It’s difficult to explain the magic of Christmas in less than 80,000 words. There are simply too many facets. Still, I think I’ve got a handle on how Christmastime never seems to lose its sinister powers. Fate may deal you a bad hand one December, and some years may be better than others, but when it comes to Christmas, there are awesome things that nobody can ever take away from you.

Driving randomly around the neighborhood to check out everyone’s holiday digs while blasting Christmas music from a dusty car radio is a good example. I’ve had Christmas seasons that were better than others, but these awesome drives can never be stolen from me. Well, I guess maybe if I got into some kind of freak accident and had to get my legs amputated, they could, but even then, I’d just ride shotgun while somebody else drove.

One of the advantages of living in a very Catholic town is the abundance of Christmas decorations. They’re everywhere, and they’re in serious, concentrated volume. There are plenty of families who stick with a few simple strands of lights lining their windows, but there are just as many houses that can probably be seen from outer space with the naked eye.

It’s these mega-decorated houses that I always hunt for on my random Christmas drives, but to be honest, I get even better vibes from the simpler houses. They seem less like spectacles and more like the genuine artifact, and I always find myself wondering how the people inside celebrate during the holiday season.

Do they watch old home movies in their pajamas? Do they drink eggnog by the tree at night, with scratchy old records playing in the background? Do they watch Ron Howard’s The Grinch and wonder why the Grinch’s love interest is the only Who in Whoville who doesn’t have a fucked up Who nose?

Does the family celebrate Christmas at their house, or do they pack up and head off to some distant relative’s abode? Do they have a dog? Does the dog get to stay indoors at night more often during Christmastime? Do they swap Febreze for one of those overpowering cinnamon air fresheners for one month only? All of this fascinates me.

The music plays into my mood during these drives. How can I put this? You know how most of us have a couple of movies on DVD that we never put on, yet we watch them every time they turn up on regular television? There’s some kind of malformed camaraderie aspect. It’s the same with Christmas music on the radio. I probably don’t need to hear Brenda Lee rock around the Christmas tree for the millionth time, but if there’s a chance that someone somewhere else will be doing it at the exact same time in the exact same way, I’ll crank up the volume. I’ll also roll up the windows to make sure that no passing cars hear what I’m listening to, but that’s beside the point.

I can and will do these drives a dozen times more between now and Christmas. I’ll never get tired of it. Sometimes, I’ll invent an errand just so I have an excuse for more car-drive-lights-music.

Christmas ruled my life when I was a child, but contrary to how this site is presented in December, it certainly doesn’t now. Real life interferes. That’s natural, but little things like this help keep the whole concept of month-long joy alive. No matter how busy we get, there will always be time to drive around the neighborhood at night, staring at lights and wondering why doing that feels so good.

PS: The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 3rd. It features a clown doing terrible things.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!