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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Cobra’s Chia Plot, Part V.

Just a few random things, as I'm too tired to take pictures but not too tired to write. It's all lies in what position my arms need to be in, see.

1) I tried the "six Saltines with no water in under a minute" trick tonight...AND FAILED. Honestly, I probably could've done it, but by cracker #3, the risk/reward ratio started leaning the wrong way and I decided that eating six crackers in less than a minute wasn't really something I'd be able to hang my hat on, anyway.

2) I finally got around to watching Lake Placid 2. John Schneider is 2 for 2. As was the case with Shark Swarm, I found the movie entertainingly bad enough to sit through, but not to the level necessary for me to recommend it. The first Lake Placid was an anomaly: No movie about a giant crocodile invading Maine had any right to be that good. Lightning did not strike twice, but they kind of made up for it with the inclusion of seventeen million extra giant crocodiles, all CG rendered in terrible fashion. During some of the attack scenes, victims were missing limbs that the gators absolutely did not bite off.

Still, there's a definite sense that the people who made the movie actually set out to make a bad movie. Some of the stuff was just too over the top for that not to be the case, and these suspicions were confirmed by a special feature on the DVD which replays the entire movie, but automatically fast forwards past any scene that doesn't feature naked women or someone getting attacked by a crocodile. Clever.

Also of note is Cloris Leachman in Betty White's role from the first film. (Well, she plays Betty's character's sister here.) If you don't recall, Cloris was the actress thrown in the unenviable position of Mrs. Garrett's replacement on The Facts of Life. That didn't turn out so well, as the only suitable replacement for Mrs. Garrett is a biologically engineered clone of Mrs. Garrett. Still, it was nice to see ol' Cloris again, especially in a movie where she feeds people to crocodiles.

3) You guys have really been rocking it on the recent surveys. Better cut that out before I start thinking that it's okay to pose random questions and call it an entry.

4) I really need to knock it off with the "three hours of sleep per night" thing. It's out of control, and I spend most of my awake time feeling like I'm sharing a brain and body with someone who is much stupider than I hope I am. The latest trend: Someone asks me a simple question, my brain comes up with two similar answers with different wording, and my mouth translates those answers as one mutated, slurry monster. At work today, someone fairly high up asked me how I was doing. She learned that I was doing "algood," which apparently is somewhere between "all right" and "good."

5) I'm considering giving the cracker trick another go.

Posted by Matt on 07/31/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 96 comments

Hey all…..I’m scared. I start my internship today for billing and coding medical office specialist or whatever. Its at a cardiology clinic my grandma goes to…small world huh?

I heard good and bad things about this place from 4 people who have done the internship already last week. One walked out because she did’nt want to stuff envelopes as she put it. The other 3 did’nt mind it much. I hope I like it. I’m walking in with an open mind and plan on doing my damdest to impress the fuck outta them.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 08/01/2008 7:49 AM


Congratulations on successfully posting daily in July. You did it man. You are the big boss of your area for sure.

Right after me, and then stinkbutt.

There’s something about July for insomniacs. I’ve been sleepless pretty much since I came back from vacation. For a month I truly hate, I sure am seeing a lot of it awake.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/01/2008 8:46 AM


I have burned the midnight oil this week as well. I actually had someone talk to me here at work a few minutes ago and I didn’t even realize it…she was right there in front of me with me looking at her. That’s what I get for finally playing Metal Gear Solid for the PS1…I have to catch up before I play MGS 4. Damn game has me hooked and I can’t play until the family goes to bed. My wife thinks I’m so immature. Eh, she knew that when she married me.

ALERT ALERT ALERT
Michaels craft stores already have their Halloween section up and going. I’m not talking about a few things here and there, I mean a full blown aisle. I bought more Spooky Town buildings for this year’s Halloween display. I have to remind myself to pace myself…I ran out of Halloween steam midway throught October last year.

Chestnuts roasted by freudguy @ 08/01/2008 9:27 AM


I also have the tendency to mash together similar thoughts into a wonderful stew of malapropism. One of my favorites is combining “I’m dreadfully sorry” with “I humbly apologize”. I’ve Dreadfully Apologized to more people than I can count. I also tend to inappropriately reply to “hey, do you mind…” In my head, I’m replying something along the lines of “yeah, sure, I don’t mind at all”, but all that comes out, usually, is “yeah”.

Usually I am unaware of all of these things and only notice when my girlfriend points them out and giggles.

Chestnuts roasted by josh @ 08/01/2008 9:39 AM


Cloris Leachman and Betty White were also both Mary Tyler Moore characters…coincidence? Let’s hope so :)

Chestnuts roasted by Alchemist4 @ 08/01/2008 9:54 AM


Josh,

That’s what you get for being humble.

Fortune favors the bold. If you say, “I proudly apologize”, or “I’m blissfully sorry”, there will be no further confusion of this specific nature I assure you.

Reach for the stars! The sky is the limit! Seize the Day! No more dreadful apologies for Josh!

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 08/01/2008 9:59 AM


In the theatre I’d have to say Signs as it’s the only movie I’ve ever walked out on.

On video, Hudson Hawk…it was garbage!

Chestnuts roasted by DC @ 08/01/2008 10:30 AM


Worst movie in a theatre had to be shoot em up, what a worthless pile of crap that was. But on DVD it is quite a conumdrum for me since this movie as far as acting, sfx, story, it is one of the worst larger studio movies made, but it is also one of my favorite movies ever made, Cabin Boy.

Also Matt, I mix words all the damn time. Normally on morning where I am hanging, not the headache, sick hanging, but just when you are in that special little fog. When I do that in the office (and I know when I do it) I just stare at the person I am talking to as if I said something quite important that needs a prompt reply. And just watch their mind race, then I just huff and walk away is disgust. At least try to make something entertaining out of me being a retard.

Chestnuts roasted by Nick @ 08/01/2008 10:59 AM


Matt, did you know that professional wrestling critic Scott Keith reads X-Entertainment? He plugged it on his blog:

http://www.rspwfaq.com/

Chestnuts roasted by Steve E @ 08/01/2008 11:11 AM


I liked Shoot Em Up :) Thought it was decent for what it was, but not for everybody. But Clive Owen channeling Bugs Bunny and Monica Belluci as a hooka with a heart of gold? Works for me.
It’s way too early to start celebrating, but TGIF. Let’s all agree to skip forward about 7 hours, okay?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/01/2008 11:14 AM


I was a HUGE Talk Soup fan, so when Greg Kinnear first started doing movies, I went to every one. “A Smile Like Yours” is probably the worst movie I ever paid theater prices for. It’s about a couple who are having trouble conceiving, and over the course you end up finding out what annoying, self-absorbed people they are. That’s not supposed to be the point of the movie, but it is (for example, she wants to do fertility testing, so instead of having an open conversation, she sneaks his “sample” into a cup and has it tested without telling him. Yeah, that’s a healthy relationship.) They endure a “comical” montage of one failed treatment procedure after another (who thinks that’s even remotely funny?) and then they end up splitting up for a while because of all the stress. At the end, they make up, and during the credits we find out that they ended up having multiples. I guess we’re supposed to feel like it was a happy ending, but instead it’s kind of disappointing because, by the end, you really don’t want these douchebags to have kids.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 08/01/2008 11:30 AM


Worst movie in theater, Dude Where’s My Car?

Worst movie straight to video, King Kung Fu. This movie is a independent movie from Wichita KA. I don’t even want to waste my time with the plot. I will just say this, don’t bother to see it.

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 08/01/2008 11:36 AM


I guess King Kung Fu doesn’t count, it did play in theaters. Hmmmmm

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 08/01/2008 11:37 AM


Squee4242 – I hear you on the Friday thing, leaving at 4 so down to 6.5 hours. And with shoot them up, I think my issue was more of it wasn’t what I expected. And they didn’t fully commit, when you make a bad movie you have to either make crap or don’t. Don’t half ass it. And the baby was pissing me off. I would of ditched the damn thing within the first 20 minutes. Don’t they have those baby drop boxes now.

Chestnuts roasted by Nick @ 08/01/2008 11:43 AM


AAARGH! I tried the same cracker thing yesterday! I almost choked and had to drink water.

Chestnuts roasted by Jonah Norason @ 08/01/2008 12:24 PM


I mix words together all the time without meaning to. I told the guy at the gas station the other day, when he asked cash or credit, that I’d be paying in “crash.”

Chestnuts roasted by Black Zarak @ 08/01/2008 12:42 PM


couldn;t do the saltines either.

Anyone gonna watch “Midnight Meat Train”? It opened today, but went straight to the local dollar theatre… which pretty much sealed the fact that I will go see it. I was on the fence before, but now it’s a done deal.

Chestnuts roasted by HippieJoe @ 08/01/2008 12:43 PM


Good luck Rev.!

Matt, I feel you on long periods of sleep deprivation. I went to a certain school in the Army for 2 and a half months that centered on sleep and food deprivation. Apparently I told one of the instructors that I “lost my January”. I’m not sure where I was going with that.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 08/01/2008 1:29 PM


I, Zombie was really cool.

Chestnuts roasted by meepy @ 08/01/2008 1:45 PM


That straight-to-dvd “Get Smart” movie kinda sucked.

Idocracy is really lousy.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 08/01/2008 2:33 PM


Do you ever start to say something and in the middle of what you’re saying you decide to say something else completely? There’s already words out there. These friends were leaving the other day and I started to say “Hey, take care,” and I decided to say “Good luck” instead like half way through, so it came out neither.

“See you later, Brian.”

“Take luck! Take luck and care. Take care of the luck. Good luck taking care of the luck that you might have if you have luck, take it, care for it. TAKE LUCK CARE OF IN IT WHEN YOU TAKE LUCK CARE OF IN IT.”

And JLAJRC, Jackie Brown sucks? Don’t care for Mallrats? The Ladykillers sucked? You are dead to me.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 08/01/2008 3:10 PM


I decided to to take the liberty of adding some other categories along with “the worst movie you saw in the theater”.

Worst Movie I saw in the Theater: Down Periscope
The only reason I went to see this is because my “friend” needed a reason to be able to meet up with his girlfriend at the theater so his parents didn’t know. Not only was the movie awful but I had to sit next to about an hour and a half’s worth of sloppy kissing and whatnot. On top of that was my insane jealousy because I had a crush on the chick he was with. That definitely made me one salty 8th grader.

Best Movie I didn’t see: Liar Liar
Ok technically I saw about 5 minutes of this movie. I had hooked up with this one chick and met up with her at the movie. After the first 5 minutes of this movie it was a horny teenager free -for-all through the rest of the movie. Funny thing is the row of old ladies in front of us didn’t seem to mind. Nothing like gettin it on to the wackiness of Jim Carrey :P

Best Movie to throw Skittles at: Hunt for Red October
Of course its the ONLY movie I’ve thrown skittles at. I was 8 years old and there was no one else in the theater besides me and my older brother. I especially enjoyed throwing them at the evil Sean Connery.

Best Movie I saw in the theater: Terminator 2
When I was in 4th grade our family headed out to see some R rated goodness (we even went as a family to see Major League! And I was younger back then!). It was everything that makes it WORTH spending the money to go to a theater. Good times! Honorable Mention: South Park
Most Disappointing Movie: The Phantom Menace
As a Star Wars fan I expected so much more. The lightsaber duels were cool but everything else was just too cheesy or boring. Lil’ Anakin was terrible and it was totally shitty when he saved the day at the end “accidentally.” Of course Jar Jar and his bretheren were more than cringeworthy. A major disappointment indeed.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 08/01/2008 4:13 PM


Quick question about the cracker thing, can you stack all 6 and eat them at once or does it have to be a one at a time type of thing. Also the worst movie i saw in the theater would have to be The Fifth Element. The worst movie that I saw in theaters that I secretly (or not so secretly) loved was Pearl Harbor…

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 08/01/2008 4:27 PM


Gingela: The method doesn’t matter. You can do one at a time or all at once if you want.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 08/01/2008 4:34 PM


I can do the cracker thing.

Chestnuts roasted by Zoodles @ 08/01/2008 4:38 PM


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