For my last birthday, my brother gave me a wooden, five foot Tiki god statue. It's since stood in the corner of our dining room, clearing up any questions about whether we have class. I didn't ask where he got it, because any scenario I can think up involving my brother's obtainment of a five foot Tiki god is most definitely going to be more interesting than whatever the truth is.

I only mention this because, as things turn out, the Tiki god makes for great background filler whenever I'm trying to take pictures of something that would photograph awkwardly on its own. Like, say, a vertically-inclined box of over twelve inches in height.

From the same people who brought us that amazing Jason Voorhees doll in 2006, it's the Leatherface Living Dead Doll! While I would generally consider myself as a person who exists outside of the sales demographic belonging to fifteen-year-old girls who paint spider webs on their nails, I'm happy to be wrong in this case.

Even if you object to Mezco's Living Dead Dolls on principle, likely as a byproduct of enjoying really mainstream pop artists in middle school and thus needing to prove your worth on the fringe, you gotta admit...they're pretty wonderful dolls. Detailed like mad, refreshingly depraved, and if you're lucky, blood-splattered. While the enormous series usually focuses on custom characters devised specifically for its unique medium, Mezco has also dabbled in dolling up existing icons. Fortunately for webmasters who have vowed to write about spooky things for two months straight, one of their latest exploits is the befuddled cannibal from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

And he looks freakin' absurdly incredible. Geez. Cheese and crackers. There are things I buy, review and toss aside. In fact, most of the stuff covered on this site falls into that category. This? No way. This thing has style, soul and a serious wow factor. It's the Ferrari of Living Dead Dolls.

The mask isn't removable, nor should it be, as Leatherface was never seen maskless in the original film. The detailing is top notch, right down to the extra wear 'n tear around the mask's mouth hole, as a result of Leatherface wantonly chewing on it. Rather than attempt a set of eyes that would've invariably added an unwelcome sense of adorability, Mezco simply blacked out his eyes entirely. Sounds like a cop-out, but it doesn't look it.

Leatherface comes with a chainsaw accessory, correctly colored, and his apron is sloshed with bloody effects, also correctly colored. Everything is just the way it should be, except maybe the tie. While the clothes are removable, I can't really count that as a "feature," since the hidden portions of the doll's body suggest that Leatherface was an albino who only had one ass cheek. I don't believe that this is within canon.

I like to pretend that Jason and Leatherface are plotting my demise, because I'm sick of the world and I wish I was dead. Now paint my toenails while I crank call the pizza place down the street.