Note to self: Avoid going to work on three and a half hours sleep again. Especially if you only did it because HBO refreshed its list of available Sopranos episodes on VOD. You've already seen them all, anyway.
After so many over-gimmicked Doritos flavors testing the boundaries of good taste, it's nice to see a new variety that's kinda/sorta normal. "Spicy Sweet Chili" Doritos come dressed in a can't-miss royal purple bag, and in terms of flavor, they're dead on with the title. The "sweet" part hits first, with the chips tasting like they were dipped in some kind of experimental, insanely overpowering barbecue sauce. When you really start crunching them down, the "spicy" part leaps out like a giant tiger, possessing enough bite to satisfy anyone who has the Scoville scale memorized.
I'm pretty amazed that the chips taste just like what the flavor title suggests. That's rare nowadays. As an added bonus, "Spicy Sweet Chili" Doritos are absolutely perfect for the summertime. While most Doritos make you want to drink something but not anything in particular, eating these will make you *specifically* want lemonade. I can't explain the phenomenon, but it's tough to imagine that it wasn't by design.
Since I didn't feel right about approaching Target's checkout line with nothing but purple Doritos in my handbasket, I also grabbed this swank classic-style Cobra Commander figure. This didn't improve my reservations about approaching the checkout line, but at least now I was getting a G.I. Joe figure out of it.
Mainly bought him because Cobra Commander was one of the few figures I really wanted but never managed to snag as a child. I'd always have to settle on plain old Cobra Soldiers. They were nice and all, but black mouth scarves weren't anywhere near as cool as a face covered entirely in metal. I went through Cobra Soldiers like tissues. Every time I got a new one, I spent weeks pretending it was Cobra Commander until the black mouth scarf thing got too frustrating and caused me to rip the figure in half. (I wasn't strong...it was just very easy to rip G.I. Joe figures in half.)
Only sucky thing about these classic releases is that Hasbro revamped the figures to the point where nobody would ever mistake 'em for the '80s originals. Considering who the toys are targeted at, I don't get why they wouldn't just make them exactly the same. Since the world revolves around me, I can only assume that Hasbro made them this way to spite me.
Also, can anybody clue me in? Aside from the standard gun, Cobra Commander comes with what's either a candle or an unstable crystal, held in some kind of plastic canister. There's no mention of this accessory on the package, but clearly it's of some significance. Why does Cobra Commander come with a half-eaten Hickory Farms Beef Stick, and why does it need protection-by-canister? And why does his hat come off? He looks odd without it.
Maybe I should've just gotten the stupid Doritos and saved six bucks.
Posted by Matt on 07/14/2008. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
I am going to use the F word in this comment. Forewarned is forearmed.
This particular Canadian used a phrase just prior to almost getting killed and almost protected from being killed by me. He emitted this utterance without a hint of irony or self-mocking.
He was marvelling at something, as Canadians are prone to doing, when the following passed his pushy canadian lips:
“Fuck a duck, eh?”