The X-Entertainment Blog

12/03/2008: I kissed a deer.

The Advent Calendar has been updated for 12/2. Actually, it was updated many hours ago, which is another reason why you shouldn’t rely on X-E’s RSS feed to tell you when to come here. You should come here every fifteen minutes, all day long.

I’ve been staring at these “Tiny Lites” sets for several years now. No idea why it’s taken me so long to pick one up, considering that I’m the world’s most enthusiastic proponent of Christmas lights. Perhaps this is proof of my rumored masochism.

Though the idea of tiny-sized Christmas lights is phenomenal, it is apparently a concept still not perfected. The main issue is that the wires are just as big as those from a regular-sized set. This seriously limits the amount of potential goofy uses for tiny Christmas lights, which while at the store seemed positively endless.

Another issue is the batteries. How the frig can a set of Christmas lights with bulbs no bigger than match heads require four “AA” batteries to run? I could power a small island nation with less expense. This is like some low-rent 2nd grade science fair project, where a generator the size of a car battery is used to make potatoes sink in water.

The ridiculous amount of batteries paired with the ridiculous wire size denies “Tiny Lites” their expected thumbs up review, but for whatever it’s worth, the bulbs are pretty neat. It’s hard to tell from the photo, but they give off a bright-but-subtle glow, which could be put to good use if you wanted to do a little indoor decorating but didn’t want to make your living room look like a supernova.

I made a quick stop at some faraway 7-Eleven over the weekend, and picked up this thing without really noticing what it was. Now I notice, and I’m a little appalled. “Reindeer Licks” is a kind of Push-Pop candy, where the cherry sucker has been molded to look like a reindeer’s tongue. I believe common opinion would dictate that there’s something a little off about sucking a reindeer’s tongue.

Granted, the candy is targeted at kids who can get away with weirder shit than the rest of us, but I doubt that even a child could successfully finish a Reindeer Licks lollipop without someone branding them a pervert. Then again, considering the lasting success of that other reindeer-themed Christmas candy — the one where you push on a reindeer’s back to make it shit out caramel jelly beans — maybe I’m reading too much into this. Go on and have your fun. Make out with Donder.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Someone in the last blog started a topic of what commercials let you know that it’s Christmas. Mine are:

-The Hess Truck commercial. It’s back, and it’s better than ever! For Christmas! This year!

-The Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash “Holiday Hawk” ad. It’s new, but damn is it hilarious.

Also, for some reason lights require lots of batteries. I have tiny string of regular sized Christmas lights for the tree in the bud vase in my car. There are about 7 lights. Shit requires 2 “D” size batteries and that BARELY powers them. Seriously…

If what Santa X said is true, there’s a traitor among our favorite group. Who wants to take a guess who it is?

Well Matt you have succeeded to find the strangest Christmas themed candy this year, the french kissing reindeer pop.

We put our ornaments on the tree this year and to my horror half of our Star Wars ornaments do not make any noise. So Ihave to go out and purchase about 12 tony batteries. For Gods sake if Vader didnt give his entire “Luke Join Me” speach every time I pushed his button maybe it wouldnt suck up the batteries so fast!

Some might have noticed that coincidentally those lights are the perfect scale to use when decorating a Playmobil circus.

If what Santa X said is true, there’s a traitor among our favorite group. Who wants to take a guess who it is?

Speaking of which, a co-worker of mine misspelled “genius” when writing a sarcastic note to another co-worker. She spelt it as “genious.”

Matt, I’ll have you know I check X-E no less than a 107 times a day! I’m NOT kiddin when I say this ! Also Iv’e NEVER relied on the RSS feeds to update me on X-E. Never will neither.
P.S. I want a reindeer pop sucker. The crapping one would be nice too.
As for the traitor in the Advent group? I’ll have to think that one over.

I can imagine all the Teenager’s buying that thing now. Just to mess with other people. Making inappropriate noises and such. Oh boy that’s going to be fun to see. I have a co-worker who loves Christmas so much that she has a Christmas tree in every room. I’m sure she doesn’t have one in the bathroom, but just the idea of every other room, she also wanted to start the music the day after Halloween, can you at least wait till my fun-sized snickers are devoured woman!

I am finished with my Christmas shopping for this year, but now I might have to go out and get tongue suckers for everyone. I can’t wait to see my mom’s reaction.

What the heck is that stuff in the link on December 23rd of the advent calender…its creepy!! haha

Hah, that Reindeer tongue is the most questionable candy that’s not intended to be questionable, ever. Imagine the marketing meetings on that one.

Yeah, I’m sure one day they’ll do better on the cords, but it is too bad the small LED strings have so much cord by proportion. However, on teh battery front they do have sunlight rechargable ones now. We just put a couple of sets on teh bushes. I like how tiny they are, like little fairly lights. They’re attached to a stake with a solar panel and they just charge all day and then come on nice and bright at night. I guess we’ll see how many hours the lights stay on, given that there are far more grey days in BC at this time of year than sunny. Today was exceptionally sunny however.

Arr, I dunno. After some of them lonely nights at sea, thar be many a man-jack who’d be makin out with a reindeer, had he the chance!

However, I am not sure I’m much better because I made up a batch of confection today that we call “reindeer poop” at the holidays. The nieces and nephews think it’s funny.

Reni: Weirdness is in the eye of the beholder. =) Just remember, the best place to confess yur weirdness, is X-E!

Sadly, I actually DO come here every 15 minutes, all day long. This despite the fact that I know you only update it in the evenings, Matt. I am that bored at work… woe.

“I kissed a Deer and I liked it…it had a cherry tongue…I kissed a Deer and I liked it…blah blah murble…”

That Reindeer tongue looks all sorts of wrong. There is no way anyone could not eat that thing and have anyone within 100 feet be comfortable.

I check X-E every hour. During the Holidays, every 30 seconds. At least it seems that way….

That tongue sucker looks like something a lonely woman would pick up for herself at an adult bookstore.

As for the mini-lights… you can’t mess with the classics. Big bulbs for the win.

Speakin of big bulbs, I just found some tonight. They’re not of the HUGE variety, but they’re still of that type. Tomorrow I’m gonna get some of the HUGE variety! The ones that get hot enough to melt butter. lol.

I’m wondering if the people who came out with the frenching reindeer pop really thought through all the gross implications. The only pop that licks you back? Did someone actually consider the bestiality thing and release it anyway?

What if there were a snowman one out there somewhere, with an orange flavored carrot nose? It would be like the lunch scene in Fast Times and Ridgemont High.

Reindeer Licks! And what a frosty, snowy background!
In other news, my birthday is over.

So, vicariously speaking, I received a dead tree and a sideways fire grey machinistic bit. ?
Now off to bed, to wake up in 5 hours. I’m incorrigible!

Although the concept is a little too low brow for my taste, the fact that the pooping reindeer is labeled, “Oh deer!” is pretty funny.

My theory is that the reindeer tongue is by the same creepy man in the toy factory who invented the goo-shooting squirt gun that was all over the Internet two years ago.

Ah I have four Christmas trees at my house. Or will, only two are “up” yet.
Strange? Nah.
Now that reindeer popsicle is just… beyond words. I don’t even know what to say to that, other than the thought of licking a fake reindeer tongue is just repulsive. I can’t really see it appealing to anyone except maybe teenage boys that are going for the grossout factor, but that may be even a little too edgy for them. Pooping reindeer? Sure. But kissing reindeer tongue? Maybe if the person was intoxicated or something then it would be funny. I dunno. It just seems a weird marketing idea. I’d be freaked out if that was in my Xmas stocking that’s for sure.

I was browsing the fandomsecrets LJ community, because I’ve become a shameful LJ addict lately, and found this:
http://i36.tinypic.com/n6×3lu.jpg

RUDOLPH TONIGHT! Don’t forget everyone, that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on CBS tonight at 8:00PM.

And since I know everyone of you reading this embraces every tradition of Christmas read closely:

I will be watching tonight on the analog channel of our local CBS affiliate, off the air antenna.

Remember that on February 17, 2009, those analog channels will be gone. I just think of how all those years, those Christmas specials traveled those same paths. For Rudolph, this will be the 45th and final time that Rudolph will fly through the sky along those analog channels. After that, the FCC has broken them up and auctioned them off to various communications companies.

So join me tonight, and, despite what can be somewhat snowy reception, watch Rudolph on your local analog channel for the last time…

I can’t even pick up my local CBS,which is why they’re ditching analog in favor of a better system.

For those of you who play Mario Kart Wii,Ultraman and I have had a bitter rivalry going on over the past couple days on the Mushroom Gorge Time Trials. Both of us have times under two minutes,and we keep trading wins back and forth. I think he’s in the lead right now.
Prior to this,Shaunfu was in the lead for Mushroom Gorge,maybe he’ll read this and reclaim his spot.

Have you guys all done your trees already? I think I’m going to buy ours tonight. I also need to check on our new “No Christmas” office policies and make sure it’s okay to decorate my desk in some way. Because I’m rocking the jukebox this morning and Waiterbot’s jolly little face plastered on the left is amping my Christmas cheer. Combine that with reindeer tongues and it’s officially the holiday season.

Oh I can’t wait to hear when Rev. has to say about that Reindeer Lolly! It’s going to be so erotic!!

And I do have two trees. My main real one which isn’t here yet, so I’m not cleaning up as many needles (Although for some reason, I like the mess it makes). Then I have my miniture tree which houses my growing collection of Cool-Decade hallmark ornaments.

Has anybody yet mentioned the BRAND NEW holiday special, A Miser Brothers’ Christmas! On ABCFamily Saturday, the 13th. I hope it’s good! And it’s not CGI! Good ol’ stop motion…

And on an unrelated note….just picked up some Honeycomb cereal. Haven’t had it in a while. Honeycomb big? Ummmm….no. Not anymore. Am I wrong? Crazy? It’s tiny!

And yes, my tree is up. Just need to find an angel for the top. Put the cranberry garland on last night. God that thing is a PITA to do by yourself. Have to reach around the whole tree and pass the whole garland around it, all the time trying not to get it caught in the branches thus causing ornaments to fall and break and dreams to be crushed.

Uh oh! I think I may have accidentally obtained a reputation as some kind of saucy sicko. The truth is, I am completely deadly and utterly serious at all times.

However, those oddly placed reindeer antlers do seem to suggest they are for anchoring purposes. To the floor, maybe. Gee that’s peculiar. Why would anyone anchor a candy tongue to the floor?

Invader Norbert: I mentioned this a few years back, but here in the ‘burgh, there’s one sure fire commercial to let you know its christmas:

(this should go without saying, but in case it doesn’t, click “play” on the first video on the list)

I found myself watching “meet the santas” on Hallmark last night. Made for TV with Steve Gutenberg. For some reason, at Christmas time I have no problem watching whatever low-budget, poorly-written sappy Christmas special is showing at the moment. Sure, some of them are classics, but for every classic there’s a horrible dud that you can’t really admit that you watch, but you do anyway…

Hahahaha jazzy that’s awesome! I love fandomsecrets but I can’t say I’ve ever seen an X-E one. Nice work, secret fan.

Didn’t somebody draw some Advent Calendar Fan art a few years ago? I particularly remember one of pregnant Mare that was really good…

Jazzy: I’ve been an LJ addict ever since I started mine way back in 2001. Never heard of that comm- I’ll have to check it out!

I have decided that the next time I make a mass gift order from Amazon, I’m adding a DVD copy of Will Vinton’s Claymation Christmas to the cart. If I don’t see those ice skating walruses this year, I will surely shrivel up and die.

Cameron T., I work in a library, so I can kind of see the whole PC “No Christmas” thing since it’s a public space, even if I am a little cranky about it. I checked and I can decorate my desk as long as the public can’t see it, which seems weird, but whatever.

Oh, and shhh… I even watched “Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus” where Steve and the chick from “Wings” and “Slumber Party Massacre II” meet. I will watch anything.

I don’t even want to think about the licking a reindeer’s tongue candy though it would have been fun to listen to the development meeting for this thing.

Ugh…there is so much I can do with that but I must refrain or Santa will skip me completely!

The only pop that licks you back? I should get one based on that line alone. My father NEVER licks me back.

Hmm, checked TVguide.com, I think ABC is airing “Pushing Daisies”, and Rudolph is on CBS.

The strange thing is, if you go to the CBS site, they have the Rudolph page, but the date is for last year:

Thanks to Matt’s crazy ninja edit skills (skillz?), we are now making out with Donder.

Has anyone seen the new Dodge Ram and wnat one?! That thing is awesome! And I want one! Get on it Santa!

It’s official! We need a Youtube Vlog of Waiterbot singing “Cheeseburgers in Paradise.”

That reindeer tongue sucker could be worse. It could be “Rudolph’s Red Rocket” and be a…well, you can figure it out.

Reni, could this “reindeer poop” be what I call “white trash?” Golden Grahams, raisins, and peanuts, covered in chocolate and peanut butter, then coated with powdered sugar? I LOVE that stuff!

am I the only one that got a little sad about the little loin? kinda like the cartoon shoe in who framed roger rabbit…

I started a community for X-E fans on LJ a couple of years ago: http://community.livejournal.com/xe_fans/profile . Membership’s been closed because I didn’t want to step on toes, but I just opened it. I’m not letting the MySpacers and Facebookers rule the world any more!

Felt sad about that little Lioness as well, it was the one to have spotted the clown. All it wanted was the ability to speak, is that so much for a Lioness to ask for?

Also, since we have quite a few LJ’ers who are advent fans,
I decided to start a comm, Advent Users

i picked up some of those Reindeer licks last week at my local supermarket for all the kids on Christmas eve.

Today i also got some Raisin Bran and got an awesome little Guitar Hero game in it … its been at least 20 years since i got a toy in cereal , i then gave it to my daughter

that reindeer thing looks a lot like that old Jar-Jar Binks sucker-pop thing from a few years ago where the lolipop was Jar Jar’s tounge, and you pushed a lever to make it come out, and you suck on it.

Why do I have the feeling that James Lipton’s hat will become a very important subplot?

Well shit. I donno if I can keep reading when there is a clown killing animals that think human thoughts! It may just be too much for me to handle, a Killer Christmas Clown…

Just read the 3rd Advent entry. Excellent!
Kid Nicky: Shaunfu has Mario Kart Wii? I need to get his friend code. And we need to figure out how to race just each other one of these days. =) I think I’m close to figuring it out.

As I type, the wife is decorating the tree while my invalid self watches. On the stereo are my favorite Christmas albums: Garth Brooks, Jimmy Buffett, Kevin Max, Elvis, and a special blend, “Teddy Ray’s F’d Up Christmas.” Will post the tracks of that last one sometime, if anyone cares. It is officially Christmastime.

Wait a minute– Teddy Ray, you like Kevin Max? Awesome. Quite a bit of his music is pretty good.

I thought Random Flowers were for today too but one of the last pictures before the AttaK Klown hit is Kuse sitting by the “3″ box…

Starscream77: Go with Rudolph. They’ll probably play A Christmas Story for a day straight later on.

I want a misfit toy, first choice, the doll, second choice the spotted elephant!

Is it evil that I’m tempted to go to the Big Apple Circus, and am noticing it for the first time this year?

Ok, that clown thing…that’s messed up. That poor, poor lioness. And I bet Santa X is right and he’ll get blamed for it for the next couple of weeks, until someone figures out that the guy with the big shoes and honking nose went psycho.

And speaking of things that are wrong…don’t get me started on that Reindeer Pop. That’s scary.

I have one and a half trees. My sister and I decorated the big tree in the living room this evening. We had a great time, too. She wants to be an artist when she graduates, and she has such a wonderful eye. The “half” tree is the tiny tree I decorate with little balls and a string of (fake) lights and put up with my Sailor Moon doll collection.

I’m watching Mixed Nuts tonight, a silly little Christmas movie starring Madeline Kahn (LOVE her), Juliette Lewis and Steve Martin.

I know this is going to seem like an odd question, but does anyone know if you can pay for someone’s health insurance for 6 months, like as a gift?

As for the clown, has no one considered that he has selfless motives? I interpreted his acts as trying to prevent the escape of Santa X, by killing the lion who was (probably)going to help him. On the other hand, he could just be evil…

Oh shit I called it! the lights were used for decorating the circus!
There’s a guy on here called Dr. Worm? That’s awesome.
Are you a real doctor?

A Christmas Story is on TNT? I don’t know how I feel about this. It’s not Christmas Eve?

I’ve been comming to this site for years and only now do I decide to post. I have to say I never get too excited about christmas but the one thing I ALWAYS look forward to is the X-entertainment advent calandar. I think this is my….hmmm 4th year? Anyways, I love it!

I went out and got the LEGO advent calendar to do with my daughter, even though she is only two. I was very excited that man with chicken was first out of the box. And yes, his shirt pockets do look like Rosie the Robot’s eyes.

Bill
I felt the same way. Started to watch it, and then decided not too. Just can’t do it unless it’s the 24 hour marathon!

He’s probably both. Insane, and inadvertantly saved everyone’s asses at the same time.

Sinister clowns and giant bunnies! Matt, you are a gifted story teller, I’ll give ya that. =)

i saw the oops reindeer candy pooper at world market a few weeks ago… words escape me…anyway, i dont know if anyone noticed on the “Reindeer Pooper” page that was linked above… if you scroll down a bit to the similar items section, they have “Mega Pooper” reindeer thats much bigger, TALKS, and shits out brown sweetarts… what is the world coming to?

if you dont want to go ALL the way to the top of the page to click the link and look for it… here it is…

<b.PlantMonster That thought crossed my mind too. The fact that all the clown really did was kill a lion that was going to help out Santa X. He was seen at the circus house, maybe he is watching over them?!

I personally have no problem with pooping reindeer. I bought one for my husband last year, it went with his talking Eric Cartman pen. Nor do I have a problem with candies that make it look like you are making out with reindeer or Jar-Jar. I think odd and gross is fun!

Actually, I think it was Goob, who gave a link to a guy on youtube that reviews toys and candies (the link was for the new Tickle ME Elmo)? Anyway, I was watching some of the toys and stuff he had an one was a candy that looked like big lips and it had a tongue lollipop.

I think most everyone in that Rudolph special is a dick…Donner, that head elf, the damn snowman (not Burl Ives, the evil snowman…my wife can’t say abominable, so we call him the damn snowman).

Annette, I LOVE Kevin Max! I’m a fan going back to dc Talk. Have you heard his Christmas CD? SO good.

Finally, ULTRAMAN, that is a great song. I didn’t watch the video, just checked to see what it was. Did you know there’s an “extra gory” version? It differs in that Santa is killed instead of imprisoned (”Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead, Some guy from the S.W.A.T team blew a hole through his head. Yes little child, those are his brains on the floor. No they won’t have the fat guy to kick around anymore!”) and the elves are unemployed while Mrs. Claus still negotiates movie rights.

I see your review for the “Tiny Lights,” and I’m going to tell you that I use those things on my Ghostbusters Firehouse, which I drag out every year and make a Christmas card out of.

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