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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Why So Cerealous?


Thank you, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. After my horrible failure with Reese's Puffs, I've finally procured my very own Joker cereal toy. It's the version that karate chops, which isn't as life-changing as the version that karate kicks, but beggars can't be choosers. And though I stand by my initial comment that Mr. Joker looks a tad too much like that demon boy from the end of Pet Semetary, I concede that any toy that looks that way is a fairly interesting artifact to yank out of a children's cereal box.

Now, I have questions for YOU.

1) East coast folks: I really want to go back to Wildwood, but it's been a while and I'm wondering what the current "climate" is like. Not in the weather sense. I know they tore down many of my beloved hotels, but has the boardwalk changed much? My brain's been pretty mucky this week, and I need to reset it by browsing 99 cent stores and looking at the sad remnants of the Golden Nugget.

2) Everyone: Okay, I'm determined to find out what this is. At some point long ago, Good Humor came out with "Vampire's Secret" bars, which as I understand it were a type of popsicle with "blood" cherry goo inside. Can anyone confirm or tell me more about these things? Were they ice cream truck fare or sold by the box in supermarkets? (I assume the former, because I can't imagine anything that macabre next to a Flintstones Push-Pop.) I'm desperate to learn more.

3) Everyone: This morning, on the latest episode of the very aptly titled Good Morning America, they conducted this huge experiment to prove that people cannot eat six saltine crackers in under a minute without the aid of some type of drink. I take great issue with this, and I'm absolutely sure that I can eat six crackers in sixty seconds without the aid of liquids. Is it just me, or does this seem like a totally doable albeit mostly unpleasant thing to accomplish?

4) Everyone With A Wii: Owning a Wii (lol sounded dirty rofl) but being way, way outside gamer culture, I'm very curious to know which are considered the best characters to use in Brawl. I'm a Pikachu loyalist, but I'm starting to see the merits of Ikedom and maybe even Marthdom. I really want to see the merits of Pokemon Trainerdom, but they've yet to become clear. According to general consensus and not just errant opinions, which are considered the best and worst characters? I MUST KNOW. This is so important.

5) Would you rather get eaten by a shark, a squid, or a killer whale?

Posted by Matt on 07/29/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 152 comments

1) Havent been there in years, and I live in Jersey so that’s kinda sad.

2) I seem to remember those being both on Truck and in stores

3) I think that cracker thing sounds like total bullshit

4) Lightweight = Metaknight
Middleweight = Pit
Heavyweight = King DeDeDe

5) Whale

Chestnuts roasted by SerialPsychosis @ 07/30/2008 12:26 PM

1) No clue, but I’d love to read about another adventure of yours on the boardwalk (I’m from NC, no boardwalks here)

2) Vampire popsicles sound very familiar, without even looking around on the internet, I wanna say these existed. I remember maybe they were white?

3) Nothing is impossible, reach for the stars Matt.

4) I own a Wii but not Brawl.

5) Shark = cool story but not original, Squid = cool story and very rare, Killer Whale = really?

I’d go with the squid for the rarity aspect, but the shark for what I assume would be the quickest. Wouldn’t the squid take a while and mostly crush you? That sounds hard.

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 07/30/2008 12:30 PM

I have video of my friend debunking the cracker myth, and whale.

Chestnuts roasted by Luke @ 07/30/2008 12:38 PM

Matt, I’ve never been down to Wildwood but oddly enough AM New York just ran an article about the area in yesterday’s paper. They made it sound wonderful with the exception of mediocre restaurants in the area if you’re looking for “real food”. But they painted a pretty picture regarding the boardwalk and hotels along the beach. I don’t know if any of this helps…..LOL

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa Y. @ 07/30/2008 12:52 PM

Matt!
I, too, have been a Pikachu user since the original N64 Smash Bros. However, if I can’t utilize Pikachu, I tend to use either Pit(favorite new character) or Ganondorf. Ganondorf is strong as hell, yet a bit quicker and more agile than Bowser. His ‘B’ attack is almost guaranteed to knock a character clear off the screen, so long as you can catch your opponent off-guard. My cousin and I do team battles where he’ll grab one of our opponents, and I’ll knock him across the screen. Plus, his Final Smash (transforming into the giant beast Ganon) is awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/30/2008 1:33 PM

The Vampire Secret’s were mainly ice cream truck fare, as far as I know. I remember eating one, and being underwhelmed, it was nothing special

Even before the question as posted, Ive said that if I could choose my mode of death, I would be eaten by a great white. Maybe its morbid, but Id rather go out in a hardcore fashion, and I cant think of a better way

Chestnuts roasted by Jesse @ 07/30/2008 1:35 PM

I really think Ike is a great character to start out as a beginner. Although he’s slow, he can surprise the opponent with a few quick moves, and most of his moves have crazy KO potential.

If you play Ike long enough you can avoid his attacks fairly easily and exploit his slowness. So he’s initially a very good character in the beginning, but he loses ground as you become more experience.

Chestnuts roasted by Brett @ 07/30/2008 1:38 PM

1) I’ve never been to Wildwood. But then again- HAVE YOU BEEN TO VEGAS? Yeah, baby.

2) I don’t think I’ve seen these, but they sound awesome.

3) I think if you built up enough saliva before the performance, and planned appropriately- you can do it. I won a “chubbybunny” game with 8 marshmallows because I produced enough saliva to break them down and half-chewed as I stuffed and talked.

4) I do not own a wii. or a wee. ha-har.

5) Killer whale. it just sounds so interesting.
I see the way they kill seal pups- like Playing with them- so that may be fun. Being flipped 30 feet in the air and whatnot. Though you’d probably die of drowning before the wounds get ya.

Chestnuts roasted by kittymao @ 07/30/2008 1:41 PM

1) n/a

2) sounds vaguely familiar but i have no definite answer for you

3) To me this seems like one of those tricks used to fuck with someone in the same vain as “52 card pick-up” or asking someone to try to lick their elbows. Basically it seems it is meant for you to watch your friend suffer while trying to choke down saltines rapidly with an arrid mouth. I can see alot of people accidentally inhaling dusty bits of saltines trying to do this.

4) Personally MY favorites are Kirby, Pikachu, the Mario. Bros, and meta knight. I don’t follow any fansites or anything so i don’t have an answer for your “consensus pick”

5) Shark, no contest.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 07/30/2008 2:42 PM

None of you kids wanna freak with the hungry squid, huh?

That’s alright. More for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 07/30/2008 2:43 PM

Why won’t this post?

Chestnuts roasted by BelmarBenny @ 07/30/2008 2:46 PM

This is off-topic, but I had to vent SOMEWHERE:

While watching “Lost Boys: The Tribe” last night, I felt ANG-RY, like Chris Farley in that SNL sketch where they replace his regular cup of joe with Columbian Decaf Coffee Crystals.

“Why … you … son of a bitch!”

“Lost Boys 2″ tops my list of Movies I Will Never Watch Again, Even At Gunpoint. It’s right up there with “Dude, Where’s My Car?” It’s not only a waste of film, it’s a cinematic kick-in-the-fangs to the entire vampire genre.

The plot rips-off the original, but leaves out all the good parts and endearing characters. The acting is terrible, but not in that cheesy, B-horror movie way. Keifer Sutherland has more acting talent in his left incisor than Angus Sutherland has in his whole body. I wanted the “good guys” (Tad Hilgenbrink and Autumn Reeser) to get their throats ripped out within the first five minutes.

Cameos by The Two Coreys and an inexplicable plug for “The Goonies” seemed like the director’s desperate attempt to give ’80s fans a little bang for their buck, but the gags failed miserably. Maybe if Grandpa would’ve showed up, killed everyone and then performed taxidermy on their corpses, I would’ve liked this movie … a little.

Another annoying thing: one of the vampires has a camcorder attached to his face the whole freakin’ movie so he can film his buddies feasting on scantily clad co-eds, but if a vampire doesn’t have a reflection, would they show up on video?

Not even the Master of Splatter, Tom Savini, could save this film stinking up the joint like a garlic-clove lei. The vampires die waaaay too easily. Of course, nothing can top Death by Stereo, but, sheesh, gimme a little more than the ho-hum stake through the heart bit.

Anyone else feel this way or am I being to harsh?

Chestnuts roasted by undeadhead @ 07/30/2008 2:54 PM

I’m Teddy Ray and I have nothing to add to this thread.

All this talk of crackers makes me feel like I’m at a Black Panthers rally.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 07/30/2008 3:49 PM

Oh forgot to mention it earlier, but, nice Joker Matt. It may not be the kickin one you wanted, but hey, at least it’s a Joker.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/30/2008 4:25 PM

I, too, hated Lost Boys 2, and won’t watch it again. Corey Feldman’s part was the highlight, but even then, he didn’t get any good new lines, just got to deliver most of the same lines again. The alternate endings were pretty good, even thought Corey Haim was about as good as one could expect, especially after watching “The Two Coreys.”
That being said, I’d like to be killed by a giant squid, because really, how many people get to have that as cause of death?
Also, I do have the Joker with karate kick, and it’s not so great. He can’t stand up without leaning against something.

Chestnuts roasted by FyarlGirl @ 07/30/2008 4:36 PM

Wildwood: Has never been the same since I got attacked by fire ants while at a fireman’s convention. I think I was six. If I wanted the threat of getting shot while at the boardwalk I would just drive 20 minutes to Keansburg & if I wanted to get hit on by someone slimy I would drive 20 minutes the other way and go to Point Pleasant. Point Pleasant has the bonus of having a cute aquarium and my favorite skee ball machine ever, so it’s almost worth the slimy guys.

I think I’d have to vote for the killer whale.

Chestnuts roasted by Becky @ 07/30/2008 5:23 PM

Yay! Matt got a Joker! I was hoping you would so I could see if it is worth buying a box of cereal for. It looks like I’m going to have too buy a box.

Chestnuts roasted by josherjohn @ 07/30/2008 5:47 PM

woooo… vodka is the best! i preface this way for i am drunk.

1) go there and write about it. im in eastern canada and i don’t have any old timey boardwalks with arcades and shit. so get on it, says i, to you, please.

2) i dunno screw your popscicle

3) that’s a fucking joke, poor kids like i used to be can go through a box and i’m damn sure i’ve had 6 without hydration. what kind of girly wuss can’t get through 6 crackers? christ. the state of things today.

4) pit rules but fuck all that just get mario kart ok?

5) squid. first, squids RULE SO HARD. second, i didn’t know they could eat a people, and if they can – i want that people to be me.

Chestnuts roasted by tylor @ 07/30/2008 6:01 PM

fuckin’ a, Tylor.
Is there a shrine where I can worship you?

I need to do more drunken rampages myself.

Chestnuts roasted by kittymao @ 07/30/2008 6:11 PM

I just ate 6 saltines in 1 minute, 10 seconds. :? No liquid… I was sorta laughing as I did it though, so I have total faith that I can pull this off.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/30/2008 6:12 PM

Okay, the six Saltines thing isn’t true. I just ate seven in 58 seconds (completely swallowed, nothing spit out). I put them all in at once after I built up spit in my mouth, but since I don’t see any rules on how to do it I assume that is okay to do.

Chestnuts roasted by Jack @ 07/30/2008 6:57 PM

I wish Matt would get Mario Kart Wii! I would just LOVE to race against him! And with him too! =)

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/30/2008 7:16 PM

watch the tramcar please

Chestnuts roasted by pdc @ 07/30/2008 7:22 PM

Matt’s Summer Jukebox inspired me to make my own “Summer Jukebox” playlist on iTunes. It’s up to 74 tracks, and it ROCKS!!! :)

Chestnuts roasted by Hoverbored @ 07/30/2008 8:09 PM

Chris – I’m currently still stuck on Halo 3 but eventually plan to move on to some other games. Gamertag is the same as the one used here – jjwspider.

Chestnuts roasted by jjwspider @ 07/30/2008 8:49 PM

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