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08/03/2008: X-E’s ‘08 Summer Megaparty: Worst Survey Ever.

Okay, remember the infamous sandwich survey from a while back? Well, here’s another — and it’s fifty times more convoluted. (I hate doing an aside so early, but I may have to ban myself from using the word “convoluted.” It seems to creep its way into every entry.)

From the exact same Betty Crocker cookbook from the 1600s, there’s a “special helps” section near the end of the book detailing what was — at the time — considered the proper types and amounts of food to eat from each of the four food groups. I don’t know how Betty made all these plates of raw spinach and fish sticks look so appetizing over a dulled yellow background, but by God, Crocker knows kitchen karate.


Here’s how this survey will work, and like I said, it’s the c-word.

Your challenge: To the specs below, pick the full run of food you will eat in a day. Assume that things like salt, pepper, oil and vinegar are okay to add — but nothing else.

Over the course of one day, you’ve been allotted the following:

MEATS GROUP: Two servings, so you can pick two different things, or two of the same thing. For those curious, that shit in the lower left is canned tuna.

BREADS GROUP: Four servings. The stuff that looks like eggs is rice. The spoonful of dirt is wheat germ. Like you’re gonna pick that over Cheerios.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES GROUP: Four servings. The leafy stuff is spinach.

MILK GROUP: Two servings. Stuff in the upper left is plain yogurt.

So, pick two meats, four breads, four fruits/veggies, and two milks. What an amazing survey!

In your responses, break it down by meals. I’ll go first.

BREAKFAST: The two stupid eggs, because I was sold on the paprika, and an apple. (1 MEAT, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

LUNCH: The bowl of Cheerios, the two cubes of cheddar, and that plate of cute carrots. (1 BREAD, 1 MILK, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

DINNER: First, I will toast that giant piece of bread. Then I’ll create some semblance of a meal by placing the burger on top of the bread, along with a slice of Swiss, and some of the spinach. I’ll use the remaining spinach and another plate of carrots to make a salad. And all will be well. (1 BREAD, 1 MEAT, 1 MILK, 2 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

SNACKS: Without much leftover, I’ll take the waffle and another bowl of Cheerios, and an extra apple. (2 BREAD, 1 FRUIT/VEGGIE.)

And there you have it.

Your turn, assuming you can make sense out of this. Try to justify your answers and give reasons, because a list of foods from 100 people could get a little daunting otherwise.

Maybe I should’ve reviewed the Amy Monkey Congo figure instead?


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 232 comments

that wasn’t me. but i agree. i want to see the amy monkey or whatever it was.

Ghosted by Amy @ 08/08/2008 12:23 AM EDT


Amy: Yur NOT the only one! =)

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/08/2008 2:23 AM EDT


I apologize for the lack of posting, I’ve been watching…I just have nothing to add. Until now.

If anyone remembered that I’ve been doing a 50 Greatest Animated Villains of All Time list, I just posted Part 3. Click my name to see it. :)

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 08/08/2008 3:04 AM EDT


Mega-Party is over? :)

Ghosted by I love Clay Aiken @ 08/08/2008 3:23 AM EDT


So I guess this means that the party is over?

Ghosted by Chris @ 08/08/2008 3:30 AM EDT


Seems to be…..or he is busy. :)

Ghosted by I love Clay Aiken @ 08/08/2008 3:42 AM EDT


Lay that Amy Monkey Congo review on me, brother.

Ghosted by rockasoo @ 08/08/2008 3:54 AM EDT


That will be intersting…….;p

Ghosted by I love Clay Aiken @ 08/08/2008 5:43 AM EDT


we’ve been abandoned :’(.

Ghosted by tylor @ 08/08/2008 9:51 AM EDT


I hate Clay Aiken.

Ghosted by Matt @ 08/08/2008 10:13 AM EDT


kingklash!!! Missed you, buddy :D

For the record, I love this survey. More convoluted surveys about scary food!

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 08/08/2008 10:15 AM EDT


On a road trip to Tennessee, my car broke down on a lonely stretch of highway. I was standing out in the sun with the hood up, staring into the smoking guts of my busted down automobile.

Out of the horizon, a black cadillac el dorado convertible pulled up in a trail of dust. It was Clay Aiken! He leaned over to me and said, “Hello darlin’, want a ride?” Now I’m not partial to red headed men but a ride is a ride, and like I said, it was a lonely highway.

Clay Aiken became my love slave and shortly thereafter achieved national fame as a contestant on american idol.

The moral of this tale is, when you become my love slave, the sky is the limit for you.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 10:23 AM EDT


BREAKFAST: the melon with the yogurt, and the Cheerios (I take my cereal like a martini – DRY, BABY!) and ok, wheat germ sprinkled on the yogurt and fruit. It was that or a dry waffle, and waffles are something I don’t take dry. 2 BREAD, 1 MILK, 1 FRUIT/VEG

LUNCH: The tuna on the piece of bread (I take my tuna like I take my cereal) but seasoned w/salt and pepper. The carrot coins as a side . And the milk. 1 BREAD, 1 MEAT, 1 FRUIT/VEG, 1 MILK

DINNER: Burger is the star with a side of rice, and the spinach as a salad with a vinaigrette of oil, vinegar, and salt. Apple for dessert. 1 BREAD, 1 MEAT, 2 FRUIT/VEG

SNACKS: none. Not big on snacking.

Ghosted by Po @ 08/08/2008 10:45 AM EDT


I dunno, Clay Aiken is actually a pretty good vocalist, unlike some of the other people who get passed off as “vocalists” these days.

Ghosted by Annette @ 08/08/2008 11:22 AM EDT


Didn’t Clay Aiken just have a kid with a grandma?

Ghosted by Bill @ 08/08/2008 11:31 AM EDT


He’s no slouch in the sack, either.

Just saying.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 11:33 AM EDT


I’m confused, Rev. I thought you were a lady. What’s Clay doing in the sack with you, braiding your hair and painting your toes?

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 08/08/2008 11:57 AM EDT


I see what you’re getting at there, Squee. Let me “straighten something out” here.

Just because a man emulates the timeless style of Barry Manilow…

Just because he stars in a Broadway musical…

Just because a wistful tear mists up his big shining eyes at a tender ballad moment…

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to drive the Rev. home.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 12:01 PM EDT


It’s gettin’ kinda moist ’round these here parts.

Does anyone here think that Jonas Venture Jr is kind of a pretentious dick?

Ghosted by kingklash @ 08/08/2008 12:38 PM EDT


Reading your post, Rev. , got the song Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money ft. Ronnie Spector stuck in my head…and also the song Drive by The Cars (”who’s gonna drive you home……tonight….”) Apparently your post took me back to the 80’s or something. Like a magical time machine/cheese factory. Good Work Big Boss.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 08/08/2008 12:38 PM EDT


sorry to double post but yes kingklash, I would have to agree with you.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 08/08/2008 12:39 PM EDT


I hear you Kingklash, and that ponytail?
Sheesh..

Ghosted by JoshC @ 08/08/2008 12:39 PM EDT


kingklash…I DO!!!

Ghosted by vwarb @ 08/08/2008 12:48 PM EDT


Kingklash

You had to go and use the “M” word.

That’s not right.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 1:03 PM EDT


http://x-entertainment.com/updates/2002/11/01/aim-fun/#more-14
I was bored and reading old blog posts. This struck me as fucking hilarious. Matt you are one sneaky bastard!

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 08/08/2008 1:45 PM EDT


Oh god, this is still up?

Ghosted by meepy @ 08/08/2008 2:32 PM EDT


Clay Aiken is the best.

Ghosted by I love Clay Aiken @ 08/08/2008 3:03 PM EDT


stinkbutt???

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 3:10 PM EDT


Are we still on this survey?? I think I’d rather just eat the pages instead of the food they depict. They’ll probably more satisfying.

Ghosted by DC @ 08/08/2008 3:13 PM EDT


I think iv’e had enough surveys for a while. =)

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/08/2008 3:27 PM EDT


“Brother Ultraman, Brother DC,” the Reverend calmly replied, “I set the survey down on the other side of this area two miles ago, while you are still carrying it.”

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 3:44 PM EDT


Matt… come back… I’ll kick Chuck Norris in the nuts so he can roundhouse kick my face to death and cry Chuck Norris tears of heavenly goodness and cure this cancer of lethargy that has plagued ye.

Ghosted by Prezkot @ 08/08/2008 4:27 PM EDT


Shame on anyone who let the MegaParty change their perceptions of when updates should arrive.

Matt said he’d try to keep it up into August. He made no promises, though.

Those of old will remember that it doesn’t pay to argue with me on this issue ;)

Ghosted by Neg @ 08/08/2008 4:44 PM EDT


I’m glad Matt isn’t posting so much after July. Last year the poor guy burned his fuse out before the Halloween Countdown.
To quote the great Oliver Barret from The Never Ending Story, “Not too much, we still have a long way to go.”

Kick your feet up, Matt and have a few Bullsnots or Bullshots…what ever you call those glasses of nasty. Enjoy yourself, pal.

Ghosted by Bill @ 08/08/2008 5:18 PM EDT


moist moist moist moist moist moist

Ghosted by kingklash @ 08/08/2008 5:34 PM EDT


To relieve the sorta sour mood over this survey, I thought i’d post this. Enjoy. =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNLcwqUOXfQ

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/08/2008 6:40 PM EDT


So who else is excited about the opening ceremonies tonight?

I’m not a huge sports fan but for some reason I’ll watch every second of the Olympics…

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 08/08/2008 7:13 PM EDT


I would definitely rather Matt take a break NOW instead of October!

Ghosted by gingela5 @ 08/08/2008 7:14 PM EDT


gingela5: I COMPLETELY agree! =) Rest now, so Halloween can be all that it can be later.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/08/2008 7:36 PM EDT


sounds like Kingklash has been watching Dead Like Me..

Ghosted by Cat the Vampire Slayer @ 08/08/2008 8:22 PM EDT


I almost fell out of my chair when I saw that on dead like me.

The word “moist” has been offensive to me for as long as I can remember.

Also, “panties”.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/08/2008 8:28 PM EDT


Put them together, Rev, and you got yourself the beginnings of some smut!

Ghosted by Cat the Vampire Slayer @ 08/08/2008 8:29 PM EDT


Yeah, I also would rather Matt rest up for Halloween.

Ghosted by Annette @ 08/08/2008 8:41 PM EDT


I am intrigued. I’m way late, but I’ll still post my food breakdown:

Breakfast: The waffle, the cottage cheese and an apple chopped into it. If we were talking real world, I’d probably only do the cottage cheese and fruit with a bit of honey and cinnamon, but I’m trying to fill all the values suggested here, hence waffle. (1 bread, 1 milk, 1 fruit)

Lunch: I suppose I’ll go with the eggs as my meat, then the carrots and broccoli mixed together ’cause I love me some brocolli and carrots are delicious, with toast on the side. (1 meat, 2 veggies, 1 bread)

Snack: A bowl of cheerios with milk. Fairly self explanatory. (1 bread, 1 milk)

Dinner: The chicken leg with more broccoli ’cause I love me some little green trees, and rice on the side. (1 meat, 1 veggie, 1 bread)

Ghosted by Mara @ 08/08/2008 9:02 PM EDT


i know this is extremely lame but let me just do it to get it out of my system. i am posting from my wii yay!! and that food does not look good on a big screen tv. yuck!!

Ghosted by goob @ 08/08/2008 9:45 PM EDT


Does anyone here think that Jonas Venture Jr is kind of a pretentious dick?

Yes. Hell, he even had the gall to name himself after Jonas (Sr.)!

If you haven’t already, go check out [adultswim].com for the next episode, ORB. It’s one of the best episodes of the series, I swear.

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 08/08/2008 10:20 PM EDT


I thought that whole ‘moist’ thing was from How I Met Your Mother not Dead like Me.

Ghosted by ellaenchanted @ 08/08/2008 11:11 PM EDT


I’ve never seen How I Met Your Mother, but in Dead Like Me, George’s mom can’t stand the word “moist”, so she uses it to piss her off.

And when she’s dead and still slightly ghostly, she spells it out in magnets on the fridge door at her wake.

Ghosted by Cat the Vampire Slayer @ 08/09/2008 12:51 AM EDT


Got the Regis, but stupid Animal Crossing had me time travelin’ sooooo can’t migrate for 24 hours.

Regigigas, I’m coming for ya….tomorrow!

Ghosted by Neg @ 08/09/2008 1:45 AM EDT


Moist is so widely unpopular because it is such an unpleasant word.

Also, “lover”.

eww.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/09/2008 10:47 AM EDT


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