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Halloween Countdown ’08: The Mist Maker!

Wow. Just got back from our annually-appearing Halloween "Spirit" store, and they've really outdone themselves this year. Spirit usually comes in the form of a small store in our local mall, but this year, they've taken over a giant, freestanding space that used to belong to a certain Mr. Ethan Allen.

A lot of you have Spirit stores nearby, and they definitely range in quality. I'm proud to say that ours must be one of 2008's finest. It's huge, ridiculously overdecorated, and since it' doesn't have to share a granite strip with The Gap and KB Toys, the owners can pump the Halloween music up so loud that I'm still not sure I wasn't left with permanent hearing damage. It was amazing. I used to think that Halloween stores like this only existed in spooky-themed sitcom episodes.

I bought a bunch of stuff, of course. Everything was ludicrously overpriced, but this is merely the necessary downside of living within driving distance of a store that sells life-sized animatronic Hannibal Lecter mannequins. I admit that I've tossed a few "LOLs" into banal IM conversations over the years, but this is the first time I'm breaking out an "FTW." Spirit FTW.

I spent around a hundred bucks there, and this item makes up 25% of that. Spirit had a larger variety of Halloween mist machines than I would've ever dreamed existed, and since I've long wondered how much life would improve if I gained the ability to fill my home with mist at any given moment, I had to have one. After some debate, I settled on this $25 "Mist Maker," mainly because none of Spirit's other mist machines came with a ceramic cauldron featuring a creepy old grey man at the helm.

As things turned out, neither did this one. I'm quite sure that the box had text reading "Decorative Cauldron Included" while I was in the store, but when I got home, it somehow said "Decorative Cauldron Not Included." It was my own personal For Forty Humans moment, and it sucked. I got a lousy plug and some kind of army grade explosive mine, but no cauldron.

I worried that I'd picked the worst possible mist machine, but the "Mist Maker" works incredibly well. It runs on regular tap water, so there's no need to stock up on a bunch of those pricey "mist juice" bottles. After setting the gizmo in a tub of water and flipping the switch, it immediately began its smoke-boosted laser light show, spending no time on any unsightly warm-up periods. I had this thing spewing lights and mist at my face no more than 45 seconds after taking it out of the box.

The gadget is lined with a series of multicolored Christmas lights, which alternate patterns to influence the mist's ghoulish hue. How they managed to pack so much magic into a plug-operated device that doesn't electrocute me when placed in water, I'm at a loss to describe. My friend just got back from Disney World, and he paid thousands to be there. I paid 25 bucks, and I'm outshining Epcot's Illuminations on my fucking dining room table. Spirit FTW.

I was going to pass on YouTubing this one, as I don't want to have one of those blogs with 500,000 YouTube videos on it. I'm old school, see. But I need to include it, because I need to maintain proof that my girlfriend came home pissed about the messy shape I left our apartment in, and decided to take it it out on me by hand-washing dishes as loudly and clankily as possible during filming for my super-important "Mist Machine" video. I now know the ceramic language for "fuck you cocksucker." In the video, you can clearly hear her audio assault lurking in the background.

As revenge, I just poured myself a cup of coffee extra quietly, so as to avoid having to pour a cup for her as well. X-E attracts some younger readers, and I feel a certain responsibility to show them what adult life is really about. Halloween misting machines, and dishwasher/coffee Cold Wars.

Posted by Matt on 10/06/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 114 comments

Needs to be said that as well as adult life, you and your girlfreind also demonstrated classic passive aggressive behavior. The kind I hate the most. It’s like when a cat shits in your clothes because you left it home alon all day.

Chestnuts roasted by Mortalwind @ 10/07/2008 4:17 AM

Fox We supposedly have the fearnet on demand I looked for it I couldn’t find it.  I looked through all the on demand choices and couldn’t find it.  I’ll try again later.

I played Monopoly a couple of nights ago on pogo.com they have that over there now.  It’s pretty easy but I lost both times.  It got me to want to play Monopoly Tycoon that I had a copy of a few years ago.  So I went and downloaded that again.  I haven’t played it though yet.  I want to play Monopoly on Pogo with X-E people :(

I downloaded and installed paint shop pro which I am so happy about because I have suffered for about 2 months without it.  I don’t use it that often but when I need it it’s fairly important.  Also I have a program last night I installed called Virtual DJ which is mixing songs on your pc like a DJ at a club.  I screwed with it for about 5 minutes last night but it was SO FUN.  I need more effects for it though the program only comes with about 5.  I want to mesh like the Captain Picard song with  Never gonna give you up and all sorts of funky shit.  I am into anything creative.  Anything where you are creating something I want to try and see if I like it or not.

Also a random comment, I watched last night Disturbing behavior.  Very cheesy horror movie.  Interesting though.  Katie Holmes in it looks like she is wearing a Halloween outfit the whole movie lol.  Also I watched a movie that was made in ’85 with Angela Lansbury in it.  It was mostly about werewolves.  I was talking to my best friend on Yahoo while I was watching it and he said is she dead?  I said I don’t think so and I looked her up online.  On wiki it says her birthday is on the 16th of this month so that is interesting.  They showed a screenshot of an old movie she was in.  She is beautiful now and no disrespect to her of course but she was stunning back then.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 10/07/2008 4:52 AM

May have been said but you got jipped Matt.

Wal-Mart is selling the exact same thing WITH the cauldron for the exact same price. They also do a skull version.

Got mine back in september which was good as they’re always sold out now. 

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 10/07/2008 5:29 AM

We don’t have a spirit store in my city, at least I haven’t seen one.  I was at Wallyworld and Crappy Tire yesterday and both stores have started condensing their Halloween Sections for the Xmas season.  I was a little pissed off to see this being done so early.

I too fight the adult cold war on the odd occasion, my wife is well versed in ceramic verbal assult.

Chestnuts roasted by Gregor @ 10/07/2008 7:16 AM

Spirit stores. Must be another Stateside thing – I’ve never heard of one in Brit-land.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure they used to have one of these mist makers at school discos, but I think it was a little more chemically-driven in those days. They used to smell very suspicious indeed.

This was in the days when they used to also have those flashing things that made everyone look like old film. Before concerns about causing epileptic fits.

Chestnuts roasted by Jay Firestorm @ 10/07/2008 7:36 AM

Oh yeah Jay, I remember going to school dances and feeling so cool they hired a dj and had one of those machines.  also the spotlights that were on a wheel that turned colors every few seconds.

I found the fear on demand section.  They only have a handful of movies but I am glad I found it.  I am over at TNT on demand I think it is they have Nightmare on Elm Street so I am going to go over and play Monopoly Tycoon while watching it.  That combo only makes sense to me I think lol.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 10/07/2008 8:01 AM

I must be the only one who thought after seeing the video, “That looks pretty neat but I can’t believe it makes that much noise.”

Nor would this be the first time I bought something cool like this only to have it ruined by some exceptionally loud motor.  
My Dilbert M&M dispenser comes to mind, as does my 5ft inflatable Scooby Doo.

Chestnuts roasted by Wenthral @ 10/07/2008 8:15 AM

Ha ha! I’ve done the angry dish wash before. It really teaches them a lesson.

Chestnuts roasted by Barry @ 10/07/2008 8:53 AM

ah, the politics of Halloween, dishes and dancing – a timeless battle between good and evil.
Question: how the eff does that thing actually work? I mean, seriously, unless that water is boiling, where does the mist come from?

Chestnuts roasted by Nizzler @ 10/07/2008 9:05 AM

That video made me laugh so hard. I myself have washed the dishes in venomous fashion, so I figured someone was in trouble when I heard that! It’s a common language around here during football season.

Chestnuts roasted by podkayne @ 10/07/2008 9:23 AM

A glimpse into the tawdry private life of X-E Matt has the readers of this blog obsessed with the singular detail of clanking dishes in an otherwise domestic conflict-free review of a mist machine.

I wonder about the demographics of the readers here, since the clacky plates have caused such an unexpected response! It seems like the kind of issue that people really respond to. X-E Matt, please tell us what happens when you leave your socks on the floor.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up 13 @ 10/07/2008 9:27 AM

Something I was wondering last night: Who would win in a battle?
Team Chicago: Kevin McCallister (HA1), Chucky, Candyman, Ferris Bueller, Batman, The Joker, Two Face, The Scarecrow (of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight), Damien (Omen 2)
Team New York: Kevin McCallister (HA2), Spider-Man, The Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutent Ninja Turtles

Chestnuts roasted by Barry @ 10/07/2008 9:29 AM

Fearnet is an all-horror-movie-all-the-time cable station.  Sounds good in theory, but their selection of movies is usually not all that great.  At least not yet.  I watched the Howling the other night and forgot how great it was, cheesy 80s ambiance aside.  I’m also going to check out the made-for-Fearnet-movie Midnight Meat Train.  Looks goofy as all hell, but what the heck, it’s Halloween season! 

Chestnuts roasted by tanta07 @ 10/07/2008 9:37 AM

If my wife ever washed dishes, she would probably wash them like that very often. 

Chestnuts roasted by tanta07 @ 10/07/2008 9:43 AM

Just a note for anyone interested, Jo-Ann’s fabric is clearing out their halloween stuff already and has the little mister kit’s (sans creepy grey man cauldron) for ten bucks right now.  I picked one up on sunday and its fabulous.

Chestnuts roasted by GrnGyant @ 10/07/2008 10:12 AM

Nice to hear about your domestic life – the boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and now we are SANS dishwasher….it has become a point of contention.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 10/07/2008 10:20 AM

We’ve moved recently from a dishwasher equipped apartment to sink only washing, and you can really feel the difference. Arguments arise due to frustration of having to work after dinner, plus its a little nasty having a fresh stomach full of food while you mix the remains of what you just ate with soap.

Chestnuts roasted by Barry @ 10/07/2008 10:25 AM

hmmmm…. I recently bought a skull shaped water-mist-making-machine from Target.  It seems to be the same set up, only the little round light thingy just sits inside a plastic skull full of water.  But my mist making effects are far less dazzling than Matt’s salad bowl.  The lights are fabulous and color-changey, but the mist just kind of hangs out inside the skull head and doesn’t magicially billow around my living room like I want it to…

Chestnuts roasted by velouria_78 @ 10/07/2008 11:19 AM

i am fairly certain amazing party and costume is better than that….
we still have cheesy costumes from the early 90′s!!!
i’m just saying….

Chestnuts roasted by Abi @ 10/07/2008 11:34 AM

I would get one of those misting machines, but I’m way clumsy enough as it is with a clear path and perfect visibility. I don’t really need anything around that can obstruct my view. :?

But still quite awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by DC @ 10/07/2008 11:46 AM

Our Spirit is awesome this year. They took over an old Hollywood Video, and is more like a haunted house that you can take home the props. The place is full of smoke, lights and sounds so much that some “hardass” Hip-hopper feared going in , it was priceless . The whole back is full of animitronics  , there is one that chases you .. its like a half zombie that scoots on the floor . The Prices of course are high but for all the entertainment value its well worth it . we bought out daughter her first costume and i stocked up on shrunken heads, caged rats and other misculanious goodies . Now the Halloween Adventure store took over our old Sunny’s Surplus and well if you think 2 Halloween stores with in a mile radious is great then your wrong . Halloween Adventure has old shotting costumes from the early 90′s including a Zack Morris costume , i shit you not . The rest of the store is just plain rusty shelves , no music and really sad to see

Chestnuts roasted by Starscream77 @ 10/07/2008 12:57 PM

Matt’s mist maker is sweet, but I really like the ones with the skulls. My wife just gets all pissy when she’s mad. I’d much rather have angry dishwashing. Starscream77, I wanna be Zack Morris for Halloween. I’ve got a Simpsons Monopoly game that I want to play, but none of my friends will. Sad Teddy is sad.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 10/07/2008 1:29 PM

Oh God, I’ve known the tell-tale signs of the woman being pissed since I was a child. If, come dishwashing time, I would hear dishes banging, or if I heard doors slamming, I knew damn well not to mess with the parent folks.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 10/07/2008 1:46 PM

When I get angry or peeved at my man, I generally just go for a drive with the music up.  If he figures out I’m upset before I leave though, he just acts goofy and makes me laugh.
Teddy Ray- what sort of friends do you have that they will not play Simpsons Monopoly?  They are missing out.  Of course, I have trouble getting my friends to play Cranium, one of the greatest games of all time, so who am I to talk?

Chestnuts roasted by DarkSideofBrightness @ 10/07/2008 1:53 PM

I get Fearnet through a channel called HD Showcase on demand, so it’s not actually Fearnet, it’s a selection on that channel. I think right now they have about 10 horror movies in HD. It’s not the best thing to happen to tv, but it’s really good when Netflix is slow or no other horror movies are on. I mean, it is the season, you can’t watch regular movies in October.

By the way, I’m starting a Halloween movie night at my house with some friends. We’re going to do a double feature each week. Got any suggestions for crowd pleasers? This week we’re thinking the original Halloween and Shawn of the Dead. I’d like to do some good classic stuff and maybe one or two that most people haven’t seen like Zombi or some other obscure classic.

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 10/07/2008 1:56 PM

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 6th, 2008 at 8:11 pm and is filed under 2008 Halloween Countdown, General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.