The X-Entertainment Blog

11/24/2008: My Major Award, Part 4!

I’m not a churchgoer, but our local parish can always count on me to blow half a paycheck at their annual Christmas fair. Stuffed with gift basket raffles, longtime readers will remember my trials and triumphs at the 2004, 2006 and 2007 fairs. (I can’t remember what made me miss the fair in 2005, but I have to assume that it was really, really important. Perhaps that was the night I foiled the Swedes from realizing their long-plotted terrorist strike.)

The setup is not uncommon for church-hosted Christmas fairs: Local residents and businesses donate wicker baskets filled with prizes (ranging from toys to electronics to holiday decorations and beyond), with visitors buying tickets to shove in their desired basket’s corresponding raffle bag. Since I’ve come to consider winning one of these baskets as the true kickoff of my own personal holiday season, I always spend way too much cash to guarantee myself a win. (And when I say “way too much,” I don’t mean that in any form of subjective or relative manner. There is not a person on this planet who would consider the amount of raffle tickets I purchased this year as anything less than clinically insane.)

I’ve gone to this fair year after year for as long as I can remember, and as far as the raffles go, my strategy has always been simple: “WIN SOMETHING. WIN ANYTHING.” For me, it’s less about gunning for the truly awesome prizes and more about making sure my tickets are in enough bags to guarantee me at least one prize.

To aid in this endeavor, I always make sure to slightly fold or otherwise mangle my raffle tickets before chucking ‘em into the bags. The thought process behind this is that the ticket-drawing churchy folks are more likely to pluck out a non-flat ticket than, uh, a flat one. Regrettably, I didn’t realize that it was “legal” to affix preprinted name-and-address stickers to the raffle tickets, which is what pretty much all of the other compulsive gamblers were doing. These players would claim that they were just trying to save their wrists from a writing cramp, but I’m not stupid: They were thickening up their tickets to increase their chances for victory. Lousy, cheating dicks. Next year, I’m gonna tape pennies to each of my tickets and call it a side donation. On the other hand, when I consider my passion for this subject with a level of objectivity that can only come after a nap in the wee hours, I kind of want to strangle myself.

Anyway, I won Basket #64, filled with a bunch of Italian foodstuffs donated from a local store. (This was a common motif. Tonight, there are at least three dozen residents in my city basking in the glow of their newly-won baskets full of bullshit pine nuts.) Sure, I could’ve bought my way into silent partnership with this particular pork store for the amount I spent to win two bottles of balsamic vinegar, but the thrill is in the gamble. Still, I’m more convinced than ever that this raffle isn’t entirely on the up and up. With the unholy number of tickets I spread around this stupid thing, there’s just no way to explain why I didn’t win eighteen or nineteen different baskets.

If we can estimate the retail value of loaves of provolone and dry sausage at fifty bucks each, I guess I almost broke even. Most of this stuff will likely sit in our cabinets for so long that we’ll completely forget where it came from, but all in all, I could’ve done worse. One of the other raffles was for a $15 gift certificate to a barbershop across town, nestled in the center of a plastic Easter basket, surrounded by four bottles of travel-size shaving cream. If I’d won that, then tonight CNN would be richer one headline about a mysterious church fire.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Not as good as 2007, but certainly better than 2004 & 2006. So you’re improving.

I think 2007 was an anomaly, or some kind of “everybody gets one” crazy church mantra.

Wow Church Fair time again already? The time just flies! Matt how are those chocolates in the silver wrappers?? I have always wanted to try those!

I actually like that prize. I imagine that I’d go on some sort of a Rev-like bender and then eats all of the contents. You can check the previous Major Awards threads for my memories of the Christmas Party Raffle.

I only heard about ABC not renewing those shows, are they REALLY going off the sched now? Pushing Daisies isn’t even done with the season yet! I will ruin ABC with my anger if PD is not on my screen on Wednesday!

And Colbert Christmas was miles away better than Jeff Dunham’s special. It was better than Spark of Insanity, but I still say that Arguing With Myself was the best. Then again, I own the “Arguing With Myself” DVD with all of the footage that was vut out. I’m well aware that the Christmas Special DVD has tons of deleted material, especially lots of Walter. When I see the full special for myself, I’ll pass judgment. I also think he loses a bit of his act when the audience knows what to expect. The reaction seemed much better when no one has any idea what’s going to happen. After seeing Achmed, Bubba J, even Walter & Peanut a few times, everyone just got so. damn. excited to see them and cheered whenever they spoke. It was a little off-putting if you ask me.

Invader Norbert- This is just me saying what I wanted to say in the previous blog. King of The Hill is eding, we
know that. It’s just that, there is another network that
is close to losing my patronage. Spike. I go there,
hoping to see Star Trek Voyager, and all I find is one
CSI after another. It’s like all they show is those CSI
shows. It’s annoying. It’s like the USA Network back in
the Nineties showing Wings and Wings. Put something else
on. CSI Las Vegas, CSI Miami, and CSI New York. What’s
next from the creators of CSI, CSI Zamboolia?

Sorry about the rant. I’m done. Wow Matt, you won quite
a basket. It looks alright, it could have been worse.
Though it would have been great had you won a basket
full of dvd’s, a stereo, or a nice vacation. That way,
you could have gone and come back, and tell us all
about it. Both the good things and the bad things.
What’s Waiterbot doing right now Matt?

The presence of a simple jar of Nutella amonst that mix just cracks me up for some reason.

Yay I’ve been looking forward to this post. I’m glad to see you got a semi-decent prize, Matt. Although it’s pretty amusing when you get crap

I just bought an identical jar of Nutella yesterday! I have little idea what to do with it, anybody have any suggestions? By the way Matt I finally tried your stuffed mushroom recipe. Three cheers, buddy. That shit was good.

PS for anyone going for frozen TG dinners this week- My girlfriend and I are parting ways to see family in different parts of the country on the actual holiday, so tonight was our official feast. The Marie Calendar’s turkey w/ green beans, stuffing, and mashed potatoes meal is frigg’n AWESOME. And only $2 at Wal-Mart. But that, a tub of that 3 flavor popcorn, and the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special is a guaranteed recipe for cheap and easy success.

So put it in perspective for us: what was in some of the other baskets you dropped tickets into?

Ya know, while it doesn’t have the spectacular bragging rights that the 2007 basket had, the contents of this years really speak to my inner (and outer) Italian. I’d call this year’s winnings damn good. That’s between mighty fine and pretty awesome.

My mom actually used to make me be a “prize runner” for our churches christmas fair. For those not in the know, being a prize runner was neither a rewarding nor glamorous job. You would spend the night handing the victors their spoils and pedal free coffee to the ungrateful seniors during your down time. You would hope to god one of the craggy victors would toss you some spare change after handing them their winnings, or at the very least throw you a thank you for serving them their 7th free coffee of the night. Alas, i believe my career high stood at $1.68 and a few muffled thank yous for one nights worth of toiling.

Ah my mate of 11 years just friken ‘broke up’ with me. Way to go. Right before Thanksgiving, my birthday and Christmas all coming up here. Just awesome, he just ruined my life and our two kids more importantly. Soo yah Im happy to see a distraction here… (I guess its a cry for attention but man I’ve never been more miserable in my life)

Church raffles… never participated in one but I DID go crazy one year at a Ducks Unlimited Holiday banquet. They had all these awesome prizes for the raffle portion of the event. Alot of stuff I didn’t care about, like hunting gear, paid for hunting trips, guns, etc. but they had a gorgeous painting of a golden retriever that looked just like my dog. I wanted it so bad. There is no guessing how much I dropped in the basket for that raffle and still lost. Its incredible even to this day how another name was selected out of the sea of tickets that had my name on it.

Now I’m sure I probably could have bought a painting (well maybe a framed print…) for what I threw away trying to win the thing, and my disappointment was so great afterwards that they gave me one of the “table decorations” as a “prize” since I was the only person at the banquet that won *nothing* (they had free raffles too). The “Table decoration” was a duck decoy that had its back hollowed out so they could stick fake poinsettas in it.

It was disturbing, but I did get a chuckle over an older ‘huntin’ couple that remarked about how classy the decorations were.

Congrats on the basket win though, and it doesn’t look too bad, I mean, it could have been much much worse Im sure! I think most people that put those baskets together just gather everything they can think of that they can’t possibly give away to someone they know or hasn’t sold in a decade in their shop and then stick it in the basket. Lots of cheap perfume/bath sets, celebrity-centric books and other garbage.

squee4242- I made a hazelnut layer cake for my Sister’s birthday this past year, I put nutella in the middle of the two layers, and then mixed the remaining nutella with a can of milk chocolate frosting, frosted the whole cake, and put toasted hazelnuts around the outside of the cake, turned out really well.

Another hilarious holiday post from Matt! I look forward to X-E’s holiday offerings for this year.

kittygirl: That sucks! Hang in there.
Congrats on the prize Matt. I think it’s worth it just for the cheese alone.

erm… what’s with the weird link on the Advent’s Calendar? draculadinosaur?? wtf??

and then, (from a VERY helpful X-E reader), a website that’s compiled all the info:

It’s a church raffle article allready. Does anyone else feel like 2008 was only a couple months long? Every year seems shorter than the last for some reason.

Wow, I didn’t know there was such fierce competition at the local church basket raffle.

Is it just me or does time seem to go faster this time of the year? Maybe it’s football season, but it seems like Thanksgiving has come out of nowhere…

im not welcome at our local church. Not to self its not ok with the real church goers to yell IT BURNS IT BURNS when walking through the doors . They just seem to frown at it for some reason . Oh well there is always the Moose Lodge , maybe i can fall and yell i cant get up

Matt,
With all those cans of fire glow im glad you didnt get the free hair cut . On the other hand you could have gone all Green Goblin with those things and a skate board …. whats up with the 23rd scary clown and purple abandoned places ??

Anyone know of any x-mas specials to air on tv? I usually find out about them AFTER they’ve played. Not this year! I’m making sure to catch them.

What the heck is a Rev-like bender? It sounds like the kind of bender I could really get behind.

Mmmmm…nutella. I once ate that stuff smothered on fortune cookies as part of a midnight munch fest.
In other news, I have a dead car battery and don’t wanna spend the 80 bucks to have it jumped so I am staying at home until a friend can get over here and save me. Ew.

Thanks Ultraman…
if it had been a “seen that coming” sort of thing it would be a different story, but it wasn’t, just out of the blue. So blah.

Nutella (ella ella eh eh eh) is good but having too much of it makes me sick real fast. Same goes for peanut butter.

As for ABC not renewing shows, I’m glad they’re doing away with Boston Legal. That show wasn’t entertaining, it was just weird. S4 and S5 of Boston Legal is to John Larroquette what E=MC2 was to Mariah Carey. Ill performed FLOP.

I was wondering when Matt was going to post about the church raffle. I thing that it’s not a bad basket; cheese, sausage, nutella, those little chocolate balls. We’d probably go through that basket in a week at my house. My church’s auction is next week and I’m wondering what they’ll have. My grandmother always seems to win a bunch of things… sly old woman she is.

Kittygirl- *hugs* Sorry about you and your partner. I hope things do get better soon!

Sorry your childhood six-foot stocking vindication still has yet to be realized, Matt.

Matt, where is this mystery fair??? Year after year, I look for clues that might point me in the direction of what parish hosts this event, but I never come up with anything. The stage kinda looks like it could be Our Lady Star of the Sea, but I didn’t think you lived around Huguenot.

Invader: Technically, they’re still gonna show all of the episodes they filmed, but come January, kiss them goodbye. Which is bad because the guy created Pushing Daisies said his show ends on a cliffhanger of sometime. There is also no way DSM doesn’t end on a cliffhanger either, because it’s a nighttime soap.

Although the PD guy did say he would want to do either feature film or a comic book series that ties up PD. Although he’s going back to Heroes so who knows.

MORPH: I don’t know if you have the Boomerang Network, but they’re gonna show “The Thanksgiving That Almost Wasn’t.” a few times on Thanksgiving Day. They recently added that along with Chiller to my cable system, but we have to pay extra to watch them, so no go from here.

I am glad you got something this year Matt! My favorite is still the hot chocolate, used stained mugs Bill Cosby one. That is classic. I love Nutella but a little bit goes a long way. Ferrero Rocher taste obviously to me like nutella. Also this one person said on a blog that I read she said she swears she has won several drawings because she folds her piece of paper like an accordion. She enters a lot of those put your business card in drawings you see at restaurants and various other places.

Nickelodeon If you have cable, then the easiest thing to do is to tune into ABC family throughout December because they usually show a new Christmas special everyday as an advent calendar type of thing. And I know I caught a part of Mickey’s Christmas Carol on Toon Disney last year. That was really neat because I haven’t seen it on tv for years. I have a copy of it but it’s still nice to see on tv you know. I have an advantage because I search through my DVR for a specific show quite often and then DVR it.

Squee You can just flat out spread it on a piece of white bread if you have never eaten it before and you just want to try it. If you are looking for a recipe then well I am no help to you obviously. I know Paula Deen once on her show put a little bit of it in a wonton and fried it for a dessert type of thing.

kittygirl Take all the sympathy you want I don’t think any of us mind. I am so sorry that happened to you. I know you’ll be able to brush yourself off and then move on with your life though because your a strong person. Go and do your girl thing. Get a tub of ice cream and take out a couple chick flicks from your dvd collection or rent them and cry it out

I came across this video news report about a guy who collects discontinued products, especially soda. I didn’t know Mello Yello and Ruby Red Squirt were discontinued. Of course, it’s been years since I drank either one so I shouldn’t be surprised. Also, since when was Mr. Pibb discontinued? It’s plentiful around here, even if it’s the Xtra variety, which tastes no different than regular Mr. Pibb.

Here is a very useful website for Christmas specials. It’s a list of all the Christmas specials through December that are on TV.

This is my 2nd favorite post each year, after the Christmas Fallout. I think all of that stuff looks yummy, and it could’ve been a lot worse. Similar to the Walmart gift craps I get from my mommy each year.

Goob, I LOVE FERRERO ROCHER. It makes me happy even to see them mentioned. I don’t eat them any other time of year, but if that was all I got for Christmas, I would be supremely happy. And chubby.

That basket looks pretty yummy. Of course, I just like random snack foods too. I’m a sucker for those Hickory Farms baskets.

The Nutella made me laugh. When my sister went on a school trip to Austria she brought back a thing of Nutella. I thought is was the greatest tasting thing ever and was disppointed she didn’t bring back more.
I was ecstatic when I found out I could buy it at the Kroger down the street.

<bJLARC I saw that too about the sodas…I got all mad and thought to myself, he can’t collect that stuff, thats Matts thing! I felt like he was trying to take over our pop-culture nostalgia leader’s turf!

I too was wondering when the raffle article would debut. I always thought it was more toward the end of December before christmas though. I was so giddy with anticipation at what he might have won! Then when you get to the kinda lame ending, my jaw dropped and I felt SO disappointed. That Nutella is awesome though.

Kitty girl lets just say, it’s his loss. Seriously. If he is a big enough douche bag to not try and work things out, then fuck it. He ain’t worth it.
That kind of thing happened with one of my cousins kind of. For about 10 years, her and her husband were trying to get pregnant, it costs them literally tens of thousand of dollars. When they finally did, he left 2 weeks after the baby was born!

I thought the Bill Cosby book was a better prize. By the way, Matt, I thought of you yesterday: I watched a online video from ABC.com about people who collect discontinued items (everything from shampoos to sodas). One dude had cases of like every discontinued soda imaginable and I thought of you and your articles on here and thought you would’ve been a great subject for this news piece.

matt, i always look forward to seeing what you won at the church fair. i think this basket is better than anything you won in the first two years (ugh, cosbyology). but still, all the stuff they put together in this basket strikes me as a bit random.

I’m so, so sorry, Kittygirl.

I hope you and your kids have a great Christmas anyway, and that your recovery from this blow is smooth. I’m sorry; it’s hard to not sound trite.

Nutella is awesomeawesomeawesome. I would eat everything in that basket with glee.

Anyway I don’t think there’s a person on earth who hasn’t snickered a little at the names of those Hickory Farms products. Sweet Hot Spread? Sausage Gift? Come on now.

Rev, how about the Summer Log? Which I’ve only seen, ironically, in the winter.

The summer log is just a fling. You can’t really settle down and gobble a summer log without the haunting knowledge that, when spring rolls in, that summer log has got to ramble on.

1) Spicy Burstpole
2) Sweet Cheddar Hard-Knobs
3) Heat-Blushed Meat Stump
4) Hot Wet Slap
5) Maple Pleasure Loaf

I can’t wait to slip open the seal on the Hot Wet Slap next year. You can’t eat it by itself, it’s used for dipping, so I usually shove my Spicy Burstpole into it. It’s a little salty, but really good once you get used to it.

Well, at least you got some cheese and chocolate hazelnut stuff. We had an X-Mas what not going on in downtown Medina with horse drawn carriage rides, steel drummers playing X-Mas carrols, free candy, and lots of Jesus pamphlets. Ashame I was to sick to go.
Jeff Mack, yes I agree. Thanksgiving really snuck up without warning this year. But not as badly as last year where it ended before I even realized it had started.

Those church Christmas raffles must be a “Yankee” thing. I’ve never heard of anything like that down here in Dixie.

kittygirl, sorry to hear about the rough spot you’re having. I’ll be praying for you and your kids.

On a lighter (and raunchier) note, I’ve got a spicy meat stick for you, Rev.

I truly apologize for my filthy attitude earlier. I don’t know what got into me. Somehow, the spicy meat stick got behind me and a bunch of evil language spewed out of my fingertips and into your eyes. For that, I am sorry.

I realize this is a family restaurant and I won’t be talkin my nonsense in here no more. I promise to clean it up for the next comment. Please don’t ban me, X-E Matt.

Now just a question- someone else might have asked it, but I have to. What in the name of all that is holy is a “Dry Sausage”? And why does it look like a sleeping pad made out of meat?

Dry sausage is probably soppresata, a cooked, cured sausage product which comes in either hot or sweet varieties, and is frequently found swinging from the ceilings of Italian delis. You can order one sliced and eat it and it smells like something died but God Damn is it good.

It has a thin skin around it that will choke you to death if you’re not expecting it. There should be a warning about this, but usually there is not.

Right at this very moment, my refrigerator at home is filled with hot dry soppressata, smoked mozzarella and fresh cavatelli which will become my dinner tonight. I’m an Italian, and I’m saucy.

This is always a great pre-advent event for me to look forward too. Glad to see you came out with something even if it wasn’t the DVD player. BTW Matt how much use do you get out of that thing?

Topless Robot has a new Macy’s parade article that rips off Matt without giving him any credit.
Click my name.

I would click your name, but I don’t want to give them the hit. I will take your word for it, and shame on them.

Holy fucking jumpin jesus on a cracker, I just saw a box of Christmas Crunch today. Can you believe that it’s been 20 fuckin years since that cereal was released? It’s a nice blue box this year, with about the same graphics as last year’s box.

And once, I went to this italian restauraunt… they made these cookies that were like empanadas… but disted with powdered sugar anf filled with nutella. I paid $12 for a dozen of them. They were heavenly…

Of all the Christmas themed post so far this year, this line by far is my favorite.

“If I’d won that, then tonight CNN would be richer one headline about a mysterious church fire”

I quickly read the article; am I wrong in saying I didn’t see Matt mention a “Basket of Cheer”? All the Catholic Pollacks back at home in Scranton live for those. I remember being in Scouts at St. Mary’s selling tickets for what was essentially a case of hard liquor. But, ah, of course, it was a nice decorative wicker container of jolly, shiny, candy like bottles of Cheer and Delight!

Thanks again to X-E for getting me into the holiday spirit waaaay too early… as usual. Looking forward to Advent. I can’t believe I have been reading them since Year Two!

Target has an awesome asile of stocking stuffers again this year, but don’t overlook the $1.00 crap at the front of the store. I just had to pick up some “Hasbro Game Night” candy. It’s a package of four little boxes shaped like the actual boxes of Clue, Monopoly, etc with teeny candy game pieces inside.

I was wondering when you were going to be announcing this year’s Major Award, Matt. I’ve always wanted to try Nutella. That alone makes this a good basket.

Man Thanksgiving REALLY snuck up on me this year! It seems like November JUST started! Weird how your perception of time changes.

I just finished a Smarties candy cane. It tasted like fruit punch, which is lame, but it sure was pretty.

Oh…by the way….folding tickets is a huge no no Matt. Chinese auctions actually kick you out for this type of thing.

To paraphrase Doc Brown, when we get to December 23rd, we’re gonna see some serious shit…

Matt, any chance at a parade review? Or at least handy links to the previous ones? This will be my first year in many to see all of the Macy’s parade so I’m really looking forward to following along with those of you that will be here…

Yeah the hospital I work for gives away free turkeys to all its employees for Thanksgiving and one of the pick-up options is to just drive-up for it at the one parking lot. So I get there and there’s a man holding out a 12lb turkey with one arm as I pull up, not entirely sure of the protocol. He’s on my passenger side so I roll down the window and he just tosses the turkey in my car, nearly smashing my purse.

YEAY! Church Raffle Story #4! Ah, NOW it’s Christmas. Hey, Matt, at least it’s not like 2004, right? lol.

Why do I expect that turkey .gif to turn up somewhere in a blog entry or future article?

Tresjolie9: I agree. That basket is a decent prize. I think the cheese alone makes it a winner. I’m assuming there’s some crackers in there too ? Come on , you HAVE to have crackers with cheese in a gift basket. Everybody knows that.

Funny story. For a long time, every Monday, My house would get a recording for my mom. She thinks it’s a
telemarketer. I decided that enough was enough. So I
went into YouTube and downloaded Rick Astley’s Never
Gonna Give You Up, and paused it just before he says
Never gonna give you up. Some time later, I got the
call. When it came to the part when it suggests I
press 2 to talk to a live person, I put the phone
near the speakers, and unpaused it. Yes I Rick Rolled
whoever it was on the other side. And this Monday,
they didn’t call. Gotta love the Eighties. :)..

kittygirl, I’m sorry that had to happen to you and the kids, and especially around this time of year. It’s definitely his loss, ’cause you seem awesome. Keep your head up.

Nickelodeon, I think I mentioned this on the last blog entry, but aside from the vast Christmas-ness on ABC Family right now, “Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” will be on ABC (the network, not Family) tomorrow night.

Today the most bizarre thing happened…I got a call at work from my mom, her voice shaking. She proceeds to tell me that she heard someone kicking at the door, and when she peeked to see who it was, she saw a guy wearing a clown mask running to a pickup truck waiting in front of the house, with a clown-faced driver behind the wheel. They sped off, and my mom saw that they left a gift: a copy of the “Star Wars Complete Visual Dictionary.” Inside, clipped to the entry on Count Dooku, was a message made of magazine clippings that read “How Now, Brown Meow?”

Strange and random as it may sound, I’m fairly sure it means my old friend Jerms is back in town (given his Joker obsession and the “Dark Knight” feel of the whole prank), and that he’s probably abusing cough syrup again. Geez…

I’ll be camping. Out on my couch. I can not get enuff of Mr. Bean gettin his dopey head stuck up inside that huge turkey. Thats some funny right there. My thanksgiving dinner? Swansons Turkey dinner. Hey at least I go for the HOT meal and not sliced turkey spackle. Meh.

I love that Mister Bean Christmas episode. Where else would you see the Baby Jesus, a dinosaur, and a Dalek
all together with toy soldiers? The British are
masters when it comes to comedy.

Jeremy Whatsisface - that’s pretty much the most random and yet coolest thing I’ve heard all day.

One of these years, we’ll see the picture of the available baskets, and Matt will tell us that he won each and every one.

I love going to the malls during the Xmas season, and giggling like a little girl every time I pass by the Hickory Farms kiosk.

I picked up my Hickory Farms box this year. If I can keep my appendix this year, it will be a Christmas Miracle!

I am always mortified at the thought of eating cheese and meat from an indeterminable year that requires no refrigeration. But for some reason once you start opening those foil-wrapped meat tubes you just don’t care anymore.

The best parts of those gift boxes are the little jars of mustard. The rest, I don’t know…I would rather get stuff from the store. Sausage and cheese are never in short supply in Wisconsin.

I just recoded the Christmas Jukebox because so many were having problems loading it. Seems the software was too far behind the current editions of Flash. It’s working for me and been tested on many computers, but let me know if you have any trouble.

Does anyone know why exactly Rubik is used as an ornament on the top of the Advent Calendar?

Morfnblorsh, I am a well known minister in an alien sex cult. There is nothing, but nothing, that you can do to creep me out on myspace.

I cleaned it up because I realized that once when i was talking pornish about gravy on here, I think DJ D told me to knock it off. I would rather do anything than upset DJ D. I’ve heard that he has “powers”.

If only I could find that gravy thread again. That was some hot gravy action going on.

Also I am afraid X-E Matt will ban me if I get too hot and heavy with the meatstump in this family restaurant. I know I blushed a little once when X-E Matt mentioned he was going to skullfuck a pumpkin or something. It was an uncomfortable moment which made me double-post here.

And to sotr of follow up on Invader Norberts comment, why isn’t the leg lamp featured more prominently? It should be IN FRONT of Chevy Chase. More towards the middle.

Man ya’ll are makin me want one of those Hickory Farms baskets. I find there great for snacking.

Forcing the boyfriend - excuse me - FIANCE, I guess - to watch Charlie Brown Thanksgiving right now. Yay!

my husband just asked me if snoopy and woodstock are friends? omg. he thought maybe they were like tom and jerry.

Is anybody digging the “Mayflower” section of “This is America, Charlie Brown”? I know it was from the late ’80s, and I vaguely remember watching all of them when they first aired, but the voices sound…a little WRONG. Alright, though, I guess, and I give it bonus points for being so damned educational.

JUst got done with Ol’Chuck , they showed a preview for Charlie Brown Xmas. Monday is the Shrek Xmas and the Grinch ….we are about to get bombarded by Christmas joy now

i really cant get into the “This is America Charlie Brown”. Dont know why , like Jeremy said maybe its the voices

Starscreamm77: I’m REALLY lookin forward to the new Miser Brothers special. Theyr’e my fav Christmas characters EVER by FAR!!! After all, theyr’e , too much! =D

To Matt and all X-Eites:
Madballs are on mega clearance at Walgreens! I scored Slobulous and Freaky Fullback for a sweet $1.49 each. Sure they’re the Fireman Donatello and Toon Raphael of the Madballs line, but at that price I’d take any of them, coveted or not!

Hey brudda, how about this- Iron Chef! Create a sumptuous meal (and a rainy day article) using todays secret ingredient…Giiiift Baaaaasket!!!

Hmmmmmm very cool pictures on day 23 of the calendear. you got my waiting for more.

is it just me, or does the gift bag in the bottom middle of the first picture look like it has a deranged smiley face?

I woke up to the music of Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. How do I get the music for this? I love this music. I love how it sounds… good. Even the Halloween music would sound good right now. It feels all Holiday-y here, the cooler was taken out of the front room window of the mobile, and heat kinda stays around more. It’s nice.

pie crust gets chocolate pudding half filled in it, rest gets NUTELLA MOUSSED (which is what you make with the cool whip and nutella).. Fridge it up and serve. Very yum. I have to wait till like the last minute to make it or it’ll get eaten.

And Ruby Red Squirt sounds.. really gross. Like my brain took it to a very nasty place.

I’m watching my Peewee’s Playhouse Christmas Special DVD. $5 at Five Below….one of the best purchases I’ve ever made… <3

Pee Wee’s Playhouse is without a doubt one of the WEIRDEST shows ever! ESPECIALLY when you consider it was made for kids. Of course that’s exactly why I like it.

Thanks so much for the kind words everyone, I really appreciate it. It’s been such a rough patch and just out of the blue that I don’t even know how to deal with it. And my real life friends have shown their true colors to be too “busy” with holidays, family or their respective local bands to be bothered with my crisis. So there it is. I think music makes me cry more than movies (a dog usually has to die for me to cry for a movie. lol) and I listened to broken hearted songs til I wanted to throw up.

But THANKSGIVING is coming up and though its going to suck being in front of the relatives, I’m spirited enough to look forward to it regardless. It was great seeing the Peanuts Thanksgiving special tonight, and it comes on again Thursday so its double the fun. The recreation of that grand, unforgettable feast of Chef Snoopy’s for X-E is one of my favorite articles ever, and I can’t help but think about it everytime I see the special.

Seth Macfarlane was a guest on Conan OBrien tonight. Close your eyes for a bit, and it’s like he’s
interviewing Brian. You know, most of us know that
there is a G.I. Joe movie being filmed. How do you
guys feel about Joseph Gordon Levitt (Dark Sadows,
3rd Rock From The Sun) playing Cobra Commander?

Lonstar76: As long as he gets the Commanders personality, voice, and dialogue correct, i’m ok with it.

Wow — you’re away for a few days and the place gets new carpeting, curtains and thingamabobs everywhere! Quite festive!

Matt: Congrats on the win, and thanks for pointing me toward the Diet Cranberry Sierra Mist. That’s some good stuff!

Kittygirl: *huggles* So sorry to hear it. There’s never a good time for that kind of thing, but there is a colossally bad time. If you lived nearby, I would bake you cookies and serve you whole milk (if you dig), but maybe virtual milk & cookies is Ok too?

I am in full-on panic mode here — we got all our holiday stuff out and decorated one tree Sunday night, then find out the husband’s mom is planning on staying at our place this weekend (while we’re out of town no less). So we have holiday crap everywhere and now have to try to drop everything (or decorate shoddily) and also clean everything up so they can stay? Terrible. Bummer. I love her, but jeez-o-pete.

Anybody heard anything about the parade this year? All I know is David Archuleta.

Lonestar: I just came across the Mr. Bean Christmas show on PBS recently right at that part!!! I had never seen it before! I was dying! :o)

I saw the Abominable Snowman on the Link and it reminded me of a wierd commercial that nobody but me ever saw. Was I dreaming it? I saw it around 94 or 95 really late at night like two or three times. It was Herbie from Rudolph drinking a slushee. The Abominable Snowman comes by and pops Herbie in his mouth. He then grabs his head and while his eyes are rolling around he say ” Bwain Fweez!”
Classic and funny!!

Talking about King of The Hill got me thinking. There was an episode where Hank’s old football coach is
rrehired, and Bobby becomes a soccer player. Every
now and then, when something happened to one of the
players, the coach would say take a salt tablet.

When he went to far with the players, Hank Hill knocked
him out. If I were writing the episode, I would have
Hank standing over the coach while he is groaning in
pain. And Hank would say, “Take a salt tablet, I tell
you what”, I think that would have gotten a laugh.

Congrats on the spread, Matt! Yeah, Christmas church raffles must be either just a Catholic thing or a northern thing. I come from a family that has 2 preachers in it and I grew up going to church 2 or 3 times a week and we never had any kind of Christmas raffle deal. Too bad though. They look like a lot of fun.

Um, I’m sure I’m going to catch a lot of crap for this, but what’s Nutella? Never heard of it.

kittygirl–So sorry to hear about your bad news there. At least you know you can always come here and get a few kind words. I’m going through a pretty bad patch myself at the moment, and this place is the best distraction in the world to make me forget about all my problems. Sounds like it was his loss anyway.

Snoopy’s Thanksgiving Feast was actually the first article I ever read here when I first discovered X-E and I was hooked right away. I don’t even remember how I stumbled upon the article now (I think it was by accident while Googling something else entirely), but I decided right then and there that anyone who not only reconstructed that feast, but then wrote an article documenting it, was someone who needed further investigation. I’m so glad I kept reading, because that was 2 years ago and I haven’t looked back since.

Mystie–Good job on that turkey score. They should turn the drop-off into a game. The person driving gets some good speed going and they have to time the toss just right to get it into the car window. Anyone who can stick the toss just right gets a free turkey themselves. If they damage the car, they gotta pay for it.

Rev. Back It On Up 13–Once again, your smut’s getting everybody hot and bothered. I would like to visit the good old days of our racy gravy days as much as you, but my research came up with nothing on that front. If anyone else can find the thread we’re talking about, I would be eternally in their debt. I did, however, stumble upon this little discussion. It concerned my lust for loins and your carnel need for a hot, throbbing weener. Proceed with caution, kids. Somewhere about halfway down the thread, it starts putting the Penthouse Forum to shame:

Oh, and as for my “powers”, well let’s just say I got ways of getting a few things done here and there. You can read into that what you will.

LoneStar76–I’m very concerned about the G.I. Joe movie. The uniform black leather outfits are a cop-out. I don’t see why they couldn’t make the individual suits look more like the ones we know. Snake Eyes looks good though. I think the whole thing’s going to depend on how well they pull off Cobra and Cobra Commander himself. If they can nail that, and make Snake Eyes look badass, I’ll be willing to look past all the other stuff I don’t like. I don’t like their choice of some of the Joes though. I mean, no Roadblock??? You can’t make a G.I. Joe movie without Roadblock! That’s just stupid is what that is.

My pet peeve with the G.I Joe flick is ..Doctor Who as Destro >:( . He doesnt even have a mask in all the pics i have seen . I really hope this doesnt turn into another Transformers. On a plus note The Baroness is smokin hot

Okay….Leigha I’m attempting to make those Oreo Balls today I think that was you who made them and gave the recipe. Matt I’m gonna be trying the stuff mushroom recipe but adding Krab to it and some cream o celery soup…bc your versions sounds a little on the dry side. I’m gonna make em for Christmas.

I followed the recipe pretty closely, and they were totally not dry (trying to avoid use of the infamous “m” word here). I think it’s thanks to the onions, cause they’re full of water. I actually had some real crab on hand that I topped a few of the mushrooms with rather than the prosciutto, and they were decent but the prosciutto ones can’t be beat.

DJ D, Nutella is a hazelnut spread. Thanks to everybody for the suggestions, I knew nothing beyond “spread it on toast”.

I thought the recipe of “eat with open palm out of jar like Winnie the Pooh” was pretty instinctual.

I must produe 5,000 potato croquettes and stuffed mushrooms as well as an elegant pumpkin pie and a baked ziti by tomorrow. Thanksgiving rocks.

All I promised to do this Thanksgiving is put on pants, and I’m not even sure I can make good on that promise. It’s not seeming like something I would enjoy doing now that I think about it.

I’m excited I’m making Oreo balls today!!! I just have to wait till my husband goes and buys me cream cheese that is not expired!

I’m having a awful day. I was going to do the balls but we have bad cream cheese. So I thought I would make a cake, after I grease the pan and pour the cake mix into a bowl I realize we have no eggs and we have very little milk. Ugh.

The funny thing is, I’m doing this Thanksgiving for fun! The husband and I decided on our own to celebrate the American one. Ugh ugh ugh!

Oh I have some Nutella in the cupboard. I’m pretty sure it’s expired too. What kind of household am I running?

I thought about making the oreo balls too but I didn’t want to overextend myself. What the hell was I thinking. Of course I’m going to overextend myself. I would reach to the moon for a taste of those balls.

Morfnblorsh, regarding pants. My husband and I maintain a strict no-pants household, except when company is over. So I say, if you don’t want to compromise your beliefs, just let everyone know, you’re the man of the house, and the king of the castle, and you don’t wear the pants around here.

I was going to make oreo balls last night. When I pulled the cookies out of the pantry I realized someone had eaten the middle row already. Oh well…

Starscream77–Yeah, I’m a little concerned about that too. Destro with no mask = suck. The last thing we need is another Bayformers. Oh, wait. We’re getting one.

Rev. Back It On Up 13–I would reach to the moon for a taste of those balls.

I have been distracted lately, having been exposed to Ran Ran Ruu. The McGiygas version is especially trippy. I need to get that one on DVD as a defense against any burglars that have the Clown Fear. It should render them catatonic, so I can pants them, take their wallets, and drag them to the police station.

No online Thanksgiving would be complete without a YouTube video of one of the greatest moments on Television:

Project Oreo Ball is underway. There is a blackish paste chilling in my refrigerator that looks like weiner dog leavings but is very delicious.

Rev, how in all that’s wonderful do you make these Oreo balls?! How do I not know about these!! If I would have know about these earlier I would have made them instead of these orange bars things.

Well, Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I can’t believe how fast this year has past… which maybe is a good thing, considering that this whole year has been crap. So like the rest of you, I watched Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving last night on tv and since they still won’t show Garfield’s Thanksgiving on tv I popped that in the DVD player and watched that. Funny how those old 80’s cartoons always make you feel better, if even just for a moment.

Does anyone else wish that there were more availability in store of SCTV stuff? for crying out loud, I mean… I’m missing some of the best comedy to ever be in my pre-highschool mind. damnit. Does anyone else here feel the same, or was I blacklisted and not notified?

Leigha mentioned Oreo Balls in a previous thread but they are easy peasy so far. Just pulverize the hell out of a package of oreos, pulverize the hell out of a package of cream cheese, mash it all together, form balls, chill your balls, then dip in chocolate. I am at the chill your balls phase and I keep eating them. They are good.

Praise Leigha, my ShorDurPerSav for the Oreo Balls Phenomenon which is sweeping the country! First NYC, next, THE WORLD!

I think Rev.’s policy on pants and how to tell people “I ain’t gunna wear em’!” is brilliant.

As far as holiday baking. I am saving the Oreo Balls for December. I’ve also decided to use those magical white-fudge covered oreos in place of regular ones. I bet that’s going to be real good!

According to the wiki, that episode was based on actual events that took place in Atlanta. ATL represent, shawty!

For those of you who also just saw the Foster’s float in the Macy’s Parade……..I would just like to say that I hate the internet.

Did anyone catch the Rick Roll on the Macy’s Parade? Astley himself jumps out of the Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends float and starts to sing. I’m betting, though, that most people will just be confused.

i wish our churches did raffles! altho i’m more interested in the biscuit looking things with 10 pieces of goodness, what is it?

Add A New Comment!

This entry was posted on Monday, November 24th, 2008 at 2:26 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.