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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Worst Survey Ever.

Okay, remember the infamous sandwich survey from a while back? Well, here's another -- and it's fifty times more convoluted. (I hate doing an aside so early, but I may have to ban myself from using the word "convoluted." It seems to creep its way into every entry.)

From the exact same Betty Crocker cookbook from the 1600s, there's a "special helps" section near the end of the book detailing what was -- at the time -- considered the proper types and amounts of food to eat from each of the four food groups. I don't know how Betty made all these plates of raw spinach and fish sticks look so appetizing over a dulled yellow background, but by God, Crocker knows kitchen karate.


Here's how this survey will work, and like I said, it's the c-word.

Your challenge: To the specs below, pick the full run of food you will eat in a day. Assume that things like salt, pepper, oil and vinegar are okay to add -- but nothing else.

Over the course of one day, you've been allotted the following:

MEATS GROUP: Two servings, so you can pick two different things, or two of the same thing. For those curious, that shit in the lower left is canned tuna.

BREADS GROUP: Four servings. The stuff that looks like eggs is rice. The spoonful of dirt is wheat germ. Like you're gonna pick that over Cheerios.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES GROUP: Four servings. The leafy stuff is spinach.

MILK GROUP: Two servings. Stuff in the upper left is plain yogurt.

So, pick two meats, four breads, four fruits/veggies, and two milks. What an amazing survey!

In your responses, break it down by meals. I'll go first.

BREAKFAST: The two stupid eggs, because I was sold on the paprika, and an apple. (1 MEAT, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

LUNCH: The bowl of Cheerios, the two cubes of cheddar, and that plate of cute carrots. (1 BREAD, 1 MILK, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

DINNER: First, I will toast that giant piece of bread. Then I'll create some semblance of a meal by placing the burger on top of the bread, along with a slice of Swiss, and some of the spinach. I'll use the remaining spinach and another plate of carrots to make a salad. And all will be well. (1 BREAD, 1 MEAT, 1 MILK, 2 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

SNACKS: Without much leftover, I'll take the waffle and another bowl of Cheerios, and an extra apple. (2 BREAD, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

And there you have it.

Your turn, assuming you can make sense out of this. Try to justify your answers and give reasons, because a list of foods from 100 people could get a little daunting otherwise.

Maybe I should've reviewed the Amy Monkey Congo figure instead?

Posted by Matt on 08/03/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 232 comments

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Okay, that truly is the worst survey ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Saira Bee @ 08/05/2008 9:04 PM


canCon- Yes, my old dentist used to drink that religiously. Yuck.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 08/05/2008 10:12 PM


It would be interesting if this was the last entry I ever posted.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 08/05/2008 10:16 PM


Mwuahahaha

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 08/05/2008 10:21 PM


Yeah, the more I look at this survey the less I like it.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 08/05/2008 10:27 PM


Matt,

That would be cruel, to end your great run with something from a weight watchers points guide.

Not with a bang, but a whimper…

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/05/2008 10:39 PM


I am starting to mold my diet around this survey. Thanks! : )

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 08/05/2008 11:17 PM


Terror Claws: Nice to here from ya buddie! =)
Matt:I want you to know, that I TRUELY AM a HUGE FAN of yur sense of humor!XD

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/05/2008 11:28 PM


Did you just miss two posts on us Matt?

C’mon now.
Nah, i understand you’re busy.

Chestnuts roasted by Hazard @ 08/06/2008 5:40 AM


I didn’t like this survey to begin with. Too much math, not enough PVC or red dye #12.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 08/06/2008 7:56 AM


Agh my mom has some of these really old cookbooks. They belonged to my great grandmother and she treasures them. Incredibly, most of the food looks terrible but tastes great, since they were not afraid of frying, tons of butter and cream and general “heartiness” back then. So there are some totally awesome tasting stuff in there, you just have to ignore the barf-worthy photos.

However, their servings of stuff looks really disgusting here. You know what this looks like? Trying to pick out your “menu” when you are hospitalized. It’s full of disgusting healthy stuff that is ten times worse, because its prepared in a hospital and is about “school food” quality, or worse.

BREAKFAST: CHERRIOS, BANANA (x2 FOR A WHOLE NANER), CUP OF MILK
LUNCH: CHICKEN LEG, CARROTS, RICE
DINNER: THE FOUR MEATY STICKS WITH THE GREEN STUFF, APPLE, THE BREAD THING (FOR THE MEATY STICKS)
SNACKTIME: ANOTHER MILK CUP, WAFFLE

I think that does it. What are the meaty sticks anyway?

Chestnuts roasted by kittygirl @ 08/06/2008 10:25 AM


Heh, I thought those were breakfast sausages when I chose my list, but I think they’re actually fish sticks. I don’t want to wrap waffles around fish sticks and eat it for breakfast :x

Where IS kingklash lately??? Last I recall he was having some internet issues, but it’s been awhile now :(

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/06/2008 10:38 AM


I wonder if the food looks so bad b/c they didn’t have “food stylists” back then. So, when it came out of the oven that’s what was photographed.

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 08/06/2008 10:42 AM


I think that does it. What are the meaty sticks anyway?

School food processing plant worker fingers.

They never did find the thumb.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/06/2008 11:45 AM


Ok iv’e had enough of this survey. Now i’m ready for the amy monkey congo action figure review. =) Iv’e been thinking about it nonstop since Matt brought it up! I can wait though.=)

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/06/2008 2:16 PM


All I can say after completing this little exercise is thank god I don’t give a crap about what I ingest…I couldn’t go through this kind of bull every time I wanted to scarf something. Meals are so much easier when they come from a Taco Bell drive-thru window.

Breakfast: Cottage cheese with cut-up apple and melon (I figure it might kinda halfway taste like Cottage Doubles, which I love) on top of 2 waffles. (1 milk, 2 fruit/veggie, 2 bread)

Lunch: Fish sticks, more melon (FFS I don’t even like cantelope and I’m eating it twice) and some carrots, plain if raw or with some oil or something if cooked. (1 meat, 2 fruits/veggies)

Dinner: Deviled eggs because I lof them, rice, and cereal with milk. Yeah, I ran out of stuff I like, but honestly, this is more the kind of “meal” I eat as it is…as in, whatever the hell is handy and either doesn’t require cooking at all or doesn’t require me to monitor it as it cooks. (1 meat, 2 bread, 1 milk)

Can you tell I’m not a huge fan of veggies? Uck. However, I now have a serious craving for a huge bowl of cereal and milk…too bad I can never keep milk in the house; it always goes bad before I can use it up since it’s just me and the cat, and he’s lactose intolerant. Hee.

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 08/06/2008 2:37 PM


Matt,
I have been a long time supporter of letting you post on your schedule with no complaints from the mob. I’ve also always believed that if the day ever comes that you no longer feel the desire to continue X-E, that is your call. What I can’t support is you ever shutting down the site without telling me three things.
What was Waiterbot doing behind that box of Otter Pops? Are Coconut Crabs more important in the big picture than man realizes? And maybe the most important question of all, WHAT BECAME OF RETARDED PENGUIN??? I need closure with that top hat wearing little guy…

Chestnuts roasted by Saint @ 08/06/2008 5:57 PM


Nicole: I know what you mean. I would HATE to have to do that math EVERY TIME I made myself something to eat.lol.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/06/2008 6:58 PM


So…I have a job interview on Tuesday!!!!!! Woo!

I was told they got 60 resumes and narrowed it down to me and three others…wow. Even if I don’t get it, I’m thrilled to have been picked out of the field of 60 to be even considered for a job. It’s dealing with Medicare payments to a doctor’s office, and answering phones and scheduling appointments.

Also, I have an interview with Horizon Blue Cross blue shield, wich is a 6 month assignment wich could go permanent.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 08/06/2008 8:48 PM


Alright Mandy, congrats! good luck withe both interviews…hopefully one of them will be the right job!

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 08/06/2008 10:04 PM


Man I can’t wait till Fall! I wish I could live like it was Halloween all year round! I know iv’e said that before, but I mean it. =)

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/06/2008 10:16 PM


Well, I FINALLY TRIED that six saltine crackers challenge! I managed to do it! It was’nt as easy as I thought it would be, but it wasn’t exactly hard either.=)

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/07/2008 12:57 AM


Good luck with the interviews Mandy!

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 08/07/2008 3:25 AM


I evolved a Mudkip.

Tell me I’m a bad bad bad bad man~

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 08/07/2008 4:57 AM


I’d go for an all day meal of Cheerios and the waffle, as being about 20 years old, I doubt the rest of the food would be edible or particularly pleasant. While we know that the all-encompassing goodness of Cheerios is able to resist any kind of bacteria, mold, or other decay – and waffles are always good.

Chestnuts roasted by SonOfFeck @ 08/07/2008 9:00 AM


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