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The Giant Blanket / Portable Heater-Fan Combo Punch.

I was having trouble shaking off the stress of the week that was and the week that's coming, and considering that I've got a day off on Monday, measures had to be taken. I admit to having the kind of brain that prefers darting towards every conceivable thought of panic, and though I can think of a few times when this is sort of advantageous, Memorial Day weekend is not fucking one of them.

Coping devices come in all shapes and sizes -- some are healthy, many are unhealthy, and most seem necessary at the time that they're activated. I've tested out hundreds of coping devices during my many years spent on Earth, running the gamut from the innocuous to the illegal. To this day, nothing has worked quite as well as a sanctuary from stress as...


THE GIANT BLANKET / PORTABLE HEATER-FAN COMBO PUNCH!!!

Oh you know it, baby. Straight up. The Giant Blanket / Portable Heater-Fan Combo Punch refers to my lifelong sweetest escape. Ever since childhood, I reveled in any opportunity to hide myself in a voluminous blanket, leaving only enough room for a plug-in heater-fan to share in my big cloth fort. Sufficiently cut off from society at large, time seems to stop in there. Problems cease to exist, and the only thing I really have to worry about is whether it's the kind of night that calls for the heater-fan to heat me or fan me. Usually, I flip between the two settings before finally drifting off into unconsciousness.

It works every time, and it works in a different way than a plain old nap would. When life kicks your ass so hard that your only defense is sleeping, you might head to the couch or bed to do just that. But it won't be a happy process. You'll eventually fall asleep, yes, but you'll do so with nothing but bad thoughts in your head, likely to influence your dreams and rob you of your crazy God-given right to dream about flying and winning money and getting a pet mogwai.

Naps have their place in the world, but when a situation is a few notches beyond the norm, there is only one answer: The Giant Blanket / Portable Heater-Fan Combo Punch. I strongly recommend it. If you want to solidify the nigh-guarantee that this will solve every issue you're facing, take a pack of Twizzler Nibs under there with you.

I guess I can't call this an SNT when it's being posted after 3 AM, but, uh, happy Saturday?

Posted by Matt on 05/25/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 590 comments
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Just got back from Wal-Mart where I got my hands on all three of the new Mountain Dew flavors plus the new “mystery” Doritos. Haven’t tried any of them yet.

I think I also spotted two flavors of Hershey Kisses I haven’t tried before but didn’t buy: Vanilla Nougat and Cookies ‘n’ Cream.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 05/28/2008 2:39 PM

Just got off the phone with Sprint customer service. GOD! I’m so pissed right now! First I hung up with the first guy because I literally couldn’t understand him. His accent was so thick (Indian, I’m guessing–no surprise there) that I couldn’t make out anything he was telling me. By the time I called the second time I was logged onto the website because I thought might find my answers there. Wrong. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The reason I was calling in the first place was that they had sent me a letter saying that the $250 deposit I gave them back when I first started the account a year ago was now going to be refunded to me. I had the option of either having it credited to the account or just sent to me in the form of a check. Being that I’m planning on moving in a couple of weeks and money’s kind of tight, I wanted the cash. Well, first off, the website said that it had already been credited to last month’s bill, but the credit was only for $100, not $250. That was question #1. Question #2 that I had is why I haven’t actually recieved a paper bill in the mail for 2 months now. Question #3 is why that they have it worded that after the $100 credit is applied, my “TOTAL DUE” is now $12.05, when in fact, the $12.05 is what was left over, that they owe me. The bill itself was only for $87.95, so the wording is really confusing, especially since right next to the summery of that bill is the “TOTAL DUE” for this month, which is obviously a totally different amount.

Well, not surprisingly, after putting me on hold forever the chick I was speaking to (who I could understand a little better than the first guy) said that after speaking to a supervisor and checking the records that I only paid $100 for the deposit a year ago and that’s why it had already been applied. BULLSHIT! I remember paying the $250 and I’ve got a letter in my hand saying I’m getting it back. So, I spoke to the supervisor myself and got nowhere, so I’m getting screwed out of my $150 now!

AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 05/28/2008 4:04 PM

DJ D Check out the site consumerist.com. It is a site dedicated to highlighting the unfair and ridiculous things corporations do and often has information on how to get what you deserve. Do a search for “Sprint” and you should be able to find the email addresses for some of the higher-ups in the customer service department.

Chestnuts roasted by DarkSideofBrightness @ 05/28/2008 4:20 PM

Thanks DarkSide, I might check that out. Sorry about the rant. I was just so pissed about that, and how easily it is to get screwed by these people. It wasn’t just the money that made me so mad, it was the layout of the website and how completely confusing it is, as well as the fact that it’s next to impossible these days to call any kind of customer service line and get someone who I don’t know…actually speaks English. Is that too much to ask? I guess so. Alright, I’m going to go downstairs and make myself some dinner now. Got some pork loins to cook up, and I think I’ll sit down and watch a movie while I’m eating. If there’s time, I might run up to the comic book store. That’ll make this day better.

Heh-heh, he said loins.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 05/28/2008 4:56 PM

A man just feels more manly when he sits down to eat some loins.

Ans speaking of taste sensations, has anyone seen the “Limited Edition” Pringle’s flavors at Wal-Mart? The Mac ‘n’Cheese is ok, but I kinda dig the Cheeseburger flavor.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/28/2008 6:09 PM

I am totally amped for the Hulk. Not so much for this movie but more for the planned Avengers movie. It is going to be AMAZING if they can pull it off with all the actual actors that played Iron Man, Hulk, etc… It would be the best coming together of childhood idols since I saw Destroy All Monsters on the Saturday TV movie as a kid.

Chestnuts roasted by drew do @ 05/28/2008 6:20 PM

Avengers movie ? AWESOME ! =D

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 05/28/2008 7:04 PM

The loins were super tasty by the way. I really impressed myself with my cooking prowess. I had the pork loins, steamed veggies, brown rice, and a biscuit. Yum-yum. Then, I topped it off with some Oreos. Now I’m off to the comic book store to get the new issue of Batman that came out today. Then I’ll come home and watch a movie and get some blog reading done. Giddyup.

Avengers will be awesome if they can pull it off. Too bad about that Jusice League movie. Who knows when, or if, we’ll ever see that thing.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 05/28/2008 7:12 PM

I was also bummed about the JLA as well. I think it will be a miracle if that ever actually gets done. Avengers will either be GREAT or a completely over the top disappointment a la X3. It also depends on which version of the team they pick. I could see Marvel selling out and putting later “members” like Spiderman and Wolverine in it just to drum up hype.

Chestnuts roasted by drew do @ 05/28/2008 7:38 PM

I wonder who the villain/s will be for the avengers flick ?

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 05/28/2008 7:40 PM

Aaron- Small world, man. My girlfriend graduated MR in 2004!

Chestnuts roasted by Daniel85 @ 05/28/2008 8:03 PM

HA!! I am watching XMen 3 on my computer right now! And yes, what a steaming pile of wrong. They screwed everything up SOOOO badly. Makes a fangirl cry.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 05/28/2008 9:06 PM

Sup?

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 05/28/2008 9:38 PM

Nothin~

Chestnuts roasted by Neg @ 05/28/2008 9:44 PM

Yeah, X3 had its moments that I liked, but overall it was a huge diappointment. There was so much potential there that wasn’t taken advantage of. One thing I’ve always wanted to see was Iceman “icing up” and flying around on his ice slide thing that he does. We got to see the ice up, but I don’t see why they couldn’t have had him use his ice slide thing at least once. I’ve always thought he was a really underrated X-Man and has always been one of my favorites on the team. Also, such a tease with the Sentinel head! Would it be too much to ask to see one full sized Sentinel walking around in an X-Men movie? And what was with everybody dying?

Oh well, at least we got Wolverine and Magneto coming up soon. From what I’ve read, a young Beast will show up in the Magneto movie and Gambit’s going to be in Wolverine. That should be interesting.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 05/28/2008 9:46 PM

Drew Do,I don’t care if the original Avengers,the Defenders,the X-Men and Alpha Flight all team up to fight Arcade,Big Wheel,Dr. Doom and the Sinister Six,nothing,and I mean NOTHING beats Destroy All Monsters. Nothing.

Chestnuts roasted by Kid Nicky @ 05/28/2008 9:52 PM

“A man just feels more manly when he sits down to eat some loins.”

Manly, yes. But I like it, too!

Kingklash, you keep knocking me out with the wit and I’m going to have to send you a trophy.

Chestnuts roasted by Rev. Back It On Up @ 05/28/2008 10:05 PM

Anyone seen the new Mt.Dews? I think they are purple and maybe blue. Haven’t tried them yet, but I probably will.

Also, we need a good survey question. But I am terrible at thinking of them. Anyone?

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 05/28/2008 10:11 PM

I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT if they included Apocalypse in a marvel flick.

Chestnuts roasted by ULTRAMAN @ 05/28/2008 10:19 PM

Hey all from the land of baby poo and movie rentals. The wife and I are both off for a month, so we’re chillin. Last night (first at home) baby couldn’t get milk out of mom, so it was a toughie. Didn’t see the backs of my eyelids till 5:30 AM. Got it down now though.

We rented Cloverfield, and I’m five minutes into it. Makes me feel dumb for skipping it in the theatre, but honestly these days I feel better with my own snacks and watching my giant TV. Theatres are now crappier than my home. :(

I wish I had a good question to ask – I tried to ask about everyone’s equivalent of Matt’s post, but everyone who wanted to already responded.

OK, I’ve got one: What movie did you watch the first five minutes of that you thought would be AWESOME, that turned out to be just OK or even bad?

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws @ 05/28/2008 10:21 PM

I always thought it would have been cool to introduce Angel in X-Men 2, and have Apocalypse turn him into Archangel in Part 3. That would have rocked. Oh well…woulda, shoulda, coulda…

Perfect villain for the Avengers movie: Ultron. Or the Skrulls.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 05/28/2008 10:28 PM

Terror Claws, Not to beat a dead horse, but I would have to say the aforementioned X-Men 3. I was so jazzed, especially after seeing the trailers and getting amped for all the good things about it, and there were good things, but just ended up disappointed by the lack of potential of what could have been, and the ridiculous decision to kill off so many major characters. It’s worth a viewing, especially if you’re a comic book geek, but as a comic book geek, there was just as much about it that pissed me off as made me cheer.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 05/28/2008 10:35 PM

OK, not to break my own question chain, but watching Cloverfield, WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME IT IS THIS AWESOME?!?!

The surround sound is scaring Tiny Claws however. Wow, so much to like. Monster looks awesome, and the aspects of it you see make you think its a different kind each time (sea monster, Godzilla, etc). WOW, awesome!!

Umm for me, any of the odd numbered Star Treks, or especially Indiana Jones 4. An hour of cool movie, followed by confusing crap. That sucked.

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws @ 05/28/2008 11:29 PM

I gotta go with DJ D and say X-3, a close runner up is the American “Godzilla”. I bought into the hype only to be crushed with dissapointment. Ok I officially change my answer to “Godzilla”, that movie just sucked.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 05/28/2008 11:48 PM

X-Men 3 and Spidey 3 are watchable, but nothing special compared to the previous ones.

I actually kinda like the American “Godzilla” movie.

The movie I think is kinda overrated is “Batman Begins.” I’ve even heard people say it’s the best Batman movie ever, but it did nothing for me. It’s not bad, but it felt like a emotionless Cliff Notes version of Batman to me. It got alot of things right, but I didn’t feel the excitement.

Recently, I think “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” kinda sucks. There were some chuckles, but too few plus the movie was overly long. No way is it a comedy classic. But I’d rather watch that again then the dreck of “Bad Santa.” I didn’t laugh once during that.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 05/29/2008 1:08 AM

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