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12/03/2008: I kissed a deer.

The Advent Calendar has been updated for 12/2. Actually, it was updated many hours ago, which is another reason why you shouldn’t rely on X-E’s RSS feed to tell you when to come here. You should come here every fifteen minutes, all day long.

I’ve been staring at these “Tiny Lites” sets for several years now. No idea why it’s taken me so long to pick one up, considering that I’m the world’s most enthusiastic proponent of Christmas lights. Perhaps this is proof of my rumored masochism.

Though the idea of tiny-sized Christmas lights is phenomenal, it is apparently a concept still not perfected. The main issue is that the wires are just as big as those from a regular-sized set. This seriously limits the amount of potential goofy uses for tiny Christmas lights, which while at the store seemed positively endless.

Another issue is the batteries. How the frig can a set of Christmas lights with bulbs no bigger than match heads require four “AA” batteries to run? I could power a small island nation with less expense. This is like some low-rent 2nd grade science fair project, where a generator the size of a car battery is used to make potatoes sink in water.

The ridiculous amount of batteries paired with the ridiculous wire size denies “Tiny Lites” their expected thumbs up review, but for whatever it’s worth, the bulbs are pretty neat. It’s hard to tell from the photo, but they give off a bright-but-subtle glow, which could be put to good use if you wanted to do a little indoor decorating but didn’t want to make your living room look like a supernova.

I made a quick stop at some faraway 7-Eleven over the weekend, and picked up this thing without really noticing what it was. Now I notice, and I’m a little appalled. “Reindeer Licks” is a kind of Push-Pop candy, where the cherry sucker has been molded to look like a reindeer’s tongue. I believe common opinion would dictate that there’s something a little off about sucking a reindeer’s tongue.

Granted, the candy is targeted at kids who can get away with weirder shit than the rest of us, but I doubt that even a child could successfully finish a Reindeer Licks lollipop without someone branding them a pervert. Then again, considering the lasting success of that other reindeer-themed Christmas candy — the one where you push on a reindeer’s back to make it shit out caramel jelly beans — maybe I’m reading too much into this. Go on and have your fun. Make out with Donder.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 108 comments

Sinister clowns and giant bunnies! Matt, you are a gifted story teller, I’ll give ya that. =)

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 12/03/2008 11:51 PM EST


i saw the oops reindeer candy pooper at world market a few weeks ago… words escape me…anyway, i dont know if anyone noticed on the “Reindeer Pooper” page that was linked above… if you scroll down a bit to the similar items section, they have “Mega Pooper” reindeer thats much bigger, TALKS, and shits out brown sweetarts… what is the world coming to?

Ghosted by TOmmy! @ 12/04/2008 12:01 AM EST


if you dont want to go ALL the way to the top of the page to click the link and look for it… here it is…

http://www.amazon.com/Deer-Talking-Reindeer-Candy-Pooper/dp/B000ICKU46/ref=pd_sbs_gro_4

Ghosted by TOmmy! @ 12/04/2008 12:02 AM EST


<b.PlantMonster That thought crossed my mind too. The fact that all the clown really did was kill a lion that was going to help out Santa X. He was seen at the circus house, maybe he is watching over them?!

I personally have no problem with pooping reindeer. I bought one for my husband last year, it went with his talking Eric Cartman pen. Nor do I have a problem with candies that make it look like you are making out with reindeer or Jar-Jar. I think odd and gross is fun!

Actually, I think it was Goob, who gave a link to a guy on youtube that reviews toys and candies (the link was for the new Tickle ME Elmo)? Anyway, I was watching some of the toys and stuff he had an one was a candy that looked like big lips and it had a tongue lollipop.

Ghosted by IHAQ @ 12/04/2008 12:25 AM EST


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY I think this is a fitting song for this time of year on X-E. Maybe even add it to the Christmas Jukebox.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 12/04/2008 1:53 AM EST


–>> ..damm furries..

>v<

Ghosted by tOkKa @ 12/04/2008 3:44 AM EST


I think most everyone in that Rudolph special is a dick…Donner, that head elf, the damn snowman (not Burl Ives, the evil snowman…my wife can’t say abominable, so we call him the damn snowman).

Annette, I LOVE Kevin Max! I’m a fan going back to dc Talk. Have you heard his Christmas CD? SO good.

Finally, ULTRAMAN, that is a great song. I didn’t watch the video, just checked to see what it was. Did you know there’s an “extra gory” version? It differs in that Santa is killed instead of imprisoned (”Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead, Some guy from the S.W.A.T team blew a hole through his head. Yes little child, those are his brains on the floor. No they won’t have the fat guy to kick around anymore!”) and the elves are unemployed while Mrs. Claus still negotiates movie rights.

Ghosted by Teddy Ray @ 12/04/2008 5:28 PM EST


I see your review for the “Tiny Lights,” and I’m going to tell you that I use those things on my Ghostbusters Firehouse, which I drag out every year and make a Christmas card out of.

Ghosted by Nick @ 12/08/2008 4:18 PM EST


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