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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Worst Survey Ever.

Okay, remember the infamous sandwich survey from a while back? Well, here's another -- and it's fifty times more convoluted. (I hate doing an aside so early, but I may have to ban myself from using the word "convoluted." It seems to creep its way into every entry.)

From the exact same Betty Crocker cookbook from the 1600s, there's a "special helps" section near the end of the book detailing what was -- at the time -- considered the proper types and amounts of food to eat from each of the four food groups. I don't know how Betty made all these plates of raw spinach and fish sticks look so appetizing over a dulled yellow background, but by God, Crocker knows kitchen karate.


Here's how this survey will work, and like I said, it's the c-word.

Your challenge: To the specs below, pick the full run of food you will eat in a day. Assume that things like salt, pepper, oil and vinegar are okay to add -- but nothing else.

Over the course of one day, you've been allotted the following:

MEATS GROUP: Two servings, so you can pick two different things, or two of the same thing. For those curious, that shit in the lower left is canned tuna.

BREADS GROUP: Four servings. The stuff that looks like eggs is rice. The spoonful of dirt is wheat germ. Like you're gonna pick that over Cheerios.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES GROUP: Four servings. The leafy stuff is spinach.

MILK GROUP: Two servings. Stuff in the upper left is plain yogurt.

So, pick two meats, four breads, four fruits/veggies, and two milks. What an amazing survey!

In your responses, break it down by meals. I'll go first.

BREAKFAST: The two stupid eggs, because I was sold on the paprika, and an apple. (1 MEAT, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

LUNCH: The bowl of Cheerios, the two cubes of cheddar, and that plate of cute carrots. (1 BREAD, 1 MILK, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

DINNER: First, I will toast that giant piece of bread. Then I'll create some semblance of a meal by placing the burger on top of the bread, along with a slice of Swiss, and some of the spinach. I'll use the remaining spinach and another plate of carrots to make a salad. And all will be well. (1 BREAD, 1 MEAT, 1 MILK, 2 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

SNACKS: Without much leftover, I'll take the waffle and another bowl of Cheerios, and an extra apple. (2 BREAD, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

And there you have it.

Your turn, assuming you can make sense out of this. Try to justify your answers and give reasons, because a list of foods from 100 people could get a little daunting otherwise.

Maybe I should've reviewed the Amy Monkey Congo figure instead?

Posted by Matt on 08/03/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 232 comments

It wasn’t that it was too long – I read the whole thing.

It was just that everything looks so…sterile. And dry. Like, even if I like spinach, which I do, I wouldn’t want to eat that plate of squeaky clean spinach. Where’s the garlic & oil?

That plate of cute carrots makes me want to put my head in the oven.

That stuff needs to be obliterated. Let us start over with some eggplant parmagiana.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/04/2008 10:21 PM


Man, I started doing this, and realized with my finicky appetite and the limited choices, I was pretty much screwed. So here’s what I would eat:

Breakfast: Double helpings of waffles. I love waffles. They are awesome. I have this family recipe from my Grandmother for Yeast waffles, and I am the king of them. Especially with Maple Syrup.

Lunch: Fried Chicken, and Broccoli. I don’t like many vegetables but Broccoli’s ok for some reason. Let’s just say triple helpings of that, actually.

Dinner: Shit, what’s left? Not much…Gotta go for those devilled eggs, but how the hell are they classified as “meat?” I guess I’ll top that off with some bread, the swiss cheese, and the cubes of cheese.

Snacks: What the hell, none of these things are snacks. I guess I might eat the cheerios as snacks.

So yeah, there’s my terrible answers. All in all, I’m still pretty hungry after that. I’m going to have to give Mrs. Crocker a piece of my mind….

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 08/04/2008 10:31 PM


I think an amy monkey action figure review would calm the feelings of unrest over this survey.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/04/2008 10:37 PM


I tried to get other people do it, and they wouldn’t, man ;;

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 08/04/2008 10:39 PM


Bring on the Amy monkey review!

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 08/04/2008 10:40 PM


Breakfast: Amy monkey review

Lunch: Amy Monkey review

Dinner: Lobster Thermidor with Champange.

Chestnuts roasted by Razzy the Cat @ 08/04/2008 10:53 PM


Pretty sure I’m going to back the Amy monkey review mob that’s started in this thread…..

Me, I think I’m going to look away from the Betty Crocker book and order from Fox’s Pizza instead – a good Ham and Cheese wedge is about a 1000 times more appetizing than almost anything else pictured above.

Chestnuts roasted by jjwspider @ 08/04/2008 11:16 PM


–>> .. canned Tuna looks like Fancy Feast ..

** meow

Chestnuts roasted by tOkKa @ 08/04/2008 11:50 PM


So much peace could be created, if only the amy monkey figure would be reviewed.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/05/2008 12:21 AM


Okay, I pick 2 plates of fish sticks, three bowls of Cheerios (oh GOD I love Cheerios!), a plate of rice, broccoli, cantaloupe, spinach, a banana half (even though I could really go for a whole one, ya know? I like bananas!), cottage cheese and plain yogurt eaten throughout the day because I can’t be bothered to eat an actual meal. Oh, and no seasoning. My British blood shines through!

Chestnuts roasted by Trisha @ 08/05/2008 1:56 AM


Breakfast: Gotta go with the cheerios and the waf, plus the obvious milk

Lunch: I could do the tuna plus the bread for a sandwich combo, deviled eggs, cantaloupe, and banana

Dinner: Turkey leg, steamed carrots, rice, and you can add cheese to anything, so toss that on too.

Well, now I’m hungry.

Chestnuts roasted by midship @ 08/05/2008 2:19 AM


I totally read your name as Mudkip!

Sleep well, Matt. We all love you so..

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 08/05/2008 2:45 AM


(this post has been sitting here since about 10 this morning, I just didn’t complete it and push post lol I thought I would just leave the beginning as it is)

I am going to try to do my best to give my answers to this survey to make our little buddy Matt feel better about himself and his accomplishments.

Bill I was going to tease you about the broccoli but you were one step ahead of me! You are a cleva boy Billy, a cleva boy indeed!

Breakfast: I would have the piece of bread buttered with the deviled eggs sliced up on top. This survey made me crave that and so about 45 minutes I made two slices of buttered bread with sliced up boiled eggs on top! We have a toaster that has a thing on the side that you can make up to 4 boiled eggs in or one pouched egg at a time. I think it’s because my tastes are maturing but it seems like I want wheat everything. Wheat bread, wheat pasta, wheat bagels, whole wheat cereal etc. Even though I used white bread earlier because we don’t have any wheat bread.

You just put the water in on the bottom and the clear cover on top and push the egg button. It cooks until the water is evaporated. Don’t ask me how it knows, but it knows. Also if you are making toast it keeps the bread in the slot warm for you until the egg is ready. It’s pretty cool, and the part that you put an egg in if you want a pouched egg looks like a frying pan that you could give to your barbie so that is so very cute.

Also I am picking for my fruit/veggie a sliced up apple.
(1 MEAT 1 BREAD 1 VEGGIE)

Lunch:
Bratwurst (they look like bratwurst more then hot dogs to me) sliced up carrots w/ some butter on top please 2 slices of bread for the bratwurst

(1 MEAT 2 BREAD 1 VEGGIE)

Dinner:
Ok, I would take the spinach and put it spread out on a plate, and put cottage cheese on top. My best friend and I sometimes eat lettuce w/ pineapple and cottage cheese on top.
(1 VEGGIE 1 DIARY)

Snack:
This is the most normal IMO of the meals because out of all the weird meals in this hypothetical day I need one normal one. Me? Normal? NEVER! But this one time give me some slack :)

Cheerios with milk in a bowl like cereal is usually eaten with a banana sliced up in the cheerios. Yep I like it that way as a treat. I can’t believe it still, Andy Rooney on 60 minutes last Sunday complained about honey nut cheerios saying he doesn’t like Cheerios to have honey in it. Cheerios is awful plain it tastes like cardboard!

Anyway…

(1 BREAD 1 DIARY 1 VEGGIE)

Seriously if I had to make a conscious effort to stay healthy like this everyday I would fucking kill myself. This was awful! :( Planning what I have to buy for groceries for a week’s worth of meals is awful enough but portion control!?!? The madness!!

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 08/05/2008 3:05 AM


Man, Andy Rooney is a cantankerous old curmudgeon.

BRING IT, ANDY!

Chestnuts roasted by Neg can so take Andy Rooney @ 08/05/2008 3:31 AM


Sometimes I see Andy Rooney in the city. Next time I see him, the gauntlet will be thrown down.

Also, someone I know once farted and it got blamed on Andy Rooney who was sitting nearby. I can’t tell this story without damaging someone’s reputation, but it is a very funny story.

Praise Andy Rooney!

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/05/2008 10:58 AM


Rev BIOU you pretty much gotta tell it now! You can’t leave us hanging like this!;)

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 08/05/2008 11:50 AM


Happy birthday, DarkSideofBrightness!

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 08/05/2008 12:42 PM


Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I think I got more of them here on the internet than I did “in real life.” Interesting…
JoshC I acutally had my handle before I knew Ruby Gloom existed (and possibly before it was created). The story behind it is full of dumb teenage angst and it kind of stupid, so I may adopt the Ruby Gloom-inspired view. I do have quite a few pieces of Ruby Gloom clothing, so it will be believeable. ;-)

Chestnuts roasted by DarkSideofBrightness @ 08/05/2008 1:02 PM


I usually don’t participate in comments or surveys, but no one has ever shown any interest in what I digest. So, without further adieu:

Breakfast: Cheerios and milk because blandness is all I can tolerate in the a.m.

Lunch: the bread topped with tuna and swiss because those are my some of my favourite foods and to have them TOGETHER! Oh my…nirvana. I’d also eat the apple and banana, BUT, it would be the whole banana. What’s with the dissected banana? Who eats half a banana? Let alone go through the trouble of cutting in half? The fun part is in peeling the fruit. What happens to the other half? Honestly, Ms. Crocker is a bit wasteful.

Dinner: The chicken (the rest, other than the tuna, look awful. The weiners seem, um, kind of rude). All the vegetables because of the beta carotene, Vitamin A, C and K content. Melon and cottage cheese for dessert because I love my cheese.

Snack: cubes of cheddar because of the aforementioned cheese-love. Also, the devil eggs
for no other reason than eggs and mayonnaise. A winning combination.

Re: Buttermilk. Does anyone really drink that?

Chestnuts roasted by CanCon @ 08/05/2008 5:24 PM


You know, lookin at those pictures, I gotta say, there’s NO WAY I would be able to fill myself up on the portions presented! TWO CUBES of cheese? are you kiddin me?

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/05/2008 5:55 PM


I’ll bet you could fill up on two cheese cubes. Just take a five-pound block of cheddar and cut it in half! LOL :)

Chestnuts roasted by Hoverbored @ 08/05/2008 6:10 PM


Hoverbored:Well yeah, I guess I could get full if both cubes were the size of bricks!lol.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/05/2008 6:25 PM


Hey all, Terror Claws checkin’ in. Just seeing if everyone knows I’m alive. Should be home soon from the Giant Air Organization. basically I just stick my head in to read Bill, Mystie and Ultraman’s posts.

And to see if Kingklash is alive. If ya are brother, I’m in Oklahoma soon! woot!

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws @ 08/05/2008 8:02 PM


BREAKFAST: bowl of Cheerios with milk and a banana.

LUNCH: the burger with Swiss cheese and rice

DINNER: chicken with broccoli and a slice of bread

SNACKS: canteloupe, waffle, apple

I could seriously live off of that, too. I suppose we’re washing this down with water? I’d switch up the vegetables for dinner, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 08/05/2008 8:41 PM


Breakfast: Milk with Cheerios and a waffle

Lunch: Apple and cantalope

Dinner: Burger with bread, swiss cheese, and lettuce with a side of carrots

Snack: Deviled eggs

Chestnuts roasted by Jack @ 08/05/2008 8:51 PM


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