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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Batman For Breakfast.

You can count me among the stupid idiots who still haven't seen The Dark Knight. I'm honestly embarrassed about this. I fear all water cooler discussion at work tomorrow, though I suppose I could fudge my way through it with such vaguely defined gems as, "I loved that scene near the end with the Joker," or "yeeeah man it was even better than the first one!" SO clever. Like, Darkman-level self-appropriated cleverness.


Still, my geek cred has not been totally shot to shit. I just picked up this sweet (literally lol) box of Reese's Puffs cereal, arriving with a pretty great premium: A Batman Stunt Figure!

In terms of "free inside" cereal promotions, this is one of the best I've seen in recent years. Recalling the youthful thrill of digging my grimy hands through cereal that was meant for the entire family, searching desperately for a toy I'd lose interest in ten minutes later...yeah, I think a Batman Stunt Figure fits that template. Things like this make me want to knock up the woman just so I'd be able to see my boy's face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN. Would it be wrong to adopt a son, let him have cereal, and give him back right afterwards?

The back of the box confirms that there are four figures in all to collect -- two Batmans and two Jokers. Obviously, the Joker figures are the chasers. I don't care if you're the biggest Batfan in the history of DC Comics...you know you want a free Joker figure more than a free Batman figure.

I've never been a big Batman fan at all. Hate the fucker, actually. But I looooove all the guys he fights, and Mr. Joker tops that list. Suffice to say, if I put my hand in this box of Reese's Puffs and pull out a stupid Batman, I will be forced to saw off my foot and eat it. Disappointment manifests itself in mysterious ways.

Looks like it's time to do the deed. With crossed fingers and intestinal butterflies, I will now rip into my Reese's Puffs, and if the gods favor me, I will become richer one Joker figure. Wish me luck and count to three...


MOTHERFUCKKAAAAAA


MOTHERSSSSSSSSHITPOOL


THE BATUSI


I wouldn't doubt that these alleged Joker figures are a complete farce, and that the evil coconspirators known as General Mills and Batman Incorporated are lying about said figures to get us to buy more boxes of Reese's Puffs. JESUS CHRIST, I WANTED JOKER SO BADLY.

As royally pissed as I am, I'll try to remain objective and admit that the Batman figure is pretty neat. Each of the four figures has an action feature, thus justifying the "stunt" part of their umbrella title. In this case, Batman has the power of an automatic uppercut: Push his arm down, and he'll punch it upwards all by himself!

The figures stand at somewhere between two and three inches tall, and they're about as thick as a Bic lighter. I just thought you'd want to know that.

Overall, a nice little promotion, and it's not like you'll need your arm twisted to buy a box of Reese's Puffs. The cereal is disturbingly good, to the point where I must consider the legality of a cereal tasting this good. Toss in a free Batman (or Joker, sniff), and breakfast solidifies its position as the most important meal of the day.

Posted by Matt on 07/20/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 154 comments

I can’t imagine why a girl would not want to be directly associated with a website in which her boyfriend photographs cereal premiums and eats hair removal cream. :)

Chestnuts roasted by 9Line @ 07/21/2008 11:05 AM

I don’t think they’ll have mr freeze, to many lasers. The new batman seems to be more realistic, how about clay face?

ICE TO SEE YOU

Chestnuts roasted by Louiecue @ 07/21/2008 11:06 AM

quite easily 9Line… quite easily…

Chestnuts roasted by Sharkleberry @ 07/21/2008 11:07 AM

Yeah I’m fine. Well not at all actually but I’m just messing on here. Perhaps I should cool it a bit.

Chestnuts roasted by doho in the summer @ 07/21/2008 11:08 AM

Hey Matt, say hi to me so i can tell my friends you said hi to me ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Louiecue @ 07/21/2008 11:09 AM

I got some dumb batterang disk thingy in a box of Cocoa Puffs, but I did get a chopping joker in Lucky Charms. After reading the above posts I would say your best bet for getting a joker is with a box of Lucky Charms.

Chestnuts roasted by momosgarage @ 07/21/2008 11:21 AM

Why does the thought of mini-Jokers hiding in boxes of Lucky Charms amuse me so much?

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 07/21/2008 11:30 AM

Yeah, I remember that Batman Burger at McDonald’s. It really was great, and a pretty nifty idea, putting a burger on kind of a long hoagie bun. McDonald’s also had a Michael Jordan burger back in the days when he was on the Olympic “Dream Team.” It was basically just a double cheeseburger with bacon on it, but still, it was very tasty.

Why does McDonald’s also produce great new food items, only to yank them away from us? Oh how they toy with my emotions by bringing back the McRib, only to take it away again. A pox on your house, McDonald’s! Of course, I will gladly remove the pox in exhange for a lifetime supply of McRibs, Batman Burgers and Michael Jordan burgers.

Chestnuts roasted by tanta07 @ 07/21/2008 11:58 AM

Ok, people are talking about getting stuff out of Cheerios–I just bought my box last week and I had a great offer of a send away for a Speed Racer bowl shaped like a car :( That’s CRAP!

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 07/21/2008 12:00 PM

I have both batman figures (the “chop” and the “uppercut”) but I have not seen a Joker figure yet. Maybe I need to eat more Cheerios. From the looks of it the Joker figures look too happy and cute. I will agree with your asessment of the kicking Joker. He does look blown away by having a kick named after him. hahahaha

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 07/21/2008 12:03 PM

and for the record I have not seen the Dark Knight yet. I prefer to watch movies when I have the freedom of sitting in a non-packed theater. I like being able to sit where I want and not next to douchebags who don’t shut the fuck up during the movie.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 07/21/2008 12:09 PM

There is no shame in eating depilatories. We all humble ourselves daily in so many ways as professional slaves and time-servers. I admire a man who can stand up straight, look me in the eye, and say, “I eat leg wax”.

That said, my own subculture affiliations are well known for a series of pseudonyms, so I’m finding it hard to believe that Matt’s name is really Matt. Or even that he exists at all. These blog posts could be generated by a sentient machine. MattBot 2008. Get yours today.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 07/21/2008 12:23 PM

I am the boss here… and the best.
If you give me five dollars, I will let you tell people that you are friends with me.

Thanks,

Stinkbutt

Chestnuts roasted by stinkbutt @ 07/21/2008 12:32 PM

Yep, as of this moment, count me as another of the few unfortunate souls who haven’t seen “The Dark Knight” yet. On top of that, I’ve got my 8-year-old cousin with me all week, so I can’t let him tag along to a reportedly very dark and disturbing movie. From what I’ve heard, there’s really no bloodshed at all, but that’s what kept it from receiving an R rating.

Yeah, the Batman/Joker figures are one of the coolest cereal premiums I’ve seen in awhile. Even cooler than the Batman bank that was strapped to the 1989 “Batman” cereal boxes.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 12:35 PM

Hello there stinkbutt, I have a counter-proposal for you. Why don’t you give ME five dollars, and I won’t tell anybody we’ve ever crossed paths. Doesn’t that sound better? Doesn’t that take some of the stink out of your butt this afternoon?

Best, as always,
Big Boss BIOU

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 07/21/2008 12:41 PM

Matt don’t feel bad: I haven’t seen Dark Knight either and considering just about every theater in the NYC area has sold out of ‘em, I won’t be going until next month sometime or even later. Which is fine because I can avoid the crowds and I hate most people anyway LOL

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa Y @ 07/21/2008 12:42 PM

@TrimmTrabb: Batman does change his voice when in costume–established ages ago in the comics. I was very pleased they took the time to make this change, a little nudge of acknowledgment that even makes sense (works harder to make him less “some dude in a suit” to criminals–or anyone else, for that matter).

That said, I suppose you could ask for him to modify his voice in a different way, but I like this one.

Chestnuts roasted by FangsFirst @ 07/21/2008 12:43 PM

I bought a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch yesterday solely because of the Batman stunt figure it contained. And I got the exact same uppercut one.

Chestnuts roasted by Black Zarak @ 07/21/2008 12:51 PM

I haven’t seen the Dark Knight either and won’t see it for a while. I’m not a big fan of going to movie theatres so, I’ll have to wait until the commotion dies down. That way I’m not stuck in a packed theatre fighting with the person next to me for the arm rest.

I actually need to do some grocery shopping this week. I hadn’t planned on buying creal since I still have some. But the lure of a tiny Batman or Joker action figure may persuade me to buy some anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by DC @ 07/21/2008 1:10 PM

Eeww. Reese’s Puffs are icky. Not just because they’re literally sickeningly sweet, but also because they have this weird saltiness to them that adds to the ick.

Neat figure, though.

Chestnuts roasted by UbuRex @ 07/21/2008 1:14 PM

I like the concept of chocolate-peanut-butter cereal, but I personally don’t care for Reese’s Puffs because, last time I checked, they coat your mouth with this weird, vaguely waxy stuff and I HATE that. Kinda like that whipped cream they use at Starbucks. Anyone ever notice that?

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 07/21/2008 1:18 PM

I went out with various in-laws and friends Saturday night specifically to see The Dark Knight. We meet up at a restaurant beforehand and everyone decides that they’d much rather see FREAKING HANCOCK! You’d think that their suggestion that I watch a second movie without them after we see their choice would be fairly reasonable except for the fact that I’m 9 months pregnant… I can barely keep my back in a sitting position for one movie, let alone a double feature! And what if I go into LABOR during the first movie?? I’m not missing Batman, even for my child’s arrival into this world…. Unfortunately before I could express this sentiment, my husband had already acquiesced and bought the Hancock tickets. At least I got to tell them all “I told you so” after the movie sucked.

My husband and I did end up seeing The Dark Knight without them later that night though, because I ended up in a corner crying about it. The moral of the story is listen to the pregnant lady for once; she’s not going to get to do anything for much longer, and she has better taste in movies than you do.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 1:20 PM

I remember kind of liking the Reese’s puffs cereal when it came out, but that was a long time ago. I haven’t had it since then and I am now not a fan of sweets. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it now.

Chestnuts roasted by DC @ 07/21/2008 1:22 PM

Annette: You are quite right about the wax, this is part of the reason why I like them. The chocolate bits feel like they’re coated in loose sugary dust, but they’re actually not — it’s a totally foreign texture and I can only assume that Reese’s Puffs is produced on the distant planet of Jre’sepopo.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 1:27 PM

Matt:

RE: How you refer to your special lady friend -OR- “The Woman vs. Sharkleberry”

Don’t change. Keep doing things your own way. Those of us that have been around long enough understand the way in which you are saying it. Besides, I sometimes refer to my lady in the same manner. Like you said, it isn’t a sign of disrespect, but more to allow her a sense of anonymity. She knows I don’t write it as an insult. Hell, she’s twice the person I am and I respect her immensely.

Oh, and what is wrong with being called “the woman?” For males it is a badge of honor to be called “the man!”

Chestnuts roasted by Magic Toy @ 07/21/2008 1:31 PM

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