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7777.

I was hoping my first post after a seventeen year drought of blog entries would be more substantial, but I had work today, so all you get is filler.

The Advent Calendar isn't finished. I feel okay with this, because we still haven't taken down our Christmas tree. I'm serious. And it's a real tree. And the decorations are still on it. And it's right in the middle of our living room window, so it's not like we can keep this dastardly secret to ourselves. Believe me, it has nothing to do with refusing to let go. When you get down to it, we're just kind of disgusting,

Or maybe the Advent Calendar is finished, but linked in mysterious ways. It's very doubtful and I'm probably lying.

I don't owe anyone anything. I was quoted on the Ghoulies IV DVD box, for Christ's sake. You're lucky I turned down Hollywood.

I hope everyone's well. I don't have work tomorrow, so unless I come up with some brillaint excuse to get out of writing, there will be new, actual content here. What will it be about? I'm not allowed to tell you.

Clearly, a survey is in order. In the comments, tell us your least favorite movie of all time. It doesn't need to be the worst movie you've ever seen, because bad movies can be great. Muster all of your personal bias, and present the reasons why "Movie X" makes you want to kill people with rocks.

Once I finish building my robot, I'll join in.

Posted by Matt on 01/16/2009. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 1,240 comments
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Empire Records is pretty bad. Liv Tyler is awful, plus it’s just full of horrible Gen X stereotype hipster vomit. Terrible movie. There’s worse ones, but that’s all I’ve got.

Chestnuts roasted by Carpeteria @ 01/16/2009 7:42 PM

And good to see you back, Matt. Buena Suerte on your robotics endeavors.

Chestnuts roasted by Carpeteria @ 01/16/2009 7:43 PM

Braveheart is one of the few movies that I walked out of theater on. I still don’t know how it ends… I imagine it’s with me yelling at everyone else watching it. I’m not sure why it rubbed me the wrong way to such a degree.

Chestnuts roasted by reader Matt @ 01/16/2009 7:43 PM

That’s a tough question….

Honestly, I cannot stand West Side Story. I like musicals and all, but that one is just horrible.

AS far as good bad movies go, I loooove the movie Monkey Shines. If you haven’t heard of it, look it up.

Chestnuts roasted by Meccapocolypse @ 01/16/2009 7:46 PM

7777! OMG!

Good to see you back, Matt. :D

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 01/16/2009 7:46 PM

Look Who’s Talking Too. You know the sequal to Look Who’s Talking. It starred Rosanne Barr as the female counterpart of Bruce Willis’ “Mikey”. This came out soon after the incident where she grabbed her crotch and sang the national anthem. So I just hated the movie on that premise alone.

Chestnuts roasted by Pig Malien @ 01/16/2009 7:47 PM

Oh and Meccapocolypse… Monkey Shines rocked. The paralyzed sex scene is engraved in my mind forever.

Chestnuts roasted by Pig Malien @ 01/16/2009 7:50 PM

Master Of Disguise. Essentially a series of set pieces for Dana Carvey wacky characters. Just horrible.

Chestnuts roasted by AD_ @ 01/16/2009 7:55 PM

Zombie 3d must have basically been made by an amateur filmmaker as a high school project. Basically they took the plot of Night of the Living Dead, took out all the racial overtones, and made it a bad grunge music video from 1992. Now, anyone going into a movie named something like Zombie 3d should know it’ll be bad. I thought, just ridiculous, maybe in a funny way, but not this. Nothing this bad could ever make it to a theater. So I thought. I can’t even say watching it end was good, because the 3d of the zombies coming to get you was so horrible it made me groan, audibly. Second would be Happy flight, but since anyone primarily English speaking will be spared the pain of a movie with no less than 64 plots(not sure I’m exaggerating either), all of them uninteresting, I’ll just leave it at that, so the primordial bad doesn’t seep into other parts of the world.

Chestnuts roasted by N @ 01/16/2009 8:04 PM

Don’t you have it when you have a good movie that you love so much but you’ve seen it so many times you can’t make it through without falling asleep?

Star Wars
The Dark Knight
LotR trilogy

ALL ruined to me because of my inability to enjoy something after multiple viewings.

I saw Gran Torino last night with Clint Eastwood last night. GREAT MOVIE!! Will watch a few more times…until I start falling asleep on it too.

Chestnuts roasted by cajuncutie01 @ 01/16/2009 8:06 PM

…and by 17 year drought Matt I hope you meant 17 days. Unless you’ve been time travelling without our consent.

Chestnuts roasted by cajuncutie01 @ 01/16/2009 8:07 PM

Hands down…. Cool As Ice., Just watching Vanilla Ice act, is in that of itself a laughable yet eye bleeding experience….on another note..”Van Winkle” :D

Chestnuts roasted by Ash @ 01/16/2009 8:12 PM

Ok and after spitting out my drivel and thrice posting I’ve come to a decision on my worst movies that I’ve seen and actually walked out of. Didn’t even bother demanding my money back.

Night at the Roxbury

Ghost Rider

I didn’t ask for my money back because I really should have known better.

NatR: Because I realized I was watching a 2 hour SNL skit. Those are only good in short doses.

Ghost Rider: It just got retarded. I don’t know how to quite put but my finger on it but I knew I just had to leave and find something better to do.

Clearly I have made some bad decisions.

Chestnuts roasted by cajuncutie01 @ 01/16/2009 8:15 PM

The Dead Hate The Living
Anyone who has seen it can attest to its crap-ness
P.S.
Please post the AC.

Chestnuts roasted by Mick Frisco @ 01/16/2009 8:26 PM

Anything with Julia Roberts…she can’t act, and she’s really not pretty at all.

Chestnuts roasted by Steelpen525 @ 01/16/2009 8:27 PM

Freddy Got Fingered is by far the worst movie I have seen with no redeeming qualities. It was on late one night and I wasn’t tired so I thought what the hell, I haven’t seen it. I hate Tom Green, so I don’t know why I watched it. If I had it to do over again I would have hit myself repeatedly until I knocked myself out instead of staying up and watching that awful thing.

Chestnuts roasted by Jack @ 01/16/2009 8:28 PM

Contact…I’d rather gouge my own eyes out with a dull rusty spoon, than sit through that Jodi Foster crap fest one more time!! 2 hours to find out the godamn alien is her father…..bleeaaggghhh!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Milo Balls @ 01/16/2009 8:28 PM

Pearl Harbor….A total bait and switch. Think you’re getting a war movie and you are served up a “chick flick” with explosions.

Chestnuts roasted by Bob @ 01/16/2009 8:40 PM

Scary Movie, and by extension all of its sequels and every Freidberg/Selzter-produced “______ Movie” that’s ever come out. They get worse and worse each time, and even their target audience of idiots is starting to realize they’re not funny, but people still pay to see them. These guys are literally conning movie audiences out of their money, and they need to be stopped by any means.

Chestnuts roasted by Jon @ 01/16/2009 8:40 PM

Necronomicon is horrible. It gets worse as it goes on its one of those 3 mini stories with a wrap around type movies. Creep show is 4 million times better.

Chestnuts roasted by The Fink @ 01/16/2009 8:47 PM

There have been a few movies that I have turned off in the middle of watching them, but I don’t remember their titles. They were just so bad and forgettable, that is exactly what I did. The one I do remember hating and turning off to do something more fun, like pick fuzzballs off a sweater, was League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. What a snooze-fest.

Chestnuts roasted by DarkSideofBrightness @ 01/16/2009 8:49 PM

The Notebook. I hate that movie with a passion. What is so damn special about it?

And honorable mentions go to Wicker Park and The Last Samurai which both make me want to go into seizures.

Chestnuts roasted by pochi @ 01/16/2009 8:50 PM

Boy pulls stunt from “A Christmas Story”

http://news.aol.com/article/dared-to-lick-boys-tongue-sticks-to-pole/308259

There’s this movie currently on HBO called “My Zinc Bed” that’s basically lecturing us about Alcohol addiction and AA. Just very boring.

I recently saw No Country for Old Men and that sucked. We don’t see the showdown, Woody Harrelson is wasted in a minor role, that stupid speech at the end.

National Lampoons Movie Madness- Just not funny

Hostel, Part 2- Gore for gore sakes, and I liked the first one.

Batman Forever- If you’re gonna go campy, just go full camp like they did in Batman and Robin, which I kinda like.

Man with the Screaming Brain- Bruce Campbell can’t make everything good.

Chariots of Fire- BORING

I couldn’t make it 30 minutes into “3 Extremes”

Yes, I am a Cyborg- Good luck with this one.

Man who Fell to Earth- Wanna see David Bowie naked, this is the movie for you.

Bug- This is kinda a strange one in that it was marketed as a horror film, but that only happens in the last 30 minutes. Otherwise, it’s a rather good film on lonely people, but when it turns into a horror film it gets bad.

Joshua- If you’re gonna do an evil kid film, make sure the kid you hire actually does something evil, and not a a lame twist at the end.

RV- Not funny

Man of the Year- Is actually a funny movie when it all of a sudden turns into a thriller for some reason.

Legend of Bagger Vance- Boring

Wild Wild West- Just plain bad. Great theme song, though.

The last two Matrix films- YAWN.

Star Wars sequels- I actually fell asleep during one.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning and The Next Generation- Just plain bad.

House of 1000 Corpses- Also bad. Interestingly, I actually like the sequel “The Devils Rejects.”

Never liked the Ring or Grudge films.

Stephen Kings Night Flier and Desperation- BORING

King Kong 1976- Horrible remake.

Fargo- Not funny.

Stepford Wives- Not funny

Even Cowgirls get the blues- Boring

Every M Night film after “Sixth Sense”

Wes Cravens New Nightmare- Needed more Freddy

Avengers- Couldn’t make it through.

Ladykillers- Not funny

Hitch- Not funny or romantic

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 01/16/2009 8:52 PM

Strange Brew. One of the biggest wastes of film ever with the possible exception of the scene in court where the guy sneezes out the bullet.

Chestnuts roasted by ericnrosesmom @ 01/16/2009 8:53 PM

I love “good” bad movies, but the down side is that I see a lot of BAD bad movies in the hunt. One of the biggest punches to the crotch I’ve seen in a long time is the Nick Cage version of The Wicker Man. Most BAD bad movies leave me feeling slightly unhappy, this one made me violently angry and full of hate. I would like to personally bitch slap Nick Cage just to teach him a lesson. Seriously. GRRRRRR!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 01/16/2009 9:01 PM

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