The fact that it’s already December 10th tells me that the season is moving much too fast, but on the bright side, there are still fifteen days left. Twenty if you count all the way through New Year’s. For the sake of five extra days, I will.
Tonight is egg nog night. If you think you recognize the cup that holds my egg nog, you’re probably right. Click here to verify. I’m still mulling over which Christmas movie will mesh best with this goblet full of creamy joy, but I guess it doesn’t matter much since I’ve already begun drinking the nog and am certain to pass out ten minutes after hitting the play button.
Was really, really sad to hear the news about KB Toys shutting down. I guess it isn’t surprising. KB has been struggling for years, and it never managed to be the “premiere” destination for…well, anything. Still, the loss of one of the only toy store chains that randomly pops up in shopping malls is a nasty hit, especially for those of us who grew up with the former “Kay Bee” and felt some odd, alien form of kinship with it.
I could do a whole post on Kay Bee/KB memories, but I’m not that ambitious. Instead, you only get one. I actually wrote about this in an ancient article, but I think I’m allowed to tell the same story twice in a seven year period.
I call it: “The Wingnut and Scumbug Incident.”
Sixth grade. I was a Ninja Turtles toy addict, and I’d managed to collect every single action figure in the first few “waves.” After a drought that felt like centuries, Playmates finally unveiled four new figures: Muckman, Mondo Gecko, Wingnut and Scumbug. They were impossible to find, and I say this will all confidence because I searched for them every single day.
I eventually located Muckman, but it would be several weeks before I spotted any of the others. (Forget about Mondo Gecko — that was like trying to track down Osama.) One day, I went to the mall with my sister, who left me in KB to go shopping for clothes or some other bullshit.
I blasted over to the Ninja Turtles aisle with cautious hope, and couldn’t believe what I saw. Wingnut and Scumbug. Finding one of the new TMNT figures was a legendary experience, but finding two at the same time? I knew the Lord chose me.
Anyway, I only had a few dollars. Enough to buy one figure, but not both. The line at the store was growing rapidly, and the beads of sweat tripled by the second as I struggled to choose which figure to go home with. Ultimately, I decided that I couldn’t leave with just one, and waited for my sister to return, thinking she’d front me the money for the second figure. I stood there holding Wingnut and Scumbug for thirty minutes, easy.
When my sister returned, she said the line was way too long, reprimanded me for being greedy, and made me leave without getting either action figure. It was the most awful experience anyone has ever had, alive or dead.
Au revoir, KB Toys. You will be remembered. Especially if you have awesome liquidation sales before you go.
I’m about halfway done getting my family’s five thousand children their Christmas presents. Most of them wanted Wii games, which is terrific if you’re looking to spend fifty fucking dollars a pop on Christmas presents for 800 kids. Seriously…nobody likes crayons anymore?
Nah, the truth is, I could’ve easily chose less-pricey gifts if I dug through their Amazon lists a little heavier, but I pride myself on giving out good Christmas presents. I think I’d need therapy if I ever saw a kid make a pissy face after opening something I wrapped for them.
I also like to think that I’m pretty good at figuring out what kids really want, because if you’ve ever gone through a child’s Amazon wishlist, you’ll agree that they get a little trigger happy and add random crap that they couldn’t possibly be seriously interested in.
Case in point: One of my nephews had one of those “Live Butterfly Garden” kits on his wishlist. I’m all for encouraging an interest in the animal kingdom, but 10 to 1, that thing would sit unopened at the top of his bedroom closet from Christmas morning until the day he leaves for college. And then someone will throw it away. At least, that’s how I’ve envisioned it happening in the screenplay I’ve been writing based on this hypothetical event. I’ve already sent feelers out to Danny Elfman to handle the score.
Are these new? I’m sure they’re not, but I like to consider everything I find at the store for review purposes as brand new. It’s a problem I have.
New or not, they are a tribute to Christmas, and they deserve archiving. From Kellogg’s, it’s boxes of Rice Krispies Treats with red and green bits mixed in. Holiday Krispies Treats! While it’s true that homemade Rice Krispies Treats are six trillion times better than the pre-prepared storebought variety, it’s also true that few of us will bother to make them without the encouragement of some grade school bake sale charity drive flyer. I’m in no position to receive such a flyer, so these will do just fine.
The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 10th. December 10th was yesterday. I did good!!
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
Norbert, sorry, I’ve had this name since 1959, soooo you’re using MY name, ya?
Kidding, kidding, I just get tired of the whole ‘net name’ thing and like to be myself. If it’s a protocol thing here, I’ll change, ‘K?
Oh, the tales I can tell of Children’s Palace and the whole ‘World of Nintendo’ cockup. Part of their downfall that, along with the ‘let’s carry LIVE ANIMALS!’ (yes, for real. Hartz Mountain did rackjobbing on birds, fish and gerbil. ‘huge margin’ it was claimed. we ALL said NOOOOO but corporate didn’t listen. Idiots) fiasco and the final nail, when the buyer spent EVERY SINGLE PENNY of the remaining open-to-buy on thousands and thousands of made-in-China generic baby dolls. From a couple inches tall to over life size. “this is GREAT there’s a 400% markup on these! We can have a half price sale and STILL make a huge profit!!” and what did kids want in ‘91? Oopsie Baby and New Kids on the Block and TMNT. NOT GENERIC BABY DOLLS.