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01/16/2009: 7777.

I was hoping my first post after a seventeen year drought of blog entries would be more substantial, but I had work today, so all you get is filler.

The Advent Calendar isn’t finished. I feel okay with this, because we still haven’t taken down our Christmas tree. I’m serious. And it’s a real tree. And the decorations are still on it. And it’s right in the middle of our living room window, so it’s not like we can keep this dastardly secret to ourselves. Believe me, it has nothing to do with refusing to let go. When you get down to it, we’re just kind of disgusting,

Or maybe the Advent Calendar is finished, but linked in mysterious ways. It’s very doubtful and I’m probably lying.

I don’t owe anyone anything. I was quoted on the Ghoulies IV DVD box, for Christ’s sake. You’re lucky I turned down Hollywood.

I hope everyone’s well. I don’t have work tomorrow, so unless I come up with some brillaint excuse to get out of writing, there will be new, actual content here. What will it be about? I’m not allowed to tell you.

Clearly, a survey is in order. In the comments, tell us your least favorite movie of all time. It doesn’t need to be the worst movie you’ve ever seen, because bad movies can be great. Muster all of your personal bias, and present the reasons why “Movie X” makes you want to kill people with rocks.

Once I finish building my robot, I’ll join in.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 1,241 comments

I thought subUrbia was kinda lame..it tries to be all relevant and credible, like Reality Bites, but just falls apart.

And yeah, Mr. Andy R, those films are garbage.

Of course, if you wanna get into B-grade crap I’m saying Soultaker or Demon Keeper…maybe Basket Case

Ghosted by Tutsuro @ 01/17/2009 4:02 AM EST

DarkSideofBrightness Yo totally agreed on League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It’s sad, soooo much potential but just terribly done. There should be no reason a movie involving super powers is so bad.

Ghosted by Jess @ 01/17/2009 4:16 AM EST

Teddy Ray, DarkSideofBrightness Totally agreed on Ace Ventura – and Yes Man (which is what I think it is called is wildly close to Liar Liar)

Ghosted by Jess @ 01/17/2009 4:40 AM EST

Cat the Vampire Slayer OMG agreeeeed on Napoleon Dynamite, I recently had an especially heated argument on how the only interesting part is how the actor of the steak eating uncle is spitting it out between shots because he is a vegetarian in real life.

Ghosted by Jess @ 01/17/2009 4:44 AM EST

Here is one for you – recent – Vicky Christina Barcelona, winner of a golden globe for an award it didn’t even classify for.

A film advertised as sultry with massive voice over dialogue. Woody Allen – yeah I guess but nothing great. As for that advertised as sultry – barely sultry at all. Twas a waste of a good idea.

Ghosted by Jess @ 01/17/2009 5:08 AM EST

Kid Nicky, I was so excited when I found a track ball controller to play Centipede…it was awesome! Sure wish we’d kept that system and all of the games.

Ghosted by Trish @ 01/17/2009 5:15 AM EST

Jason: Yes, let’s pray that Happy Flight, like the plane it centers around, never actually makes it out of Japan. I’ll never live down saying, ‘hey, it could be interesting’, because walking into the theater.

Ghosted by N @ 01/17/2009 6:15 AM EST

I made the mistake of wanting to see the 2002 remake of “The Time Machine.”

Kids, never satisfy your curiosity.

Ghosted by M.Fireball @ 01/17/2009 7:07 AM EST

The worst film I ever saw in my entire life was Terry Gilliam’s “Brazil”…nothing was wrong with the visuals or the acting or the characters, it was just the ending that made me never want to watch that movie ever again.

Also a very bad movie to me was Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Jar Jar ruined that movie for me, saw it one time, never going to see it again…

And Napoleon Dynamite was billed as a comedy? Why? What’s funny about it? I saw nothing to laugh at in the entire movie.

Ghosted by Delkon @ 01/17/2009 7:17 AM EST

Starter for Ten. It wasn’t a bad movie at all, but two of the things that happened in it were so awful and cringeworthy and rotten that they actually gave me anxiety dreams of it happening to me. And that doesn’t usually happen.

I agree with Delkon about Brazil. Although it all depends on which version he saw…

Ghosted by Erin F @ 01/17/2009 9:02 AM EST

Donnie Darko.Over rated/over hyped and WTF was all that about anyways?!

Ghosted by Blazer @ 01/17/2009 9:11 AM EST

I have to disagree with a hater above. Mystery Men is an excellent movie. Casanova Frankenstein!

Ghosted by Barry @ 01/17/2009 9:19 AM EST

Matt, you do know that it’s bad luck to keep your tree up after the twelfth night (of Christmas)? You could be cursing a whole year’s worth of articles.

Bad movie… hmm… hard to chose, ‘cos I’ve seen a LOT. I can’t narrow it down right now, but – as some previous posts have already reflected – there are hideous cheap horror movies, whose most truly scary points are the cheap and tacky way in which they were produced in the first place.
…”Hideoous”. I must use that word more often.

Ghosted by Jay Firestorm @ 01/17/2009 10:31 AM EST

I will agree with everyone who mentioned freddy got fingered. i wasnt even old enough to see this movie in the theatre(i was only 16 at the time) so my friend and I snuck in to see it, which means it must have sucked a million times worse than any other movie because after all of that trouble, we ended up walking out. i dont know how anyone could actually sit through the entire thing without wanting to fall on something sharp. another one of my least favorite movies(but not because of the movie itself) is the neverending story. the movie itself is great, but when i was about 6 years old, i got really sick to the point that my fever wasnt going down and i had to go to the hospital. the neverending story was playing when i had to be taken to the hospital…it makes me overheated just thinking about it…

Ghosted by Leigha @ 01/17/2009 10:46 AM EST

First of all, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is SO terrible that I just watch it as a comedy. I just laugh.
But two movies I can’t laugh through are Goodwill Hunting and The Secret Life of Henry Orient, To be fair, I saw both of these movies on the day that I got my wisdom teeth out. I couldn’t keep food down, and I couldn’t really talk. I found Goodwill Hunting just depressing (fat, serious Robin Williams?) and Th Secret Life of Henry Orient was just incredibly stupid.

JLAJRC- BOTH of those are GREAT MOVIES!!!

Ghosted by PlantMonster @ 01/17/2009 11:17 AM EST

I dragged the Colonel to Mystery Men, seeing as I was obsessed with Janeane Garofalo at the time.

Oh do I regret that. Now she’s all militant and shite :o

Ghosted by Neg @ 01/17/2009 11:21 AM EST

Okay, I just finished reading all of the posts…
JLAJRC- HOW CAN YOU SAY “Man with the Screaming Brain” IS BAD?!?! IT’S A GREAT MOVIE! IT WILL GO DOWN IN THE HISTORY BOOKS!

On another note, I’m kind of suprised that no one mentioned “The Happening” by name. I liked it, but…http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10007985-happening/

Ghosted by PlantMonster @ 01/17/2009 11:32 AM EST

THE WORST MOVIES EVER

1.BASIC with John Travolta. The ending of this movie has to be one of the Worst ever filmed, only made worse by being set to the Music of Ram Jam’s – Black Betty. Horrible film that my friends and I make fun of to this day.

2.The Good Shepherd with Matt Damon. Wow. 3 hours of boring, cardboard acting. I thought the CIA would be interesting. Probably the most boring movie I’ve ever seen in my life. Most of the characters in the film were about as interesting as a Desk Lamp. Deniro should stick to acting, not directing.

3.The Godfather III – Ugh. Sofia Coppola ruined this movie. I pretend like it doesn’t even exist. Coppola has stated he only did this movie for the money after a string of box office bombs.

4.Mr.Deeds – Fell Asleep twice in a packed theatre on a Free movie night. Left and vent to the bar till my friends were done.

5.The Star Wars prequels – Again, I like to pretend these don’t exist. Watched a bit of Revenge of the Sith on TV the other day, worse than I remembered it, Horrid acting with Hayden and Natalie Portman, why the hell did Chewbacca need to be in the movie?

6.Shrek 3 – never finished watching it. Not funny, no charm of the original.

I’m sure there’s more. That’s all that come to mind right now.

Cheers!
-Ian

Ghosted by Ian McDonald @ 01/17/2009 12:01 PM EST

I actually liked Napoleon Dynamite, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Brazil, Sin City, Transformers, and Donnie Darko.

Natural Born Killers sucked, though. Hated Clockwork Orange and Eyes Wide Shut.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 01/17/2009 12:05 PM EST

I hated The Devil Wears Prada with a burning hatey hate. It pissed me off on so many levels.

Ghosted by Annette @ 01/17/2009 12:07 PM EST

Hi lovely X-E strangers!
I strongly dislike the movie “Stepmom.”
“Loathsome” is honestly the best descriptor I can think of for EVERY character in the film, except possibly Ed Harris. Especially Susan Sarandon.

Also, I feel like I should like this movie on principle, because my own Mom died from cancer when I was a kid. But my Mom was not an intolerable bitch like Susan Sarandon in “Stepmom.” So there!

Also, hey Rev: For some reason, my brain didn’t find it too difficult to conflate my own dubious recollections of Nick Stahl’s (”Carnivale Ben”’s) face and Matt-Dressed-As-Zombie from some article of yore. Still, they probably are not secret twins – I’m just a nutjob!

Ghosted by egg @ 01/17/2009 12:12 PM EST

The wife wanted to add solaris (the clooney version) and Clerks II mostly for the donkey scene.

Ghosted by thejyav @ 01/17/2009 12:14 PM EST

Yeah, Transformers (2007) is pretty awful. Yeah, I said I liked it opening night….well…I guess I was on some form of illegal substance :o I can’t stand watching Shia bumble about. Wish Battle of Shaker Heights never got made. DAMN YOU BEN AND MATT!

It pains my soul that he’s in Constantine, as it’s one of my favorite movies ever.

TF (1986) is of course one of the greatest movies ever made.

ARISE RODIMUS PRIME!

Ghosted by Neg @ 01/17/2009 12:22 PM EST

I hate to stick up for Transformers,since the internet hive mind will just flame away,but the Austrailian girl wasn’t supposed to be “nerdy” she was just intelligent. It is possible to be a “very attractive blond girl dressed in the height of fashion” AND know about computers. It would actually be MORE stereotypical if she was fat and zitfaced.

I do agree the 86 movie was better,but then again I think the 86 Transformers movie is an alltime classic. It’s my second favorite movie behind Blade Runner.

Ghosted by Kid Nicky @ 01/17/2009 12:38 PM EST

I was waiting for some Kubrick to pop up. I just watched Clockwork Orange for the first time in many years and I loved it even more now than I did back then. The brilliance of the satire hit home more now that I’m a little older and more experienced, I guess. Plus, 70’s movie costumes fill me with joy, so hallucinatory 70’s vision of the future costumes completely send me.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 01/17/2009 12:46 PM EST

My worst movie of all time pick: Dreamcatcher

Ghosted by BRENT @ 01/17/2009 12:52 PM EST

Actually, this thread could turn into ‘Actors/Actresses who are terrible but everyone thinks they are great’.

I’ll start: Wil Ferrell, Julia Roberts, Adam Sandler, Jennifer Anniston

Ghosted by 8-bit Icarus @ 01/17/2009 12:53 PM EST

God I loved dreamcatcher. I understand it was bad, and I just don’t care. Duddits is my shordurpersav. I Duddits!!!

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 01/17/2009 12:56 PM EST

Delkon i have to assume you saw one of the studio cuts of Brazil where they tried to give it a “happy” ending… i could see how that would turn someone off of the movie, but the full directors cut is great! its one of my favorite movies of all time!
Review the World when was the last time you watched Chasing Amy? watch it again and pay close attention to the dialogue… you’ll find yourself screaming “WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THAT!?!?!?” over and over again… I have a theory about Kevin Smith movies… they’re all set in the early to mid 90’s, even the ones made after the 90’s… it seems to me like his movies just get less and less viewable the farther away we get from the 90’s… movies that seemed great to me in ‘98 are now almost unwatchable… its weird…

did anyone see Zak and Miri Make a Porno? its the EXACT same characters from every one of his movies except its not in New Jersey and he got some different actors…

Ghosted by TOmmy! @ 01/17/2009 1:00 PM EST

I hate Castaway if I hadn’t gone with a friend that night I would have walked out of the theatre and found Tom Hanks and kicked him in the shin until it broke.

I love Tom Hanks and I have watched and loved every one of his other films but man that movie was a beating.

I also hate Napoleon Dynamite and School of Rock with the passion of a hundred burning neutron stars. I only found one thing funny about Dynamite and that was were the old guy shoots the cow in front of the kids. I like Jack Black in some things but he was so dishonest, and so unlikeable in this role that I couldn’t maintain my disbelief of the movie.

There is one more movie that the Mrs. Jedi and I saw with a friend that has been so repressed in the back of my brain that I can remember it now. Wow that was an unnecessarily long sentence. I fail at Grammar.

Ghosted by jedimk @ 01/17/2009 1:10 PM EST

Shoot I forgot another one.

I hated Men in Black 2. That movie pissed me off so badly because I knew that it would be the end of the series. The first one was so very very good and is of my favorite movies of all time. To turn something so great into something that is worth less than a festering bowl of dog snot makes me hit levels of rage reserved for the Incredible Hulk. Frekking Ballchinians………makes the urge to kill rise something fierce.

Ghosted by jedimk @ 01/17/2009 1:17 PM EST

Cat People. A friend of mine made me watch it in college, and I couldn’t stand it. It’s been a few years since I sat through it, but the plot from what I remember was that people turned into cats if they didn’t have sex enough and then they had to kill someone to change back…but maybe I missed something. Oh, and Ed Begley Jr. loses an arm.

By the way, Brazil is the BEST movie ever…if you don’t have the ‘Love Conquers All’ version.

Ghosted by Amauriel @ 01/17/2009 1:24 PM EST

The single worst movie I have ever seen is “Envy” with Jack Black and Ben Stiller. Usually, I am able to find some redeeming qualities in awful films, but this one…I shut off halfway through because killing a child’s horse isn’t funny. At all.

Ghosted by Tough Talk Tony Spencer @ 01/17/2009 1:40 PM EST

Envy was really bad.

Ghosted by Neg @ 01/17/2009 1:46 PM EST

Ah yes, Very Bad Things! Horrible, just horrible.

I expect so much better out of Jon Favreau and Jeremy Piven.

Ghosted by Neg @ 01/17/2009 1:48 PM EST

“Being John Malkovich”.

The first two reels were decent, but everything fell apart like wet tissue paper near the end. It got so predictable, I told my friends DURING the movie how it would end. And boy, I had it nailed! Saw it for free, and I demanded my money and the little part of my soul that withered.

“Napoleon Dynamite” (though not nauseating) makes my head hurt. Is it set in the 70’s 80’s 90’s? All three decades were smashed into it.

I actually liked Donny Darko (can’t understand the hate).

I owe my Dad and my current self an apology for wanting to see “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie”. If only I could go back in time and enlighten myself.

Ghosted by O\'Keeffe @ 01/17/2009 1:54 PM EST

(From a ways up): “It’s called ‘the Land Before Time!’ The Comet that “kills” all the dinosaurs actually hits in the first movie so what the heck did the story keep going for another 50 movies and a TV series?”

While I absolutely agree with the fact that we never needed a zillion sequels, what messed-up version of “LBT” did *you* watch? O.o (Maybe you’re confusing it with the “Right of Spring” part of “Fantasia”?)

Anyway, I often find myself asking if the aforementioned “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” is the most boneheaded adaptation of anything I have ever seen or if that “Super Mario Brothers” is.

As far as the worst, most insane, terrible movie I have ever seen, that’d be a little number called “Theodore Rex”. I’ll be amazed if anyone else here has ever heard of it. Click my name for my review, though trying to describe it is nothing compared to sitting down and watching the thing.

/ Long-time reader, first-time poster. And Matt, you can take as long as you need to on the AC.

Ghosted by MadNessMonster @ 01/17/2009 2:09 PM EST

i HATE E.T. goddamn do i hate E.T. such a shit movie. Close Encounters sucks too as does most Speilberg movies

Ghosted by walrusonion @ 01/17/2009 2:41 PM EST

I know just what you mean O\’Keeffe i always feel really bad whenever i think of the number of times i made my parents sit through No Holds Barred when i was little… god what an awful movie!

speaking of movies that are god awful upon reflection, has anyone actually watched The Crow in the last 7 or 8 years? I remembered that as like the coolest movie ever made when i was 14… but then i made the mistake of rewatching it at age 27 and oh man was it BAD… i sat there during the scene where he’s playing an electric guitar thats not plugged into anything on the roof of an old building and it sounds like a power ballad or something, and i thought “wow, brandon lee DIED making this?”

Ghosted by TOmmy! @ 01/17/2009 2:42 PM EST

Okay, just to defend Holy Grail just a little bit, the Operative Phrase is “Drop The Cow.” When the bit is done, just end it, no sense trying to write a conclusion if the joke’s been delivered. Even if the result is an abrupt end. Like “The Sopranos” but with a Scotsman on a horse.

Bad movie? The kingklash Award for Exemplar of Suckitude is a three-way tie between I, Robot (which I have sworn to never see and never have), Pearl Harbor (you could project the film on that one chick’s forehead), and Blair Witch (The kids got what they deserved plus the Queasy Cam [tm] technique).

If you have really bad problems with the Bay-Formers movie, just blame it on the “Unicron Singularity”. Look it up.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/17/2009 3:18 PM EST

Yea, I actually saw The Crow for the first time during one of those free movie previews from Showtime awhile back. I already knew the backstory and the acclaim, and was basically bored to tears.

Tank Girl sucked. Also agree with Pearl Harbor sucking, too. Cat People also sucked. Science of Sleep sucked.

I liked Holy Grail, but think it’s actually the lesser of their movies. I actually prefer “Life with Brian” and “Meaning of Life” better.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 01/17/2009 3:56 PM EST

walrusonion the movie sucks.

Ghosted by Barry @ 01/17/2009 4:28 PM EST

My three least favourite in no particular order:-

Dracula 3000 – So bad I actually stole the dvd from my housemate for my collection as a warning from history.

Nightmare on Elm Street 6 – Freddy’s Dead – What the F**k was Rachel Talay thinking?.

Any Olsen Twins movie – Because they make you feel like time itself had begun running backward and that you want to die.

Ghosted by Kittpie @ 01/17/2009 4:33 PM EST

It’s funny how different opinions can be. It’s just goes to show you, that no matter how beloved and highly regarded a movie is, there’s always somebody somewhere who hates it. Iv’e actually seen positive reviews of freddy got fingered. go figure. If I had to pick only one movie I could watch for the rest of my life, it would be Natural Born Killers.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 01/17/2009 4:35 PM EST

Transformers. It was only popular b/c a bunch of poser who had never seen the show liked it for some reason.

where to start? annoying acting by the adults. shia couldn’t act worth shit. the naming of the decepticons was like a big advertisement. the robots were not in it enought. too many sexual themes in a kid movie. the villians came in only in the last 20 minutes of the film. bay pluged his very own armagedon movie in a scene w/ burger king product placement. starscream was shaped like a v. optomus prime had a great ending speech, but instead of a great score in the background as he gave it, we got bubblegum pop.

a very annoying movie. not just from a fanboy’s pov, but from the pov of an average moviegoer. it was overhyped and overrated.

Ghosted by Reesie @ 01/17/2009 4:37 PM EST

JLAJRC-
I haven’t seen Life of Brian so I can’t swear how good or bad it is, but I personally much prefer Holy Grail over Meaning of Life. Meaning of Life just fell flat for the most part, although it does have some funny moments.

I’m kind of struggling over what’s the worst movie I’ve seen. If the trailer or commercial looks bad, I won’t see it. I’ll skip movies if the ads aren’t necessarily bad, but if it’s a genre I don’t particularly like. As a result, I haven’t seen many truly bad movies.

I thought Cool As Ice was unintentionally funny (actually, it was hysterical), but I still couldn’t finish it.

Ghosted by Thomas @ 01/17/2009 4:51 PM EST

Open Water or Envy. Both were terrible in different ways.

Ghosted by glowsocks @ 01/17/2009 4:56 PM EST

I have little suprise I found while perusing the internet just now….it involves legos….and lego people…you have been warned

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a185/mandyd26/legos.jpg?t=1232222047

Ghosted by mandy_Reeves @ 01/17/2009 5:02 PM EST

First time poster here~need to be up front here and admit that absolutely ALL of my indoor Christmas decorations are still happily on display, including my very gorgeous vintage aluminum tree.

I agree with a lot of previously mentioned BAD movie choices:
E.T. ~so very horrible
Dances With Wolves ~too intensely sucky for words
Mr. Holland’s Opus ~what?

Bridges of Madison County made me want not to live and Titanic made me not want anyone to make movies anymore.

Ghosted by Deb @ 01/17/2009 5:06 PM EST

i’d have to say, least favorite movie would have to be those fucking high school musical pieces of shit…how can they keep pumping them out? i don’t even think they should be considered movies, just excrement fueled by the shitty taste of little kids… there is no entertainment value in any of it… as for best worst movie, strippers vs. zombies… i mean, common, whore smokes crack, whore turns into zombie, zombie hooker attacks strip joint she hangs out in front of… movie greatness…

Ghosted by BIG suzy @ 01/17/2009 5:12 PM EST

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