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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Zzzzzz.


I haven't been sleeping well, lately. Not for any good (or bad) reason -- I've just found it preferable to do all the things I really need to do when nobody else on this side of the planet is awake. It was totally fine to live like that years ago, since anything in-between unemployment and self-employment doesn't really call for 9-5'ing. Now? Not so much.

I try to convince myself that three or four hours of sleep will suffice, and sometimes it does. But I guess there's a cumulative effect to this sort of thing, as I headed into work today needing to read eight scripts to clients with a certain level of zeal and eloquence, and it finally hit me that I was really fucking tired. Well past the point of having bloodshot, glassy eyes, I was literally stumbling on my walk from the bus stop to the office, very unable to navigate the sea of people doing whatever it is people do in Times Square.

When I got into the office, I noticed a peculiar side effect of sleep deprivation: It makes me talk like the filthiest, most exaggeratingly stereotypical truck driver ever. Was a series of audible "fucks" warranted by a faulty stapler? Probably not. I mean, sure, I had to staple a lot of papers together to prepare for this meeting, but I work in a fairly large building that had many other staplers available. In an industry that swells with pressure, it probably isn't a good idea to mark myself as the type of person who can lose their shit over a faulty stapler.

While somewhat slurry in general, I managed to keep it together for the twenty minutes that I needed to keep it together, and quietly ducked out afterwards. I've mentioned the long, long commute I have many times before, but today I was actually looking forward to it. There isn't much else to do on a long bus ride besides sleep. I settled in, cranked up the iPod, and as soon as the real world started blending with the dream world, a gigantic man sat almost literally on top of me, and spent the next 90 minutes guffawing into his phone with such incredible vigor that I'm still wondering if one of my enemies hired him to keep me from sleeping.

Yeah, this is pretty much my way of telling you that I'm too tired to write anything of substance tonight. As penance, I offer the embarrassing confession that I eat lemons much in the same way other people eat apples.

We now transform this into a random chat thread, only I guess it won't be so random since I'm going to give you a theme for discussion: Things that scared the shit out of you as a child, or maybe even now.

Posted by Matt on 07/24/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 189 comments

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hey team!

Chestnuts roasted by clockwork @ 07/24/2008 11:27 PM


I’ve always been scared of someone breaking into my house. I had a huge window in my room as a child and I always would watch the shadows to make sure that it wasn’t a human figure.

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 07/24/2008 11:32 PM


I was terrified of the Incredible Hulk as a child. As a result, I still can’t watch anything Hulk related without wondering how other people don’t find him terrifying…

Chestnuts roasted by nikki @ 07/24/2008 11:33 PM


I eat tomatoes like people eat apples. Mmmm

Also ET used to scare me, which is really weird, since I remember watching his movie previously as a very small child with no problems. At the same time, it isn’t weird, since he did look, sound, and act pretty creepy.

Chestnuts roasted by DarthPez @ 07/24/2008 11:34 PM


gingela5: That was going to be my still-current #1. Windows at night that are on a ground or deck level. A part of me always believe there’s someone there, and it alternates from random hoodlums to Robert Stack-level spooks.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/24/2008 11:34 PM


The “Zeke the Plumber” episode of Salute Your Shorts.

Also: Burglars.

Chestnuts roasted by Hey I'm Jeff @ 07/24/2008 11:34 PM


Matt, are you saying you even eat the skin? Tell me you at least peel them man.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 07/24/2008 11:37 PM


Two words:

Large Marge.

Anyway, I just saw “Lifeforce” tonight for the first time and laughed my ass off for pretty much the entire movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Beckner @ 07/24/2008 11:37 PM


Ooh, I’ve never posted this close to the top before. I don’t remember being scared of anything in particular as a kid, but my sister was scared as hell of Humpty Dumpty. You know, the egg from the nursery rhymes? That one. Being the sweet big sister that I was, I made sure to take advantage of that fact every chance I got.

Later, we found out that her morbid fear of the giant egg came from this video we had of Mother Goose rhymes. In the movie, a puppet version of Humpty Dumpty falls off the wall, per the story. Then it got weird as all the other puppet children started wailing “He’s dead! Humpty Dumpty’s dead!” Then Mother Goose starts some crap about being able to fix him and later on we see him covered in band-aids. So yeah, apparently my sister spent her whole childhood under the impression that Humpty Dumpty was a zombie.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/24/2008 11:38 PM


Two words: EASTER BUNNY!

Chestnuts roasted by K-town @ 07/24/2008 11:39 PM


Zeke the plumber was harrowing. Was that the episode where they trimmed Ug’s nose hair?

Chestnuts roasted by K-town @ 07/24/2008 11:40 PM


TAKE A VACATION!

Chestnuts roasted by hurdFenn @ 07/24/2008 11:40 PM


Scarecrows, Clowns, Spiders, Heights…I’m doing better with them now but, still kinda creepy. Of course, worst is being trapped at the top of a scaffolding in the web of a half-man, half-spider creature, whose appearance is covered like the creature in Jeepers Creepers but underneath the burlap hood you can just make out the face paint.

Also, Matt, I totally sympathise with sleep, especially self-inflicted. I tend to do the 3.5/4 hours thing a lot, but damn is it worthwhile!

Chestnuts roasted by Guise @ 07/24/2008 11:41 PM


gingela: I was also terrified of someone breaking into our house when I was young. I used to lie in bed until all hours of the night convinced that certain sounds were much too loud to be a simple creak or other settling of the house. I remember going through a specific phase when this occurred every night for a couple of months. Maybe this is subconsciously why I need to sleep with a fan on, to drown out any “creepy” noises.

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 07/24/2008 11:42 PM


All things at shin height only: legless zombies, Critters, dogs, thumping limbless corpses sneaking down the stairs, children, midgets, chickens, paraplegics, old people, amputees, short people, Danny Devito, The Penquin, Danny Devito as The Penquin, Glenn Close, pigs, snakes, munchkins, Oompa-Loompas, my sister-in-law, mice, rats, guinea pigs, even short people, pirates.

Chestnuts roasted by Cereal Killer @ 07/24/2008 11:45 PM


Hey, I think we need to start a support group.

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 07/24/2008 11:45 PM


I remember catching a grasshopper when I was really pretty little and trying to find something to put him in. He somehow managed to escape my grasp someplace in the kitchen. While stood there looking around the area I was standing, I looked down and found he was on my shirt. Lo and behold, he jumped right on my face. I think I pissed myself slightly.

I also have to give a shout out to Large Marge…..that was one freaking looking biatch.

Chestnuts roasted by Loneman1 @ 07/24/2008 11:45 PM


I was fucking terrified of the Joker after seeing Batman for the first time when I little, so much so that I had regular nightmares of him.

I had a few dreams about him a few months ago, probably due to TDK’s hype. Even weirder is that it’s a totally sub-conscious thing, because I can sit through both movies and enjoy them. I’m a freak. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 07/24/2008 11:45 PM


Being deported.

Chestnuts roasted by El Loco Gordo @ 07/24/2008 11:46 PM


Nikki,

I too was terrified of the hulk. And my grandparents got me a toy box that had a huge glow in the dark, 3D head on it. That blasted thing scared me *less the first time I saw it. Of course i was only four at the time, lol.

Chestnuts roasted by tigerfan @ 07/24/2008 11:47 PM


Clowns. Freaking clowns. And you know what else? Dr. Who. I kinda sorta remember some creepy opening in the show when it was on in the early eighties. For some reason, it got to me.

And I’m a night person too. Awake when every other sane person in the province is asleep.

Chestnuts roasted by Cat @ 07/24/2008 11:49 PM


Also, I used to find weapons to sleep under my pillow or my bed, pieces of wood, kitchen knives, heavy toys, pipes, hockey sticks, plastic silverware, so that I’d be prepared if someone broke in. I got in huge trouble when my arsenal was discovered each time, my parents became convinced that I was planning a school “stabbing” of some sort each time.

Chestnuts roasted by Cereal Killer @ 07/24/2008 11:50 PM


How could i forget! The X-Files theme song has always scared the crap out of me.

Chestnuts roasted by K-town @ 07/24/2008 11:52 PM


On the night of maybe my ninth? birthday I suddenly became morbidly afraid of being buried alive. I didn’t get the Lego pirate set I’d been begging for and was kind of depressed. I can’t imagine how annoyingly whiny I must have seemed to my best friend who was sleeping over, but I ended up making a silly note on note paper and taping it to my chest saying “I’m not dead, don’t bury me.” Or something to that effect. I didn’t know about modern embalming procedures or anything gross like that… but I seriously got this temporary phobia of being in a death like state and buried alive. Other than the disappointing gifts (selfish brat that I was/am) I don’t know what motivated that.

Chestnuts roasted by BoddahBoom @ 07/24/2008 11:55 PM


Listening to the Unsolved Mysteries theme now.

Trying to ensure that I have nightmares tonight.

Chestnuts roasted by Hey I'm Jeff @ 07/24/2008 11:56 PM


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