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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Zzzzzz.


I haven't been sleeping well, lately. Not for any good (or bad) reason -- I've just found it preferable to do all the things I really need to do when nobody else on this side of the planet is awake. It was totally fine to live like that years ago, since anything in-between unemployment and self-employment doesn't really call for 9-5'ing. Now? Not so much.

I try to convince myself that three or four hours of sleep will suffice, and sometimes it does. But I guess there's a cumulative effect to this sort of thing, as I headed into work today needing to read eight scripts to clients with a certain level of zeal and eloquence, and it finally hit me that I was really fucking tired. Well past the point of having bloodshot, glassy eyes, I was literally stumbling on my walk from the bus stop to the office, very unable to navigate the sea of people doing whatever it is people do in Times Square.

When I got into the office, I noticed a peculiar side effect of sleep deprivation: It makes me talk like the filthiest, most exaggeratingly stereotypical truck driver ever. Was a series of audible "fucks" warranted by a faulty stapler? Probably not. I mean, sure, I had to staple a lot of papers together to prepare for this meeting, but I work in a fairly large building that had many other staplers available. In an industry that swells with pressure, it probably isn't a good idea to mark myself as the type of person who can lose their shit over a faulty stapler.

While somewhat slurry in general, I managed to keep it together for the twenty minutes that I needed to keep it together, and quietly ducked out afterwards. I've mentioned the long, long commute I have many times before, but today I was actually looking forward to it. There isn't much else to do on a long bus ride besides sleep. I settled in, cranked up the iPod, and as soon as the real world started blending with the dream world, a gigantic man sat almost literally on top of me, and spent the next 90 minutes guffawing into his phone with such incredible vigor that I'm still wondering if one of my enemies hired him to keep me from sleeping.

Yeah, this is pretty much my way of telling you that I'm too tired to write anything of substance tonight. As penance, I offer the embarrassing confession that I eat lemons much in the same way other people eat apples.

We now transform this into a random chat thread, only I guess it won't be so random since I'm going to give you a theme for discussion: Things that scared the shit out of you as a child, or maybe even now.

Posted by Matt on 07/24/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 189 comments

It just occured to me or perhaps I missed it but has there been no Summer Juke Box this year?

Chestnuts roasted by El Loco Gordo @ 07/25/2008 12:01 AM


attack of the killer clowns… scared the bejesus out of me like no other when i was a kid.

currently the only thing that really scares me is the fact that our president thinks he’s smart

Chestnuts roasted by aria @ 07/25/2008 12:02 AM


Nice to hear from you, Guise and Denise. ;)

El Loco (and Norbert I know you asked too) — Unfortunately I’ve been unable to get the Juke working the way I want to just yet. The good news is that I really haven’t even considered all of this July a true Summer Megaparty without it, so we’re probably gonna go long into August.

Some more of mine…

1) Wrote about this before, and it still holds true: If I’m alone at night, just thinking about the Unsolved Mysteries theme will fuck my shit up proper.

2) On the more natural fear side, I’m pretty deathly afraid of spiders and sharks, even though I’ve read more books about spiders and sharks than any other subject. Except maybe dinosaurs. I’m not afraid of those, though.

3) Jacob’s Ladder, after seeing it under the influence of many, many things during what I’d like to classify as my youth but was actually young adulthood, fucked me up for months.

4) My grandmother’s old basement in her long-sold house. If a horror anthology needed a few extra frames for its spooky opening montage, this was the place — and my family had “true” ghost stories to go along with it. Extremely dim, filled with creepy stuff, with lots of clanking sounds and an adjoining wash room that looked like it was converted from a castle dungeon.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/25/2008 12:06 AM


Jacob’s Ladder is some freaky sh*t. That’s a movie I probably won’t watch again because it was so messed up. They don’t make horror movies like that these days.

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 07/25/2008 12:12 AM


Certain muppets, and birds and dead birds.

When I was little, my mom made me sit on the porch to wait for her to take me to school. Right next to me on the tree branch is a dead bird hanging upside down. So I screamed and screamed and etc….she did’nt beleive me til she came and saw it. That and the movie The Birds scared me too when I was 8. I always feared that my poster or curtains above my bed would open and a dead bird or two would flop out and land on me.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 07/25/2008 12:13 AM


My aunt eats lemons all the time. With salt. She’s always stealing the lemons from our water at restaurants.
I was afraid of my stuffed animals eyes at night…they followed me. AND, because I expected it, they randomly turned red whilst I was looking at them, especially the bunnies. Also, the ceramic figures in my room, and the shadows on my wall at night. I think I am a child who did not need a night light…

Chestnuts roasted by Mary @ 07/25/2008 12:17 AM


Stir of Echoes w/ Kevin Bacon was almost as creepy as Jacob’s Ladder.

Also, Cereal Killer… did you ever go to a summer camp on the Columbia river near Portland, OR? If so, we found some of your knives under a mattress and it traumatized several kids/counselors. You need to remember to take that shize w/ you when you leave.

Chestnuts roasted by BoddahBoom @ 07/25/2008 12:18 AM


The Hulk scared me as a child too. For some time after I saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, I would not
watch the Large Marge scene. I still won’t watch
the scene when I’m watching the movie. I
remember getting scared whenever I heard moaning
noises in the bedrooms of my home. The moaning
noises turned out to be the wind blowing into
the rooms. Sometimes it happened when someone
left the window slightly open. Matt, tell me if
you still go to the House. The one with that
water rocket.

Chestnuts roasted by LoneStar76 @ 07/25/2008 12:25 AM


They just announced the writer and director of the new Robocop movie:

http://www.newsarama.com/film/080724-comic-con-robocop.html

Things that creeped me out:
Tarantulas (I’m fine with regular spiders, though)

The Crypt-Keeper’s laugh when he jumps out of the coffin in the Tales from the Crypt theme.

It’s always disturbed me when I saw a Muppet monster eating another Muppet. Why would the smaller Muppets even hang around them knowing they could become dinner?

Audrey II kinda creeps me out for the same reason.

I kinda gets the willies walking into a costume shop during Halloween looking at all the eyeless masks. Even something innocent like a child’s Scooby-Doo mask looks kinda creepy without eyes behind it.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 07/25/2008 12:27 AM


Chuckie from Child’s Play. Creepy dolls in general. I love the movies though, they were my introduction to the horror genre, which I love. Child’s Play 2 is definitely the best.

Chestnuts roasted by mezzanine @ 07/25/2008 12:27 AM


I can remember three things that scared me as a child.

I was scared shitless of carwashes when I was three or four. I was also scared of the planes flying over my house, which was pretty bad considering I lived next to an airport.

My biggest fear as a child was thanks to my brother. There was a clown face in my basement that laughed and spit at you when you pulled its tie. My older brother used to pull its tie so it would spit in my face and then tell me the clown was going to kill me in my sleep. I used to hate that thing with a passion. I couldn’t find a good picture of the one I’m talking about online, but I actually bought one for my own house a couple of years ago (I got over my fear :) ). Its a clown loosely modeled after Uncle Sam. I might take a picture of what I’m talking about to show how scary this damn thing is tomorrow. To give you an idea I did find another one the same company release though. What I can’t demonstrate is the evil laugh the thing makes when you pull the tie.

http://harkless.org/dan/mirrors/i18.ebayimg.com/06/i/000/7d/ef/8b5c_2.JPG

Chestnuts roasted by Jack @ 07/25/2008 12:28 AM


The lemon thing isn’t that strange, I once dated a girl who would eat the lemon rind with salt on it. I always found that rather disturbing.

Chestnuts roasted by El Loco Gordo @ 07/25/2008 12:31 AM


As a kid: Gremlins, as I’ve said before. And watching Jaws essentially concluded that I could nevergo to the beach the same way again.

Now: fearing that someone is breaking in. Fat chance, but every little creak I hear I think its someone other than my parents. Always manages to scare the hell outta me.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 07/25/2008 12:34 AM


Matt, what about the eight legged, toothy abominations of the darkened alleys?

Granted, they are only the size of a small dog, but when you are walking under a fire escape or if one gets in your attic, the last thing you want to see – and it would be the last thing – is a bullet-shaped face dropping at you with rows of teeth and dripping mandibles, it’s legs twitching and the back ones working furiously on the web behind it, a gnarled fin on it’s back and a pair of semi-redundant gills that just seem to breath out “ch-ch-ch, ah-ah-ah”?

Chestnuts roasted by Guise @ 07/25/2008 12:37 AM


Things that scare me:

–Mr. Bill
–the credits of the Carol Burnett show, where she is a cartoon mopping the floor
–the movie “UFO’s Are Real” (especially the music)
–the “Unsolved Mysteries” theme
–clowns
–eyeless ceramic masks that people hang on the wall
–Large Marge
–someone looking in my windows/breaking into my house
–that l’il goblin in “Cat’s Eye”
–dreams where I am falling, flying, suffocating, or drowning
–walking past a carwash

Chestnuts roasted by Ann Marie @ 07/25/2008 12:49 AM


Matt…

Back in the 6th grade we were allowed to bring in a snack to eat midway through the morning. Most kids brought a juice box, a Little Debbie snack cake, or an apple – you know, something normal. Well, one day I decided to bring in a lemon. I didn’t really grasp the concept that people didn’t really eat lemons in the same way that they would chow down on an apple, a grapefruit, or an orange. I happily pulled it out of my desk at 9:45 and began to ponder just how I would begin to eat this sour treat. One of the other kids looked at me with surprise — apparently more socially aware than I that lemons were not a typical “snack” — and had the gall to suggest that there was no way that I could finish the lemon in the 5-10 minutes were alloted during snack time. I furrowed my brow, decided to accept the challenge, and dug in for my “battle” against the lemon.

Moments later it was gone. To this day I still enjoy the citrus fruits more than all others. I don’t really eat whole lemons any longer, but every time I cut one up for cooking I certainly set aside a wedge or two for myself. So yeah… don’t feel bad… I am a lemon addict as well.

BTW, the best lemonade known to man (that is manufactured and sold) is made by a company called Nantucket Nectars. If any of you lemonade lovers out there have never experienced the bliss that is an ice-cold bottle of Nantucket Nectars all-natural lemonade… well, get on it. It is worth mail-ordering.

Chestnuts roasted by TF (aka Magic Toy) @ 07/25/2008 12:49 AM


…and “The Exorcist” scares me too, so thanks a lot for that picture up there…

Chestnuts roasted by Ann Marie @ 07/25/2008 12:51 AM


Oh yes, now I remember a good childhood fear.

My parents had this weird little Stuffed Gorilla that was stored in a toybox in my bedroom for ther first several years of my life. It was rare for me to have a good night’s sleep because I had always imagined that it would come to life in the middle of the night.

And then one year we had a garage sale and it was sold. I’ve been sleeping like a log every night ever since.

I also eat Onions the same way people eat apples. Try that for weird.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 07/25/2008 12:52 AM


Those who eat lemons with salt on them are pussies. In addition to eating lemons I regularly drink lemon juice and water, because I am somewhat of a pussy.

When I was a kid, the part in Thriller when Michael Jackson turned around and was half-werewolf disturbed me so, because I was a total pussy.

Chestnuts roasted by Laser @ 07/25/2008 12:56 AM


When I was a kid, my parents had some aboriginal-made artwork in the upstairs hallway. That stuff creeped the HELL outta me. Heights too. I went to the CN Tower once with the family and spent half the time there scared shitless.

Chestnuts roasted by DocDragon @ 07/25/2008 12:59 AM


The MGM/UA Lion logo from the 80′s – the one with the still picture over scrolling MGM/UA letters in the background with fanfare. Still gives me the creeps.

Chestnuts roasted by Starsmudge @ 07/25/2008 1:04 AM


Skeletor..I was convinced he lived at the “threshold” of the stairs in my house…I grew up in a creepy old Victorian house so that didn’t help.

Chestnuts roasted by jules @ 07/25/2008 1:04 AM


Does anyone know if this Target coupon (click my name) is legit? I’d hate to get all the way to the register and have it turn out to be a fake.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 07/25/2008 1:10 AM


-When I was a kid (about 4 or 5), I had a Donald Duck doll that scared the shit out of me. What’s especially weird about this is nowadays, Donald Duck cartoon’s are my absolute FAVORITE kind of Disney shorts.

-Later, I had a wicked-awesome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pup tent that I set up on top of my bed and slept in. For weeks everything was fine, until I had a weird nightmare where the Turtles were werewolves trying to eat me. Never slept in it again.

-Finally (when I was about 9 or so) I saw a cartoon about a wicked prince who ran into a demon (or something) and was forced to look in a mirror, to see how he looked “on the inside.” The monsterish reflection resulted in the moral of the story being lost on me, as for the next several years I was afraid of looking at my reflection at night.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunblader @ 07/25/2008 1:18 AM


I think I was in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time growing up in California. I was scared of the night stalker, serial killer Richard Ramirez. Before they knew his real identity, the newspapers published a police artist’s sketch that sacred the living shit out of me….

Plus, I got really scared by the ghost that like to smoke cigarettes in our backyard when I was like 5….

Chestnuts roasted by Jan the Man @ 07/25/2008 1:24 AM


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