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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

Halloween Countdown ’08: Monkey Business.

We're going to a Halloween party tomorrow night. Actually, it's more of a family birthday party, but the charming host (Hi Sis!) decided that the party's proximity to Halloween meant that everyone had to come in costume.

I've known about this engagement for at least a month, but only today did it finally hit me that I needed a costume. I guess I was living under the assumption that I could get away with being the only asshole there without a costume, but after weighing the pros and cons, I decided that it was better to arrive in a gorilla mask than to have my balls broken all night long for being a spoilsport.

So, we went to one of our local Halloween stores. I've been there before, but never during prime time so close to the big day. What I assumed would be an inconvenience turned out to be just the shot in the arm my Halloween spirit needed. This place, filled with folks of all ages and from all walks, combing through obliterated racks of overpriced nylon as everything from strobe lights to remixed Rocky Horror songs assaulted their senses, was Halloween personified.

I don't know what it was, exactly, but I felt great in there. Maybe it was that my girlfriend took two hours to decide that they had nothing she wanted, and thus gave me ample time to soak in the nuances of a Halloween store like I never have before. I don't know. The store just felt so alive and rife with emotion. People are pretty passionate about their Halloween costumes, it seems.

For one thing, the place was loud. All kinds of sounds at war with one another, from spooky songs blaring over the speakers, to the constant chatter of audio-animatronic decorations, to people arguing over what would and wouldn't fit...if there was an exact midpoint between a swap meet held in a gymnasium and night at a swank uptown nightclub, this was it.

There were plenty of little kids, and of all the people shopping there, they were the most emotional. None of them seemed happy, but they probably were. It's kind of a fool's errand to shop for a Halloween costume so late in October. If you aren't the type of person who can "settle," you're going to be disappointed with your findings. Children may be as unique as snowflakes, but they all have one thing in common: They don't settle. Not without tears and tantrums. I saw many of those. If a small boy determined that the store was sold out of the costume he wanted, he blamed his parents, cursing them and shaming them and pretty much doing everything you can do to a person without getting the cops involved. It felt like I saw this scenario happen at least a dozen times tonight.

I loved it. Not just for the voyeuristic pleasure involved with watching strangers flip out, but because I totally remember what it was like to consider what you wore for Halloween as the single most important event in history. (Click here...I've been there.)

Then there was the older crowd, the high schoolers and college students, who always arrived in groups and generally stuck with two types of Halloween costumes: Slutty or offensive. Girls flocked to fishnets and skirts that looked like dog collars, and guys flocked to costumes in the shape of giant penises. Within this group was a smaller caste of gothy, freaky kids who weren't as much there to buy anything as they were to have simply a haven from whatever interpersonal conflicts awaited them at the nearby mall or coffee shop. At that age, I related much more to them. Part of me hoped that one of them would ask us to get beer for their crew.

Then there was the much older crowd -- the simple folks who either didn't have children or whose children were all grown up. These people were great. Totally jolly, totally carefree and totally welcoming the opportunity to be goofy. It was just so oddly uplifting to spot fifty-somethings sneaking around in Jigsaw masks, trying to scare their wives.

Mostly though, the experience was reminder that Halloween is alive and well, and that the times when I thought it wasn't were all my fault. I don't live in a bubble, but sometimes, I set up shop there. If you want something to seem as good as it used to, you've gotta actually do the things that made it so great to begin with.

So, I grabbed the gorilla mask, and the gorilla gloves. Tomorrow night, I'll wear them with pride. I'll even beat my chest like a real monkey -- or at least, I'll do this upon request.

I hope you all have plans, and I hope at least one of them involves dressing like a gorilla...or whatever else.

Posted by Matt on 10/24/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 123 comments

I’m not going anywhere this weekend. I don’t have the money, I’m not a party person, and the weather’s supposed to be lousy anyway. I will probably dress as an angel for work Halloween day.

And that reminds me, I need to go to our local version of Spirit and look for a halo. I have wings and glitter makeup leftover from my fairy costume two years ago and a white shirt. I hope Halloween Adventure will be just as crazy and fun!

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 10/25/2008 3:57 PM


Professor X would be good for the wheelchair bound.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 10/25/2008 3:59 PM


I made/acquired two new costumes this year: Door, from Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere (costume based more off of her description in the book than strictly the TV show version) and a stewardess costume inspired by Edguy’s song “Lavatory Love Machine” – I’m going to wear it to their concert tonight. :) Sadly I have class all day on Halloween, but I’m going to enter my Door costume in the costume contest my school is having! :D

Chestnuts roasted by Ariel @ 10/25/2008 4:04 PM


First of all, I spent most of today reading and digesting (no pun intended) “Breakfast of the Gods” from last thread’s link. I wonder if the guy remembers that the Cap’n had a second ship, the Guppy Too? It was mech-based.

Any way, I am glad that Matt got his Ghoul-y Groove back. And a modest gorilla get up. Ape Costumes are comedy gold. Little Brother bought himself one last year. He says it’s a great investment.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/25/2008 5:47 PM


my bro last year was a Geico Caveman…the mask was sooooo real! He wore that and a preppy polo and jeans…he looked great!

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_dancing skeleton _Reeves @ 10/25/2008 5:57 PM


NintendoMan My sister went as a banana probably 7 or 8 years ago. She slipped (no pun intended) and fell and could not get up. Then one of our female dogs started humping her. Everytime I see a banana costume, I think of that instead of peanut butter jelly time. I was originally going to go as the monarch this year, but since the husband and I got married a mere 2 weeks before halloween, we haven’t had time to construct our costumes. I have decided on dressing up as a female version of freddy krueger: betty krueger. i have a purple and black striped sweater, i bought a freddy hat that i am going to spray paint purple and put a peacock feather in., and i got the glove thingy.  it was something that will take almost no time to put on, and since i am going to be the one making drinks and helping to decorate for a party, i didn’t want to get a costume that would get in my way.  ps- this will be the first time i have helped to throw a halloween party, do any of you have any good suggestions? (ie- decorations, food, drinks etc.)

Chestnuts roasted by Leigha @ 10/25/2008 6:30 PM


Bananas and humping you say…
 
http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb1/ConstantMnemonic/omgcarlandhandbanana.gif

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 10/25/2008 6:49 PM


Classic post! The best of the year so far. Thanks Matt for getting it all off the ground for us again!

Chestnuts roasted by Another Matt @ 10/25/2008 10:16 PM


@ Leigha:

One easy classic old-school thing is to fill sterile rubber gloves with water, freeze them, and cut off the rubber. Instant icehands for your (hopefully spiked) punchbowl.

Chestnuts roasted by Another Matt @ 10/25/2008 10:20 PM


I bought cool short/wide vases at Michaels for like $2 a peice, and a bag of white small floating candles, and a box of food coloring. Filled vases half way up with water, did like 8 drops of red dye, 1 drop of blue dye.  Put 3 floating candles in each vase, and had the vases in my bathrooms.  In the dark, it really does look like they are floating in blood.  A really cool decoration for cheap!

Chestnuts roasted by crazy_mainer @ 10/25/2008 10:47 PM


I was actually going to go as Penny post-death ray attack from Dr Horrible to the one costume party i was going to go to, but the party was cancelled.

And my Dr Horrible keeps saying he’s not as cute as Neil Patrick Harris. (They’d make a really cute couple though!)

Chestnuts roasted by Cat the Vampire Slayer @ 10/25/2008 10:55 PM


Matt – Can I suggest another use of the monkey powers?  Check out No Heroics on YouTube.  It’s a British superhero comedy that is pretty entertaining.  One character in particular is called Thundermonkey – you’ll get a kick out of his power.  The link is for part 2/3 for the first episode and Thundermonkey’s appearance is around the 0:31 mark.

Chestnuts roasted by jjwspider @ 10/25/2008 11:53 PM


Helps to include the bloody link!

Chestnuts roasted by jjwspider @ 10/25/2008 11:54 PM


Whoa, seems like a slow SNT….No parties for me.  My Mom is here and we have run around town all day.  

My Halloween is going to suck, because it’s Homecoming for my college, so there won’t be any partying…just homecoming bonfire.  I mean, I guess the day itself will be fun, just not in a halloween-ie way…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 10/26/2008 12:14 AM


good lord, do i ever know the shitty feeling of being a halloween spoilsport.  i hate spending money on costumes i’ll only wear once, so i just make a minimal showing of good faith by arriving to costumed events after drawing a cat nose and whiskers on my face with a sharpie. 

i think you can use that like twice, ever, as a proverbial get out of jail free card before your friends start hating you.

Chestnuts roasted by dedalusdedalus @ 10/26/2008 1:19 AM


Yeah, slow SNT. Oh well, back to watchin’ the series.

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws @ 10/26/2008 1:45 AM


Wii Music is pretty awesome,Hoverbored. I don’t think it has any Cruxshadows songs though,or else maybe I haven’t unlocked them yet. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Kid Nicky @ 10/26/2008 1:49 AM


I’ve been reading this site for YEARS, and for some reason this entry just reallly stuck out at me.  Really well written, thanks Matt… made my night.

Chestnuts roasted by Syl @ 10/26/2008 2:57 AM


I love those Halloween stores.

I wish they were open all year round.

But, then what would you call them?

Chestnuts roasted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 10/26/2008 3:06 AM


It appears as if Halloween is going to last two whole weeks in my town — there have been people dressed up at the bars all week…

My costume fell through, so now I’m thinking of going as a goth flapper — I have a dress that is all black lacey-and pleated.. I can get some long strings of pearls, a wig, a long cigarette holder, then go all dramatic with the makeup… I dunno. I hate to spend a bunch of money getting something shipped all the way out to the back of hell where I live…

Enjoying one of the “nightmares” right now on AMC.

Leigha; LOVE the Betty Kruger idea! As far as Halloween decorating, one of my fave cheapy ideas (and I cribbed this from Martha Stewart of all people!) is to take white taper candles and melt a little red wax to pour down them… totally looks like bleeding candles!

Chestnuts roasted by Reni @ 10/26/2008 3:26 AM


Wow, we had a massive power outage here last night! We were right in the middle of a “Tales From the Crypt” mini marathon when there was a pop and the lights went. They were out for the whole street-even the streetlights. It was a wonderful, creepy night, full of thunder, driving rain, howling winds, hot cocoa and cuddling.

Chestnuts roasted by Pepe @ 10/26/2008 4:40 AM


“If you want something to seem as good as it used to, you’ve gotta actually do the things that made it so great to begin with.”

So true. Thanks.  This article made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Chestnuts roasted by NKF @ 10/26/2008 7:40 AM


Leigha, they have a female version of the freddy kreuger costume.. it’s a red and green sweater skirt with slashes on the stomach.

And I doubt it covers anyone’s ass.

Chestnuts roasted by Cat the Vampire Slayer @ 10/26/2008 11:11 AM


I remember when I was a wee lad I made at least one halloween shoe box diorama with a paper cut-out of some grim reaper knock-off with two blades on his scythe (double the awesomeness!, or so I thought at that age) and a red coat. I don’t know where it went, but I’d be so inclined to make another before the 31st rolls around. My pathetic mood table needs a centerpiece.

Off I go, ravaging through my closet 

Chestnuts roasted by crazyasscrakuh @ 10/26/2008 11:29 AM


Cat: Do any of the female costumes actually cover one’s ass?  i highly doubt it, at least not my ass, it is quite rotund. 
Another Matt: I actually bought an ice mold at target that is a hand, it also came with gummi worms to freeze inside of it and some candy powder to make it a green color.   I am definitely spiking punch, something I call brain stew which is orange juice (with some pulp) cranberry juice, sprite and lots of vodka.  When the sprite gets in there, it makes all of the pulp rise to the top of it, and it looks pretty foul, but tastes amazing.  and although the guests will be in their 20′s, I am making cupcakes: red velvet cake with just vanilla icing, but i am going to pipe the icing and add a little bit off red food coloring so that they look like mini brains.  Plus, who doesn’t like a good cupcake?

Chestnuts roasted by Leigha @ 10/26/2008 12:44 PM


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