X-Entertainment.com X-Entertainment.com A Proud UGO Affiliate
My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.
« [Main Index] »

X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Movie Madness.

In 1989, my mother chaperoned a trip for my friends and I go to see No Holds Barred. No Holds Barred starred Hulk Hogan, who essentially played himself, fighting for freedom against the twin terrors of corporate soullessness and a giant, dark-skinned monster named "Zeus." It was all very Shakespearean.

I'm very conscious of the fact that No Holds Barred is one of the worst movies ever made, featuring everything from shady Cadillac drivers shitting themselves to Rob Lowe's sidekick from Wayne's World somehow managing to electrocute himself in protest of a wrestling match's outcome. Still, No Holds Barred was spirited if nothing else, and as a ten-year-old with a bucket of popcorn and a bunch of fellow wrestling nuts, I had a great time.

Only thing is, I made my mother sit like ten rows behind us, by herself. My crew wanted to maintain the illusion that we went to the theater on our own. I guess the cool kids were doing it.

That must rank among the top ten cruelest things I've ever done. It's bad enough that I roped my mother into seeing No Holds Barred, but to force her to pretend that she went to see it by herself? Beyond cruel. I probably extended my purgatory sentence by a good seven years on that afternoon alone.

This is your random survey of the night: Discuss some of your weirdest movie theater experiences. I have plenty of them, and will post a few in the comments once I zzz zzz zzz myself back to full health.

Posted by Matt on 07/21/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 226 comments

Good bye, Sophia. You’ll be missed. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/22/2008 7:37 PM

Wow, I am at a loss. I’ve seen quite alot of movies in my day, but I can’t really think of any experiences that were weird or odd. :?

I did see a toy at work today that pretty much blew my mind. A Nickelodeon Bucket of Slime! 12.99 for a nice sized bucket… but 12.99 was still pretty steep, for me. That wasn’t the most mind blowing part, though. The fact that there was a super soaker like gun that you could buy to SHOOT the slime at your friends was the insane part. What parent is going to buy that??

Matt, you should acquire one, though. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/22/2008 7:38 PM

i think my favorite theater experience was when i was six years old. for my birthday, i went on a “date” with the eight year old son of my mom’s friend. we went to a double feature of a re-release of alice in wonderland and a movie called amy, about some lady who taught deaf kids.

worst was anytime i went to a movie with one of my ex-boyfriends. we saw such classics as varsity blues and the faculty. he was 22 and i think he wished he could stay in his high school experience for the rest of his life.

Chestnuts roasted by Amy @ 07/22/2008 7:43 PM

A couple weeks ago I went to see Hancock. The movie stopped half way through, and some drunk guy (who gets drunk to go see Hancock?) fuckin loser. ANYWAY, he yells out, “WHAT THE FUCK?!” and then says, “AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT YELLED THAT”? then a girl who worked there came in and told us it would be a couple minutes and we’d all get free tix blah blah, and then the idiot yells again, “SWEET! SMOKE BREAK ANYONE?!” and he fuckin lights up a smoke, right in his seat!

all it took was this giant black guy to stand up 2 rows behind him, cross his arms…and the drunk guy goes, ‘oh..uh..sorry dude…my bad” ahahhaha

Chestnuts roasted by ellaenchanted @ 07/22/2008 7:46 PM

I don’t think I have a lot of weird movie theater experiences, just some awkward ones from guys I dated. Like I went to see Night at the Museum with this guy once and he put a damn bite mark on my tit. And you don’t want to know about when I saw Sweeney Todd.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/22/2008 8:11 PM

Victor

You had me at “killed” the projectionist! :-)

Chestnuts roasted by Mortalwind @ 07/22/2008 8:13 PM

Thorzul

“I also think people need to cool it with some of the thinly-veiled racist comments on this thread. “Urban youths” and “very large black woman” are unnecessary additions to otherwise good stories.”

Really thats racist? Give me a break. This one of the least “racist” blogs on the net.

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 07/22/2008 8:18 PM

Towards the end of The Ring, when the girl is crawling out of the television screen, I SWEAR TO GOD that I heard something crawling down the asiles towards me. I actually heard the sound of russling popcorn bags and a soda can being knocked over, like ten feet away, even though I was alone for rows and rows. Scary, but true!

Chestnuts roasted by Zeus @ 07/22/2008 9:04 PM

How the hell is “urban youths” racist? There’s plenty of kids of all races who listen to rap and dress and act like thugs.
And let’s face it,that’s who is usually an ass at the movies. You never hear someone yelling at the screen,”What’s all this then? Don’t split up chaps,Jason will have quite an easier go of dismembering you!”

Chestnuts roasted by Kid Nicky @ 07/22/2008 9:06 PM

Come on guys, let’s not do this. If anyone wants to take this argument to their own blog and discuss the finer points of IS or ISN’T, they are more than welcome to do so.

This has been a really fun thread, let’s keep it that way!

Chestnuts roasted by Amy @ 07/22/2008 9:25 PM

Zeus, I went on a date to see The Ring and the closet scene flash back made me jump about four feet out of my seat. That knocked off about twenty cool points.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/22/2008 9:28 PM

My worst experience was seeing X-Men 2 in the theatre the same day 2 Fast 2 Furious opened. I almost got into an accident with morons who were drag racing on the way in. Half way through the movie, when Magneto makes the joke about Rogues hair the film stops. After waiting a few minutes one lady goes out to find out what was going on, comes back and tells us the cops want everyone out. The theatre had an actual street racer car in the lobby and it apparently broke the fire code. The cops refused to tell us anything, including if we would get refunds. Then I had to deal with all the racers being pissed their movie was interrupted and driving like maniacs. The worst part was it stopped just as Magneto was starting the joke and it took me two weeks before I could hear the whole thing. And then it was not that funny.
My second worst experience was going to see The Mask on opening day only to find out it did not open until that night, so I talked my Dad into going to see Billy Madison. Neither one of us laughed once and I was 13 at the time. My Dad still has not forgiven me and to this day I hate Adam Sandler.

Chestnuts roasted by pureval @ 07/22/2008 9:43 PM

Great responses and fun thread. Here are some more of my own…

#1: Two friends and I went to see Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves on some long ago Sunday afternoon. I guess we were in junior high at the time. We were the only people in the entire theater. Seriously — there wasn’t a single other person there. Guess the movie was nearing the end of its run. Anyway, we weren’t really into the movie, so to entertain ourselves, we spent the two hours or whatever it was cheering for Azeem whenever he came on screen, as if he was a rock star. I lost my voice for days.

#2: When I was a child, my parents brought me to see a series of films that were highly inappropriate for a child, including a lot of raunchy R-rated stuff featuring all kinds of profanity and nudity. I’d say there was a babysitter drought, but I had lots of older brothers and sisters. One such movie was Aliens. I would’ve been seven-years-old at the time, I think. A lot of us forget how real movies felt when we were little, and indeed, I honestly did not expect to make it out of that theater alive. Positively terrifying. I refused to look at the screen for the most part. My parents tried to soothe the tension by claiming that Ripley in her exo-suit was actually a Transformers Autobot warrior. It was a dirty trick and it really didn’t work.

#3: I’ve told this story before, but I found Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie so disturbing and gross that I made my mother take me home after only fifteen minutes or so. The straw was the scene where the gator kid pulled a severed finger out of a First Aid kit to eat, if I remember correctly. I wasn’t so much scared as just totally creeped out. I was had a weird relationship with the GPK franchise. I’d go through periods of hardcore collecting followed by periods of scraping the stickers off of my wall because looking at them made me feel icky. I never recovered from the movie, but I guess things were getting pretty dead by then, anyway.

#4: Back when I was doing all of those premiere/screenings articles for UGO, which was pretty awesome considering the muck I was in right before that all started, they sent me to a screening for Jason X. The press area consisted of around three roped-off rows; the rest of the theater was reserved for people who won tickets on the radio. I liked horror movies, but they were always more a private, watch alone at home kind of thing. I’ve seen other movies with “freebie ticket” crowds since then, and they’re always nearing a riot — I guess the free tickets bring out the best and worst in people. But the crowd for Jason X was just totally nuts. Popcorn flying everywhere, half the audience out of their seats, and of course, the requisite X-rated shouts whenever someone got killed or did something stupid onscreen. From then on, I understood why people who didn’t seem like horror movie fans loved going to horror movies.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/22/2008 9:43 PM

Got my mom to take me and a bunch of friends to see D.C. Cab because it had Mr. T in it. We had no clue going in that it be such a dirty movie (but funny) boosted my street cred with most of the group who said not a word to their parents, save one idiot whose mommy freaked out because he saw boobies.

Chestnuts roasted by Shawn @ 07/22/2008 9:45 PM

As a lifelong wrestling fan/Hulkamaniac, NHB was the first movie I ever saw in the theater. I even asked Matt to review it here once. I remember how terribly upset I was when an attempt to see it opening day failed because, with Hulkamania in full swing, they’d sold out. Luckily I got to see it the next day, and nearly cried because it was so awesome watching my hero on the big screen.

Back in ’94 my babysitter forced my sister and I to see The Lion King, which I protested, insisting we see Street Fighter instead, loving the video game, and hating all things Disney. Plus my babysitter had already seen it herself. To show my disdain for Lion King, I loudly cackled when Simba’s dad died, drawing looks from every tear stained face in the theater. I did get to see Street Fighter in our next outing though…yeah…kinda wish I hadn’t.

That same babysitter would redeem herself though when she took me to my first R-rated movie a little after the Lion King incident; The Crow. It’s one of my fav movies, so I’m happy I saw it in the theater.

Chestnuts roasted by RobV1 @ 07/22/2008 10:12 PM

Let’s see, one time my sis and I went to see Freddy vs. Jason and were the only ones in the theatre and there were weird noises coming from the projection booth the whole time… Made the experience actually creepy.
Then when I went to see The Dark Knight, we were in the row right behind the walkway and this one guy kept getting up, and I’m serious about my Batman… so I threw my shoe at him then made my boyfriend fetch it. Didn’t get in trouble though.

Chestnuts roasted by cait @ 07/22/2008 10:24 PM

Matt, I never recovered from GPK movie either. I don’t know how that kid worked on the set with all the disturbing characters. that movie bothered me more than the Exorcist, Shining, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Basket Case I and II, Freaks, and Last House On The Left combined.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/22/2008 10:34 PM

I have the GPK movie on DVD and I’m still scared to watch it.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/22/2008 10:35 PM

Is the GPK movie really that bad?

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 07/22/2008 10:41 PM

my first Drive In experience would be my most memorable. I went with a bunch of girlfriends in high school. No boys. We did not watch the movie, we just pretty much acted like teenage girls and probably annoyed the pants off everyone there. Oh, and all but one of us (the driver) snuck in.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/22/2008 10:41 PM

I remember really wanting to see Howard the Duck. I didn’t know anything about the comic, but just thought he looked funny. However, at the end when the alien thing climbed out of Mr. Roony I was freaking out. Plus, it just sucked.

Chestnuts roasted by Dane @ 07/22/2008 10:44 PM

You were not the only one that left GPK early. I actually think I asked my mom to leave at the same scene you did and I think she was happy to get the hell out of there as well. That movie really freaked me out. I still haven’t seen the rest of it to this day.

Chestnuts roasted by Jack @ 07/22/2008 10:49 PM

Wow, I’m like the last person on this thread, and after reading so many stories mine won’t be interesting at all but I’m gonna do it anyway:

-In 1980-something I went to the movies for the VERY first time to see “An Ameriican Tail”, except it was with our entire class for a school trip which is pretty lame. I was surprised that my parents gave me money for a ticket as they were pretty stingy with stuff like that and much more bent on filling my life with trauma by not giving me money for school camping trips and stuff…oh wait, I’m getting off track….So ya, it was the first time I’d ever been to the movies, and not really knowing about these concession stands and stuff (what, I was only like 6 or something..), I neglected to ask my parents for popcorn money. So all the kids had various treats, and I had nothing and felt super-lame. Then the teacher took pity on me and bought me a small bag of dill pickle chips (ya they had chips at that movie theatre). Even at age 6 I felt like a huge loser for having to get chips from the teacher, and also I hated Dill Pickle chips, but I was too afraid to confess that.

Overall, it was not a good experience, one which I haven’t thought about in years, and years…and years.

Wow, I’m really glad you drudged up this memory Matt ;-)

Chestnuts roasted by Romi @ 07/22/2008 10:53 PM

Dan: The GPK movie is really bad, but I don’t think that’s what you meant when you asked. It was disturbing because its target audience was small children, and its star “heroes” were all completely icky to watch, spooky looking, with “action features” ranging from vomiting to eating fingers to gas to pissing themselves. It was just wholly unpleasant.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/22/2008 11:02 PM

There’s been a few weird experiences for me but not as golden as some of you guys’:

1. Going to see 28 Days Later with my sister and only about 2 other people in the theater, and for some reason the theatre had the sound turned up at least 2 times louder than usual…painful when a lot of the movie is running/screaming zombies!

2. Going to the theatre and buying a ticket for Finding Nemo so we could then sneak into Texas Chainsaw Massacre (we were under 18, bleh.), leaving the movie with a friend who got scared and then sneaking into The Fighting Temptations (not much selection), and then having the fire alarm go off so we have to exit the theatre with employees yelling “Save your stubs so you can get back into your movie!” (I don’t think that would happen when our movie technically ended a while before…haha)

3. My roommate and I went to see The Host and were 2 of only about 5 people there. A guy came into the movie about 30/40 minutes in, drinking “mysterious” liquids, and was listening to personal radio. In the middle of the movie. C’mon…I know it’s subtitled, but we don’t need you to add your own soundtrack. After a while I finally asked him to turn it down and he eventually stumbled out a bit later. Crazy drunks! Who knows how he even got in.

Chestnuts roasted by Hope @ 07/22/2008 11:04 PM

Add A New Comment!


This entry was posted on Monday, July 21st, 2008 at 11:37 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.