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7777.

I was hoping my first post after a seventeen year drought of blog entries would be more substantial, but I had work today, so all you get is filler.

The Advent Calendar isn't finished. I feel okay with this, because we still haven't taken down our Christmas tree. I'm serious. And it's a real tree. And the decorations are still on it. And it's right in the middle of our living room window, so it's not like we can keep this dastardly secret to ourselves. Believe me, it has nothing to do with refusing to let go. When you get down to it, we're just kind of disgusting,

Or maybe the Advent Calendar is finished, but linked in mysterious ways. It's very doubtful and I'm probably lying.

I don't owe anyone anything. I was quoted on the Ghoulies IV DVD box, for Christ's sake. You're lucky I turned down Hollywood.

I hope everyone's well. I don't have work tomorrow, so unless I come up with some brillaint excuse to get out of writing, there will be new, actual content here. What will it be about? I'm not allowed to tell you.

Clearly, a survey is in order. In the comments, tell us your least favorite movie of all time. It doesn't need to be the worst movie you've ever seen, because bad movies can be great. Muster all of your personal bias, and present the reasons why "Movie X" makes you want to kill people with rocks.

Once I finish building my robot, I'll join in.

Posted by Matt on 01/16/2009. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 1,240 comments

Dr Sketch- My fiance has not seen that movie and didn’t know anything about it, but started hearing people referencing it all over the place. He asked me about it one night and wants to watch it to see what it is all about. I keep trying to tell him it is too terrible to watch, but he won’t listen. I am afraid I will be subjected to that horrible piece of celluloid again. I guess many, many rum and cokes are in order for me on that night!

Chestnuts roasted by DarkSideofBrightness @ 01/16/2009 9:04 PM

Someone saw Happy Flight?! What are the odds.. I went to the theater to go see that (I’m currently living in Japan)!

Amazing.

As far as movies I’ve really hated, I’d have to say ‘Blackhole’. My brother has sworn it’s a classic, ‘good, bad movie’.. but dear god, I just die inside a little more whenever it’s on.

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 01/16/2009 9:21 PM

Jon, yes, that ____ Movie francise is horrible. Any mention of the stuff makes my brain hurt already.

I love good bad movies, these tend to be all kinds of awesome. But bad bad movies … Or, even worse, movies that everybody likes and I can’t stand. These piss me off beyond the ability to explain why. I’d rather just rave at the top of my lungs about the horribleness of these movies when somebody asks me about them.

For example, the Psycho remake. That … thing should be at the top of my all time no fun bad movie list. The sole existance of that thing makes me angry already, and having watched the movie did’t exactly help to improve my opinion. It’s so horrible it gets its own paragraph.

Other movies I hated:
Hitch
Daredevil
Any Saw movie after the first one
Panic Room
Titanic
Dirty Dancing
Blair Witch Project and its terrible sequel
Vanilla Sky

Chestnuts roasted by Kapprika @ 01/16/2009 9:21 PM

there have been so many truly-bad-and-not-in-a-fun-way movies over the years but the last one that really REALLY made me mad was Scanner Darkly because …

a) there was absolutely no reason for it to be animated… bad imac rotoscoped animations worked for Waking Life so Richard Linklater decided everything he made from then on needed it. how much sense does it make to film all the scenes with live actors, and then trace over them in after effects and then NOT CHANGE ANYTHING ELSE!?!?

b) most of the acting was horrible… the only person who did a half decent job in the movie was Robert Downy jr.

c) most importantly, it destroyed every important theme of the book! it cut every scene that would make the story make sense and made a great novel about justified paranoia, isolation, dependency, freedom and justice, and turned it into a drug freakout film for people to watch while they’re high….

(stepping down from soapbox now)

Chestnuts roasted by TOmmy! @ 01/16/2009 9:29 PM

As X is usually my beacon of awesomeness is a otherwise dull internet adventure, I can only say…wtf?

I read the post and it made my Friday un-awesome. Why the negativity? Seems like the pestering for the AC is getting to you. I’d rather you’d leave off the filler (which is actually just an excuse to give excuses) and keep with the awesome posts as usual.

Chestnuts roasted by Eggnoggy @ 01/16/2009 9:34 PM

nice to have ya back Matt!

I’d have to say “View from the Top”, as it was the first movie I paid for after leaving my movie theater job for college, and I felt so cheated by what I paid for. I erased most of my memory of that experience, but it was dismal. :P

Most movies that people consider “awful” I probably own and love. You want Troll 2? Got it. The complete works of Ed Wood including one of his pornos? Ditto.

Chestnuts roasted by Barry @ 01/16/2009 9:37 PM

Ah, yes the Wicker Man remake left my brother and I spouting this gem for weeks:

“STEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE!”

I’m in the minority, but I am a big New Nightmare fan. It’s an acquired taste, but I thought it was handled really well. You can read my review of it in my blog, just click on my name.

Chestnuts roasted by The Other Ash @ 01/16/2009 9:48 PM

Actually, Roseann sang the anthem first, and then grabbed her crotch after. Matt, great to see you
back Are you really building a robot? And if so,
is he part of the Advent Calendar?

Con Air was mostly good. One bad part is the
unbelievable accent Nicholas Cage used for
the film. Many people blasted Last Action
Hero. Robocop 2 was okay, until the end.
“Patience Lewis, we’re only human.” Don’t
get me started on that crap tv show that
came later.

Not Another Teen Movie, really bad, and most
of the films that parody other films like
Epic Movie, Disaster Movie (I haven’t seen
it though), and Scary Movie 4. Scream 3.
Wes, when they start spoofing one of your
movie series, it’s time to stop making
films for the series.

The Grudege films. Sarah Michelle Gellar, if
you can’t handle ghosts, then what good are
you in fighting the darkness?

The Last Samurai is showing on AMC right now.

Chestnuts roasted by LoneStar76 @ 01/16/2009 9:58 PM

Mystery Men is the only movie that I’ve ever walked out of in a theater, holy cow was that movie bad, and yet, still not as bad as Dont Mess With the Zohan. I got tricked into seeing that movie and I will never forgive that person. Lame joke after lame joke after lame joke.

Chestnuts roasted by Dustin Vs John @ 01/16/2009 10:01 PM

Hi, Matt. Welcome back. Do what you can when you can.

Bad movie? “Quest for Camelot.” This was one of the movies Warner Bros released in the wake of the popularity of the Disney animation boom in the mid-late 90s, and whoa, was it bad. Bad animation. Bad acting (Eric Idle as one half of a two-headed dragon was defeated by the awful attempt at a “comedy” number). Cheesy music. Cliched leads that even Disney wouldn’t have bothered with. I didn’t walk out of the theater, but in retrospect, I really wish I had. It might have been more fun. Hell, I had a better time seeing “Batman and Robin” with my sister. That was weird. This was just lousy.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/16/2009 10:01 PM

I think Matt might be drinking but that’s fine, so am I. As for the worst movie, it’s Dumpster Baby. OH GOD HOW I WISH I COULD FORGET!!! There are no words to describe how bad it is. The audio alone makes you want to gauge your ears out. It sounds like they are talking into a tin can that is 10 feet away.

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 01/16/2009 10:06 PM

JLAJRC-I assume you meant “Star Wars prequels” not “sequels”? I find it hard to believe you hated Empire Strikes Back,yet I can easily picture you disliking films of a more JarJarian nature.

Anyway,my least favorite is Cloverfield. They hardly even showed the fucking thing. It’s 2 hours of the worst kind of hipster assholes out there,talking to each other about petty myspace shit,and two minutes of a monster. The parts where the little monsters attack the douches were just stale,we’ve seen it Gamera 2 AND Godzilla vs. Desotroyah,hell it’s not really that different from Alien. Even if you count the little monsters as monsters,it’s hardly action packed. Cloverfield had less time on screen than the Mountain Dew logo.

Where did Cloverfield come from?
Was he defeated? How?
Why did I waste money on this?

It’s just a big budget CGI enhanced version of The Lady Or The Tiger. Total Bullshit.

“You know who Superman is?” WTF?
Not to mention,the camera guy is called “Hud”,because you see it through his perspective,LIEK XBOX GET IT?!1? Except a “HUD” doesn’t refer to perspective,it means “Heads Up Display”,and I didn’t see any info on ammo or life left or score or anything like that.
Thanks Matt,now I’m pissed all over again. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Kid Nicky @ 01/16/2009 10:14 PM

Love to say I told ya so~

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 01/16/2009 10:17 PM

I heard of this movie Michael Jackson was in. It has never been released. Matt, this topic is just like
that worst movie we ever saw on the big screen idea
of mine we did a few months ago. I’m not complaining
about it. We should do something like this more
often.

That whole Watchmen lawsuit has been settled, so it
looks like the movie premeire is back on. Silk
Spectre II is so beautiful. Earth Girls Are Easy.
Geena Davis is so stupid in that film. A good
example of how not to make a musical. As much as I
like Monty Python and The Holy Grail, the ending is
stupid.

Chestnuts roasted by LoneStar76 @ 01/16/2009 10:20 PM

Worst Movie: “The Prophecy” with Talia Shire.

Oh my Fucking Gawd, a perfect example of the exciting parts of the movie all used up in the promo/trailer. Somehow they want to show how man destroys nature by dumping mercury at the bottom of some lake in Maine. And the creature who is ostensibly a perfect mutant is presented as the offspring of the local Indians. Nice cultural sensitivity there. So at the end of the movie, Talia Shire is somehow impregnated with the embryo of the polluted lake, and she ends the movie with a pensive look out the airplane window. Probably thinking, “Hmm, this piece of shit film will probably pay for my kid’s braces. But thank God there’s another Rocky just around the corner.”

Chestnuts roasted by Alexander @ 01/16/2009 10:25 PM

The worst movie I’ve seen recently would be Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I’m able to go along and suspend disbelief to a certain extent, but this film went too far. The main characters walked through the middle of an open room with people firing automatic weapons at them from the balconies above and they NEVER GOT HIT EVEN ONCE! They were able to shoot everyone and walk away unscathed. This made the movie seem cartoonish and unrealistic in my opinion.

Chestnuts roasted by Wheels @ 01/16/2009 10:35 PM

NEVER back down. OH MY FUCKING GOD! could there be another fucking rocky wanna be?! look at the facts: beginning kid gets shit kicked outta him,middle stupid fucking training montage and if you don’t know the end just watch rocky. whole lot better then this wannabe piece of rectal spawn.

Chestnuts roasted by punkass1 @ 01/16/2009 10:38 PM

My least favorite movie would have to be “The Year Matt Didn’t Finish The Goddamned Advent Calendar (Which Is 2009)”, starring the late Jim Varney.

Chestnuts roasted by Shawn P. @ 01/16/2009 10:47 PM

“I don’t owe anyone anything. I was quoted on the Ghoulies IV DVD box, for Christ’s sake. You’re lucky I turned down Hollywood.”

Well said, Matt. Suck it, whiners.

Carpeteria, you shut your whore mouth! Empire Records is a great movie! (Many apologies if you are a female…I’d never call a woman a whore “to her face”…except for maybe Mrs. Teddy on certain occasions…but perhaps I’ve said too much.)

Bob, I refuse to watch Pearl Harbor because I refuse to watch one of the greatest tragedies in American history turned into a Titanic wannabe. I compare it to 40-50 years from now a movie comes out about 9/11, with two lovers in separate towers. @@

I hate the Ace Ventura movies. There, I said it. Don’t like it? Tough, wanna fight about it?

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 01/16/2009 10:55 PM

That’s an interesting point of view on Scanner Darkly, TOmmy. I thought it was the closest any movie has come to capturing the essence of a PKD story — including Blade Runner — and really, that’s what PKD’s all about for me: the mood. The surreality of his worlds and the sense of absolute futility in his protaganists was something that’s missing from every movie made from his work, except the above two mentioned.

I’m a big fan of rotoscoping too, though – blame it on Bakshi.

My most hated movie for a long time? The Brave Little Toaster.

Chestnuts roasted by Evilsquatch @ 01/16/2009 11:14 PM

Quite the contrary, Teddy Ray as I, too, am not a big fan of the Ace Ventura movies. Actually, any movie where Jim Carrey acts like that annoys the living crap out of me (which is almost every movie he’s been in).

Chestnuts roasted by DarkSideofBrightness @ 01/16/2009 11:15 PM

Mine would be Duplex. For one, It was a movie where bad things happened to Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore. What was worse was that you were supposed to root for them!

Also, it was pretty goddamn awful. It’s the only movie that I have never finished watching.

Great to have you back, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 01/16/2009 11:17 PM

While I’d never call Carpeteria a whore, I agree with Teddy on Empire Records. Thats one movie I always stop and watch when its on. Myself, I hate any of the “gore for the sake of gore” movies that seem to be all over nowadays. Saw 1,2,3,4,5,6,7…., hostel 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, anything remade by Rob Zombie, you can keep em all. I’d rather see the lamest comedy than a splatter film. (except for Master of Disguise, damn was that bad!)

Chestnuts roasted by random @ 01/16/2009 11:18 PM

I’m surprised no one has mentioned Clark Griswold getting Arcano-ized.

Chestnuts roasted by Dane @ 01/16/2009 11:21 PM

I agree with Jon on the Scary/Epic/Date/Disaster/Meet the piece of crap Movies that have been put out. They’re not funny, they’re just.. dumb. And it’s horrid that people actually go see them.

Movies I can’t stand: Napoleon Dynamite. I watched this movie and.. didn’t understand why people like it. I just.. I don’t get it. It’s not funny.

Donnie Darko. Preeeeeetentious crap. If you want a better movie, rent The Chumscrubber.

I also can’t watch The Last Unicorn or The Dark Crystal without getting physicall ill. Seriously. If I watch either of those movies, I throw up. No clue why.

Chestnuts roasted by Cat the Vampire Slayer @ 01/16/2009 11:22 PM

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