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X-E’s ’08 Summer Megaparty: Burger Tyrant.


Bah, this shit's ridiculous. I've been seeing commercials for this Burger King "Club BK" kids' meal starring Pikachu and Apple Fries for a while now, and it seemed like just the type of neoclassic Happy Meal worth blogging about. I realize that Burger King doesn't make Happy Meals, but you know what I mean.


I expected the world, but what I got back was this sad, boring bag, with a Pokemon toy haphazardly shoved in with overcooked fries and crown-shaped chicken tenders. They didn't have Apple Fries in stock, which is kind of unbelievable. If there's one thing I'd never expect anyone to sell out of, it's APPLE FRIES.

That isn't what's bothering me, though. What really bugs me is the total lack of customized packaging. There's no "experience" to this.

BACK IN MY DAY, the Happy Meal was as much about its flashy bravado as its toys and cheeseburgers. Was there a single kid in the country who didn't at least try to keep the house-shaped Happy Meal box in perfect working order throughout their meal, free of folds and fry oil? Hell, a good many of us, myself included, went so far as to take those boxes home with us, working under the idea that we'd keep them forever and ever. We never did, but the fun was in the notion that we could.

Those Happy Meal boxes, with their colorful artwork and random puzzles, were as much a part of the filthy food experience as anything else. When McDonald's began phasing out the boxes in favor of less-artful bags, I was sad, but at least the bags still had the same gamut of illustrations and puzzles...albeit less colorful ones.

But this?! An unrelated bag lacking any kind of kiddy theme? APPALLED.


To protest, I refuse to acknowledge the neat holographic Prinplup card or the Pokemon-themed card holder it came with. Take that, BK.

In anti-celebration of this disappointing turn of events, I'd like to institute a new survey. In the comments, talk about your favorite Happy Meal toy ever. Yes, the free toys you got from other fine greasy food establishments are totally fine to talk about, too.

On the plus side: If getting pissed about the quality level of a Burger King "Club BK" kids' meal is the worst thing that happened to me today, I think I'm still in the black.

Posted by Matt on 07/17/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 264 comments

Anyone remember when these chains could rule our world? i am in possesion of a McDonald’s restaurant playset for the Little people collection. The closest thing i can find like this now-a-days is McDonald themed fake food at toys-r-us

Chestnuts roasted by Bookafish @ 07/17/2008 11:47 PM

When I was a kid, my Dad and I collected McDonalds toys and BK toys, and we’ve got a few 5ft high moving boxes with packaged toys in them.

My favorite, were the pullback cars featuring Ronald, The Grimace, the Hamburgler, and that duck-faced bitch with the goggles. I think they came out around 1984.

Still work to this day. lol. I love it.

Chestnuts roasted by NintendoMan @ 07/17/2008 11:47 PM

I think you mean you’re still in the black? Alternately, you could be having a red letter day :D
I had a Genie (from Aladdin) toy that I carried around in my pocket as a little buddy for awhile that stands out as a sentimental favorite. I loved those Taco Bell Star Wars toys, and the ones Burger King did recently are great too. I keep spare change in Han Solo’s carbonite casing. I think the Tiny Toons ones were my favorites of all the McDonald’s car toys over the years.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/17/2008 11:49 PM

A happy meal in a bag is like Star Wars toys with bendable joints. What is the world coming to?

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/17/2008 11:50 PM

My favorite thing was the Halloween buckets. I loved those. I also loved the Barbie toys and the transformer burger, fries, and nuggets. I also miss the foam containers…

Chestnuts roasted by gingela5 @ 07/17/2008 11:51 PM

23k Gold-plated Pokemon Cards …

Chestnuts roasted by craig @ 07/17/2008 11:51 PM

I feel so neglected tonight. *sniff*

Chestnuts roasted by Karen Ross @ 07/17/2008 11:52 PM

I just found out, after, like 26 years, that the Grimace is supposed to be a tastebud.

What the hell? D:

Chestnuts roasted by NintendoMan @ 07/17/2008 11:52 PM

Nintendoman, a tastebud? really? i always thought he was supposed to be something related to the shakes he represented. I feel a little thrown now, like juno with fingernails

Chestnuts roasted by Bookafish @ 07/17/2008 11:56 PM

Come to think of it, I remember being pissed that I never got the rarer Doozer toys…Wonder if ebay has them.

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 07/17/2008 11:56 PM

gingela5: I LOVED the Halloween buckets! =D I actually used them for trick or treating! Along with couple of HUGE pillow cases!

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/17/2008 11:57 PM

Grimace is a TASTEBUD?! HUH! Well that solves the mystery I guess. If it’s true that is.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/17/2008 11:59 PM

More trivia: Grimace was originally “evil” and had four arms for the purpose of stealing milkshakes.

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 07/18/2008 12:00 AM

Man, fast food toys. Got to love them. There’s a McDonalds in Roswell, NM that has a bunch of old toys on display.

Man, I don’t think I can limit myself to just one. So I’ll list a bunch.

Any Happy Meal involving LEGO was automatically awesome. I mean, toys that you can integrate with your other toys? REAL toys, not cheap crap? Awesome.

I have a Men in Black memory eraser thing that I think was from Burger King. It’s pretty cool because it’s just like a miniature version of the movie prop. I don’t think they made a “real” toy like it…I still have it, too.

I also like the Batmobile toy from McDonalds from Batman Returns.

I seem to remember Chip and Dale rescue ranger toys were cool.

Any Nintendo-related toys were automatic wins for me. I especially loved the Pokeballs from BK. Those were great. When they came out I used to go get two BK meals at one time, just to get two different toys. Bear in mind I was in High School for this. I never did get the elusive Pikachu toy, though. :(

Also, McDonald’s boxes: I have a vivid recollection of collecting at least three of the Jungle Book boxes when it was re-released in theatres in the late 80s. You could pop out parts of them and connect them all to make a fortress.

Man, now I really miss happy meal boxes. Bags just don’t cut it. You need the cool box.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 07/18/2008 12:01 AM

My son has that same case. He saw the commercial and for the first time ever requested BK over McD’s.

I remember the ship or boat happy meal. It was and always will be my favorite happy meal toy. I would totally consider buying THAT off of ebay.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/18/2008 12:02 AM

Anyone remeber the pirate that used to try and steal the filet o’ fish?

Chestnuts roasted by Bookafish @ 07/18/2008 12:02 AM

Captain Crook!

Chestnuts roasted by Clockwork @ 07/18/2008 12:03 AM

I refuse to believe that Grimace, the purple Alien that I have come to know and love, is a Taste Bud.

To be honest, I had no idea what the hell it was. But a Taste Bud? Seriously?

Wow

Chestnuts roasted by Jester @ 07/18/2008 12:09 AM

I loved the Super Mario 3 toys, but my favorites were the oft-commented on McDs Changeables. Sadly, I was only around to have the versions that turned into Dinosaurs. But still, awesome. All the food was still served in styrofoam back then.

I, too, still have those BK Simpsons dolls.

One of my co-workers discovered that our local McDs still carried the Big n Tasty, you just had to request it. I don’t think I will, because as it turns out, it’s actually the McDLT, but without the environment-destroying styrofoam package.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 07/18/2008 12:12 AM

I couldn’t remember any specific toys at all.
That is until norb mentioned the SMB3 toys, I think I had mario on a spring or something.
My memory aint what it used to be, I appologize.

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 07/18/2008 12:15 AM

The McDLT became the Big Xtra during the Arch Delux years, and then later the Big ‘n’ Tasty

Chestnuts roasted by Bookafish @ 07/18/2008 12:17 AM

Alot of fast food snadwiches are really the same thing, they just have different names.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 07/18/2008 12:19 AM

Oh man, you people are reminding me of too much shit.

I’ll have to do a top ten or something

10. This Japanese paper placemat that I took from a McDonalds in tokyo with the intent of somehow sending it to Matt:
http://keitheng.net/justinspace/japplacemat.jpg

9. These plastic big wheeled monster trucks from some local Pizza place in the town I was born in. Nothing special, but I had them for ages, and they were the first such thing I ever got from a food joint. They were called Stompers, or so my cousin who is getting married tomorrow said.

8. The Little Mermaid toys, particularly the Flounder that squirt water. My sis made me watch that movie until I hated it when she was 6, but I still counted those toys as awesome.

7. X-Men comics and VHS tapes from Pizza Hut around 1993-94

6. Toy Story woody puppet, as well as Buzz Lightyear and RC. I was a bit old, 11 or 12 but it was such a great movie and such high quality toys, who cares?

5. The several million Hotwheels cars added to my collection of several million other hotwheels and matchbox cars from years of asking for them every chance I got at Bombergers, where they were 87 cents and no one was going to say no.

4. The buckets mentioned earlier that looked like ghosts and pumpkins. The second year was better simply because the ghosts glowed in the dark. Those smelled like fries for months, which I think was half the appeal. The mcnugget characters came in these. good combo.

3. Batman Forever clear mugs. Not a kids meal thing, but I was 11 so I wasn’t eating happy meals anyway.

2. Rescue Rangers in vehicles with detatchable parts. At the time my sister and I were so into that show you wouldn’t believe it. We were 5. We never found any other toys based on those characters, so those were gold to us. I can’t think about this without getting choked up.

1. The Land Before Time handpuppets. Got more use than any of the others and I still have them. We didn’t have a Pizza Hut location until I was like 8, but when I was 5, my aunt managed one far away and brought us everyone but Sharptooth and Petree. We found a sharptooth in adulthood, but still no petree…

Chestnuts roasted by Justin B @ 07/18/2008 12:27 AM

I’m sure I’ll kick myself for forgetting many, but below are my favorite Happy Meal promotions ever:

- McBoo Pails
- Halloween McNugget Buddies
- Fast Macs (Pull-back action cars with Ronald, Birdie, etc.)
- Changeables (McDonald’s food items that transformed into robots)
- Super Mario Bros. 3 figures – doy.

There were also a bunch of Hot Wheels promotions that I loved, because the toys were exactly the same as what you’d buy in stores.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2008 12:35 AM

either the line of super mario bros toys or the rescuers down under slide viewers…

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew @ 07/18/2008 12:35 AM

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