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07/29/2008: X-E’s ‘08 Summer Megaparty: Why So Cerealous?


Thank you, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. After my horrible failure with Reese’s Puffs, I’ve finally procured my very own Joker cereal toy. It’s the version that karate chops, which isn’t as life-changing as the version that karate kicks, but beggars can’t be choosers. And though I stand by my initial comment that Mr. Joker looks a tad too much like that demon boy from the end of Pet Semetary, I concede that any toy that looks that way is a fairly interesting artifact to yank out of a children’s cereal box.

Now, I have questions for YOU.

1) East coast folks: I really want to go back to Wildwood, but it’s been a while and I’m wondering what the current “climate” is like. Not in the weather sense. I know they tore down many of my beloved hotels, but has the boardwalk changed much? My brain’s been pretty mucky this week, and I need to reset it by browsing 99 cent stores and looking at the sad remnants of the Golden Nugget.

2) Everyone: Okay, I’m determined to find out what this is. At some point long ago, Good Humor came out with “Vampire’s Secret” bars, which as I understand it were a type of popsicle with “blood” cherry goo inside. Can anyone confirm or tell me more about these things? Were they ice cream truck fare or sold by the box in supermarkets? (I assume the former, because I can’t imagine anything that macabre next to a Flintstones Push-Pop.) I’m desperate to learn more.

3) Everyone: This morning, on the latest episode of the very aptly titled Good Morning America, they conducted this huge experiment to prove that people cannot eat six saltine crackers in under a minute without the aid of some type of drink. I take great issue with this, and I’m absolutely sure that I can eat six crackers in sixty seconds without the aid of liquids. Is it just me, or does this seem like a totally doable albeit mostly unpleasant thing to accomplish?

4) Everyone With A Wii: Owning a Wii (lol sounded dirty rofl) but being way, way outside gamer culture, I’m very curious to know which are considered the best characters to use in Brawl. I’m a Pikachu loyalist, but I’m starting to see the merits of Ikedom and maybe even Marthdom. I really want to see the merits of Pokemon Trainerdom, but they’ve yet to become clear. According to general consensus and not just errant opinions, which are considered the best and worst characters? I MUST KNOW. This is so important.

5) Would you rather get eaten by a shark, a squid, or a killer whale?


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 152 comments

1) Havent been there in years, and I live in Jersey so that’s kinda sad.

2) I seem to remember those being both on Truck and in stores

3) I think that cracker thing sounds like total bullshit

4) Lightweight = Metaknight
Middleweight = Pit
Heavyweight = King DeDeDe

5) Whale

Ghosted by SerialPsychosis @ 07/30/2008 12:26 PM EDT

1) No clue, but I’d love to read about another adventure of yours on the boardwalk (I’m from NC, no boardwalks here)

2) Vampire popsicles sound very familiar, without even looking around on the internet, I wanna say these existed. I remember maybe they were white?

3) Nothing is impossible, reach for the stars Matt.

4) I own a Wii but not Brawl.

5) Shark = cool story but not original, Squid = cool story and very rare, Killer Whale = really?

I’d go with the squid for the rarity aspect, but the shark for what I assume would be the quickest. Wouldn’t the squid take a while and mostly crush you? That sounds hard.

Ghosted by Fox @ 07/30/2008 12:30 PM EDT

I have video of my friend debunking the cracker myth, and whale.

Ghosted by Luke @ 07/30/2008 12:38 PM EDT

Matt, I’ve never been down to Wildwood but oddly enough AM New York just ran an article about the area in yesterday’s paper. They made it sound wonderful with the exception of mediocre restaurants in the area if you’re looking for “real food”. But they painted a pretty picture regarding the boardwalk and hotels along the beach. I don’t know if any of this helps…..LOL

Ghosted by Melissa Y. @ 07/30/2008 12:52 PM EDT

Matt!
I, too, have been a Pikachu user since the original N64 Smash Bros. However, if I can’t utilize Pikachu, I tend to use either Pit(favorite new character) or Ganondorf. Ganondorf is strong as hell, yet a bit quicker and more agile than Bowser. His ‘B’ attack is almost guaranteed to knock a character clear off the screen, so long as you can catch your opponent off-guard. My cousin and I do team battles where he’ll grab one of our opponents, and I’ll knock him across the screen. Plus, his Final Smash (transforming into the giant beast Ganon) is awesome.

Ghosted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/30/2008 1:33 PM EDT

The Vampire Secret’s were mainly ice cream truck fare, as far as I know. I remember eating one, and being underwhelmed, it was nothing special

Even before the question as posted, Ive said that if I could choose my mode of death, I would be eaten by a great white. Maybe its morbid, but Id rather go out in a hardcore fashion, and I cant think of a better way

Ghosted by Jesse @ 07/30/2008 1:35 PM EDT

I really think Ike is a great character to start out as a beginner. Although he’s slow, he can surprise the opponent with a few quick moves, and most of his moves have crazy KO potential.

If you play Ike long enough you can avoid his attacks fairly easily and exploit his slowness. So he’s initially a very good character in the beginning, but he loses ground as you become more experience.

Ghosted by Brett @ 07/30/2008 1:38 PM EDT

1) I’ve never been to Wildwood. But then again- HAVE YOU BEEN TO VEGAS? Yeah, baby.

2) I don’t think I’ve seen these, but they sound awesome.

3) I think if you built up enough saliva before the performance, and planned appropriately- you can do it. I won a “chubbybunny” game with 8 marshmallows because I produced enough saliva to break them down and half-chewed as I stuffed and talked.

4) I do not own a wii. or a wee. ha-har.

5) Killer whale. it just sounds so interesting.
I see the way they kill seal pups- like Playing with them- so that may be fun. Being flipped 30 feet in the air and whatnot. Though you’d probably die of drowning before the wounds get ya.

Ghosted by kittymao @ 07/30/2008 1:41 PM EDT

1) n/a

2) sounds vaguely familiar but i have no definite answer for you

3) To me this seems like one of those tricks used to fuck with someone in the same vain as “52 card pick-up” or asking someone to try to lick their elbows. Basically it seems it is meant for you to watch your friend suffer while trying to choke down saltines rapidly with an arrid mouth. I can see alot of people accidentally inhaling dusty bits of saltines trying to do this.

4) Personally MY favorites are Kirby, Pikachu, the Mario. Bros, and meta knight. I don’t follow any fansites or anything so i don’t have an answer for your “consensus pick”

5) Shark, no contest.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 07/30/2008 2:42 PM EDT

None of you kids wanna freak with the hungry squid, huh?

That’s alright. More for me.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 07/30/2008 2:43 PM EDT

Why won’t this post?

Ghosted by BelmarBenny @ 07/30/2008 2:46 PM EDT

This is off-topic, but I had to vent SOMEWHERE:

While watching “Lost Boys: The Tribe” last night, I felt ANG-RY, like Chris Farley in that SNL sketch where they replace his regular cup of joe with Columbian Decaf Coffee Crystals.

“Why … you … son of a bitch!”

“Lost Boys 2″ tops my list of Movies I Will Never Watch Again, Even At Gunpoint. It’s right up there with “Dude, Where’s My Car?” It’s not only a waste of film, it’s a cinematic kick-in-the-fangs to the entire vampire genre.

The plot rips-off the original, but leaves out all the good parts and endearing characters. The acting is terrible, but not in that cheesy, B-horror movie way. Keifer Sutherland has more acting talent in his left incisor than Angus Sutherland has in his whole body. I wanted the “good guys” (Tad Hilgenbrink and Autumn Reeser) to get their throats ripped out within the first five minutes.

Cameos by The Two Coreys and an inexplicable plug for “The Goonies” seemed like the director’s desperate attempt to give ’80s fans a little bang for their buck, but the gags failed miserably. Maybe if Grandpa would’ve showed up, killed everyone and then performed taxidermy on their corpses, I would’ve liked this movie … a little.

Another annoying thing: one of the vampires has a camcorder attached to his face the whole freakin’ movie so he can film his buddies feasting on scantily clad co-eds, but if a vampire doesn’t have a reflection, would they show up on video?

Not even the Master of Splatter, Tom Savini, could save this film stinking up the joint like a garlic-clove lei. The vampires die waaaay too easily. Of course, nothing can top Death by Stereo, but, sheesh, gimme a little more than the ho-hum stake through the heart bit.

Anyone else feel this way or am I being to harsh?

Ghosted by undeadhead @ 07/30/2008 2:54 PM EDT

I’m Teddy Ray and I have nothing to add to this thread.

All this talk of crackers makes me feel like I’m at a Black Panthers rally.

Ghosted by Teddy Ray @ 07/30/2008 3:49 PM EDT

Oh forgot to mention it earlier, but, nice Joker Matt. It may not be the kickin one you wanted, but hey, at least it’s a Joker.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/30/2008 4:25 PM EDT

I, too, hated Lost Boys 2, and won’t watch it again. Corey Feldman’s part was the highlight, but even then, he didn’t get any good new lines, just got to deliver most of the same lines again. The alternate endings were pretty good, even thought Corey Haim was about as good as one could expect, especially after watching “The Two Coreys.”
That being said, I’d like to be killed by a giant squid, because really, how many people get to have that as cause of death?
Also, I do have the Joker with karate kick, and it’s not so great. He can’t stand up without leaning against something.

Ghosted by FyarlGirl @ 07/30/2008 4:36 PM EDT

Wildwood: Has never been the same since I got attacked by fire ants while at a fireman’s convention. I think I was six. If I wanted the threat of getting shot while at the boardwalk I would just drive 20 minutes to Keansburg & if I wanted to get hit on by someone slimy I would drive 20 minutes the other way and go to Point Pleasant. Point Pleasant has the bonus of having a cute aquarium and my favorite skee ball machine ever, so it’s almost worth the slimy guys.

I think I’d have to vote for the killer whale.

Ghosted by Becky @ 07/30/2008 5:23 PM EDT

Yay! Matt got a Joker! I was hoping you would so I could see if it is worth buying a box of cereal for. It looks like I’m going to have too buy a box.

Ghosted by josherjohn @ 07/30/2008 5:47 PM EDT

woooo… vodka is the best! i preface this way for i am drunk.

1) go there and write about it. im in eastern canada and i don’t have any old timey boardwalks with arcades and shit. so get on it, says i, to you, please.

2) i dunno screw your popscicle

3) that’s a fucking joke, poor kids like i used to be can go through a box and i’m damn sure i’ve had 6 without hydration. what kind of girly wuss can’t get through 6 crackers? christ. the state of things today.

4) pit rules but fuck all that just get mario kart ok?

5) squid. first, squids RULE SO HARD. second, i didn’t know they could eat a people, and if they can – i want that people to be me.

Ghosted by tylor @ 07/30/2008 6:01 PM EDT

fuckin’ a, Tylor.
Is there a shrine where I can worship you?

I need to do more drunken rampages myself.

Ghosted by kittymao @ 07/30/2008 6:11 PM EDT

I just ate 6 saltines in 1 minute, 10 seconds. :? No liquid… I was sorta laughing as I did it though, so I have total faith that I can pull this off.

Ghosted by Ryane @ 07/30/2008 6:12 PM EDT

Okay, the six Saltines thing isn’t true. I just ate seven in 58 seconds (completely swallowed, nothing spit out). I put them all in at once after I built up spit in my mouth, but since I don’t see any rules on how to do it I assume that is okay to do.

Ghosted by Jack @ 07/30/2008 6:57 PM EDT

I wish Matt would get Mario Kart Wii! I would just LOVE to race against him! And with him too! =)

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/30/2008 7:16 PM EDT

watch the tramcar please

Ghosted by pdc @ 07/30/2008 7:22 PM EDT

Matt’s Summer Jukebox inspired me to make my own “Summer Jukebox” playlist on iTunes. It’s up to 74 tracks, and it ROCKS!!! :)

Ghosted by Hoverbored @ 07/30/2008 8:09 PM EDT

Chris – I’m currently still stuck on Halo 3 but eventually plan to move on to some other games. Gamertag is the same as the one used here – jjwspider.

Ghosted by jjwspider @ 07/30/2008 8:49 PM EDT

I haven’t been to Wildwood since I moved in early 2006. While there were still quite a few dollar stores and the Golden Nugget was still rotting on (the former) Hunt’s Pier in the summer of 2005, other stores had changed. The Nut Hut’s gone, for instance. I don’t know if it’s still there, but in 2005, it was replaced by a gourmet food store. (I’d like to know who thought people are actually going to buy gourmet food in a town filled with 200 diners.) The Shore Theater was in the midst of being demolished even as I was preparing to move in the winter of 2006. I don’t know what replaced it, and I don’t think I want to.

I’m sure I probably COULD eat six saltine crackers in under a minute without liquids, but I’m not going to try. I just had a big dinner.

I can’t help with the rest. I don’t own a Wii, and I don’t remember the Vampire Popsicles at all.

I’d rather EAT a shark or a squid. And don’t get me started on the whale.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 07/30/2008 8:49 PM EDT

1. Never been
2. Don’t recall
3. Do it
4. Lucario
5. Shark or squid, but never killer whale; they play with their food. Nooo thanks.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 07/30/2008 9:01 PM EDT

I can’t emphasize this enough but Olimar is by far the worst character. I prefer Sheik but I also enjoy Pit and Meta Knight

Ghosted by JZ @ 07/30/2008 9:05 PM EDT

2 people tried to do the cracker thing in the staff room the other day…they couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t believe it!! I wanted to try it, but had a sore throat that day which rendered me useless. i WILL defeat the crackers at some point, though.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 07/30/2008 9:09 PM EDT

I ate 5 crackers under 1min.I must try again! Has anyone tried doubling them up in their mouth? Or is that cheating?

Ghosted by IHAQ @ 07/30/2008 9:29 PM EDT

The cracker thing is definitely do-able. On church retreats one of the (many) stupid games we played was in a relay, with everyone having to eat 6 crackers at once, and then whistle. The whistling part IS impossible, and the judges just generally get cracker bits spit in their face before they give the “ok” to run back. But the eating part always happens.

Also, my desire to be eaten by a squid the other options is VERY strong, and I’m not quite sure why.

Ghosted by Cabbage Patch @ 07/30/2008 10:13 PM EDT

kittymao- yes, you do

Ghosted by kb @ 07/30/2008 10:21 PM EDT

TO who ever mentioned the lame haunted mansion at wildwood…I think they theme that thing every couple years…last time I was there in 04 it was Pirates of the Wildwoods or something. THen they had that cart thing you rode in the dark and shot aliens to win pirate themed muppets.

I remember I got one of those grains of rice with my husbands name on it…in a vial of liquid and the put a dolphin charm on it or something and bead or two with a leather necklace.

And that Vampire show that is on HBO…I tested it for a survey site. Like a Neilsen rating thing. Back at the end of march beginning of April

Ghosted by mandy_Reeves @ 07/30/2008 10:47 PM EDT

On Smash Bros, my favorite character to use is Snake… Too bad he’s not all that great. :(

But, when I’m looking to WIN, I’ll either use Wolf, because he’s fasts and got rediculously good moves for getting back onto an arena, or Ike, becuase I just feel badass when I kill Squirtle with a massive sword.

So yeah, Wolf or Ike.

Ghosted by BritMike @ 07/30/2008 11:00 PM EDT

The eating 6 saltines thing reminds me of the gallon of whole milk thing. Some people have tried to do this but found it impossible. They cannot drink a gallon of whole milk in an hour without puking. My best friend Harry said he used to drink whole milk all the time and probably have drank a gallon within an hour just fine. He hasn’t tried to purposely drink a gallon to prove the theory out though. There was this guy I came across online that said he did it but the next day his shit was very runny and white lol. Poor guy. I could probably do the saltine thing and probably have in the past but I don’t feel like doing it right now. Sorry :)

I can’t watch a bunch of tv lately because I keep on falling asleep while I watch more then an hour or so. It kind of sucks.

Ghosted by Goob @ 07/30/2008 11:02 PM EDT

Any Brawl character that a player can use to defeat Pikachu is a character worth using. lol.

Ghosted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/30/2008 11:11 PM EDT

I prefer to use Diddy Kong. He is very agile. He zooms around the stage, doing cartwheels and spins. And he can pull banana peels out of thin air! (”Banana” is a fun word to spell, but I never know when to stop! Banananananana.)

Ghosted by Brandon @ 07/31/2008 12:31 AM EDT

–>> pHOOEY , AIN’ NO FUGGIN’ SCARECROW OR 2FACE TOYS !!

Ghosted by tOkKA @ 07/31/2008 1:20 AM EDT

Vampire’s Secret. Yes. Bought them at the local drugstore.
It is impossible for the human mouth to consume six saltines in one minute. You can bet on it. Maybe make some money. Dogs could pry accomplish the six saltines challenge.

Ghosted by jesse @ 07/31/2008 2:24 AM EDT

“5) Would you rather get eaten by a shark, a squid, or a killer whale? ”
–>> .. think summin’ else ate me n’ my soul along time ago, Matt ..
@ http://www.flickr.com/photos/terrible2z/2719247978/

..but it can’t be said at this point..

@ http://www.flickr.com/photos/terrible2z/2716697034/

..i ain’t had some official TMNT work.

>v

Ghosted by tOkKa @ 07/31/2008 2:29 AM EDT

Greatest update title ever. How do I know? Because it’s bee in stuck in my head all day. “Why so Cerealous? :x ”

Ghosted by Dre @ 07/31/2008 5:21 AM EDT

hey Matt, do you actually read these when they get to this point? Um…

Im able to answer that Smash question well, having read up on alot of competitive Smash boards.

Best: Falco, Fox (both speed and combat tricks), Dedede (combos, reach) toon link (damage, finishing moves, reach) marth and ike (mostly reach, but combos too), R.O.B (see DDD), luigi (I forget why)… I think thats about it for the top 2 tiers. Maybe one or two more I forgot. I think Pokemon Trainer for versatility, but mostly for Charizard.

Bottom: Ganondorf (way too slow), Sonic (complete lack of finishing, although hes my best character :( ), DK, Kirby, and any characters that depend on their B move list rather than the physical A moves, which are generally WAY more used than B moves (albeit less fun)

Ghosted by Max D @ 07/31/2008 7:14 AM EDT

Brawl response: If you can get good with Ike or Marth…then you will be unstoppable. Pit is good he moves are super easy to pull off. I also like snake, because he has all sorts of explosive devices that can really cause damage. lastly is r.o.b. his down attack is brutual!

Ghosted by Nosna @ 07/31/2008 9:07 AM EDT

3) The saltine thing isn’t impossible, but it IS very difficult. A lot of people think “oh that would be so easy” but then they try and fail. In high school we did a trial of it in my social pscyhology class. I think one kid successfully did it. Could it be another x-e article?

5) Killer whale. Because there’s always that chance that you can just kinda live inside for a while. Maybe meet some people. Etc.

Ghosted by Kate @ 07/31/2008 9:54 AM EDT

1v1, go with snake, meta knight, or game and watch. In free for alls, Ike and ganondorf are godly. King Dedede and Lucas can mess people up when you get good with them. One of my favorite tactics with King D is to wait for everyone else to be fighting each other, Charge down B, walk in, and pwn one of them. Plus, he’s a god in sudden death. waddle dee = instant kill

Ghosted by Anonymous @ 07/31/2008 10:52 AM EDT

Link or Marth…definitely

Ghosted by Shime @ 07/31/2008 11:15 AM EDT

“1) Never been, but I’m going to Waldameer in a few weeks….”

YAY!!!
(sings) ” THE RAVIIIIINNNNE FLYYYYEERR…AT WALDAMEER!”

Ghosted by Casey @ 07/31/2008 10:11 PM EDT

http://cobwebbedroom.blogspot.com/2007/08/count-draculas-secret-ice-lolly-ads.html
Here’s a link about the ‘Dracula’s Secret’ ice lollies. They seem to be coming out of an ice cream vendor’s cart in the pictures, so maybe you could buy them from ice cream trucks and supermarkets?

And I’d rather get killed by a squid… :)

-x-

Ghosted by Katie @ 08/01/2008 9:59 AM EDT

Hey I’m a born and raised south jersey girl..but I never ever go to the boardwalk, even though its like 15 minutes away! They did have a fire at the seal ride this summer though.

IF you want to go to the free Cape May County Zoo though, I’m game…

Ghosted by jules @ 08/01/2008 10:55 AM EDT

I know for a fact I have eaten an entire sleeve of Saltine crackers without having A sip of water. And while I wasn’t timing myself, six crackers in under a minute does not seem unreasonable. I shall try this experiment at a later date (no Saltines at the moment … boo.)

Ghosted by Saira Bee @ 08/01/2008 3:43 PM EDT

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