Bah, this shit’s ridiculous. I’ve been seeing commercials for this Burger King “Club BK” kids’ meal starring Pikachu and Apple Fries for a while now, and it seemed like just the type of neoclassic Happy Meal worth blogging about. I realize that Burger King doesn’t make Happy Meals, but you know what I mean.
I expected the world, but what I got back was this sad, boring bag, with a Pokemon toy haphazardly shoved in with overcooked fries and crown-shaped chicken tenders. They didn’t have Apple Fries in stock, which is kind of unbelievable. If there’s one thing I’d never expect anyone to sell out of, it’s APPLE FRIES.
That isn’t what’s bothering me, though. What really bugs me is the total lack of customized packaging. There’s no “experience” to this.
BACK IN MY DAY, the Happy Meal was as much about its flashy bravado as its toys and cheeseburgers. Was there a single kid in the country who didn’t at least try to keep the house-shaped Happy Meal box in perfect working order throughout their meal, free of folds and fry oil? Hell, a good many of us, myself included, went so far as to take those boxes home with us, working under the idea that we’d keep them forever and ever. We never did, but the fun was in the notion that we could.
Those Happy Meal boxes, with their colorful artwork and random puzzles, were as much a part of the filthy food experience as anything else. When McDonald’s began phasing out the boxes in favor of less-artful bags, I was sad, but at least the bags still had the same gamut of illustrations and puzzles…albeit less colorful ones.
But this?! An unrelated bag lacking any kind of kiddy theme? APPALLED.
To protest, I refuse to acknowledge the neat holographic Prinplup card or the Pokemon-themed card holder it came with. Take that, BK.
In anti-celebration of this disappointing turn of events, I’d like to institute a new survey. In the comments, talk about your favorite Happy Meal toy ever. Yes, the free toys you got from other fine greasy food establishments are totally fine to talk about, too.
On the plus side: If getting pissed about the quality level of a Burger King “Club BK” kids’ meal is the worst thing that happened to me today, I think I’m still in the black.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
eee. That’s Arby’s. Army’s gives out something different, I am sure.