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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Cobra’s Chia Plot, Part V.

Just a few random things, as I'm too tired to take pictures but not too tired to write. It's all lies in what position my arms need to be in, see.

1) I tried the "six Saltines with no water in under a minute" trick tonight...AND FAILED. Honestly, I probably could've done it, but by cracker #3, the risk/reward ratio started leaning the wrong way and I decided that eating six crackers in less than a minute wasn't really something I'd be able to hang my hat on, anyway.

2) I finally got around to watching Lake Placid 2. John Schneider is 2 for 2. As was the case with Shark Swarm, I found the movie entertainingly bad enough to sit through, but not to the level necessary for me to recommend it. The first Lake Placid was an anomaly: No movie about a giant crocodile invading Maine had any right to be that good. Lightning did not strike twice, but they kind of made up for it with the inclusion of seventeen million extra giant crocodiles, all CG rendered in terrible fashion. During some of the attack scenes, victims were missing limbs that the gators absolutely did not bite off.

Still, there's a definite sense that the people who made the movie actually set out to make a bad movie. Some of the stuff was just too over the top for that not to be the case, and these suspicions were confirmed by a special feature on the DVD which replays the entire movie, but automatically fast forwards past any scene that doesn't feature naked women or someone getting attacked by a crocodile. Clever.

Also of note is Cloris Leachman in Betty White's role from the first film. (Well, she plays Betty's character's sister here.) If you don't recall, Cloris was the actress thrown in the unenviable position of Mrs. Garrett's replacement on The Facts of Life. That didn't turn out so well, as the only suitable replacement for Mrs. Garrett is a biologically engineered clone of Mrs. Garrett. Still, it was nice to see ol' Cloris again, especially in a movie where she feeds people to crocodiles.

3) You guys have really been rocking it on the recent surveys. Better cut that out before I start thinking that it's okay to pose random questions and call it an entry.

4) I really need to knock it off with the "three hours of sleep per night" thing. It's out of control, and I spend most of my awake time feeling like I'm sharing a brain and body with someone who is much stupider than I hope I am. The latest trend: Someone asks me a simple question, my brain comes up with two similar answers with different wording, and my mouth translates those answers as one mutated, slurry monster. At work today, someone fairly high up asked me how I was doing. She learned that I was doing "algood," which apparently is somewhere between "all right" and "good."

5) I'm considering giving the cracker trick another go.

Posted by Matt on 07/31/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 96 comments

The one movie I saw in theaters that I think was the worst overall was Home for the Holidays, starring Holly Hunter. I didn’t like Pleasantville either. And this is from someone who saw Batman and Robin.

Chestnuts roasted by Hoverbored @ 08/01/2008 4:39 PM


Idiocracy lousy?!? A bit of a letdown after Office Space, maybe, some minor flaws at worst, but not lousy. It’s got electrolytes!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/01/2008 5:13 PM


If it was me, I’d work up a good spit wad and try doing the cracker stack all at once. Or is that means for a disqualification?

Anyway, happy Lammas.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 08/01/2008 5:41 PM


Idocracy is lousy. It’s nothing but 90s minutes of “Look how stupid (to put it mildly) these people are.” It’s funny for about 5 minutes, but it got repetitive FAST!

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 08/01/2008 5:41 PM


Friggin first 90 min I was there….fold the bill put in envelope….then stamp office adress on them….then seal with glue stick….then stamp….then for ten whole minutes I actually got to do what I wanted be there for…I watched as this woman worked the check out desk and booked appointments for every god dam senior citizen in the friggin state of NJ. or so it felt. Anyhow….then i got the happy task of grabbing a stack of transcribed chart notes and faxes and inserting them into the proper patient chart. A couple patients were like 96 years old.

Thing is….the staff is the nicest you could ever want. You just sort of resent being there when you look at the clock and its only 10:30

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 08/01/2008 6:07 PM


Sounds like a decent internship, Mandy. Mine was at the place I work now. I still love it there. Going to start CPC classes this fall… eep. Still a little scared about it.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 08/01/2008 6:38 PM


Iv’e said it befor and i’ll say it again, if any ya’ll want to see a bad movie, see Mr.Jingles. Seriously, this flick is SO bad, a new word NEEDS to be invented to properly describe HOW bad it is. lol.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 08/01/2008 7:07 PM


Worst movie in the Theatres: The Planet of The Apes remake. That pissed me off so much. Walked out as soon as the credits started rolling (NEVER left before the credits were over before).

The thing that bugged me the most: Everybody was ranting about the new “surprise ending” But the ending was just the ending from the original book. I wasn’t surprised at all..

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 08/01/2008 7:23 PM


More movies need that special feature.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 08/01/2008 7:44 PM


I’ve never walked out of a movie, because I deliberately avoid movies if I think the trailers or commercials are bad in any way. If I like the trailer, I almost always like the movie.
Cameron T.,
I never saw Planet of the Apes (remake) but I did read the book. I thought it was pretty good and I don’t typically like sci-fi literature.

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 08/01/2008 8:58 PM


Thomas
Oh, I love the book. Written by the author of “Bridge over the River Kwai.” That always surprises people.

I do think the the original PotA film is one of those rare movies that is BETTER than the source material.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 08/01/2008 9:02 PM


And as long as ULTRAMAN is re-recommending Mr. Jingles, I once again recommend Ring of Darkness, the horror movie too funny to be scary, but too self-consciously serious to be a comedy. The only fear you’ll experience is the fear of possibly hyperventilating and/or peeing yourself from laughing so hard. Gay vampire boy band: that’s all you need to know about this movie, and ironically making the title a (possibly) unintentional pun.

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 08/01/2008 9:06 PM


With regards to #4 Matt, I hear you. I started Med school last week and am now realizing that this amount of sleep is going to be commonplace for the next 4 years. 3 hours of sleep sucks….

Chestnuts roasted by drew do @ 08/01/2008 9:15 PM


Considering the movie was written by Rod Serling, it’s not too surprising the material is great. The Hollywood Reporter recently had a story that Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company was planning to possibly adapt some Twilight Zone episodes for the big screen. Here’s the link to the story if you’re interested:
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/film/news/e3ifcce08ba05c710728c58fa09d3a4db04

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 08/01/2008 9:19 PM


Worst movie I ever saw in the theatre= freddy got fingered. I was only 16 when it came out, and it was rated R so i couldnt buy a ticket, so my friend and i bought tickets to spy kids two. then we snuck into freddy got fingered and then realized that it might have been better to just watch spy kids 2. worst straight to dvd movie ever watched…..i dont know, i dont think i have really watched any. maybe some troma films, but i really do love those…. especially redneck zombies. maybe trilogy of terror 2. if your local blockbuster still has a vhs section, it most likely is there, and most likely will make you crack up about the little voodoo doll with a spear.

Chestnuts roasted by Leigha @ 08/01/2008 11:12 PM


–>> ..crackers , chocolate milk n’ Cloris.. >v

Chestnuts roasted by tOkKa @ 08/02/2008 12:44 AM


Anyone ever seen Terror Tunes? Awful. I’m sure it was straight to DVD.

And back in the day I used to attempt the saltine challenge on rainy days at the Wilmot landfill ski-mountain. I was able to do 8 so suck on that.

Chestnuts roasted by Treasures @ 08/02/2008 2:29 PM


I TOTALLY do the “2 answers to one question” thing. Example: I work customer service, someone recently thanked me for my hard work and instead of “You’re welcome”, follwed by “Have a great day”, she got “You’re great!”. For the record, she really wasn’t that great.
I like to think this syndrome is the result of advanced brain function, but it’s probably some kind of repressed stutter coming out. Thoughts?

Chestnuts roasted by Fancypants Montcreif @ 08/02/2008 2:50 PM


3 hours a sleep a night is painful.

Chestnuts roasted by Juliana @ 08/02/2008 8:56 PM


I’m more into anime and manga now, but I’m not too mature (or is that immature?) for the American funnies. Although I’ve always been more partial to the newspaper strips like Calvin and Hobbes and Get Fuzzy than the superheroes. Visited the San Diego ComicCon last week and was considering buying some old horror comics from the early ’50s (before the Comics Code spoiled the party), but the price! Some of them were about $200 apiece! I just don’t know if I can see that kind of dedication.

Oh, but I did get Sergio Aragones’ (one of Mad Magazine’s Original Gang of Idiots) autograph!

Chestnuts roasted by The Real Andrew @ 08/02/2008 10:56 PM


when is the new Cobra Chia comic coming? does it relate to…the 08 Advent Calendar?! *Dr. Evil Pinky to chin* Dunn dun DUN!

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew2H @ 11/24/2008 11:23 PM


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