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07/20/2008: X-E’s ‘08 Summer Megaparty: Batman For Breakfast.

You can count me among the stupid idiots who still haven’t seen The Dark Knight. I’m honestly embarrassed about this. I fear all water cooler discussion at work tomorrow, though I suppose I could fudge my way through it with such vaguely defined gems as, “I loved that scene near the end with the Joker,” or “yeeeah man it was even better than the first one!” SO clever. Like, Darkman-level self-appropriated cleverness.


Still, my geek cred has not been totally shot to shit. I just picked up this sweet (literally lol) box of Reese’s Puffs cereal, arriving with a pretty great premium: A Batman Stunt Figure!

In terms of “free inside” cereal promotions, this is one of the best I’ve seen in recent years. Recalling the youthful thrill of digging my grimy hands through cereal that was meant for the entire family, searching desperately for a toy I’d lose interest in ten minutes later…yeah, I think a Batman Stunt Figure fits that template. Things like this make me want to knock up the woman just so I’d be able to see my boy’s face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN. Would it be wrong to adopt a son, let him have cereal, and give him back right afterwards?

The back of the box confirms that there are four figures in all to collect — two Batmans and two Jokers. Obviously, the Joker figures are the chasers. I don’t care if you’re the biggest Batfan in the history of DC Comics…you know you want a free Joker figure more than a free Batman figure.

I’ve never been a big Batman fan at all. Hate the fucker, actually. But I looooove all the guys he fights, and Mr. Joker tops that list. Suffice to say, if I put my hand in this box of Reese’s Puffs and pull out a stupid Batman, I will be forced to saw off my foot and eat it. Disappointment manifests itself in mysterious ways.

Looks like it’s time to do the deed. With crossed fingers and intestinal butterflies, I will now rip into my Reese’s Puffs, and if the gods favor me, I will become richer one Joker figure. Wish me luck and count to three…


MOTHERFUCKKAAAAAA


MOTHERSSSSSSSSHITPOOL


THE BATUSI


I wouldn’t doubt that these alleged Joker figures are a complete farce, and that the evil coconspirators known as General Mills and Batman Incorporated are lying about said figures to get us to buy more boxes of Reese’s Puffs. JESUS CHRIST, I WANTED JOKER SO BADLY.

As royally pissed as I am, I’ll try to remain objective and admit that the Batman figure is pretty neat. Each of the four figures has an action feature, thus justifying the “stunt” part of their umbrella title. In this case, Batman has the power of an automatic uppercut: Push his arm down, and he’ll punch it upwards all by himself!

The figures stand at somewhere between two and three inches tall, and they’re about as thick as a Bic lighter. I just thought you’d want to know that.

Overall, a nice little promotion, and it’s not like you’ll need your arm twisted to buy a box of Reese’s Puffs. The cereal is disturbingly good, to the point where I must consider the legality of a cereal tasting this good. Toss in a free Batman (or Joker, sniff), and breakfast solidifies its position as the most important meal of the day.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 153 comments

Just for the record, I think “the woman” is a totally charming and not at all demeaning nickname. And I’m a total feminazi hellbent on dismantling the patriarchy and finding gender neutral substitutes for phrases like douchebag so I can insult people with equity ;)

On refresh, what Magic Toy said.

I got a huge kick out of the “Batman voice”, I didn’t know it was a canon thing. Neat!

Poor Toffeecake! That sounds rough :( Congrats on the baby anyway :D

Doesn’t Starbucks use real whipped cream?

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/21/2008 1:40 PM EDT

I agree with Magic Toy; you are calling her “THE” Woman, after all. People can see that she’s THE woman in your life, not just A woman.

Ghosted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 1:43 PM EDT

And thanks, squee. I just hope my sore hips hold out long enough for me to go to Toys ‘R Us to see if there are any X-Files action figures out for the movie……You know…for the baby.

Ghosted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 1:46 PM EDT

Pandora’s can of worms may have been opened.

Some time ago, a friend asked if I minded if my husband called me some name, I can’t remember, that a female friend of his went berserk over when he used it on her. He was trying to gauge if women are universally sensitive to this totally benign word. It was something like “the woman”, and I said it was fine with me whatever he wanted to call me.

This is a family restaurant so I won’t tell you what the friend suggested I *might* find offensive if my old man were to take to calling me. But to back down was not my plan, and I said I wouldn’t mind.

For weeks to follow, I was known exclusively by this pornographic epithet. I said it wouldn’t bother me, so it was my own fault. I’ll tell you what it was but you have to ask me privately.

Stick with “the woman”.

Ghosted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 07/21/2008 1:46 PM EDT

The change in voice, in costume, is ZOMG.

In Begins, when he barks “SWEAR TO ME!!!,” I literally jump ^_______^

Ghosted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 1:51 PM EDT

I referred to my ex girlfriend as ‘Me ol’ lady’. Makes one wonder why she’s an ex, huh?

I’m glad I saved this post for this morning’s meeting. I needed a “check out” moment.

Ghosted by Bill @ 07/21/2008 1:57 PM EDT

http://ventvox.com/?p=78

what a coincidence!

Ghosted by Greg @ 07/21/2008 2:03 PM EDT

I agree with Magic Toy– keep it real, Matt. “The woman” doesn’t sound derogatory to me; then again, I’m not really a feminist even though I’m female.

Also…didn’t this topic come up during last year’s Megaparty too?

Toffeecake, this is why I don’t go to the movies with big groups, especially ones that involve family. And seriously, Hancock over frigging THE DARK KNIGHT? That is so wrong, especially since the original intention was to see Batman. Hancock was entertaining for the first half but the second half ruined the whole thing. Well, at least you got to see TDK anyway.

Also, congrats! Yay for babies.

Ghosted by Annette @ 07/21/2008 2:16 PM EDT

i think you should stick with “the woman.” we all know who you’re talking about, and writing her that way is second nature after all of these years. now, if you ever want to change it to “the wife,” i am all for that as well. ;)

i went grocery shopping yesterday and there were cases of captain crunch at the end of the aisle. it looked like something new, so i went running over, only to find that “all-star” captain crunch only means that the crunchberries are sometimes shaped like baseball bats. lame.

and i havent seen the batman movie yet either, even though i cant wait. i WILL NOT go to a crowded theater where there are kids running in and out and/or people talking. i turn seventy-two when that happens.

Ghosted by Amy @ 07/21/2008 2:20 PM EDT

Michael Keaton was the bessst batman..It’s all downhill from there, mates.

Ghosted by Lodi @ 07/21/2008 2:28 PM EDT

Special K I just posted earlier in the month a happy birthday wish. my birthday is the 1st of july (canada day) and yours is the 4th of july (US independence day) so we are (kind of) sworn enemies…i will throw gravy covered french fries at you. all in jest of course

Ghosted by Leigha @ 07/21/2008 2:35 PM EDT

Even as a kid, I knew I didn’t really like the Batman films (you know, the old continuity). One Christmas my parents bought me like an entire run of the toys. And, I was like WTP ;_;;

I’ve dressed up as Batman more than anything else, for Halloween, but I seriously disliked the films. I felt grateful for the presents, but I felt horrible that I never really played with them.

I remember the night I watched Begins for the first time. OH MAN. One of those days where you’ve slept off an allnighter and wake up in the middle of the night to glorious leftovers and a sleep-empty house.

*sigh*

It was a revelation. The beginning still tears me to shreds. Great night, great movie.

Ghosted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 2:39 PM EDT

@ Annette: There were two people in the group I went with that the husband(!) and I swore to never go to the movies with again. I wouldn’t have even cared if we stuck with the first alternate plan that we came up with, which was to split the group and let them go see Hancock while we went to The Dark Knight. For some reason this was too complicated. And yes, the second half of Hancock was totally screwed up.

Ghosted by Toffeecake @ 07/21/2008 2:54 PM EDT

Man, what is with all the hating on Reese’s Puffs? It ranks up there with Rice Krispies Treats cereal as the tastiest, but worst for you, cereals ever. When I first ate a bowl, it blasted me back to my childhood, eating E.T. cereal. They had like a milder, less gritty chocolate/peanut butter taste. And they were like Alpha Bits on a limited vocabulary…just E’s and T’s. Anyone remember those?

Ghosted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 3:08 PM EDT

I vaguely remember the E.T. cereal. I’ve been waiting for someone to recreate that taste. Ever so often, I get a hint of it in something, but it’s never quite like the original. Are you saying Reese’s Puffs are close? Well, I might have to have a chat with Reese and see if he’ll share. He’s been known to be a bully ya know? At least that’s what Mitch told me.

Ghosted by BgBlyStyle @ 07/21/2008 3:25 PM EDT

I call my BF the Old Man…. which can confuse people. He calls me the Old Lady.

He, however calls me Pookie in private, and I call him Bubbie.

Ghosted by kittymao @ 07/21/2008 3:27 PM EDT

BgBlyStyle, I actually hear Mr. Reese can be a quite generous ol’ chap, once you get to know him.

By the way, I do understand that there are now quite a few Reese’s-esque peanut butter chocolate cereals now…I think there’s even a Corn Pops variation now. I can’t vouch for the tastes of those…yet.

Ghosted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 3:45 PM EDT

My man and I have all kinds of sickeningly sweet and dumb names for each other. I don’t care to expose some of the more ridiculous ones, but we generally refer to each other as “Lovey”.

Ghosted by Annette @ 07/21/2008 3:49 PM EDT

“Lovey”…that’s cute. Like Mrs. Powell on “Gilligan’s Island”…or “Gilligan’s Planet,” depending on your age and inclination.

Ghosted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/21/2008 3:57 PM EDT

make me want to knock up the woman just so I’d be able to see my boy’s face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN
She’s a lucky lucky lady. ;)
I cannot remember the last time I saw cereal with a real toy inside that you did not have to send away for, I am going to go and buy this now.

Ghosted by Anonymous @ 07/21/2008 4:25 PM EDT

yeah, that was me

Ghosted by kb @ 07/21/2008 4:25 PM EDT

I just got back from Dark Knight, and while I did find the ending slightly iffy, overall it was a great movie and is deserving of all the praise.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 07/21/2008 4:49 PM EDT

I call the husband chi chi or chi cha for some reason. No idea where it came from and why I’m sharing this but there you have it!

Ghosted by gingela5 @ 07/21/2008 5:22 PM EDT

Like I said ealier, check out Lucky Charms. I had an unopened box and tore into it this morning. Guess what? There was a chopping Joker inside, just as was stated earlier by a few folks.

Ghosted by momosgarage @ 07/21/2008 5:23 PM EDT

I got the kicking Joker figure in a box of stupid shitty Cheerios.

Ghosted by DinosaurPirate @ 07/21/2008 6:04 PM EDT

well, OF COURSE! If everyone wants Joker -Who doesn’t?- you’re gonna put him in the low-selling cereals to boost those cereal’s sales!

FUCKING MARKETING GENIUS!

Ghosted by kittymao @ 07/21/2008 6:07 PM EDT

The Kicking Joke.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/21/2008 6:18 PM EDT

Hey DinosaurPirate….trade ya both batman figures for the ass kicking Joker figure :P I dunno why but that made me flashback to when I had to trade about 30 TMNT cards to get the final 4 I needed. Thanks again to my dad who bought me a whole box of Turtle cards for my b-day that year (which is why i had so many doubles/triples/quadruples of cards to throw around).

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 07/21/2008 6:35 PM EDT

Oh man! I had one TMNT card left to get, and I had nothing on me when the dude flashed it. I basically begged and he was like, “sure, gimme a piece of candy.”

Joke was on him! Candy has never been valuable to me, even in the 1st or 2nd grade. Mwuahahaha

Ghosted by Neg @ 07/21/2008 6:41 PM EDT

Funny… I just read “The Killing Joke” last night, for the first time ever, I think. I may have read it as a kid, but it was so long ago. I know I did read “A Death in the Family”.

I also picked up “Batman: Year One” and “The Long Halloween”.

Ghosted by Magic Toy @ 07/21/2008 6:42 PM EDT

I think “the woman” is fine. My bf usually calls me “angel” or “goddess” because as I’ve said, motherfucker worships me. I usually call him my “incubus” because he’s always after me when I’m trying to sleep. Plus he used to be into demonology (until that time he started speaking in tongues) so it kinda fits.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 07/21/2008 7:04 PM EDT

if we’re going to discuss our embarrasing pet names publically.. my wife calls me “Schmooky”.. – i usually call her Manda-chan.. I also abbreviate everything in what’s been dubbed “Schmook Speak” so I sometimes call her just Mand..

Ghosted by Review the World @ 07/21/2008 7:38 PM EDT

Okay…I um…I call my husband…I call my husband Weiner. In a sing-song sort of way. Like, Weee-nurrr. Mostly when I’ve had a few cocktails.

And when he is not paying attention, I call him Bob. It gets his attention b/c it’s his dad’s name.

Ghosted by Amy @ 07/21/2008 8:06 PM EDT

Also never got into the Batman franchise. I may rent “The Dark Knight” for curiosity’s sake when it comes out on DVD, but I’m not running all the way to the theater (the closest is a half-hour from me anyway) to see it.

Although I did see the boxes with that promotion at work. I have to agree with Matt – it DOES look frickin’ sweet. (In more ways than one, given the types of cereal you can find the figures in.)

Ghosted by starwenn @ 07/21/2008 8:06 PM EDT

Saw this, almost picked up a box. Might have to now

Ghosted by thejyav @ 07/21/2008 8:25 PM EDT

Unlike Hancock, the last half of this thread has been well-paced, hilarious, and awesome.

Ghosted by Bartleby @ 07/21/2008 8:28 PM EDT

I’ve been pondering all day if i should purchase this… clicky What do you guys think?

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 07/21/2008 9:25 PM EDT

I just went to target…no batman toys. Unfun.

Ghosted by kb @ 07/21/2008 9:39 PM EDT

“The Kicking Joke” shouldn’t have been as funny to me as it was.

Ghosted by Kid Nicky @ 07/21/2008 9:49 PM EDT

Toffeecake: Yay for babies! Congrats! I’m 9 months pregnant too!

I’m so excited about having my lil girl in 4 weeks, but I fear it has somehow already turned me and the hubby into some sort of responsible adults. We went to Target yesterday and spent all of our baby shower gift cards and all the money we had left in our account (plus some) on the stuff we needed for baby girl. However, in all the excitement, we neglected to stop by the toy department! We have never once gone to a store in the history of our relationship and not stopped by the toy department. It was all about…her. We were going to go see Dark Knight with my brother and his pals the other night too, but we backed out to save money for the baby. I guess that’s what it means to be a parent. (sigh).

Matt: I like “the woman” and I think you should keep it. However, the above suggestion about Princess of Power was good too.

Ghosted by earthwormgoddess @ 07/21/2008 9:58 PM EDT

I really need to see The Dark Night. Everyone at work kept on pestering me about it to see it because I haven’t yet. They all pissed me off too. But…that’s work for you.

Ghosted by Spock @ 07/21/2008 11:04 PM EDT

I got it – Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin

Ghosted by Tommy Day @ 07/21/2008 11:27 PM EDT

Count me among the people who haven’t seen TDK. I’ve seen so many movies this summer already, though. I need to save my money for a while.

If it stays in the theatres, maybe later next month…

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 07/21/2008 11:30 PM EDT

Or, Steve Buscemi as a paranoid version of the riddler

Ghosted by Tommy Day @ 07/21/2008 11:31 PM EDT

As I mentioned in an earlier thread, I won’t get to see TDK til this weekend probably…hopefully.

And Matt stick with “the woman.” If you ever changed it (to anything other than “the wife”), I for one would be all, WTF? Matt and the woman broke up! Who’s this chick he’s talking about now??

Ghosted by Teddy Ray @ 07/22/2008 12:03 PM EDT

Matt… when I read certain passages of yours such as: “Things like this make me want to knock up the woman just so I’d be able to see my boy’s face when he found out that his cereal came with BATMAN.”

I just want to run laps around the house yelling, “Matt rules! Wooooooo!!!!”

Seriously, your writing rox my f’ing sox.

About the woman thing…I’m a woman. When my best friend calls me, he says, “HEY, WOMAN!”

I really don’t see anything wrong with being addressed that way. At least he doesn’t call me “Lardass” or “Dingleberry Bitch”.

Ghosted by Hope @ 07/22/2008 12:25 PM EDT

On second thought… even if he did call me “Lardass” or “Dingleberry Bitch”, it would make me laugh. My sense of humor has not yet been surgically removed. I have yet to wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my funny bone missing.

Ghosted by Hope @ 07/22/2008 12:28 PM EDT

@ earthwormgoddess: Funny, the opposite happened with us yesterday. We went to Toys ‘R Us to get some baby stuff, and all we got for her was a pack of socks. We did end up getting the Dick Tracy movie though; I haven’t seen that in forever! Also, we’ve decided to make sure that she gets some boys’ toys if she wants them, because action figures are so much cooler than cooking playsets.

Ghosted by Toffeecake @ 07/22/2008 12:44 PM EDT

Matt, stick with “the woman”. I agree with Teddy Ray…at this point, it would be strange to hear you call her anything else. And the important point is that SHE’S not offended by you calling her that…who gives a rat’s pimpled ass what anyone else thinks. As long as it doesn’t bother her, you’re golden. Unless it does bother her and that’s the whole point. :P I personally have also always thought that was a little thing between the two of you. Of course, I am so hard to offend at this point, it’s laughable, so I see nothing wrong with being called “woman”. Or even worse.

Also, congrats to the moms (and dads) to be here at X-E! I am super jealous but looking forward to their being more X-E fans brought into the world. :)

Ghosted by Nicole @ 07/22/2008 1:47 PM EDT

I find it interesting that calling a man “the man” is complimentary, but calling a woman “the woman” is derogatory.

Ghosted by 9Line @ 07/22/2008 2:46 PM EDT

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