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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Burger Tyrant.


Bah, this shit's ridiculous. I've been seeing commercials for this Burger King "Club BK" kids' meal starring Pikachu and Apple Fries for a while now, and it seemed like just the type of neoclassic Happy Meal worth blogging about. I realize that Burger King doesn't make Happy Meals, but you know what I mean.


I expected the world, but what I got back was this sad, boring bag, with a Pokemon toy haphazardly shoved in with overcooked fries and crown-shaped chicken tenders. They didn't have Apple Fries in stock, which is kind of unbelievable. If there's one thing I'd never expect anyone to sell out of, it's APPLE FRIES.

That isn't what's bothering me, though. What really bugs me is the total lack of customized packaging. There's no "experience" to this.

BACK IN MY DAY, the Happy Meal was as much about its flashy bravado as its toys and cheeseburgers. Was there a single kid in the country who didn't at least try to keep the house-shaped Happy Meal box in perfect working order throughout their meal, free of folds and fry oil? Hell, a good many of us, myself included, went so far as to take those boxes home with us, working under the idea that we'd keep them forever and ever. We never did, but the fun was in the notion that we could.

Those Happy Meal boxes, with their colorful artwork and random puzzles, were as much a part of the filthy food experience as anything else. When McDonald's began phasing out the boxes in favor of less-artful bags, I was sad, but at least the bags still had the same gamut of illustrations and puzzles...albeit less colorful ones.

But this?! An unrelated bag lacking any kind of kiddy theme? APPALLED.


To protest, I refuse to acknowledge the neat holographic Prinplup card or the Pokemon-themed card holder it came with. Take that, BK.

In anti-celebration of this disappointing turn of events, I'd like to institute a new survey. In the comments, talk about your favorite Happy Meal toy ever. Yes, the free toys you got from other fine greasy food establishments are totally fine to talk about, too.

On the plus side: If getting pissed about the quality level of a Burger King "Club BK" kids' meal is the worst thing that happened to me today, I think I'm still in the black.

Posted by Matt on 07/17/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 264 comments

Justin

http://cgi.ebay.com/Land-Before-Time-PETRIE-Rubber-Hand-Puppet-Daycare_W0QQitemZ350065343640QQihZ022QQcategoryZ95261QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp1638Q2em118Q2el1247

your welcome

AND, um, I remember the transformer ones…the ones that changed from mcdonalds food into robots, those were rad, and the often mentioned super mario bros. 3 toys were the sex.

Chestnuts roasted by Shad @ 07/18/2008 12:40 AM

One of my best thrift shop finds ever was a complete mint-in-the-bags-with-tags set of all three of the McDonald’s Holiday Muppet Babies. I almost went totally ballistic when I found those. They’re currently part of the display under my Christmas tree. (We did have them when I was a kid, but they were long gone by the time the 90s rolled around.) I found one of the PokeBall BK toys at the same store a year later (Pikachu) – it’s proudly displayed on the same shelf as my Care Bears and Sailor Moon dolls from 2000.

My brother had the Charizard PokeBall for years, though I don’t think he still has it. He also had the Buzz, Woody, and RC “Toy Story” toys and three “Hunchback of Notre Dame” handpuppets.

Mom used the McDonald’s Spooky Pails as Halloween decorations for many years, though she’s since told me she got rid of them. Also around for years – the Disney characters dressed in world-themed costumes (I had Three Caballeros Donald on my shelf in college), pull-back DuckTales toys from McDonald’s, and the famous Changeables. (I remember having the Chicken Nuggets, the Shake, and I think there were two of the Big Macs.)

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 07/18/2008 12:41 AM

I had totally forgotten about those mcboo pails but HOLY SHIT that brings back memories, damn…I really want a set of those now.

Chestnuts roasted by Shad @ 07/18/2008 12:41 AM

Definitely the McBoo pails. They were awesome. Mickey D’s usually came up with some pretty good stuff for Halloween.

The Burger Kings in Staten Island suck ass. First of all, they never have the the current toys. I took my kids there for Indiana Jones toys, and all they could come up with were leftovers from Fantastic Four. At that rate, I expect the Staten Island Burger Kings will have apple fries sometime in 2010.

Chestnuts roasted by Ann Marie @ 07/18/2008 12:42 AM

Another non-toy that i miss, the metal play scapes that included Big mac and mayor mc cheese. I cried when the last mcdonalds around here was replaced with plastic slides.

Chestnuts roasted by bookafish @ 07/18/2008 12:43 AM

also…damn, those rescue ranger toys…I would give a nut for a complete mint set of those things.

Chestnuts roasted by shad @ 07/18/2008 12:44 AM

Ann Marie: I gotta be honest, I had to zip through this entry due to insane day, but I really wanted to talk about the Burger Kings in Staten Island. They’re unbelievably bad. I really don’t get it. It’s every single one of them, too. I can’t imagine that this is common for BKs everywhere, as they wouldn’t be in business if so. Every BK here is just soooo…ghetto.

I’ve written about some of the Happy Meals discussed above…

McBoo Pails.

Changeables.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2008 12:44 AM

Shad, thank you. I’ve actually seen him on there before but I never think to look when i actually have cash. It’s my stupidity more than anything else.

On the subject of the giant tastebud, in a mall McDonalds in the 80′s there was one of those big scarey animatronic fuckers that was shaped like a hot air balloon full of McDonald’s characters. Ronald did a ten minute bit that replayed itself over and over, and part of it explained how grimace became purple. I don’t remember anything else, but the fact that he ‘became’ purple might be news to you Grimace enthusiasts.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin B @ 07/18/2008 12:45 AM

squee: I don’t know where “in the red” came from. Thanks!

kb: I think what you’re referring to are actually old containers that were used for Happy Meals a long, long time ago. I’d kill for one of those, too. I can’t remember if the containers were considered “the toy” or if they were just simply containers, but I definitely remember them being out more than once.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2008 12:47 AM

back in the day people, mcdonalds REVOLVED around kids and the all mighty happy meal, now…it’s not that big of a deal. Sad, but true.

Chestnuts roasted by Shad @ 07/18/2008 12:47 AM

Matt, they did not count as the toy, they just counted as the box, the one year they toy inside was the McNuggets. Maybe the first year they were the toy, but not after.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin B @ 07/18/2008 12:49 AM

Justin: Cool — I remember them doubling nicely as sandbox/beach toys. And thinking about them has just reminded me that I indeed had a sandbox, which doesn’t seem at all “me,” much less like something my parents would’ve gone through the trouble of building.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2008 12:53 AM

ignore my last post I was confused about what was being questioned…

Chestnuts roasted by Justin B @ 07/18/2008 12:54 AM

ugh, perfect timing…

Chestnuts roasted by Justin B @ 07/18/2008 12:54 AM

Sorry, your comment is forever a part of history.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2008 12:55 AM

I don’t remember much in the way of Happy meal toys from when I was a kid beyond Hot wheel cars.

Some of the most memorable ones I’ve gotten since I was a adult was from Taco Bell (they suck for toys now though) The Toys I’m talking about now were Star Wars related. Argo city that floated using magnets, a really cool Millenium falcon. Mirror box thing with half of Darth Vader’s head in it (but the mirror made it look whole)
I held onto these for quite awhile.

Chestnuts roasted by Wenthral @ 07/18/2008 12:55 AM

I’ll redeem myself by stimulating everyone’s memory with a similar promotion not yet mentioned:

the earth day gardening sets from McDonalds, with the bucket, the seeds, the mini purple rake thing, the shovel, and the watering can.

later they did a similar thing or wendy’s ripped them off, i forget which, but it involved a really shitty terarium

Chestnuts roasted by Justin B @ 07/18/2008 12:58 AM

I don’t know if anyone remembers this, Maybe Matt has already written about it.

But at some point, McDonalds was promoting Capt. Planet.

So to save the earth, they made Hard Plastic Happy meal Containers. The looked just like regular Happy Meal Boxes, except they opened like lunch Boxes. The gimmick was that you bring in your container and the McDonalds employee’s would load them up with food. That way you wouldn’t throw away unnecessary carboard.

I remember them being in conjunction with Capt. Planet, But I seem to recall getting a Mini Flower Watering Can in mine.

Chestnuts roasted by Jester @ 07/18/2008 1:01 AM

You crossed out Manaphy.

You crossed out Manaphy.

YOU CROSSED OUT MANAPHY.

I can put up with a lot of things. But, I cannot stand idle by this.

MATTHEW CARACAPPA. WE ARE THROUGH. FINISHED.

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/18/2008 1:02 AM

You know I love you, mang ^___^

But, oh man, you lucky bastard. You got the Manaphy case :D

My favorite Poke, if you couldn’t tell. Movie 9, represent!

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 07/18/2008 1:04 AM

It seems Neg has crossed to the bad place

Chestnuts roasted by Bookafish @ 07/18/2008 1:05 AM

My fav poke is Weezing. Neg what’s your Diamond or Pearl code? Maybe we could battle sometime ?

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/18/2008 1:06 AM

My favorites have been covered. Thanks though Matt, we twenty somethings should make a concerted effort to keep McDonald’s golden years alive. I look at the shitty plastic turds they pawn off on kids these days, it’s sad. Sure they still get a kick, but nothing featuring Dora will ever match a Changeable. Gone forever are the days when a McDonald’s toy was a wholly viable addition to a kid’s first string squad.

Chestnuts roasted by midship @ 07/18/2008 1:06 AM

The Animation Wheel!

Followed closely by the following, in no particular order: (McD’s) McBoo pails, Changeables, Halloween McNugget Buddies, Tiny Toon flip cars, Fraggle Rock cars, Little Mermaid original toys, (Hardee’s) Nicktoons back to school, and the (Pizza Hut?) Eureeka’s Castle puppets. But really, I enjoyed pretty much all the toys I got when I was a kid, even the Barbies. (With/without hair. I’d play with them in the pool.)

Jester, that is an awesome story!

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 07/18/2008 1:08 AM

Gotta love the Mario 3, the rescue rangers, the muppet themed toys, but anyone else remember from like the early 90s when mcdonalds was promoting saving the rain forest and they replaced the box with a rainforest themed bag, and had things like cheap water colors and stuff like that? I think I am remembering correctly

Chestnuts roasted by Peter @ 07/18/2008 1:11 AM

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