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06/13/2008: Ch ch ch ah ah ah.

It’s Friday the 13th! It’s ten thousand degrees out, but it’s still Friday the 13th! Though the collective attention of everyone seems to be focused on that The Happening movie, I dare declare that M. Night Shablahblahyaha’s FIRST R-RATED MOVIE, FIRST R-RATED MOVIE EVER, HOLY FLAMING TABLES, FIRST R-RATED MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN, IT’S M. NIGHT’S FIRST FORAY INTO R-RATED MOTION PICTURE MAKING, IT’S

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN’S FIRST R-RATED MOVIE

Ah fuck that and fuck M. Night Shyamalan. Friday the 13th will always belong to Jason Voorhees. Camp Crystal Lake’s number one son isn’t one for abject chatting, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he broke his silence with a bloody, obscenity-laced tirade about how the world completely neglected to kiss his feet on this, his most holy day. Seriously, I just went through the TV listings, and there isn’t a single F13 movie being played on any channel tonight. Not even a shitty channel. I could watch seventy-four episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, but no Jason. On Friday the God Damned 13th. Criminal. Criminal, cock-like behavior from those responsible.

In lieu of watching Jason tear apart happy campers, I provide consolation in the form of a Matchbox car with a thirty-seven foot Jason Voorhees attacking it.


From Matchbox’s 1999 Character Car Collection, it’s the Friday the 13th…uh, character car. Basically, Matchbox took a varied and surprising bunch of movies (everything from A Nightmare On Elm Street to The Mask), and celebrated them with movie-themed Matchbox cars topped with movie-themed PVC-style figurines. And thus we now know the definitive halfway point between stupid and awesome.

The results were largely ridiculous, but on a night when I can’t even persuade AMC to show me the cut-down version of the famous scene from F13 Part V where the Michael Jackson knockoff sings a duet with his girlfriend while shitting in an outhouse, I’ll take what I can get.


The toy provides an unintended montage of Jason’s many movies. The package photo depicts him as he was seen in Jason Goes To Hell, but the figure shown above was clearly inspired by Jason’s appearance in Friday the 13th: Part 3. I understand that this is of little consequence to you, but I didn’t feel right not pointing it out. Furthering the issue is the fact that a Part 3 Jason is shown attacking a “Camp Counselor” truck, even though there were no counselors in that movie. Okay, now I’m just being a brat.

Posted by Brat @ 12:08 pm [666 Comments]

I was saddened to find out that Jason is permanently attached to the Matchbox car, but I suppose it’s for the best considering that he wasn’t constructed to stand upright without it. All told, I’m kind of glad to own this thing, though I’m not sure why I do or how it even got into my office. Maybe I’m just blocking out the memory of paying 15 bucks on eBay to have a forty-cent Matchbox car mailed to me via USPS Priority Mail.

Happy Friday the 13th. Pop in the DVDs if you have ‘em. Check out X-E’s old-to-older collection of Jason-related articles with the conveniently underlined links below:

The Many Faces of JasonJason & Freddy Spitball ToysAlice Cooper?Jason Takes ArsenioThe 3D Effects of Part 3The WallflowersPart 2 TributeJason Kiddy CostumePart IV Tribute

I wish it was 40 degrees. I just gave the sun the finger.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 1,358 comments

Oh Josh, that’s just me trying to scare you!

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:00 AM EDT


I outta punch you silly

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:01 AM EDT


Honestly, how blind are these people? I think I’d notice a guy in a hockey mask outside my window!

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:02 AM EDT


Has a phone ever worked in the history of horror movies??
well besides those couple of horror movies that focused solely on demon phones from, but now your just being silly…

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:05 AM EDT


“from hell

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:05 AM EDT


I like how he nails him right between the eyes and then we switch to a shot of a dart board. Heavy symbolism, the director of this movie was very deep in the craft of story telling.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:06 AM EDT


Just started 7/9 how far off am I from everyone else?

Ghosted by El Loco Gordo @ 06/14/2008 1:06 AM EDT


Josh am I ahead of you guys? Tommy’s about to escape in the clip I’m watching.

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:06 AM EDT


EGL I’m about a minute thirty into 7

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:07 AM EDT


I’m coming up on the 3 minute mark now

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:09 AM EDT


If you guys want to do another one on youtube from the start after everyone is done watching six, I can watch another I suppose. As long as we start before 2 and desiginate an exact starting time.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:09 AM EDT


That’d be cool with me!

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:10 AM EDT


I’m cool with that, shall we say meet at youtubes place at ohhh around 3:30??
whatever my 3:30 is in your crazy land of time differences is beyonf my comprehension skills at this hour.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:11 AM EDT


Well if you mean my 1:30, I won’t be quite done yet with 6. :45 would be better. What are we watching? Not 7 or 3, that was last year.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:12 AM EDT


Man if I had a buck for every time I woke up with my room looking like that!

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:12 AM EDT


Throwing a knife into someones head is one of the little nuances of 80’s cinema that is lost on todays directors…it’s sad really.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:13 AM EDT


That’s a headache not even excedrin will help!

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:15 AM EDT


I’d say 5 but that would break dans heart…
Jason is the king of head crushing.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:15 AM EDT


I can watch 5….. I guess

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:16 AM EDT


looks like our choices are 3,4,5,6,7,9
Might I suggest 4?

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:16 AM EDT


I’m interested in 5 actually

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:17 AM EDT


How many shots does it take to get to the middle of Jason? Let’s find out..1, 2, 3……

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:18 AM EDT


I can definetly watch 5, I loves me some weird Oedipus rednecks

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:18 AM EDT


So what are we watching next?

Ghosted by El Loco Gordo @ 06/14/2008 1:19 AM EDT


I tell you Jason heads are gonna roll for this!!

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:20 AM EDT


“I think we’re deeead meat”"reeeal dead meat”
Looks like 5 gordo.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:21 AM EDT


El Loco, we’re watching 5 next and we’re watching we’re all going to try to start at a set time. Let’s say :35? 45? What’s good for you guys?

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:21 AM EDT


What did no one teach Jason to knock?

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:22 AM EDT


Cool, so we are starting at 1:30 EDT then?

Ghosted by El Loco Gordo @ 06/14/2008 1:22 AM EDT


I found my new insult…..Maggothead

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:23 AM EDT


I still have about 6 minutes to go in Part 6 here, what say we make it 35?

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/14/2008 1:24 AM EDT


Let’s just let everyone finish and then set a time. I’m done personally. I don’t know how I got so far ahead.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:24 AM EDT


1:30 EST is 3:00 here I think, yeah I should be good to go.

Ghosted by Maggothead(josh) @ 06/14/2008 1:25 AM EDT


Doho, this YouTube that I’m watching replays the last 15 or so seconds between clips, so it adds up I guess.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/14/2008 1:26 AM EDT


Boats crumble in terror at the mere sight of Jason Voorhees.

And doho. because your magic.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:27 AM EDT


Tommy survived the choking and drowning only to be burned to death. We’ll miss him.

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:27 AM EDT


Oh my god, I love this song infinity times more now that I’ve actually watched the movie.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/14/2008 1:28 AM EDT


Sup party people.

Ghosted by Hotblack Desiato @ 06/14/2008 1:29 AM EDT


Let’s go with 1:35 guys.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:29 AM EDT


as in 5 minutes, as in part 5.

Here’s the play list
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=C6A3B0EACCA02B76

Ghosted by Anonymous @ 06/14/2008 1:29 AM EDT


Should I start Pt5 1/9 now?

Ghosted by El Loco Gordo @ 06/14/2008 1:30 AM EDT


Sooo 3:95. ok.

Nothin, Sup witchu

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:30 AM EDT


In 5 minutes Loco

DAMN the television for making us do its job.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:31 AM EDT


So here’s my question….why doesn’t Jason just pull himself down the chain and slip it over his head?

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:32 AM EDT


Ooh thanks for the playlist. I’m try to relocate my and my cheeseburger to the other room in the next…three minutes.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/14/2008 1:32 AM EDT


Theres a cat asleep on my chest..
A cat with a heart as black as coal.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:32 AM EDT


Chains are jasons natural enemy, they are his kryptonite,
He simply cannot figure them out, its all here in this book I wrote.

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/14/2008 1:35 AM EDT


Begin Starting!

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/14/2008 1:35 AM EDT


Everyone start?

Ghosted by El Loco Gordo @ 06/14/2008 1:35 AM EDT


Josh can I get my copy autographed?

Ghosted by Dan @ 06/14/2008 1:36 AM EDT


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