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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Burger Tyrant.


Bah, this shit's ridiculous. I've been seeing commercials for this Burger King "Club BK" kids' meal starring Pikachu and Apple Fries for a while now, and it seemed like just the type of neoclassic Happy Meal worth blogging about. I realize that Burger King doesn't make Happy Meals, but you know what I mean.


I expected the world, but what I got back was this sad, boring bag, with a Pokemon toy haphazardly shoved in with overcooked fries and crown-shaped chicken tenders. They didn't have Apple Fries in stock, which is kind of unbelievable. If there's one thing I'd never expect anyone to sell out of, it's APPLE FRIES.

That isn't what's bothering me, though. What really bugs me is the total lack of customized packaging. There's no "experience" to this.

BACK IN MY DAY, the Happy Meal was as much about its flashy bravado as its toys and cheeseburgers. Was there a single kid in the country who didn't at least try to keep the house-shaped Happy Meal box in perfect working order throughout their meal, free of folds and fry oil? Hell, a good many of us, myself included, went so far as to take those boxes home with us, working under the idea that we'd keep them forever and ever. We never did, but the fun was in the notion that we could.

Those Happy Meal boxes, with their colorful artwork and random puzzles, were as much a part of the filthy food experience as anything else. When McDonald's began phasing out the boxes in favor of less-artful bags, I was sad, but at least the bags still had the same gamut of illustrations and puzzles...albeit less colorful ones.

But this?! An unrelated bag lacking any kind of kiddy theme? APPALLED.


To protest, I refuse to acknowledge the neat holographic Prinplup card or the Pokemon-themed card holder it came with. Take that, BK.

In anti-celebration of this disappointing turn of events, I'd like to institute a new survey. In the comments, talk about your favorite Happy Meal toy ever. Yes, the free toys you got from other fine greasy food establishments are totally fine to talk about, too.

On the plus side: If getting pissed about the quality level of a Burger King "Club BK" kids' meal is the worst thing that happened to me today, I think I'm still in the black.

Posted by Matt on 07/17/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 264 comments
1 … 3 4 5 6 7 … 11

old school Lego vehicles like race cars and helicopters.

Chestnuts roasted by Boingophile @ 07/18/2008 4:01 AM

The best happy meal toy I ever got was hands down a christmas themed colorforms from around 1983. You got a little fold out christmas scene and a page of colorforms, or maybe they were stickers my memory ain’t what it used to be, and you could create your own awesome little christmas scenes. I kept the box from that magical meal for a good 3 weeks before it finally disentagrated.

Chestnuts roasted by randomcow @ 07/18/2008 4:10 AM

There was no McDonald’s in my town but I did like the toys from Wendy’s that made me feel like a spy such as the Carmen Sandiego Apple Decoder or other Carmen Sandiego stuff or things that looked like food but doubled as something else.
I swear I had a thing that looked like french fries but opened up into a cellphone or something… I carried it with me everywhere but I don’t know where it came from.
A Johnny Bravo little vinyl folder with a Johnny Bravo club card in it and some stickers… I think it was from Wendy’s and it made me feel like someone important carrying it around.
Also from Wendy’s a piggy bank but it was a brontosaurus and the coins would roll down the neck and into the hole at the end of the back.
Animal from the Muppets dressed as a hockey player from McDonald’s… i think it something that cost extra though… so not a Happy Meal Toy
I liked the cars as well: Fraggle Rock vegetables cars, Woodstock in his purple race car, Luigi on his Cloud, Baby Kermit + skateboard and Miss Piggy in her car… although i think those were handed down from someone else. and Yogi Bear on a seadoo!

Chestnuts roasted by gorax @ 07/18/2008 4:25 AM

just got home and am getting ready for bed after a midnight screening of The Dark Knight.. – for a guy that runs a website reviewing things, I’m never one to stand around a lobby pontificating.. – maybe it’s the Buddhist in me, but I enjoy smiling contentedly while walking to my car lost in my own thoughts better.. – guess all i can, or will, say is I think they did a really terrific job.. – hope all of you going this weekend enjoy it..

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 07/18/2008 4:44 AM

The Happy Meal toy that sticks out the most to me was the line based on Back to the Future: the animated series, from 1991. I still have a Doc Brown Delorean or two that I saved, as well as a toy Time Train that my brother got from a friend or a cousin. Other than that, I can remember lines based on:

Super Mario World (1991, McDonald’s)
Batman Returns (1992, McDonald’s)
Tiny Toon Adventures (1991, McDonald’s)
Looney Tunes/DC Comics crossover (1993?, McD’s)

Also, in the early/mid-90s McD’s used to have promotions where you’d get movie-related collector cups whenever you super-sized (I remember Batman Returns and Jurassic Park having such promotions). They don’t do that as much anymore, do they? The closest thing to that these days is that Carl’s Jr. cups sometimes advertise movies (Rush Hour 3 and Hellboy II, for example).

Chestnuts roasted by Hoverbored @ 07/18/2008 5:03 AM

I’m going to see The Dark Knight it this Sunday. I am really psyched about it. I actually went to see Iron Man tonight. I was going to wait for Iron Man to come to video, but my friend talked me into seeing it. I really didn’t expect much from it, but it was honestly the best Marvel movie I have seen to date. I am sorry I didn’t see it sooner.

Chestnuts roasted by Jack @ 07/18/2008 5:05 AM

First, let me show some love for the lesser-known restaurant toys. We can’t forget that Pizza Hut gave us Garfield back-to-school shit, Young Indiana Jones crap, Fievel Goes West cups with hats, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cassette tapes and posters. Also, I seem to have this memory of Denny’s perpetually offering different Flintstones toys.

But man. It would be impossible to determine my favorite Happy Meal/Kids Meal toys. There are so many precious memories. The Looney Tunes with the snap-on superhero costumes. The Lion King figures. The Animaniacs in funny vehicles. The glass Batman Forever mugs. The Simpsons in nature settings (and big dolls). The Batman: The Animated Series figures. The Nightmare before Christmas watches. Any time they ever did a McDonald’s character toy, like the costumed McNuggets or even the food transformers. The Super Mario figures. The 101 Dalmatians figures (and later on, X-mas ornaments). The Hercules plates. The Lost World: Jurassic Park watches. Really, countless others.

Then there are some that have seemingly been in my life forever because of how little I was when I got them. The Alf puppets. The Garfield on a skateboard. And one time my dad got a big plastic Batman cup from the first Tim Burton movie. That one might’ve been from Taco Bell.

Cheers,
Diego

Chestnuts roasted by Diego @ 07/18/2008 5:28 AM

Oh, and also, not terribly long ago, I remember my brother coming home with Bruce Timm-style Justice League toys he got at SUBWAY, of all places. It seems so amazing now. These places really don’t try anymore.

Matt, I thought I read somewhere that when the Star Wars: Clone Wars toys hit McDonald’s on August 15th, they would be in Happy Meal boxes. But I’m only like 50% sure of that, so don’t quote me.

When’s the last time they did those boxes?

Cheers,
Diego

Chestnuts roasted by Diego @ 07/18/2008 5:32 AM

Sorry for the triple post. Here is the article that suggested the promise of boxes: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/01/business/media/01adco.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Cheers,
Diego

Chestnuts roasted by Diego @ 07/18/2008 5:42 AM

Favorite kids meal toy? Transforming McDonald’s food-hands down….

Chestnuts roasted by Shuanfu @ 07/18/2008 6:07 AM

And when they made the Happy Meal boxes into those plastic boat shapes that -obviously- could float; those were the shit

now I wanna go to McDonalds

Chestnuts roasted by Shaunfu @ 07/18/2008 6:10 AM

BK has always, ALWAYS been inferior to McDonald’s. It’s a rule.

I saw the Dark Knight, and it left me with a funny feeling. I was expecting more, but the rest of the nerd community seems excited and pleased.

Chestnuts roasted by mezzanine @ 07/18/2008 6:27 AM

When you guys say Happy Meal boxes, do you mean like those:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3157/2442482988_63b2fd900a.jpg?v=0

http://www.jblog.com.br/media/69/20080211-looneypeq.jpg

Or the ones you mean are something else? These are cardboard, they usually come with art representing the toys given and maybe a puzzle or something like that.

Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 07/18/2008 6:50 AM

I can’t remember whether this was from BK or McDonalds, but my favorites were the Sonic 3 promotion toys. Sonic and Knuckles were a bit bland, but fun. Robotknik perplexed me (how did he manage to avoid falling off tables?!?!?!). The best was Tails though. I would practice seeing how high I could launch him in the air. Besides the Teeny Beanies, they were the only toys I can remember playing with long after I got them.

Chestnuts roasted by TAC @ 07/18/2008 7:06 AM

Matt,

I e-mailed the link to this blog to Burger king investor relations. And if anyone clicks the link on my entry here, it will go to that investor page (if you want to also e-mail them). My first job ever was at Burger King, and I have some odd loyalty to the company. I worked there back in the day the FIRST time the Star Wars glasses came out, if you know what I mean.

If the Burger King peeps e-mail me back, I’ll let you know…

Alex

Chestnuts roasted by Alexander @ 07/18/2008 7:30 AM

When the Disney animated Hercules movie came out, my sister and I decided that we would collect all the Happy Meal toys. We didn’t love the movie in particular; we just liked the toys. We kept those awesome boxes as long as we possibly could too, because they actually had punch-out sections to form doors for a little house.

Also, we were really into Beanie Babies, so we ended up getting our grandma to help us collect every one of those miniature versions that McDonalds came out with. They became the heart-shaped-tagless children of our bigger Beanies, much to the dismay of our collector’s value-oriented mother.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/18/2008 7:45 AM

Oh yeah, does anyone remember that cat and dog mascot team from the Taco Bell kid’s meals? Those made awesome toys; I remember getting a small playhouse with one meal. It reminded me of those Polly Pockets that I loved so much, but a little more simplistic. It seemed like a real bargain, as far as kid’s meal toys go.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 07/18/2008 7:48 AM

Alf puppets from Burger King. Gremlins 7″ records from Hardee’s.

Chestnuts roasted by Geoff @ 07/18/2008 7:59 AM

I would have much preferred a brown paper bag. Eight year old kids knew The Burger King Kids Club was not cool.

I liked the pull-back plastic cars with McDonald’s characters driving them. I remember Birdie had a pink car. This was in the late 80s, and I think Mayor McCheese had one.

Chestnuts roasted by ATD @ 07/18/2008 8:28 AM

Matt,

My apologies; this is the 3rd time I tried to post. must be doing something whacked. Anyway, I e-mailed the link to this page to Burger King Investor Relations. My first ever job was at BK, and I have an odd loyalty. By the way, here’s their link: http://investor.bk.com/phoenix.zhtml?c=87140&p=irol-inforeq

Chestnuts roasted by Alexander @ 07/18/2008 8:29 AM

Without a doubt, those transformer foodstuffs that Macdonald’s came out with in the late 80′s where miniature fries, burgers, milkshakes et all turned into tiny robots. I thought those were the coolest things ever. I still to this day contemplate buying them all off of eBay.

Runner up is the Fraggle toys they offered for a short time that had the little muppets riding around in vegetable cars. Red was in a radish, Gobo was in a carrot, Moki was in an eggplant, and Boober and Wembley were in a pickle. Those were super cute.

Chestnuts roasted by Kendra @ 07/18/2008 8:32 AM

I have a HUGE collection of Happy Meal toys bagged up in my attic. I’ve been lamenting this sad turn in Kids Meals/Happy Meals for a long time. Were there any of you who, like me, actually TRIED to take the box apart, then reassemble it to “make your own Bambi/Batman Returns/Super Mario Bros. playset” as it advertised on the bottom of the box? I felt like I was building my own ramshackle Eternia.

Let’s see…fav McDonald’s Happy Meals were probably those Food Changeables, their version of Transformers that transformed into your favorite McDonald’s food instead of vehicles. I collected all three series, even when they ran out of ideas and made them change to dinosaurs instead of robots. That’s also one where the almighty Happy Meal box was crucial, because it set up your Changeables’ special powers and bios. Without the box, how could you know that Fry Force was able to generate a force field around himself?

As far as franchises, I dug the Super Mario 3 and Batman Returns the most, and I ended up trying to collect every Star Wars kids meal toy since Taco Bell’s Special Edition toys.

Does anyone remember Dairy Queen’s “Rock-a-Doodle” figurines? There was no Dairy Queen here in south Louisiana at the time, and I was pissed when I found out I missed the boat on that one.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Whatsisface @ 07/18/2008 8:36 AM

All this talk about old McD’s toys makes me want to go through my parent’s attic! I know I have some of the transformer toys up there.

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 07/18/2008 8:40 AM

How about McDino Changeables?

Chestnuts roasted by meepy @ 07/18/2008 8:42 AM

I may be going way old school with this, but I remember Happy Meals that came in a plastic bucket, and the toys were beach/sandbox tools like shovels, rakes, etc. Pretty neat idea.

I was always psyched when Legos came as the toy. I don’t know why McDonald’s didn’t give out Lego toys more often – as little plastic blocks, they’ve got to be ridiculously cheap to produce, but kids go friggin’ apeshit over them.

Chestnuts roasted by tanta07 @ 07/18/2008 8:44 AM

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