Wedding Planner. I was dating my current husband at the time, and I think I lost movie-picking privileges for a while after that, even though I apologized profusely.

I love comedies, but I generally hate movies that beat you over the head with the jokes like you’re too stupid to figure it out. If you do a parody correctly, you don’t have to explain why a joke is funny. Just let the joke stand. It’s like I can feel the writer standing there going, “Get it? I want to make sure you’re getting it.”

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 01/17/2009 1:53 AM

Dr. T and The Women. What an asinine ending. And did that tornado really send him to Mexico? It didn’t
look much like Oz. Matt reviewed a movie on this
site some years ago. Penitentiary 2. Starring Ernie
Hudson as a killer, rapist, and a guy you do not
want to meet in a dark alley, let alone a well lit
alley. And Mister T. as Mister T.. Look it up on
this site.

I didn’t see all of this movie, it was shown on Encore.
Aria. Considered crap. Parts of it are just plain
awful.

Commando, I like it, though it’s incredible how the
film goes. Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger), gets off
a plane while it’s taking off with no serious
injuries, crashes a car without him and the lady
he’s with getting killed (watch that scene), and
kills an entire army before getting to the big
fight at the end. The way he kills the bad guy is
pretty funny, and then he says the now famous line.
“Let off some steam, Bennett.”

Chestnuts roasted by LoneStar76 @ 01/17/2009 1:56 AM

Kid Nicky: Thanks I had a great B-Day! :) Got some very touching cards and nice gifts. DELICIOUS cake and ice cream too! Anyway, my most hated movie off the top of my head is without a doubt, freddy got fingered! I can’t begin to describe how much I loath this thing. I don’t even consider it a movie. It’s nothin, and I mean NOTHIN but an hour and a half of tom green(who’s EASILY one of the LEAST funny and most ANNOYING people ever) acting like a TOTAL idiot. It’s also EXTREMELY disgustin in some parts. I’m not alone in this opinion either. Anytime a worst movies of all time list in constructed, freddy got fingered makes the list. High up there too. All the flicks that ya’ll mentioned may be bad to you, but at least they’re movies. Bad movies in your eyes maybe, but movies none the less. freddy got fingered is, well, i’m not sure what it is, but I KNOW it is’nt a movie! End of line.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 01/17/2009 2:04 AM

i can understand everyones worst movie choice for the most part even if i dont necessarily agree…but… i am horrified to see The Dark Crystal and The Neverending Story put down with little to no explanation for such ludicrous statements… Matt, you may need to mediate soon here, or this could disintegrate into childish name calling and lewd hand gestures very quickly… next i suppose someone will say they didnt like Labyrinth!

P.S.- I consider Chasing Amy and Mallrats to be almost unwatchable… THERE, i’ve said it and i wont take it back…

Chestnuts roasted by TOmmy! @ 01/17/2009 2:06 AM

I can’t stand Zoolander.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally capable of appreciating “dumb” humor, but that movie is just inane. And unfunny. Plain, old unfunny.

Chestnuts roasted by Hey I'm Jeff @ 01/17/2009 2:20 AM

I do have work tomorrow, which makes me want to kill people with rocks.

My best friend hated Cloverfield too. We’ve been over it so many times…The other night he started harshing on LOST too, and I had to tell him straight up if he was going to be hating like that we were going to have real problems.

I have randomly been thinking about Carnivale lately. Rev, your synopsis of the series makes me happy, when usually I get bummed thinking about how it ended. Stupid dowdy chick shooting the poor carny after Ben went to all the trouble of saving him.

I am having trouble with my least favorite movie. I was really disappointed in 300. I could have forgiven them for making it bloated and fillery, because for all that there was the cool factor of seeing the stuff from the novel on screen. But I absolutely HATED the shoehorned-in storyline with the queen, it was such a blatant attempt to appeal to female audiences and it was a complete misfire…it completely ruined the movie for me. I never bothered to see it again. I’m really looking forward to Watchmen, but only for the snark and Carla Gugino in tight outfits.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/17/2009 2:24 AM

I don’t find either Anchorman or Bad Santa funny.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 01/17/2009 2:28 AM

Lonestar YES! Dr. T is so awful! A friend and I were huge Andy Ricter fans so we went to see it. This is the only movie to give me a actual headache. 2 hours of cackling from all those women and then yes there was the tornado.

Chestnuts roasted by thejyav @ 01/17/2009 2:35 AM

I really hated “Transformers.” I know it’s a Michael Bay movie, and can therefore not be taken too seriously, but..SERIOUSLY. I can enjoy other Bay movies, especially “The Rock” and “Bad Boys” and “Armageddon” just because of their fun and cheesiness, but “Transformers” just made me angry. Every single character was an infuriating stereotype. More so than other Michael Bay movies. Like – the very attractive blond girl dressed in the height of fashion is nerdy because she has glasses and kind of messy hair? The annoying fat guy who plays football video games (who has played the exact same role in every movie I’ve ever seen him in) is helpful to the hot/nerdy girl? Megan Fox is supposed to be desirable? Maybe as a female I can’t understand this whole wish-fulfillment thing, in which the nerdy, socially awkward kid ends up with the hot, car-fixing girl and the awesome car which is also a transforming robot. “Dick-flicks” like this are just as bad as cheesy “chick-flicks.” I didn’t walk out of the theater on this one, but I came close. I guess I liked the CG robot fighting enough to stay.

Chestnuts roasted by Bunny @ 01/17/2009 2:47 AM

Dungeons and Dragons. The one with Jeremy Irons and whatever Waynes brother that was. I think that’s one of those rare instances where a movie’s not even bad enough to warrant a “this is so bad it’s good” response. It’s just awful.
Not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but easily the worst big buget, had potential, pissed off the fans novie I’ve ever seen.
The only saving grace?
Nothing.
I can easily say I never want to see it again. Even if it got the Riff Track treatment.

Chestnuts roasted by Lucky Mesmer @ 01/17/2009 2:54 AM

P.S. I read some other people’s comments, and I must agree: “Napoleon Dynamite” was so overrated – maybe if I had seen if without all the the hype (i.e “vote for Pedro” shirts), I might have liked it a little, but GAWD was that painful.

And I saw “Sin City” in the theater in college with my then-boyfriend, and I thought it was horrific. Violent and exploitative without any artistic merit at all. Recently I visited my parents and my dad was watching it on cable and I felt like puking.

Chestnuts roasted by Bunny @ 01/17/2009 2:54 AM

My all time hated movie has got to be Harriet the spy. Like good/bad horror flicks I can sit through and like some pretty awful kids movies. I mean I LIKE Casper meets Wendy, Benji and Escape from Witch mountain.

But Harriet the spy, Man, I want to hunt down everyone of the people responsible from the producers to that key grip guy and beat them to death.
Make a movie with 50 freaking plots and no closure on any of them? Death to them all.

Chestnuts roasted by Wenthral @ 01/17/2009 3:00 AM

Rev: There’s a picture of Matt on the X-E “About” page.

TOmmy!: No Chasing Amy? That’s blasphemy!

I think offhand my least favorite film would be Hollow Man. That’s some painfully stupid shit right there.

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 01/17/2009 3:03 AM

Helen Hunt’s character probably broke up with that guy anyway Jyav. Disney starts doing movies based on their
rides. First, Tower of Terror for the Disney Channel.
It starred Steve Guttenberg, Kirsten Dunst, Mike
McShane, and the pretty Nia Peeples. Then came the
Country Bears. Didn’t see it at Disney World. I rode
Thunder Mountain. Then came Pirates of The Caribbean.
I liked it, I haven’t bought the other 2 yet. And then
came The Haunted Mansion. What do you think will come
next, Space Mountain?

Many people consider Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier to
be the worst of the Star Trek films. Some of you have
probably heard of the rock monster in the deleted
footage of the film. Galaxy Quest makes fun of that.

Chestnuts roasted by LoneStar76 @ 01/17/2009 3:11 AM

Worst movies, hands down

“Return to Horror High” alongside with “Zombie Ninja Gangbangers”(you think i’m making this movie up, you are quite mistaken.

I watched them both, and I’m fairly certain that had I watched them alone, and not with friends there to make fun of those films with me, I would have commited suicide via slapchop

Chestnuts roasted by Precursor @ 01/17/2009 3:12 AM

I can’t stand those so-called satirical comedies which get spewed out every year. ‘Date Movie’, ‘Epic Movie’, ‘Meet The Spartans’ and ‘Disaster Movie’ fall under this category. I swear, the writers’ sole purpose with these films is to cram as many current pop culture references as possible over the course of 90 minutes. They are uninspired, unfunny, and 20 years from now, no one’s going to remember what was parodied in the first place because of how current (and brief) many of them were. Give me “Airplane”, “Naked Gun” and “Hot Shots” any day of the week. At least effort was put into those films.

Chestnuts roasted by Andy R @ 01/17/2009 3:19 AM

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