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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Batman For Breakfast.

You can count me among the stupid idiots who still haven't seen The Dark Knight. I'm honestly embarrassed about this. I fear all water cooler discussion at work tomorrow, though I suppose I could fudge my way through it with such vaguely defined gems as, "I loved that scene near the end with the Joker," or "yeeeah man it was even better than the first one!" SO clever. Like, Darkman-level self-appropriated cleverness.


Still, my geek cred has not been totally shot to shit. I just picked up this sweet (literally lol) box of Reese's Puffs cereal, arriving with a pretty great premium: A Batman Stunt Figure!

In terms of "free inside" cereal promotions, this is one of the best I've seen in recent years. Recalling the youthful thrill of digging my grimy hands through cereal that was meant for the entire family, searching desperately for a toy I'd lose interest in ten minutes later...yeah, I think a Batman Stunt Figure fits that template. Things like this make me want to knock up the woman just so I'd be able to see my boy's face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN. Would it be wrong to adopt a son, let him have cereal, and give him back right afterwards?

The back of the box confirms that there are four figures in all to collect -- two Batmans and two Jokers. Obviously, the Joker figures are the chasers. I don't care if you're the biggest Batfan in the history of DC Comics...you know you want a free Joker figure more than a free Batman figure.

I've never been a big Batman fan at all. Hate the fucker, actually. But I looooove all the guys he fights, and Mr. Joker tops that list. Suffice to say, if I put my hand in this box of Reese's Puffs and pull out a stupid Batman, I will be forced to saw off my foot and eat it. Disappointment manifests itself in mysterious ways.

Looks like it's time to do the deed. With crossed fingers and intestinal butterflies, I will now rip into my Reese's Puffs, and if the gods favor me, I will become richer one Joker figure. Wish me luck and count to three...


MOTHERFUCKKAAAAAA


MOTHERSSSSSSSSHITPOOL


THE BATUSI


I wouldn't doubt that these alleged Joker figures are a complete farce, and that the evil coconspirators known as General Mills and Batman Incorporated are lying about said figures to get us to buy more boxes of Reese's Puffs. JESUS CHRIST, I WANTED JOKER SO BADLY.

As royally pissed as I am, I'll try to remain objective and admit that the Batman figure is pretty neat. Each of the four figures has an action feature, thus justifying the "stunt" part of their umbrella title. In this case, Batman has the power of an automatic uppercut: Push his arm down, and he'll punch it upwards all by himself!

The figures stand at somewhere between two and three inches tall, and they're about as thick as a Bic lighter. I just thought you'd want to know that.

Overall, a nice little promotion, and it's not like you'll need your arm twisted to buy a box of Reese's Puffs. The cereal is disturbingly good, to the point where I must consider the legality of a cereal tasting this good. Toss in a free Batman (or Joker, sniff), and breakfast solidifies its position as the most important meal of the day.

Posted by Matt on 07/20/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 154 comments

I also have yet to see The Dark Knight. It wasn’t for lack of opportunity, as my dad woke me up at 9:30 am Saturday morning for a 10:00 am showing, but I was just too sleepy to want to go. Besides, there was a strong chance we still wouldn’t have gotten in anyway. I think I’ll wait until this Saturday to see it when the crowds have died down somewhat. Besides, the upshot is that then I have a movie to look forward after I see The X-Files on Friday. After TDK, there’s nothing that interests me in theaters until May ’09, when Star Trek finally opens.

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 07/21/2008 2:06 AM

Yeah okay. I forgot to say “unless it’s an inside joke or something.” Totally meant to add that. If this winds up a double post I apologize.

Chestnuts roasted by Joelle @ 07/21/2008 2:12 AM

Nah, it’s cool, I actually do mind if I come off a way I didn’t mean to come off. But it’s just funny to me — knowing me as I do — to think that anyone would think I’m the type of person to refer to the woman as “the woman” and mean it like that. :) Perhaps I will devise a less-polarizing nickname.

Tootie, maybe?

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 2:14 AM

Since it wasn’t a double post, I will suggest to you that instead of Woman you come up with some kind of sugary-sweet nickname? This will endear her to you, to us, and you to her. winwinwinwinwin

Chestnuts roasted by Joelle @ 07/21/2008 2:17 AM

Aha! I picked up your brainwave from all the way across the country! But not Tootie! Tootsie maybe! Tootles maybe even more!

Chestnuts roasted by Joelle @ 07/21/2008 2:19 AM

You might be onto something. I’m thinking maybe some kind of fruit word — Peach, Strawberry, maybe Grape.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 2:20 AM

Avoid anything based on the round fruits. Anything I tried to come up with sounded either fat or lascivious. Snoogy-bear?

Chestnuts roasted by Joelle @ 07/21/2008 2:22 AM

Got a kicking Joker in a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch before the movie came out… then, the movie happened, was awesome and I can still eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Life can be good.

Chestnuts roasted by Elmo Machete @ 07/21/2008 2:25 AM

I can’t say Snoogy bear; it just doesn’t roll off the finger version of my tongue. Maybe we’re going about this all wrong; I could name her after something hardcore. Like, “Terminatressa The Sapphire Warrior.”

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 2:26 AM

You could call her Sharkleberry.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 07/21/2008 2:27 AM

That’s a good one. :D

Elmo: Kicking Joker is the ultimate of the four available figures, especially because that version of the Joker is holding his head, as if to say, “I can’t believe they named a kick after me.”

It’s true: The box calls it “The Joker Kick.”

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 2:29 AM

Kicking Joker looks like Louis DeNonno from Hotel Dusk.

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 2:35 AM

+1 for Neg.

Chopping Joker looks like the kid from Pet Semetary, post-zombified.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 2:39 AM

+1 for you, sir, as well.

Total trip, man~

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 2:47 AM

I keep trying to think of a Batman villian that Daniel Day-Lewis could play. Any thoughts?

Also, I’m pumped that next year my ’89 Batman cereal box (sealed) will be 20 years old. Woo-hoo!

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy Day @ 07/21/2008 2:52 AM

Matt:

I like where you’re going with that. Although Sharkleberry is pretty kickass too.

Tommy Day:

The real question is, is there a villain in any movie that Daniel Day-Lewis COULDN’T play? If getting into the character of the Joker killed Heath Ledger, Then Daniel Day-Lewis would have taken out everyone in a 2 block radius.

Chestnuts roasted by Bartleby @ 07/21/2008 3:14 AM

You can count me among the stupid idiots who still haven’t seen The Dark Knight.

All one of them apparently!

Chestnuts roasted by doho in the summer @ 07/21/2008 4:35 AM

Both Batmans look like serious cat;

http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/a/a6/SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg

I think it’s the eyes.

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 07/21/2008 4:51 AM

“I don’t care if you’re the biggest Batfan in the history of DC Comics…you know you want a free Joker figure more than a free Batman figure.”

Not when you have 6 Jokers rotting on top of the fridge. :I

Chestnuts roasted by Lashiec @ 07/21/2008 5:07 AM

I can’t shake the nagging feeling that your Batman figure is left over from a Batman and Robin promotion. Sure, it looks like they got the costume right and sanded off the bat-nipples, but that’s the patented Clooney Smirk right there.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/21/2008 7:59 AM

I too would have preferred the Joker. But, hey, at least you got an extra toy to play with now. :)

I love the fact that there is a Megaparty this month, but I have been unable to keep up! I’ve missed the last 2 posts. I couldn’t even make the SNT. I give you credit Matt for being able to pull this off for a month!

Chestnuts roasted by DC @ 07/21/2008 8:32 AM

I got some weird “Batman Flying Disc” toy in a box of Honey Nut Cheerios last week. The disc doesn’t so much “fly” as it does just kind of get thrown into the air, but the cat sure liked it.

Chestnuts roasted by Kendra @ 07/21/2008 8:44 AM

the australian version of the toy line has scarecrow looking all badass

Chestnuts roasted by Jay @ 07/21/2008 9:59 AM

Does anyone remember the Batman Burger from McDonald’s?

Do I? I honestly think it’s one of the best tasting burgers that McDonald’s has ever produced (not saying much, I know…) I was totally addicted to those things. It didn’t hurt that I was smack in the middle of the puberty-induced appetite time of my life. Anyway, this thing is still legendary in my house. It’s the promotional tie-in burger by which all other promotional tie-in burgers are judged.

Matt, my vote for new nickname is Princess of Power. It’s endearing, fiercely awesome, and appropriately nostalgic at the same time.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 07/21/2008 10:40 AM

I can see Daniel Day Lewis as either Riddler, Ventriloquist, Mad Hatter, and even Mr. Freeze.

Doho: Are you ok? You’ve sound pissy lately.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 07/21/2008 10:50 AM

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