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04/23/2008: Cracker Victory.

It's impossible to know for sure, but I have to assume that I've eaten at least fourteen million saltine crackers over the course of my many years spent on your fair planet.

Tastiness and soup condimentiness aside, my voracity for saltine crackers had less to do with palatability and more to do with achieving a goal set long ago, when I was just a wee little boy without a hair on my knuckle. It's a goal that I've continually striven for and met constant failure with for over two decades, but last night, finally, I fucking did it:

I managed to eat the entire top layer off of a saltine cracker without breaking the bottom layer.

Immediately realizing this as a personal milestone worthy of archiving, I grabbed the camera and had myself a big yo-ho holy Kodak moment. I've come close to doing this before, but I never actually did it. There would always be some irremovable portion of the top layer that refused to allow me the gold ribbon, or worse, I'd manage to get the top layer completely off only to watch the remaining bottom layer instantaneously crumble under the pressure of being a solo act.

But not this time. This time, I did it.

I managed to eat the entire top layer off of a saltine cracker without breaking the bottom layer.

Now, when the Reaper comes, I can take his hand with readiness and ease. In this world if not the next, my work is done.

Mine is meeting Jim Carrey. Yes, the day I meet him, I can actually die because that's what I've always wanted to accomplish.

Norbert…my goal is to find an "alternate reality time machine" (ie, one that wouldn't screw up the present as it currently is) and mess with history…starting with preventing Julius Caesar's assassination. My other goal is to hug a Beatle.

Nice work on the cracker, Matt. But now I want to go out an get some saltines just to see how hard it really is.

As for my lifetime goal? I really don't know. I'm not an overly ambitious person. I guess I'd kind of like to get over my fear of women.

LOL, Nice feat Matt ! A s for my lifetime goal, i'm gonna need some time to think bout that. But i'll get back to ya on it.

Holy shit Matt! You are the Sultan of Saltines! Its funny too because I have tried that so many times in my lifetime. And now vicariously through you I can feel some sense of victory. You are Matt C : SUPREME SALTINE STRIPPER!

Wow! Pretty cool, mang! I know there's always been some food-related dealie that I've always tried to do, but at the moment all I can think of is how I've always tried to suck the Cadbury Creme out of the egg without actually biting it open- a difficult prospect since you have to find a faulty egg with an unselaed side seam, and even if you do- it has to be fresh, otherwise that hole will allow the fondant to coagulate and you'll never be able to get the cream out!

yeah. I've worked on this quite a while.
Unfortunalely, mine's seasonal… so it may never happen.

Wow. This is the most interesting thing I've seen today. XD I'm not sure what to make of it.

I'm sorry I'm so late on this topic, but I figured if i could plead anywhere it'd be the newest thread.

My friend had that on tape and I've always loved it, and would enjoy reading that article.

I'm not sure if it is funny or sad but as soon as I saw the picture combined with the title of this post, I knew immediately what you had done and was quite envious.

Very nice! It makes me feel a little less weird to see that someone else dis-assembles food like that. I'm always eating things in weird ways. I like to crack the shells off M&Ms sort of like sunflower seeds, I eat the chocolate off the center of a 3 Musketeers and save the middle for last (I do the same with a Skor bar), and when I have a plate of food, I eat everything in equal portions. I could go on and on.
As for my life goal…hmmm…I really don't know. I'll have to come back on that one.

I personaly wouldn't mind seein another movie review. Haven't seen one of those in while. =)

I can't believe I forgot to say this! While looking for the Cloverfield special edition yesterday online, I found the poster for $.50!!! Click my name if you want to order one. (I already did

)

To go along with "The Mist" blog, another giant monster movie I recommend is a Japanese one called "The Host." It's now on DVD. While it's not "scary" like Cloverfield or Mist, it is definately alot of fun.

I don't think I have a lifetime goal, but I do have a bunch of short-term ones I've been wanting to do but for some reason or other haven't been able to like get my driver's license, get a permanant job, get an apartment, watch all my unwatched DVD's and read all my unread books.

1. Finish my story. Publishing it is optional. Just finish the damned thing.
2. Get married and have babies. I've got a man, but…well, we'd have been married by now, but it's a long, frustrating story.
3. Get better at Japanese.
4. Travel. I've only been to Texas, Kansas, and Arkansas. This will not suffice.

Crackers have layers? Go figure that shit out. I never knew, but saltines smell like kindergarten to me.

Life goals. So many accomplished already! Found my soul mate, participated in a mass naked dance party, met Kinky Friedman, mastered the art of the meatball. But there's still so much to do before I can give up. I still have to meet Tim Curry, be an extra in a zombie movie, have my picture taken with Wilford Brimley, and go on a rampage. Maybe I will do one of those things today!

Rev. BackItOnUp: You should have Wilford autograph a box of Quaker oatmeal….because its the RIGHT THING TO DO, AND THE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT! I guess one of my life goals is to find the guy who played Slim Goodbody and kick him in the nuts and on a more serious note I'd like to find Bill Watterson (he lives in the town next to me) and force him to make more Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. (For those who don't know he is extremely private and elusive, but one of these days I'll find him!)

See, I always thought Saltines were like Cream Crackers but salty, and I find myself wondering how the heck they go with soup?

Phunq-y, if you get Watterson to draw even one more comic, even a one panel, I will build a shrine in your honour. A kick ass shrine that plays music when you kneel at its altar.

As for my goals:
1) Get my book finished. Seriously, who'd have thunk it'd actually take effort.
2) Pilot a giant mecha.
3) Master genetic manipulation.
4) There are certain people around the world that don't yet have the experience of me hugging their leg until they shake me off, I would like to right that wrong.
5) I want to do a Toys R Us trolley dash.

Congratulations Matt! I think I tried doing that once with a Ritz cracker, but it's not challenging like a Saltine.

1. See the Cubs win the World Series (I know, I can't do this unless I try out for the team and make the cut (the next Jim Morris perhaps?), so this may be an unfinished goal I take to my grave).
2. Meet my idol, Steven Spielberg (I don't have a shrine dedicated to him in my room so NO, I am not Dawson Leery).
3. Write my screenplay (about as hard, if not harder than writing a book).
4. Visit Fenway Park.
5. Visit the Grand Canyon.
6. Go to Las Vegas and win BIG (preferably at the World Series of Poker or Blackjack).
7. Become a professional poker player at least part-time (also applies to Blackjack and other games so maybe a professional gambler would be more appropriate).
8. Visit Lambeau Field.
9. Start my own website (Matt, Mystie's Crown Combo and other sites are my inspiration behind this one, and yeah, I even include RetroJunk as part of it).
10 Find my soulmate (notice I put this last so that must mean I have other dreams and desires other than finding my true love because, hey, maybe my heart's much more in one of the above goals).

I could go on because I know I can think of a million more goals, but I figure that when it comes to lists, ten is the magic number so that's where I'll stop. Now if I can think of ten more goals then maybe I will post those because I know I have at least an 11th.

Matt, I love you in a totally hetero, brother-type way, because whenever I feel down, I can come here and find something you've written, and it'll cheer me up. Just like my real brother. Keep up the good work.

Oh, and your moods have been mirroring mine. I was totally disappointed by last Halloween, only to start feeling a scary movie hankering this past month. 5 months left until October.

I have been reading this site for about five years now and have never felt the need to post a comment. Eating the top layer off a saltine cracker, however, forced me to break my silence and laugh for about 20 minutes straight.

Haha, that's great, especially that I'm pretty sure saltines have become more flimsy in recent years. The Christie Premium Plus ones have. You can hardly put peanut butter on them without them disintegrating. Same with Christie cuplet ice cream cones.

I just wanted to know… in the next countdown can we have Suspiria archived in an Article or Blog??? It deserves it… hell, the soundtrack deserves a mention somewhere!!

One flick I would just LOVE for Matt to review is plan 9 from Outer Space. Anybody who's seen it will know what i'm talking about. XD

I want to sell one of my stories, just to know I'm not the only one who likes them.

Matt, i don't know what to say…i am just speechless with joy for your cracker cracking skills.

as for my life long goals, the first would be for Matt to do a movies article again in the near future, the second would obviouslt be the ability to turn everything i touch into gummi worms

Yep, I've never been able to say that of anyone, until now. Congratulations Matt!

Learn to play an instrument. Piano. Bass. Drums. Guitar. Whatever. I just want to learn how to play something before I die.

I had to delurk and say woo! I've been trying to do that off and on since I was a kid and it was always: epic fail!

Anyway for right now my goal is to find a real job with a salary, nice boss, and vacation days in central PA soon(this week would be nice).
It's not going very well.
And then I'd like to learn latin. Maybe travel.

That is fucking amazing and I am super impressed! The thought of doing that had crossed my mind at times, but I always gave up WAY too soon and said F this.

My goal-before-I-die: One that comes to mind is going to see the Colorado Avalanche play IN Colorado. I know I have more but I can't remember them.

Congrats Matt, your article really cheered me up after a crappy night.
My life's goal is to finally, beyond a shadow of a doubt, discover exactly how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop. Every time I have one I try to figure it out, every time I fail. But you have inspired me to keep fighting.

Me? Following a similar vein, I will also vouch for a need to get published already. In print, if possible. The websites I wrote for don't feel like a real published, printed article.

My list would include the following:
See the Cure live, i am scheduled to this May, Lord knows if they'll postpone again.
Get paid to write at least one thing in my life.
Own a house with a yard before my son is too old to play outside.
There's much more, but those are at the top.

If you search "Cloverfield" in an Amazon search you can buy a poster for $.50. I tried posting the link earlier but it wouldn't let me, so I can only tell you guys where to look. But I can say that I already ordered one. =D

I'm watching The Orphanage right now by recommendation of an old friend…. I really shouldn't be doing this before bed. It's like I'm damning myself to wake up crying in the middle of the night and turn into a super-bitch come morning. I'm going to need a coffee and Midol mixer come 7am.

I'm not talking about my goals, I feel like I've been sharing way too much lately. :/

Hmm, life goal, I'd probably have to say make a zombie movie. Preferably with real zombies, but we'll see how that pans out.

Also, I'd really like to have a job as one of the guys who answers the Nintendo helpline. You know, the monkeys who dole out overpriced gaming tips to people who're, i dunno, allergic to Google. I've heard good things.

It is posts like this that make me sit back in my chair and go "Fark I love this website."

I hate to break it to you, Xavier, but I'm pretty sure Nintendo shut down their 900 number.

Your new goal should be to invent a time machine so you can achieve the previous goal…

Nice, Matt. Thanks to you I'm now covered in cracker crumbs and my roommate thinks I'm insane. I ain't mad at you though, it's nice to know someone else does such stupid crap with food, and even saves photographic evidence of same crap. I like eating goldfish crackers one half at a time but it's not nearly the challenge.

-I'd really like to meet Robert Rodriguez. There are tons of artists I'd love to meet but for some reason RR just epitomizes everything about what I hope to do with my life and I'd just like to shake his hand one day.

-Unlearn all the fucked up Spanglish I know and relearn the actual Spanish language.

-Figure out the career crap. BTW, happy Admin Assistants Day to any fellow office monkeys, whether you have the fancy Administrative Assistant title or just have to do all the work it entails.

NervousXians - was watching Stoned Age when I read the post, Matt said Reaper…I know, but still.

I've always wanted to do that. How bout this. Can you make a perfect hole in the middle of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? I can. Matt, the challenge is on. Can you do it?

I've always wanted to do that. How bout this. Can you make a perfect hole in the middle of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? I can. Matt, the challenge is on. Can you do it?

I'll up the ante, how about 2 perfect holes like Dracula implied doing in one of those really old ads?

Crap. Too bad I've been so busy with work lately and completely missed the Stephen King chat. I've got a lot to say on that front, but being that we've all moved on, it's a bit late now to chime in.

Wow, this has made me completely re-evaluate everything I knew about saltine crackers. I'm tempted now to go downstairs and look at one. I've never even noticed that they actually had layers at all, much less tried to seperate them–and I've put away many a cracker in my time. I tend to load up on them when eating soup or chili. I like a very inappropriate amount of crackers.

As for achieving small-time life goals, I finally achieved one last year, and gained a "showing off at parties skill" at the same time. I was working at a toy company that sold cheap toys in bulk to businesses. They mostly specialized in stickers and pencils with licensed characters on them but also sold loads of other little plastic cheap toys that would be just good enough to give away as freebies to kids, which is what they were usually used for–the kind of stuff you would find in vending machines. Anyway, one of the things they sold was a knock-off of the Rubik's cube. They gave us all one as a sample and I became obsessed with it. I've always wanted to learn how to solve one, and after looking it up online and taking 2 pages of notes, I spent the next couple of months at work at my desk teaching myself how to do it. Turns out it's pretty complicated and involves memorizing like 6 or 7 mathmatical algorithms. Anyways, I can now easily do it with out looking at any notes or anything, and have got it down to solving it in a little under 3 minutes. Check that one off the list.

As for eating foods kinda weird, I tend to eat all the foods on my plate completely one at a time, while taking bites of the meat here and there, leaving most of the meat to the end so it's the only thing left. I've always done that. Also, when I eat a Snickers bar, I like to eat the half that has the peanuts and caramel first, then go back and eat all the nougut.

Xavier - what a coincidence. You want to make a zombie movie, and I've always wanted to be in one. I'm no actress but I wonder if you would consider me for an extra when you get around to doing this. But only if it is a shambling, lurching zombie movie. I can't abide the ones where zombies run with superhuman speed. I can shuffle and moan, but running is not my style!

The term nougat describes a bunch of similar confectionaries, usually containing honey and roasted nuts, most often almonds.

My main goal in life at the mo is to gets me a woman, so that I can do interesting things with my time and refrain from learning/knowing about stuff as pointless as nougat…

As for life goals, I have a couple:
1) Same as Rev. BackItOnUp I would like to be an extra in a zombie movie.
2) Learn to sail
3) Live on the one of the US Virgin Islands
4) Use goals 2 & 3 to run a sail boat taxi around the islands and get in wacky adventures

Similar to MulanLang, I would like to learn to sail, and take my sailboat to all of the virgin islands.

Okay so I’m sitting here in my cubicle and my boss spilled something on her shirt and was saying she wished she had a pin to cover it up. I jokingly offered that she could borrow one of the buttons on my wall. She’s now walking around with a huge “Have you hugged you Smurf today” pin on her boob. I can’t stop laughing, though I would have chosen the “Darth Vader Lives” pin myself.

I am not sure whether I should be happy or sad about this. Happy because I now don't feel like such a weird-o for trying to the same thing with my saltines for years. Sad because I have yet to do that to a saltine in all these years. I can't believe how many of us "food dis-assemblers" as DarkSideofBrightness put it, are out here. It's good to know I am not the only one! As for non food related goals… travel, learn more Greek, go back to school and get a degree in historical restoration.. and a bunch of other things that I don't have time to type in here.

It's post like this that make me love not only Matt, but the internet in general.

Just think…if you had achieved this 10 years ago, you would have told everybody you know and they would have just patronized you.

But today? A quick few minutes of blogging and you are rightfully hailed as a hero.

My goal right now is to run a marathon. I just ran a half-marathon over the weekend and I'm just about dead. I don't know how I'll ever be able to handle twice that.

incredible, matt.. - i've been thinking of cracker-related tricks as of late, too.. - due to finally getting around to watching The Office and seeing Jim and Dwight attempting to eat six Saltines in under a minute sans water..

I'm back because I've figured out what at least one of my lifetime goals is:
I would like to cook with Alton Brown. I don't know why I didn't think of that in the first place.

I forgot about a very important goal which I accomplished just last week. I wouldn't call this a lifelong goal - I only realized I was aiming for it about 3 years ago. But it is no less rewarding of an experience.

Ahh, but did you use any implements other than your mouth to achieve this feat? Bic pens, tacks or paper clips? If not, well then, bring on the mylar balloons and party hats!

come on Matt, you have to give an acceptance speech now that you've accomplished your goals, be sure to thank all the little people.

DarkSide I am the same way when it comes to eating. One thing that i do that drives my fiancee insane is that i cannot just eat a sandwich straight across….like from left to right as if I were a typewriter. I have to eat the entire crust off in a circular motion, and move inwards on the sandwich in a spiral until there is nothing left. Wow I am a total nutjob for letting you people know this about me.

CRACKER INJURY RELATED: While enjoying some Ritz and aerosol cheese in my dorm room back in the day I decided to try to pull the little rubber plug from the bottom of the can with my teeth.

Oh, and I have all sorts of weird ways of eating too, mostly involving symmetry and patterns

Leigha: I do that too. Might as well get the worst part over with then dig in to the meat and potatoes of the sandwich.

I don't really eat crackers in any weird manner, but there are some foods I think I'm freaky with.

I disassemble Big Macs to eat them, but not Whoppers or other oversized burgers.

Big Macs have their own deconstruction and consuming method, enough that I'll only buy them if I'm not eating in public.

I always eat my fries first no matter what the main course is. Does that make me weird? How about the fact that i can only eat green beans when they are mixed with applesauce?

For all you comics fans on here,I've just been made aware that next year the Cartoon Network is going to have a "Brave and the Bold" TV show. It has a retro art style,and Oswald from Drew Carey is the voice of Batman.

phunqsauce, I eat my fries first (when I order them) because fries get cold fast, and they are really freaking nasty when they're cold.

Ok Guise, you put it out there so I'm calling you on it. Exactly how do you eat a Big Mac? Inquiring minds want to know!

1. Meet a Brady-done….Barry williams book signing and performance….a whole bunch of us got on stage and danced with him to Make shift Model T-A. and he signed my book To Amanda..a totally groovy chick

Go to Tokyo Japan
Go to London England
get on tv and be famous(or at least some what recognizable)
Be on a Gameshow
win said game show
GO to Vegas and renew vows with elvis imperonator minister

I've been to Graceland, Mandy. It was a really great experience, definitely the coolest house I've ever been too. Plus it's funny to reminisce how my mom almost fell in his pool. Gotta love the jungle room.

Nice to know I'm not alone….Also, when eating pizza i first pick all of the toppings off and eat them first, then the cheese, then the crust, with the "pizza bone" (the outer crust as my dad calls it) being the last thing….usually drenched in Frank's Red Hot. Besides that, when I eat soup with different components in it (like different veggies) i eat each component by itself, searching out every last piece of said component (potatoes, green beans, chicken etc.) And then save all of the broth for last. As was said before, a lot of my habits have to do with maintaining symmetry.

I eat my fries first (when I order them) because fries get cold fast, and they are really freaking nasty when they're cold.

I usually try some of the sides before moving on the the main course, but I believe that some fries are great if left out for like 20 minutes (especially McDs and Wendys Fries)

I want to go to a taping of Late Night w/Conan O'Brien before he moves to LA to take over the Tonight Show.

And who has been confirmed as his replacement? Jimmy Fallon…shudder. If the Jedis didn't feel that one, they will…

Wow, I feel so much better now knowing that I'm not the only nutjob out there when it comes to eating things. Although, I don't understand the problem people have with crusts, be it on sandwhiches or pizza. I love both and have never understood why people either trim them off or eat around them. Nuts! I also had no idea that someone knows that much about nougat. I've always thought nougat was nougat, whether in a Snickers or in a Whitmans sampler, but I guess it goes to show you never know about nougat.

Alright, shameless plug time. I'm headed off to the studio to do my show, which starts in about an hour. For you folks who tune in to it from time to time, here's all you need to know:

Dark Entries w/ DJ D
WUSC 90.5fm
Thursday nights/Friday mornings 2-4am (eastern time)
Goth, Darkwave, Industrial, Death Rock, Horror, Macabre, Bizarre…
Streaming live here: http://wusc.sc.edu
On air DJ phone: 803-576-WUSC
On air DJ AIM: wusconair

BackItOnUp- Of course! But only if you can commit to becoming an actual zombie for the part.

Sorry, it's a cost cutting thing really. All that makeup and whatnot, I figure it's more practical to just do it the old fashioned way.

Oh, that reminds me, I lived out a lifelong dream just yesterday. I'd always wanted to win big on Deal Or No Deal. No particular reason, I just figured it didn't really take all that much knowledge or anything.

Another life goal would be going to Rome. Oh, and actually finish a NaNoWriMo thing. Instead of signing up and then staring blankly at the computer screen and buying songs from iTunes for a month.

kidney, sorry for the late reply…Yes, i'm a thrill kill kult fan…I've been using this sn for years. The one i had before was also related to thrill kill kult, but i refuse to tell you what it was…^_^

Just got a chance to see Cloverfield a couple days ago…WOW. It was pretty great. I would have went to the drive in to see it but the bulbs there are so dim that the first five minutes would have been the only thing visible.

Does anybody remember that Disney flick, The Three Caballeros? I used to love it when I was little, so I looked up some clips on Youtube yesterday. The damn title song has been stuck in my head ever since.

Anette I sure do!! I loved that little penguin who wanted to get away from the cold. I now have the song stuck in my head too! It kind of makes me happy, since I had sort of forgotten about it.

I'm very boring when it comes to food. The most exciting I get is that I may use ranch dressing or honey mustard to dip my fries in.

I have divided dinner plates because of my eating habits. I have a thing about having certain foods touch, so for christmas a few years ago my dad went out and bought me a ceramic divided plate. I can imagine the checkout person saying "oh this is a nice plate for a child" and him saying "well… she's 20". The same year I got plastic ones from a family friend too. I've only used them once though, because I have a method to how food is placed on a regular plate so that food that can touch, does and it blocks the food that can't touch from touching. Ok.. wow I just sounded like a nutter!

Annette Thanks… now I have the song stuck in my head!! Although I guess there could be worse songs stuck there.

Is that still available to get? Or did they "lock it in the Disney vault"?

Annette
I watched a tape of The Three Caballeros over and over again when I was a kid. Love it. Best Donald Duck cartoon, IMO

It won't be in the Vault for long! This Tuesday, they're releasing The Three Caballeros and Saludos Amigos (an earlier effort in the same vein) on the same DVD. I've never seen the other one, but I think I'm gonna have to go buy a copy anyway.

Oh yeah another life goal…see the ellen show and the Late Show with David letterman. Also next time im in NYC i want to fullfill 2 goals in one…see a musical(a really good one, not some piece of crap) and go to Hello Deli and say hi to Rupert Gee.

Alyssa: I am the EXACT same way. only worse ! =D Seriously ,if the food I don't want touching , touchs, then I just cant STAND IT and I have to make a new plate, REALLY !! I feel I should also mention I have a SEVERE case of OCD. For anyone that doesn't know what that means, it stands for Obssesive Compulsive Disorder. lol.

Mandy Reeves…I've met Rupert. I went into the deli and I felt bad because most people were just popping their head in, saying HI RUPERT, and leaving. Very annoying. So I said hi to him and also bought a root beer so at least I felt like I was contributing something. But he's very friendly!

I would like to say I have officially started my weekend! Hope you all have a good one….hopefully I won't miss the SNT this week! Be safe and beware of rogue saltine crackers.

Hell yes I remember that! Like Cameron T, I had a tape of it that I always watched. It's one of my favorite Disney Movies, and the title song sung by Panchito is one of my favorite moments of any animation I've ever seen. That whole sequence was animated by "Nine Old Man" Ward Kimball (if anyone hasn't heard, the last of the Nine Old Men, Ollie Johnston passed away last week)

VERY awesome. I know that both movies were on DVD for a while, but I had no idea they were making a 2-for-1 Edition. Three Caballeros is actually the sequel to Saludos Amigos. The first movie just has Donald and Jose Carioca, while Three Cabaleeros has both along with Panchito. This has been your daily dose of Cartoon Facts.

I always wanted to go, and the two times that I actually trekked up to the Deli, it was closed before I got there!

Invader Norbert, I almost forgot about Dracula biting 2 holes in the Reese's cup. My goals are:

Be in commercials in the style of 70s/8s/90s commercials because today's commercials suck,

Be one of those guys that attends baseball games where everyone knows you as the "silly fan that dresses up funny, and insults the opposing team's players" while people want take to take your picture and autograph.

OOOohhhh mandy! I am with you on the Letterman thing. I would like to see it on Thanksgiving after seeing THE parade. That is my dream day.

I wish my weekend were officially starting, phunqsauce… stupid weekend overtime. I don't even want the money, I want to waste my Saturday doing nothing.

My goal in life is to meet Billy West and Adam West and have them join together like Voltron…but with only two of them, and grown men instead of lions….

I eat my circular sandwiches (such as burgers) the same way. One of my older brothers taught me the technique - when I could not have been older than 8 or 9 - and I have been practicing the technique ever since. After all, the best part of the burger is the inner two-thirds, so why not eat a ring around it and save the best for last.

Oh, since I've seen it mentioned… does anyone know when Rupert first started appearing on Letterman? I don't regularly watch David (even though I love him), but I did see quite a few Rupert segments quite a while ago. What was it… 10-12 years back? I thought the segments with him wandering around with Dave telling him what to say were hilarious. They were, without a doubt, at that point in my life, one of the funniest things I had ever seen. I didn't realize that had made such an impact with others as well. That makes me… happy.

Lastly, to Matt, with your insane cracker skills. That was the funniest thing I have seen in quite a while. It is just so random that I can't stop smiling. Nice work my friend.

Mystie Yeah, school and finishing is a goal too lol…I was more focused on outrageous goals at the moment… I start May 27th medical billing and coding and medical office specialist.

Well done. I've always been a fan of eating things in that manner as well. Such as splitting chocolate, vanilla, and/or strawzleberry wafer cookies into their three parts without breaking them, removing the little nubby ends from a pretzel, or licking all the tasty off a pringle.

Hey guys, been a while (year or two? Or three? Don't remember lol). Just thought I'd say I thought I was the only retard that did things like that with food!

Yeah, seeing Letterman live is definitely on my list of things I want to do too. He is and always will be my favorite late night host, without a doubt. Does anyone remember The Oprah Log, back when he was writing in a journal every night about the progress he was trying to make in getting her on the show? It was hilarious. This was several years before he actually did manage to get her on the show. Meeting Rupert would be pretty rad too. It's funny cause he always just seems so uncomfortable when Dave talks to him. It seems like I remember when he was first on the show that there was another guy who worked there with him. Dave would always have them on there together, and then shortly after that, the other guy disappeared. Anybody else remember that?

I just remembered something else I used to eat weird as a kid, and still do. I'm a Reese's cup fanatic, and even though I usually eat only the miniatures now, when I was a kid I used to love to eat the regular size ones my own way. I would nibble all the ridges off the edge first, so it was just smooth all around. Then, I would eat the outer, "harder" layer along the edge first–the layer without peanut butter, then I would eat the middle. I think I saw it done in one of those commercials, and tried it, and have been eating them like that ever since.

So, apparently there's loads of celebrities in town right now. They're shooting a movie here for the next couple of months downtown, just a few minutes from my house. I knew that Jake Gyllenhal, Tracy Morgan, and Jessica Biel were here, staying at The Hilton up the street, but apparently Paul Ruebens and Justin Timberlake are here too. Timberlake's here just cause he's dating Jessica Biel (lucky bastard). He's not in the movie or anything. But, apparently Paul Ruebens is in the movie and has been spotted at some of the clubs around here including the one that I DJ at all the time. I'm not sure why I'm here telling you this on a Friday night instead of going out there for a possible Pee-Wee sighting. I had some plans with some friends after work that kind of fell through so I decided to stay in. Oh well, they'll be in town for a couple of months so maybe I'll get a Pee-Wee sighting after all. I'm sure you guys will be the among the first to hear about it. The funny thing is, of all the folks I mentioned above, he's the one I want to meet the most. I mean, to meet and have a drink with Pee-Wee? Come on! How X-E is that!

That would be tres X-E Mr. DJ D. you gotta take pictures and get your talking pee wee doll signed!!!!

o.k., I'm really glad other people eat things in a wierd way! I like eating potato sticks one at a time by crushing them longways with my back teeth…lord, I am strange.
Before I kick the bucket I'd like to go to a taping of SNL, either the dress rehearsal or live show. I have tried, and failed to get tixs for about 15 years now!

I was able to catch Letterman. Pretty damn cool.
My one dream that did come true…I was on Family Feud. The Louie Anderson version. Of course, it would've been even better if we had actually won (I DO have a T-shirt for my efforts!) But we did get a 4 day trip to Cali, $30 a day cash, and a cool hotel. Have to mention…in between breaks the producer came over and started screaming at us that we better start yelling "good answer!" at the top of our lungs, all while plying us with tic tacs and water…
Good times….!

I guess I have been lucky - I made a list of life goals when I was 17, and even though I lost the list, I remember the contents and I have already accomplished some of them:

Went to Disney world - Spent ONE day in ONE part of the park in 2002
(must go back and do it up proper)

And I am a real honest to God teacher with the diploma and teaching license to prove it…now I just need a damn teaching JOB…

Speaking of the WWE did anyone catch the presdential candidates making asses of themselves on Raw Monday night? If not check it out . I also caught some footage of most likely the latest WWE video game with custom Hillary and Barack characters duking it out in their classy suits. I almost shit myself when i saw Barack give Hillary a stunner.

I completely missed that episode of Raw. I stayed home instead of hanging out with some friends just to watch it and I passed out 5 minutes before it started!

Happy SNT everybody! I am currently on my 4th beer and trying to think of a good discussion topic….I better hurry before I can't think all together! Cheers fellow X-E fanatics!

This was on my evening commute, and usually people taking the bus from Manhattan to the Bronx are commuting home from work. This woman brought hot fish from her job to eat on the way home.

Not yet Dohop, I was going to pick it up a few weeks ago but I opted for getting 3 FF games and kingdom hearts 2 for almost the same price, I couldnt pass up a deal like that!

Happy SNT and or/pre-SNT thread everybody! I'm counting on you guys for a good one tonight, because I just got my new laptop and you all look great in HD

Plus I'm finally feeling better after being self-pityingly sick all week so let's par-tay.
The conversation made me think of a couple of topics that we've probably done variations on before…What foods carry a lot of significance to you? Could be a childhood favorite, or the first recipe you ever mastered, or whatevs.
And all the talk of goals makes me want to know: What did you want to be when you "grew up"? Are you doing it? On the way? Over the idea completely?

A definite childhood favourite for me was chocolate Bonkers, God What Id give to have a pack of those.

Very nice laptop squee! As for food (if you can call a candybar food) I always loved Barnone by Hershey. Chocolate covered wafers with chocolate creme and topped with nuts. How could you go wrong? As for what i wanted to be when i grew up I never had anything specific I wanted to be when I was a young lad. I'm currently in the process of figuring that out still….sad, i know.

Lucky Squee! I want to get a laptop but by all means I really don't need one. I have a desktop and I don't really go off anywhere that I'd need to take a laptop with, so it'd be kind of a waste of money. \

hash browns and I wanted to be a notorious space traveling pirate from planet Earth. I guess I'm kind of over it. Kind of.

Thanks guys! I'm so very jazzed about the whole thing

I don't think I ever tried Bonkers. I'm not crazy for chocolate flavored anything-but-chocolate but I think the strawberry ones sound tasty.
phunqsauce, I hope that's not sad! I'm right there with you on that.
LOL Mystie I assume you know you're the top Google result for Magic Middles? Why are they not selling those now? I'm seeing those elves pushing all kinds of new crap during my cartoon time and they're sitting on gold.

Squee, The strawberry Bonkers were also quite Tasty indeed.
I dont think I've ever had amagic middle.

Another discontinued food I used to eat like cr azy were Giggles, I should start up a company tomake all the long gone food we all love, Id be
Rich!! MUAHAHAHA!

Hey nice laptop Squee4242. =) Oh and Mystie I thought about getting a laptop too, not too long ago, but didn't get one because of the same reason you didn't. My desktop is more than fine. Besides I can spend that cash on better things, like Mario Kart Wii. =)

I remember this brand of cookies that I used to love when I was a kid. They were called Opera House lemon creme cookies. They were DELICIOUS ! I haven't seen them in years and after MANY unsuccesful searches, i'm convince that they'r discontinued. =( Man what I wouldn't give to taste them again. *sigh* A man can dream though, a man can dream.

Congrats on the laptop squee. I clicked on the top 20 muppet show moments link in your blog and now I have the Mahna Mahna song running through my head. Good times.

Actually, the Muppet Show blog was mine, so all compliments and earworms shall be directed to me

Squee runs a pretty good blog too. I should add it to my "stuff to see" tab. I've already added Mystie's site as well as some of the other XErs that link to me.

The conversation made me think of a couple of topics that we've probably done variations on before…What foods carry a lot of significance to you? Could be a childhood favorite, or the first recipe you ever mastered, or whatevs.
And all the talk of goals makes me want to know: What did you want to be when you "grew up"? Are you doing it? On the way? Over the idea completely?

2) Chicken Nuggets. Coincidentally, I was on a trip at the Natural History museum in NYC earlier today and I decided to go nostalgic by getting their Chicken Nuggests that just so happen to be shaped like Dinosaurs. Not woth its inflated price, but I wanted em, got em, liked eating them.

As for what I wanted to be when I grew up? Bartender. That was some weird-assed pipe dream that thankfully lasted a single summer in the 3rd grade or so.

I has Mario Kart! I'm not gonna play it toonight which should defeat my purpose of getting it at midnite, but as the hubby has one of his food delivery jobs tommorow at noon til like 8 which is the exact sunday hours for gamestop where i pre ordered…youcan see what dilemma this causes…so I dragged my ass to the dam store and there was like 8 people tops. Yay i guess.

I have spent the past few hours actually believing it was Friday, not Saturday night. The lady and I have been spending all of our free-time over the past week getting our place ready so she can host her sister's bridal shower here tomorrow. Aside from the usual dusting, vacuuming, and general straightening up, it was also the motivation we needed to take care of some painting that we had put off for two years. So… four gallons of paint later, the stairs are finally finished. I really despise climbing ladders and scaffolding and all that garbage. Oh yeah, I also steam cleaned the carpet.

So yeah, my mind has been so focused on cleaning that I completely forgot what day it is. I look around and I see little cardboard bride & groom decorations, pink plates, forks… everything. The best part? I have to leave the house tomorrow at around noon and not come back until I get a call that it is all clear.

To answer tonights SNT survey, my food that holds a lot of personal sentiment is indeed those cinammon roll things from MCDonalds…I think they used to be like a coffee cake streusel, and now they are "cinnamelts" I dont go to McDonalds too often, so I dont know if they still carry my original love. The reason why is because my dad would go golfing with his friends every saturday morning,and I would wake up really early and watch the cartoons. At the time, my uncle was living in the attic of our huge-ass house (which they dont live in anymore…unfortunately) Anywho, my uncle was a truck driver, and when he was done with his route on friday nights/really really early saturday mornings, he would always stop and buy me those cinnamon things. He died about 7 years ago from lung cancer(RIP), and everytime I have anything cinnamon from mcdonalds, i get all choked up. When I was little I wanted to be a basketball player…this stemmed from a twist of fate that landed a "fry kid" action figure from mcdonalds in my happy-meal one day, where it was dressed like a basketball player, and everyone knows that the fry kids decide your fate, so I all of a sudden wanted to be a basketball player. Needless to say, I am a redheaded five foot three girl who has only played basketball once in my entire life…and sucked at it, so NO i am not a basketball player…nor a fireman like my second choice…instead I am somewhere between psychology undergrad/graduate school applicant/research assistant/professional slacker… ps-sorry for the long post….IM DRUNK!

Norb Was that pipe dream due to the oscar worthy movie known as COCKTAIL? One of the first times I slept over at my finacees house we watched that (before we were engaged) and now we're getting married. I blame it on cocktail…

YO!!!!! Dudes, I got a hold of my key, so I am READY TO RUMBLE!!! I MEAN BRAWL!!!! So, who am I going to beat up first? my friend code is 4296-3348-3245. I'll kill u all with PIKACHU!!!

Norb Was that pipe dream due to the oscar worthy movie known as COCKTAIL? One of the first times I slept over at my finacees house we watched that (before we were engaged) and now we're getting married. I blame it on cocktail…

Actually it wasn't I was just an impressionable boy who had watched a bartender in action at this restaurant called George's in Lake George.

Missed another SNT as usual cause I was at work till 2am, but here I am nonetheless. I always make it just in time for the tail end of the SNT/ beginning of SMH (Sunday Morning Hangover).

Growing up I went through several things I wanted to be, and I'm still working on one of them. I always knew no matter what I did it would be creative and artisitic in some way. I just can't function any other way. Since I'm a horror hound all the way, I went through a faze where I wanted to be a special effects makeup artist. I was pretty serious about it and checked out some possible schools to go to after high school but kind of gave it up when I realized I couldn't afford any of them cause they were all out of state. Then I settled on film, cause I decided to be a director. Fast forward many years later, and I've worked on a lot of movies behind the scenes and found that I really like editing. I'm currently working in digital video editing. It's not exactly Hollywood, but it's at least putting my degree to use (actually I'm one semester away from having the degree, but who's counting?). But, in the back of my mind, some form of illustration is what I really want to do. Since I was a little kid, nothing makes me happier than having a pencil in my hand, and I'm pretty good at it, so I still have dreams of making a living drawing the same crap I used to doodle when I was young. I'm kind of seriously working on that now and hope to get some actual work in the next 2 or 3 years. I figure that's how long it's gonna take me to get proficient enough to make a living at it. Actually I do make money at it from time to time. I do portraits on the side for extra cash, but it's been a while since I did one. In the meantime, I've got the editing thing as a backup.

As for special foods, spaghetti will always mean something to do me. Growing up, I used to go to my aunt's house every Friday for it. For as long as I can remember, they have it every Friday without fail. She was kind of like a grandmother to me and we were really close. She died about 7 years ago and they still keep up the tradition to this day. When I go home to visit my family, I always make a point of swinging over to my uncle's house for Spaghetti Friday.

Don't know if you guys know about it, but there is gonna be special "Star Wars" episode of "Deal or No Deal" on Monday. The models are dressed in the slave outfit, Vader is the banker, and Carrie Fisher, Chewbacca, and R2-D2 are also there for support.

I don't know if there's food I hold a significance to, but there are some food items I miss that have disappeared
1.) I don't know the name of them, but there used to be some peanut butter cookies that had some jam on it. I used to gobble those when I was younger. Delicious.
2.) It's Pasta Anytime. This used to be a college staple for me. You mixed the pasta with the sauce and tossed it in the microwave for about 3 minutes and it tasted like real homemade pasta, not the canned Chef Boyardee or Franco Americano ones. This actually lasted a few years, but then just disappeared.
3.) I'm probably the ONLY man of this planet who has ever had a McDonald's McClub. I think I went to the only McD's who field tested it and is so rare it doesn't even have a Wikipedia article on it. It was three burgers with cheese, lettuce, and I believe a tomato on a hoagie bun. But what made it special to me was that it also had a sauce that tasted like the Big Mac special sauce mixed with Cheez Whiz that was DELICIOUS. I only had it once and never again because it obviously failed, but I do wish it would come back.
4.) Hardee's fried chicken. Best fried chicken EVER. Yes, even better than KFC or Popeye's. Their side dishes were delicious too. Plus, it was cheap, so we had it often.

So, has anyone else tried those new Sipah flavored straws that you put in milk? They come in chocolate, banana, strawberry, and cookies'n'cream. They're ok, but there's no way I would pick these over the traditional syrups, powders, or the already made stuff.

Ive been gone for a few weeks and just came back here. Did I miss something? Whats with the Matt not caring or posting anymore thing?

Matt died, we fucking nuked his ass. Didn't you see his shrunken head on the post when you came in? We're doing some voodoo on it later if you'd care to join us.

Derek, this post is barely four days old, so I don't really get the not posting anymore angle. Now that I can actually read the front page it does seem a shame that it looks like there hasn't been a new post since 2/3, but since that's not actually the case it doesn't seem like that big a deal. Maybe there's some way to set things up so blog posts automatically show up on the front page? The fact that the $100 shopping spree isn't represented on there just cannot stand.

Thanks for the congrats everybody

And thanks for the compliment on my blog, Norb. If you're looking for adorable chihuahua pictures, LOST references and X-E shoutouts, I'm your girl. It's no "#1 for Magic Middles" but then we can't all be that awesome.

Watching "Wayne's World" on Comedy Central, the perfect antidote to an otherwise depressing, rainy, cold Sunday here in Central Texas. You know, it's weird, the many times I have seen this movie, I have never owned it on videotape or DVD, nor have I taped it off of HBO or Showtime. I don't know why I would not want to own this movie, or the sequel for that matter. They're both really funny movies and are based off of one of my all-time favorite SNL sketches. Also, it takes place in Aurora/Chicago and I'm always a sucker for movies that take place in and around my hometown. Makes me wish there was such a place as that diner named after former Chicago Blackhawk great Stan Mikita. The closest they have is Chelis Chili, founded by another former Hawk great, Chris Chelios. I've never been there but I hear they have some great chili. Next time I'm in Chicago, or if it's hockey season and I'm in town, I'll have to check the place out.

Anyway, I'm apologizing in advance for a possible double post because I don't like posting during the show, and I have so much to say, I'm always running into the show after the commercials….like I'm doing now!

Holy shit….How could I have forgotten Magic Middles? THE BEST FUCKING COOKIE EVER!

Nostalgic foods? The cinnamon and raisin biscuits at Hardee's. My mom used to work there and we had a Hardee's long before we had a McDonald's (why? I dunno). So I used to eat those mofos all the time when I was little. I probably wouldn't be able stand all that sugar nowadays. Do they still make those…?

Ooh, another nostalgic Hardee's menu item: the chicken biscuit. I didn't like sausage much when I was a kid, so I would get this. I think they may have brought it back recently at Carl's, but it's probably not the same.

When I was little, I wanted to be a singer, musician, artist, and writer. For a long time, I really wanted to write and illustrate children's stories.

Nowadays, I still write, though I'm not really optimistic about getting published or anything. I just do it because I like it.

As for singing, well, I pretty much gave up on that one. I still like to sing, but I don't have dreams of actually going anywhere with it. Same thing with music. I don't play any instruments because I don't have any. I've always wanted to learn piano, but it's pretty much out of the question because I don't have one and can't afford one, not even a keyboard. I also wanted to learn guitar, but I can't afford one of those right now either. One of these days, I'm gonna have instruments, dammit.

I also don't do artsy things much anymore. Up until a couple of years ago, I drew things regularly and was always trying to improve, but never really got any better. Aside from little sketchy doodly things, I can't draw for shit. I'm also no good with other mediums like watercolors or oils and stuff like that. So I just don't really do it anymore.

Oh, I forgot– I took graphic design for two years in high school, and I wanted to do that for a living, but I'm terrible with Illustrator and there aren't any jobs like that in Oklahoma anyway. Besides, logo design is fricking hard.

JoshC nah PRSense is is just a tag I've had for years its short for PuertoRockSense cuz I'm puerto rican. I just shortened it to PRSense cuz I got tired of typing the whole thing lol. PuertoRockSense is also my Yahoo instant messenger name, but PRSense is my Aim screen name.

Come to think of it, I seem to recall someone might have sent me a Magic Middles recipe at some point. I'll bake some for you, Bill. Just lemme come down and use your oven.

Man, all of this talk of Magic Middles makes me want to look them up now. I don't think I remember them, but they're starting to sound pretty good.

I can't believe I'm actually at home right now. I usually get stuck at work every Sunday night till the wee hours of the morning (I was there last week till 4am), but I worked a lot this weekend so I hit my 40 hours kind of early and just got sent home tonight. Groovy! The best part is, with my backwards schedule, this is the official start to my "weekend". I don't have to be back at work till Thursday.

I remember Magic Middles, they were great. I also remember Giggles. I'm not sure which I miss more.

Oh, I am going to double post here, but I need advice. There is a very small mouse living in my apartment with me right now. I probably won't sleep tonight. Anyone know the easiest way to get rid of these things?

Barring a trip to a store for some poison or some other sourt of mouse trap… I did find this.

Barring a trip to the store in the middle of the night for some poison or other mouse trap, I did find this link (click the name). It would allow you to do your best MacGyver impersonation.

I liked Magic Middles, but I really liked Mini Middles more. You could get them for a quarter at breakfast in junior high in the cafeteria.

I heard mint will repel mice, like if you put mint oil on cottonballs and stick them in cabinets and stuff. I don't think it works, though, because my mom tried it a while back and we still got a couple mice. My cat got one of them, though. I was downstairs watching a movie while on the phone and I heard this loud clang. A minute later down struts my lazy fatass cat, Catreece, parading around with a dead mouse dangling from her mouth. She was very proud. I knew the cat tag with the crown on it made her magic.

Yes I DO remember magic middles now that you all mention it! In brownie scouts, we had a girl we called "giggles" because she giggled at everything and also when she did she looked like the face on a giggles cookie.

ULTRAMAN lol.. you should just like one of my good friends. She does the same thing! If 2 foods I don't want touching touch, I just don't eat the parts that touched. But I have to get a clean plate, if I am having more of any food because the crumbs are on the original plate of the other food. Getting seconds on a dirty plate… ugg.. makes me shutter. I'm a bit OCD too. Everything has to be even. You can't pinch one cheek and leave the other, dishes have to be put away in the same place in a certain order and I have to put my jewelry on in a certain way each morning. When I was young and lived at home, I had the whole straighting the fringe on the rug thing too. It would drive me nuts when it got all messed up and it would dive my mom nuts that I would spend time fixing it. Oh OCD how you make my life so interesting!

Does anyone remember Alpha Bits Cereal? I can't seem to find it at any store around here. Though, apparently it's on the kraft foods website.

It seems that one could possibly duplicate the consistency of magic middles by inserting a hershey's kiss into a blob of shortbread cookie batter, and almost entirely covering the kiss, leaving only the top part of it poking out to ventilate. So they don't burst or leak.

I would happily bake these, but I can't eat them, and nobody in my vicinity would know if they tasted right.

Alyssa: food is just one thing i,m that way about. =) And yes I remember AlphaBits cereal. Is it discontinued ?

Rev.BackItOnUp: Tell me about it! I've been searching for a brand of cookies I loved as a kid and I can't find anything. Oh how I would love to taste them again.

There is only one food I despeartely miss from my childhood, and I've only found one person who ever heard of it besides me. I was so overjoyed, I married that man. Summit Bars. Damn that was some good eatin'.

Rev.BackItOnUp: They were called Opera House Lemon Cookies. I think the word creme was somewhere in the title but i'm positive that Opera House was the name of the brand. They came in two varieties, vanilla lemon and chocolate lemon. Oh man they were SO GOOD !! It bugs the crap outta me that I can't find em. =(

Alyssa, Oh yeah, I totally remember Alpha Bits, but I haven't seen them in years either. I did buy a box of Cookie Crip cereal the other day though. Remember those? They're basically just little chocoate chip cookies. Reeeeal healthy, let me tell ya. I probably hadn't had them in 20 years but they tasted exactly the same as I remember. They seemed a bit smaller though.

Yeah, I'm real anal about certain stuff too. I HATE it when someone opens something and doesn't close it–like cabinets, or bottles, or anything really. Especially if it's like kind of cracked open a little bit. I'm funny about the silverware too. I can't stand it when someone mixes up the silverware in the silverware drawer and puts things in the wrong slots. That drives me batshit crazy. Things have be to "square" to me too. Like if a bunch of stuff is on a table, it has to be perpendicular and even. I don't like stuff being crooked.

Yeah, I don't like food touching either. I don't mind it if it's dry food, cause it's easy to just seperate with my fork, but if something has gravy or juice or something and it's running everywhere I hate that. I'll get seperate little bowls for messy food so things don't touch each other. I also tend to eat all my foods one thing at a time.

It is like a complicated romance playing out on my plate. Love triangles, crimes of passion, gravies tenderly intermingling, vegetables getting it on with meats, smothered under an orgy of sauce.

Alpha-bits? We have those all the time at my house! They always have them at pathmark or a&p