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Yuletide Vroom.

It's difficult to explain the magic of Christmas in less than 80,000 words. There are simply too many facets. Still, I think I've got a handle on how Christmastime never seems to lose its sinister powers. Fate may deal you a bad hand one December, and some years may be better than others, but when it comes to Christmas, there are awesome things that nobody can ever take away from you.

Driving randomly around the neighborhood to check out everyone's holiday digs while blasting Christmas music from a dusty car radio is a good example. I've had Christmas seasons that were better than others, but these awesome drives can never be stolen from me. Well, I guess maybe if I got into some kind of freak accident and had to get my legs amputated, they could, but even then, I'd just ride shotgun while somebody else drove.

One of the advantages of living in a very Catholic town is the abundance of Christmas decorations. They're everywhere, and they're in serious, concentrated volume. There are plenty of families who stick with a few simple strands of lights lining their windows, but there are just as many houses that can probably be seen from outer space with the naked eye.

It's these mega-decorated houses that I always hunt for on my random Christmas drives, but to be honest, I get even better vibes from the simpler houses. They seem less like spectacles and more like the genuine artifact, and I always find myself wondering how the people inside celebrate during the holiday season.

Do they watch old home movies in their pajamas? Do they drink eggnog by the tree at night, with scratchy old records playing in the background? Do they watch Ron Howard's The Grinch and wonder why the Grinch's love interest is the only Who in Whoville who doesn't have a fucked up Who nose?

Does the family celebrate Christmas at their house, or do they pack up and head off to some distant relative's abode? Do they have a dog? Does the dog get to stay indoors at night more often during Christmastime? Do they swap Febreze for one of those overpowering cinnamon air fresheners for one month only? All of this fascinates me.

The music plays into my mood during these drives. How can I put this? You know how most of us have a couple of movies on DVD that we never put on, yet we watch them every time they turn up on regular television? There's some kind of malformed camaraderie aspect. It's the same with Christmas music on the radio. I probably don't need to hear Brenda Lee rock around the Christmas tree for the millionth time, but if there's a chance that someone somewhere else will be doing it at the exact same time in the exact same way, I'll crank up the volume. I'll also roll up the windows to make sure that no passing cars hear what I'm listening to, but that's beside the point.

I can and will do these drives a dozen times more between now and Christmas. I'll never get tired of it. Sometimes, I'll invent an errand just so I have an excuse for more car-drive-lights-music.

Christmas ruled my life when I was a child, but contrary to how this site is presented in December, it certainly doesn't now. Real life interferes. That's natural, but little things like this help keep the whole concept of month-long joy alive. No matter how busy we get, there will always be time to drive around the neighborhood at night, staring at lights and wondering why doing that feels so good.

PS: The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 3rd. It features a clown doing terrible things.

Posted by Matt on 12/04/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 130 comments

Nice, sentimental article. I need to get out there and look at lights.

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 12/04/2008 2:34 AM


I always look forward to Christmas at X-E, and I’m so glad to see the christmas lights wallpaper back this year.

I love driving around looking at lights too. Definitely something that cheers me up and makes me forget about all the normal everyday stuff happening that might be less than stellar.

Chestnuts roasted by Mazoo @ 12/04/2008 3:27 AM


I haven’t been out to see the local lights much yet, except to note that the big display hasn’t been put up yet and the homemade wooden Snoopy vs. a UFO hasn’t made an appearance for the second year (probably weathered badly and was tossed). But a new handmade oddity has appeared at a different house: wooden Peanuts figures as they appear in the Christmas special tied to a railing – with Kyle from South Park in the middle.

Chestnuts roasted by Moony @ 12/04/2008 4:12 AM


Pittsburgh, PA- Dude I look at this site from time to time and you are a hoot. I am christmas child like yourself growing up in the eighties. I officially stopped believing in Santa at age 14 (a tad late). I did not have the luxury of driving a car except when my parents left me home with the babysitter. But the essence of cruising around blasting christmas carols with the windows up is all I have left. Those twinkly lights along with Nat King Cole/Band Aid is all that remains. Add some flakes, and I am in my snow globe…thanks.

Chestnuts roasted by J. Steel @ 12/04/2008 4:28 AM


For one month, and one month only, 106.7 makes it onto the radio presets in my car.

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 12/04/2008 8:53 AM


Crazy Mainer Your story was wicked cool! When I was a kid I was fascinated with “retro” decorations. My dad had just begun his career as a TV repairman. (By the way, I can NOT tell you how many times we got calls on Christmas morning for my dad to come over and fix a TV. He didn’t go under penalty of death from my mom!) But there was this one cheezy decoration my dad had made after he graduated TV repairman school. It was a piece of plywood cut into a star and covered with foil. And each point of the star had a little hole with light bulb inserted. And the whole thing was powered by one of those old-fashioned lantern batteries, you know, the one with a cardboard outer casing. A few years ago, I stumbled upon it in my dad’s attic; talk about a time-machine flashback memory. A tear started welling up in my eye when I stared at it. I swear, if Scrooge’s ghost of Christmas past wanted to take me back, he’d drop that thing right in my lap.

Matt might appreciate this since he’s Italian, because I think Christmas Eve dinner for Polish people is kind of the same. We had seafood, no meat, pierogis, and mushroom soup. At my grandmother’s house. Then we’d go to the other granparent’s house, and at both places we got toys that were of a minor, lesser degree, the idea being the big booty was for Christmas morning.

Now that I am older, yes, the essence isn’t quite the same. Last night we were watching Rudolph, and my daughter, who will be 2 next week, well, she was just being a 2 year old. Last year and years previous, I was still able to sit in peace and immerse myself in the tale of Rudolph, and ponder the literary parallels of his story, thinking how Rudolph is a Christ figure, and the Island of Misfit Toys is like purgatory. Or how Rudolph is like the Tale of Brave Ulysees. Blah, blah. But last night I was being a parent chasing her around. Since she is a “Christmas Baby”, we named her Clarice after you-know-who, and at least during the Clarice song number she sat and watched that. I think she has a mild understanding of a connection to the Clarice character.

I guess the beauty of Christmas, specifically looking at lights, is that you actually have a compelling reason to stop and ponder. You get that quiet moment you usually don’t get through the rest of the year. And we as silly humans have adorned this time of quiet moments with beautiful lights and the mystic chords of memory…

Chestnuts roasted by Alexander @ 12/04/2008 10:06 AM


All while growing up, my yearly tradition was to count the christmas lights I saw while in the car. Each year I’d try to beat the previous year’s count. The only problem, was that I never really wrote down the numbers and had to rely on my terrible memory from one December to the next. I think I maxed out at 500 something, but even the counting was a bit off. Sometimes I’d forget what I was on between each car ride. Then at times I’d ride down the street where all the trees had lights (in the artsy sections). The big payoff’s were the two trips to the grandparents. Stuck in the car for two hours each way provided a lot of opportunity, and often a way for my parents to not have to listen to me talk about anything else.

As with everything, it became a pain/I grew out of it. Becoming a driver rather than a passenger also didn’t help.

Chestnuts roasted by Dann @ 12/04/2008 10:21 AM


Call me a Scrooge, but I suppose I’m not really in the Christmas spirit anymore. I never hang up lights or set up the trees because it seems like such a bother now and it costs money to run them even though they’re pretty. The only Christmasy thing I enjoy doing anymore is buying toys and clothes for the kids in poverty.

Chestnuts roasted by Palmerholic @ 12/04/2008 10:38 AM


Wonderful post as always Matt, you really know how to get in touch with the souls of everyone who reads your work.

Xmas lights, that reminds me! I need to make a trip over to that drive-thru XMAS light display they have at the PNC Bank Arts Center. Anyone want to go with me?

Chestnuts roasted by Morfnblorsh @ 12/04/2008 10:51 AM


Has anyone come pre-prepared with an Advent Calendar puzzles/guesses site ready to go?? I sure hope so, cause I’m too dumb to figger this stuff out on my own!!! :-(

P.S. freaky clown music scares the pants off me, even in broad daylight in an office full of people…

Chestnuts roasted by Ceer78 @ 12/04/2008 11:04 AM


Speaking of lights, I was at Hobby Lobby last night looking for a replacement bulb for a candle that I have. Well I couldn’t find the bulb, but a whole new candle was only $2.99. So I just bought a new one. Is that wasteful or what?

Hobby Lobby had almost all their Christmas Crap at 50% off now. Crazy.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 12/04/2008 11:07 AM


Also, why are all the posts posting in the future??? Its 10:11 EST…

Chestnuts roasted by Ceer78 @ 12/04/2008 11:11 AM


I know exactly what you’re talking about with the camaraderie! I feel the same way about both TV and radio.

Some of my favorite Christmas memories from when I was little included driving around (with both sides of the family) to go look at the one “crazy over-the-top house,” or, in some cases, the “crazy streets”.

A lot of people on our street had Halloween lights up on October 1, and they were taken down on the 31st. The night of Thanksgiving I was happy to see they had been replaced with the Christmas ones.

Chestnuts roasted by Mary @ 12/04/2008 11:13 AM


Last night they lit the Rockefeller Center tree, which screwed with me in a big way. But it really felt like Christmas time this morning, when I looked out the bus window and saw the guys setting up trees for sale! When the city smells like pine, it’s Christmas whether I’m in the mood or not.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back it On Up 13 @ 12/04/2008 11:22 AM


Ah Matt,

The memories. Every year in my youth, we would go to my grandparents for Christmas Eve. My maternal grandparents lived on the opposite side of town and we would go there first. On the return trip we would go through all of the neighborhoods to see the lights. This was the best part of the night to me, we would view the lights from our car windows, listen to christmas tunes and sip hot chocolate that my grandmother had sent with us. The trip, normally 30 minutes or so, would take the better part of an hour and a half. Upon completion, we would make our way to my paternal grandparents house for cookies and milk and of course additional presents. Finally we would go through the local gated neighborhoods, “look” for Santa’s sleigh lights, race home and jump in bed and stay awake all night. Good times.

Chestnuts roasted by tigerfan @ 12/04/2008 11:31 AM


The good thing about Newsday on LI is that they have a great section each December where you can find all the tricked-out Christmas houses!

And in the portion of Long Island that I live in, I travel to the south shore of West Babylon to find some REALLY tricked out houses owned by some of the rich folk. Seriously, there are so many and they’re so awesome that the police have crowd control barriers to keep up with the traffic and to not let anyone get killed.

Awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 12/04/2008 12:03 PM


Here in Philly, we have trees at City Hall, Love Park, Rittenhouse Square, and the top of the Art Museum steps. And about 5 years ago, for some reason, they started running the lights from the top of the tree straight down (instead of wrapping them around the tree, which I think is the ONLY way to do it!). I’m sure it probably takes less effort and needs less lights, but I think it looks really goofy. Does anybody hang their tree lights like that?

Chestnuts roasted by Lucky Lighter @ 12/04/2008 12:05 PM


let’s hope this guy doesn’t make an appearance on the calendar this year!

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2002041.ece

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 12/04/2008 12:11 PM


Yaaaay, ty squee, I knew one of the faithful would be on top of this! :-D

Chestnuts roasted by Ceer78 @ 12/04/2008 12:13 PM


This question might be better for a SNT but this is my first Christmas since converting to Christianity. Living alone and the rest of my nearby family still being the old religion what are things you guys feel are the christmas traditions I should pick up for my first one?

Chestnuts roasted by Ben @ 12/04/2008 12:32 PM


Lucky Lighter
I haven’t seen anyone do lights light that but I have seen someone run a Garland vertically. It was the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Looked Terrible.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 12/04/2008 12:37 PM


“I’ll also roll up the windows to make sure that no passing cars hear what I’m listening to, but that’s beside the point.”

I know exactly what you mean! I do that, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Reesie @ 12/04/2008 12:37 PM


Ben
I have always enjoyed attending Christmas Eve services….I say find you a nice church and attend the 11pm service, if they have one. Christmas begins at Midnight!

I also have a small nativity scene.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 12/04/2008 12:40 PM


“Last year and years previous, I was still able to sit in peace and immerse myself in the tale of Rudolph, and ponder the literary parallels of his story, thinking how Rudolph is a Christ figure, and the Island of Misfit Toys is like purgatory. Or how Rudolph is like the Tale of Brave Ulysees.”

Alexander, I never thought of this before, but it is a very good statement. I’ll never watch Rankin/Bass specials the same way again. I just keep thinking up new theories like these.

Chestnuts roasted by Reesie @ 12/04/2008 12:45 PM


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