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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Why So Cerealous?


Thank you, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. After my horrible failure with Reese's Puffs, I've finally procured my very own Joker cereal toy. It's the version that karate chops, which isn't as life-changing as the version that karate kicks, but beggars can't be choosers. And though I stand by my initial comment that Mr. Joker looks a tad too much like that demon boy from the end of Pet Semetary, I concede that any toy that looks that way is a fairly interesting artifact to yank out of a children's cereal box.

Now, I have questions for YOU.

1) East coast folks: I really want to go back to Wildwood, but it's been a while and I'm wondering what the current "climate" is like. Not in the weather sense. I know they tore down many of my beloved hotels, but has the boardwalk changed much? My brain's been pretty mucky this week, and I need to reset it by browsing 99 cent stores and looking at the sad remnants of the Golden Nugget.

2) Everyone: Okay, I'm determined to find out what this is. At some point long ago, Good Humor came out with "Vampire's Secret" bars, which as I understand it were a type of popsicle with "blood" cherry goo inside. Can anyone confirm or tell me more about these things? Were they ice cream truck fare or sold by the box in supermarkets? (I assume the former, because I can't imagine anything that macabre next to a Flintstones Push-Pop.) I'm desperate to learn more.

3) Everyone: This morning, on the latest episode of the very aptly titled Good Morning America, they conducted this huge experiment to prove that people cannot eat six saltine crackers in under a minute without the aid of some type of drink. I take great issue with this, and I'm absolutely sure that I can eat six crackers in sixty seconds without the aid of liquids. Is it just me, or does this seem like a totally doable albeit mostly unpleasant thing to accomplish?

4) Everyone With A Wii: Owning a Wii (lol sounded dirty rofl) but being way, way outside gamer culture, I'm very curious to know which are considered the best characters to use in Brawl. I'm a Pikachu loyalist, but I'm starting to see the merits of Ikedom and maybe even Marthdom. I really want to see the merits of Pokemon Trainerdom, but they've yet to become clear. According to general consensus and not just errant opinions, which are considered the best and worst characters? I MUST KNOW. This is so important.

5) Would you rather get eaten by a shark, a squid, or a killer whale?

Posted by Matt on 07/29/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 152 comments

dammit i go away for quite a while and come back to lots of goodness.. thats not the reason for the dammit.. the dammit is cuz Matt was in Saint John.. that’s where I live and I see the victory here at least once a week.

i agree.. i have no idea why ships come here.. i mean even i hate saint john…. but we get about 3 per week…

shame though, i wish i had of known you were here, would have at least said hi and gone for coffee lol.. i can see the ship out of our office window….

Chestnuts roasted by Primus @ 07/30/2008 1:02 AM

3) Sounds doable but annoying. You just have to be able to tolerate that disgusting residue in your mouth, and force your way through the last one or two because of it.

4) Depends. Almost every character in that game can be useful, so you just need to find one that fits your play style. Myself, I’ve been getting good with Sonic and R.O.B. Sonic because of his aerial attacks, R.O.B. because of his strong smash attacks and the fact that you just can’t get rid of that guy sometimes.

5) A shark, but only if I’m also holding a grenade that someone else will pull the pin on later, a la Jaws 3-D. Sure, I may be dead, but I can rest easier knowing that the bastard is a) dead and b) reduced to a cheesy 3-D effect.

Chestnuts roasted by Class3KillStorm @ 07/30/2008 1:27 AM

I am no help to you in this post at all, Matt. The last time I was in Wildwood was so long ago I can’t remember it, I probably can’t eat six crackers in a minute without water, and I don’t have Brawl.
But I can say that I would much rather be eaten by a killer whale. It just seems more comfortable.

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 07/30/2008 1:40 AM

In no way would I want to be eaten by a squid: not on a cracker, not in a Jell-O mold, not even in the Adams Family’s basement (as cool as that would be). Next to disease, it is the most slow, painful, terrifying death imaginable. Terrible, just terrible.

However, the shark vs. killer whale debate is a bit more complicated…

Being eaten by a shark is cool, badass even. It is so cool that your last thought would be, “This is so cool!” All of your friends would be like, “Too bad about ________, but still, it is pretty awesome!” Although, cool as it may be, it’s not terribly uncommon. Shark attacks happen, usually in the same locations and usually to dumbasses who knowingly frequent shark infested water. Not cool.

Killer whale death, however, is the opposite of shark death. Fatal killer whale attacks are rare. How rare? So rare that when people hear you were eaten, the general response is, “What? Really? Killer whales kill stuff? Oh, I guess that makes sense being called “killer whales” and all. I just always thought they were cute. I had this stuffed killer whale when I was 7, it had my name embroidered on the side in pink lettering. Yeah, too bad about ___________, though.” Not cool. But, where sharks eat morons, killer whales eat marine biologists, Greenpeace crusaders, and rich people with private yachts. Very cool.

So, I’d go with killer whale, because it’s like being killed by a gigantic shark (badass), AND in death you’re associated with elite scholars and businessmen. It is the most horrifically brutal way to be accepted into Mensa.

Chestnuts roasted by Ponsonby Britt @ 07/30/2008 1:43 AM

1. N/A
2. N/A
3. see above post.
4. I use Link, but I’ve been trying to work on my Pokemon trainer, cuz well you know me. Ivysaur is easily my favorite.
5. Killer Whale.

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/30/2008 1:47 AM

3) that does sound rather ridiculous.. – seems like a completely frivolous and unnecessary competition.. – hell, when i was a kid my cousin Blake and I would dare each other to eat all kinds of terrible things without the aid of a drink and we never got national TV coverage.. – we couldn’t even get other siblings to pay us any mind..

5) wow.. the killer whale would be rad.. of course in lieu of the whole Pinocchio thing.. – but, i’m going to have to go with the squid.. – a humongous squid, though.. like the one in New York’s Museum of Natural History or the one Mario schools in Super Mario Sunshine..

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 07/30/2008 1:47 AM

Early tiers based on who wins tournaments indicate that Snake, King Dedede, MetaKnight are at the top of the tiers. Game and Watch, DK, Marth, Fox, and Diddy are high in the tiers too I believe.

Chestnuts roasted by Brett @ 07/30/2008 2:19 AM

I’ll chime in for #2. I can’t attest to the ice cream trucks (though it appears others can) but these popsicles were most definitely sold in the supermarket, and the descriptions others have given is accurate. I believe there was also another variety with the same concept back in the early 90s, although I remember them being green on the outside and red on the inside. And they were good.

Chestnuts roasted by Frostor @ 07/30/2008 2:22 AM

East Coasters: has anyone been to the Mountain Creek Water Park? (Formerly known as Action Park) is it as dangerous/over the top/exciting as it used to be? im planning on making the trek there next friday. i hope they still have the alpine slides!

Chestnuts roasted by Axel Rod @ 07/30/2008 2:30 AM

1) Man, I haven’t ben to wildwood since I was about 10 or so. Back then, Michael Jordan alien plushies, novelty sea critter shops and just barely out-of-the-womb pokemon posters were the norm, and more than enough needed for a day of pure bliss. Actually, I did go back there less than a year ago, only to find a sea of sleazy condo advertisements and the mere shadow of a once great place. Long story short, it ain’t pretty. However, a few choice off the wall joints and less uptight antique stores can still be found.

2) It really depends on whether or not you stock up on liquids immediately before such an endeavor, or if you’re not supposed to have liquids at all, before or after. I really wanted to test this, but always I am all out of Saltines. I don’t think cheez-its would suffice either. Cheez-its, the only TURE cheese snack (not like those god-awful greasy bastard children of the Nickelodeon empire dubbed “Cheez-nips”).
3) uh…
4) I’m broke D:
5) Well a shark’s teeth would hurt like hell, a squid’s beak is too damn small, and I can’t really say anything for shamoo. I guess I’d take the latter, provided I’d have a fully loaded AK-47 or at least a spear to GTFO of there.

Chestnuts roasted by crazyasscrakuh @ 07/30/2008 2:33 AM

You Know You’re from New Jersey When You’ve been seriously injured at Action Park

Chestnuts roasted by Axel Rod @ 07/30/2008 2:39 AM

I am of little to no use at all. :(
1. Never been to Wildwood ever.
2. Never heard of the Vampire’s Secret Ice Cream Bar but I wanna know all about them too!
3. I scoff at anyone that couldn’t eat 6 saltines in a minute, sans drink. Now that I’ve said this, I’ll never be able to do it… :?
4. I don’t have a Wii. :(
5. Squid, maybe because I feel I might actually have a chance to get away before he completely devours me. But, if we are theoretically going on “no chance of survival” I would say Killer Whale. You don’t hear about people getting eaten by them very often.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/30/2008 2:47 AM

Giant squid, just because I think that would be most terrifying and how many people can say that they’ve gone that way?

I conquered the six cracker 1 minute challenge and my girlfriend filmed it. Will edit and upload tomorrow as proof! :D :D

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 07/30/2008 2:53 AM

1) I’ve never been to Wildwood; I live in L.A. and have never been further from home than Springfield, MO.
2) I know nothing about Vampire’s Secret bars, as I’ve never been much of an ice cream bar eater. I love ice cream sandwiches and Drumsticks, but not Popsicles.
3) The six crackers thing seems like it could be done, but it might be easier for some people than others.
4) I like Bowser and Pit, because Bowser is tough and Pit can fly, not because I’m good at any of their moves at all.

On another topic, I’m curious about something, and I couldn’t help but think that someone on these threads would either try it or has already done it. Is anyone here familiar with a website called the Something Store? All you do is send them 10 dollars per item (up to 5 “Somethings” can be ordered at a time) and they will send you a totally random item which may or may not be worth what you paid. It could be more or way less. Customer comments run the gamut from “It’s great” to “It’s a rip-off”. I should point out that you have no control over what you receive, so you can be pleasantly surprised or extremely disappointed. Anyway, maybe Matt can try it and get some material for a future post or something.
http://www.somethingstore.com

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 07/30/2008 2:54 AM

1) I live on the west. Sorry
2. Nope. Got nothin
3. Seems easy. Try it, Matt. I’m going to now.
4. Sonic, Pikachu, Ike, Marth, Mario, Luigi, and Kirby are the best in most users minds. I gotta agree, but I also like Donkey and Diddy Kong also. And Toon Link works wonders. Pokemon Trainer is horrible, in my opinion. And he was one I was so wanting to like.

Chestnuts roasted by Aaron @ 07/30/2008 3:02 AM

Forgot.
5) Tiger shark. Don’t like octos, and I like killer whales too much. I want a PS2.

Chestnuts roasted by Aaron @ 07/30/2008 3:04 AM

Thomas, that website looks ballin’. I just wish they’d have more kitchy-er things in stock. I mean, with such an odd concept where the customer could receive ANYTHING, you’d think there’d be some pretty kooky stuff in their inventory. Yet I see no mention of what people have gotten (well, not A LOT of mention, anyways), and from their site description, it feels like a similar experience would be gained by going to overstock.com and randomly clicking on something.
Not too bad an idea, though. The only reason such an experience would bomb would be due to shitty “surprises”, and you can’t really blame them for that.

Chestnuts roasted by crazyasscrakuh @ 07/30/2008 3:07 AM

1) haven’t been there since high school prom 1994.
2) I TOTALLY remember those! I didn’t like the taste but I ate them anyway. I think they may have been sold in stores. I don’t ever remember getting one off the truck.
3) haven’t tried it, but I’ve heard that it really is impossible. I’ll get my kids to try it…they’re gullible.
4) I am Wii-less.
5) Killer whale because I think it would swallow me whole, rather than (shark) rip me apart or (squid) do something weird with its suckers.

Chestnuts roasted by Ann Marie @ 07/30/2008 3:15 AM

1.Never been there. Cant help ya.
2.Can’t help ya here either. Although I do remember something like that, but I don’t think it was the same type of frozen treat yur talkin about.
3.I’ve never tried doin this myself, but I really think I can do it.
4.Like others have said it depends ENTIRELY on yur PERSONAL playing style. My overall fav character is Meta Knight. But I can use anybody really. The characters i’m the worst(but still good with) are Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach,Mr.Game and Watch, Ness,Fox and Lucas.
5.Killer Whale without a doubt! Why? Simple! Because it would be a very memorable death. To be eaten by a creature that is not known to eat humans very often would make headlines. Especially if it hasn’t actually eaten humans at all.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/30/2008 3:46 AM

I do the best with Ike, though my foolish friends say that if you use him then your basically a cheater. Also, Marth, Kirby, LINK!, and (surprisingly)Ganondorf are all good.
(DO NOT USE META KNIGHT!)

Chestnuts roasted by Hazard @ 07/30/2008 5:54 AM

Oh, and I forgot to mention the following:
1. I bet I can accomplish the goal of eating those Saltines without any form of drink to wash ‘em down.
2. Click on my name below.
3. Bowser is pretty good, mostly because you can use that move where you grab your opponent and smash them underneath you after jumping in the air. (Do it near an edge to kill them along with yourself)
4. Heh

Chestnuts roasted by Hazard @ 07/30/2008 5:58 AM

I got freaked out because every supermarket around me seemingly stopped carrying the Reese’s Puffs with the Batman guys. But since then, I keep finding the odd box here and there. I’ve got one Batman and both Jokers. Now I just buy every box I see until I get that second Batman, with the intent of eventually eating all the cereal. I’ve had two repeat figures.

That saltine thing sounds bogus, because liquids wouldn’t necessarily enter into it, since you can just produce a lot of saliva and choke ‘em down.

A squid.

Cheers,
Diego

Chestnuts roasted by Diego @ 07/30/2008 6:46 AM

That mrboardwalk.com site really kicks ass! For better or for worse, my “beach sphere of influence” is Maryland and Delaware. As far as New Jersey, I have friends in Cape May, and I’ve been to Brownies by the Bay in Somers Point to see The Smithereens. My friend got married on the beach in Avalon. For the New Jersey peeps, what determines the policy for implementing beach tags? Is it county by county? Or the town?

As far as Wildwood, I would love to go there. The things on mrboardwalk’s site are awesome. I love cheesy old stuff, especially arcades. Skee Ball, the 10 cent prize cranes. In Ocean City, MD the closest thing to cheesy old boardwalk is a place with the creative name “The Haunted House”. It features an animatronic “Dracula” out front. But he is holding his head in his hand and is waving it back and forth as it talks. Which I guess was pretty high tech when they first made it in the 60′s.

Chestnuts roasted by Alexander @ 07/30/2008 6:49 AM

Wii: I like using Pit. But then again, that’s just because he has wings.
Soul Calibur IV came out today… everyone should be playing that, right?

As for an ocean death, I think I’d pick a killer whale. They are just so darn cute. Being munched by Shamu’s relatives is more appealing than being sharkbait.

Chestnuts roasted by kittygirl @ 07/30/2008 7:02 AM

Never tried the saltine thing as they’re not available in the UK but there is a similar challenge involving Cream Crackers. I’ve also seen my friend do somthing similar with 32 Pringles in one go. The art it would appear, si to mainatian control of yourself and chew slowly and swallow. Apparently boiled egg yolks are similar in that they dry your mouth out completely.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 07/30/2008 7:09 AM

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