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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Batman For Breakfast.

You can count me among the stupid idiots who still haven't seen The Dark Knight. I'm honestly embarrassed about this. I fear all water cooler discussion at work tomorrow, though I suppose I could fudge my way through it with such vaguely defined gems as, "I loved that scene near the end with the Joker," or "yeeeah man it was even better than the first one!" SO clever. Like, Darkman-level self-appropriated cleverness.


Still, my geek cred has not been totally shot to shit. I just picked up this sweet (literally lol) box of Reese's Puffs cereal, arriving with a pretty great premium: A Batman Stunt Figure!

In terms of "free inside" cereal promotions, this is one of the best I've seen in recent years. Recalling the youthful thrill of digging my grimy hands through cereal that was meant for the entire family, searching desperately for a toy I'd lose interest in ten minutes later...yeah, I think a Batman Stunt Figure fits that template. Things like this make me want to knock up the woman just so I'd be able to see my boy's face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN. Would it be wrong to adopt a son, let him have cereal, and give him back right afterwards?

The back of the box confirms that there are four figures in all to collect -- two Batmans and two Jokers. Obviously, the Joker figures are the chasers. I don't care if you're the biggest Batfan in the history of DC Comics...you know you want a free Joker figure more than a free Batman figure.

I've never been a big Batman fan at all. Hate the fucker, actually. But I looooove all the guys he fights, and Mr. Joker tops that list. Suffice to say, if I put my hand in this box of Reese's Puffs and pull out a stupid Batman, I will be forced to saw off my foot and eat it. Disappointment manifests itself in mysterious ways.

Looks like it's time to do the deed. With crossed fingers and intestinal butterflies, I will now rip into my Reese's Puffs, and if the gods favor me, I will become richer one Joker figure. Wish me luck and count to three...


MOTHERFUCKKAAAAAA


MOTHERSSSSSSSSHITPOOL


THE BATUSI


I wouldn't doubt that these alleged Joker figures are a complete farce, and that the evil coconspirators known as General Mills and Batman Incorporated are lying about said figures to get us to buy more boxes of Reese's Puffs. JESUS CHRIST, I WANTED JOKER SO BADLY.

As royally pissed as I am, I'll try to remain objective and admit that the Batman figure is pretty neat. Each of the four figures has an action feature, thus justifying the "stunt" part of their umbrella title. In this case, Batman has the power of an automatic uppercut: Push his arm down, and he'll punch it upwards all by himself!

The figures stand at somewhere between two and three inches tall, and they're about as thick as a Bic lighter. I just thought you'd want to know that.

Overall, a nice little promotion, and it's not like you'll need your arm twisted to buy a box of Reese's Puffs. The cereal is disturbingly good, to the point where I must consider the legality of a cereal tasting this good. Toss in a free Batman (or Joker, sniff), and breakfast solidifies its position as the most important meal of the day.

Posted by Matt on 07/20/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 154 comments

Just for the record, I think “the woman” is a totally charming and not at all demeaning nickname. And I’m a total feminazi hellbent on dismantling the patriarchy and finding gender neutral substitutes for phrases like douchebag so I can insult people with equity ;)

On refresh, what Magic Toy said.

I got a huge kick out of the “Batman voice”, I didn’t know it was a canon thing. Neat!

Poor Toffeecake! That sounds rough :( Congrats on the baby anyway :D

Doesn’t Starbucks use real whipped cream?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/21/2008 1:40 PM

I agree with Magic Toy; you are calling her “THE” Woman, after all. People can see that she’s THE woman in your life, not just A woman.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 1:43 PM

And thanks, squee. I just hope my sore hips hold out long enough for me to go to Toys ‘R Us to see if there are any X-Files action figures out for the movie……You know…for the baby.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 1:46 PM

Pandora’s can of worms may have been opened.

Some time ago, a friend asked if I minded if my husband called me some name, I can’t remember, that a female friend of his went berserk over when he used it on her. He was trying to gauge if women are universally sensitive to this totally benign word. It was something like “the woman”, and I said it was fine with me whatever he wanted to call me.

This is a family restaurant so I won’t tell you what the friend suggested I *might* find offensive if my old man were to take to calling me. But to back down was not my plan, and I said I wouldn’t mind.

For weeks to follow, I was known exclusively by this pornographic epithet. I said it wouldn’t bother me, so it was my own fault. I’ll tell you what it was but you have to ask me privately.

Stick with “the woman”.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 07/21/2008 1:46 PM

The change in voice, in costume, is ZOMG.

In Begins, when he barks “SWEAR TO ME!!!,” I literally jump ^_______^

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 1:51 PM

I referred to my ex girlfriend as ‘Me ol’ lady’. Makes one wonder why she’s an ex, huh?

I’m glad I saved this post for this morning’s meeting. I needed a “check out” moment.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/21/2008 1:57 PM

http://ventvox.com/?p=78

what a coincidence!

Chestnuts roasted by Greg @ 07/21/2008 2:03 PM

I agree with Magic Toy– keep it real, Matt. “The woman” doesn’t sound derogatory to me; then again, I’m not really a feminist even though I’m female.

Also…didn’t this topic come up during last year’s Megaparty too?

Toffeecake, this is why I don’t go to the movies with big groups, especially ones that involve family. And seriously, Hancock over frigging THE DARK KNIGHT? That is so wrong, especially since the original intention was to see Batman. Hancock was entertaining for the first half but the second half ruined the whole thing. Well, at least you got to see TDK anyway.

Also, congrats! Yay for babies.

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 07/21/2008 2:16 PM

i think you should stick with “the woman.” we all know who you’re talking about, and writing her that way is second nature after all of these years. now, if you ever want to change it to “the wife,” i am all for that as well. ;)

i went grocery shopping yesterday and there were cases of captain crunch at the end of the aisle. it looked like something new, so i went running over, only to find that “all-star” captain crunch only means that the crunchberries are sometimes shaped like baseball bats. lame.

and i havent seen the batman movie yet either, even though i cant wait. i WILL NOT go to a crowded theater where there are kids running in and out and/or people talking. i turn seventy-two when that happens.

Chestnuts roasted by Amy @ 07/21/2008 2:20 PM

Michael Keaton was the bessst batman..It’s all downhill from there, mates.

Chestnuts roasted by Lodi @ 07/21/2008 2:28 PM

Special K I just posted earlier in the month a happy birthday wish. my birthday is the 1st of july (canada day) and yours is the 4th of july (US independence day) so we are (kind of) sworn enemies…i will throw gravy covered french fries at you. all in jest of course

Chestnuts roasted by Leigha @ 07/21/2008 2:35 PM

Even as a kid, I knew I didn’t really like the Batman films (you know, the old continuity). One Christmas my parents bought me like an entire run of the toys. And, I was like WTP ;_;;

I’ve dressed up as Batman more than anything else, for Halloween, but I seriously disliked the films. I felt grateful for the presents, but I felt horrible that I never really played with them.

I remember the night I watched Begins for the first time. OH MAN. One of those days where you’ve slept off an allnighter and wake up in the middle of the night to glorious leftovers and a sleep-empty house.

*sigh*

It was a revelation. The beginning still tears me to shreds. Great night, great movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 2:39 PM

@ Annette: There were two people in the group I went with that the husband(!) and I swore to never go to the movies with again. I wouldn’t have even cared if we stuck with the first alternate plan that we came up with, which was to split the group and let them go see Hancock while we went to The Dark Knight. For some reason this was too complicated. And yes, the second half of Hancock was totally screwed up.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 2:54 PM

Man, what is with all the hating on Reese’s Puffs? It ranks up there with Rice Krispies Treats cereal as the tastiest, but worst for you, cereals ever. When I first ate a bowl, it blasted me back to my childhood, eating E.T. cereal. They had like a milder, less gritty chocolate/peanut butter taste. And they were like Alpha Bits on a limited vocabulary…just E’s and T’s. Anyone remember those?

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 3:08 PM

I vaguely remember the E.T. cereal. I’ve been waiting for someone to recreate that taste. Ever so often, I get a hint of it in something, but it’s never quite like the original. Are you saying Reese’s Puffs are close? Well, I might have to have a chat with Reese and see if he’ll share. He’s been known to be a bully ya know? At least that’s what Mitch told me.

Chestnuts roasted by BgBlyStyle @ 07/21/2008 3:25 PM

I call my BF the Old Man…. which can confuse people. He calls me the Old Lady.

He, however calls me Pookie in private, and I call him Bubbie.

Chestnuts roasted by kittymao @ 07/21/2008 3:27 PM

BgBlyStyle, I actually hear Mr. Reese can be a quite generous ol’ chap, once you get to know him.

By the way, I do understand that there are now quite a few Reese’s-esque peanut butter chocolate cereals now…I think there’s even a Corn Pops variation now. I can’t vouch for the tastes of those…yet.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 3:45 PM

My man and I have all kinds of sickeningly sweet and dumb names for each other. I don’t care to expose some of the more ridiculous ones, but we generally refer to each other as “Lovey”.

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 07/21/2008 3:49 PM

“Lovey”…that’s cute. Like Mrs. Powell on “Gilligan’s Island”…or “Gilligan’s Planet,” depending on your age and inclination.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 3:57 PM

make me want to knock up the woman just so I’d be able to see my boy’s face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN
She’s a lucky lucky lady. ;)
I cannot remember the last time I saw cereal with a real toy inside that you did not have to send away for, I am going to go and buy this now.

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 07/21/2008 4:25 PM

yeah, that was me

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/21/2008 4:25 PM

I just got back from Dark Knight, and while I did find the ending slightly iffy, overall it was a great movie and is deserving of all the praise.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 07/21/2008 4:49 PM

I call the husband chi chi or chi cha for some reason. No idea where it came from and why I’m sharing this but there you have it!

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 07/21/2008 5:22 PM

Like I said ealier, check out Lucky Charms. I had an unopened box and tore into it this morning. Guess what? There was a chopping Joker inside, just as was stated earlier by a few folks.

Chestnuts roasted by momosgarage @ 07/21/2008 5:23 PM

I got the kicking Joker figure in a box of stupid shitty Cheerios.

Chestnuts roasted by DinosaurPirate @ 07/21/2008 6:04 PM

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