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03/11/2008: Cloverfish.

As the world turns its attentions to Uncle O'Grimacey's fabled Shamrock Shakes, I find myself bored with the prospect of another month spent trying to locate that one odd McDonald's willing to dye its milky treasures green for me. I've already done that and photo-archived it, and besides, the only time I've ever been even 1/14th Irish was when I consulted a fermentingly old bottle of Baileys to survive a toothache several years ago.

So, go. Go and have your little minty triple-thick delicious milkshakes. I've discovered a new method of celebrating St. Patrick's Day by way of the material world: Mutant fish!

After receiving word from an anonymous tipster that a local Petland store was displaying its lucky pride in an obscene way, I cased the scene earlier this evening. I come from a neighborhood with its fair share of Irishmen, but there still seemed to be something a tad off about a pet store so thoroughly decorated in tacky clover-themed garland and the errant cardboard leprechaun. On the other hand, any event that tempts pet store workers to segregate doggy rawhide bones into boxes of "green" and "all other colors except green" makes me clap like I'm at the opera after someone nails an amazingly long note. Okay, maybe I didn't clap like that, but I clapped like something. Okay, actually, I didn't clap at all. But I thought about clapping.

By now you're probably wondering why I'm rambling on about a pet store decorated with green ribbons. In fact, clover-themed window clings were the least of my concerns. To celebrate St. Patrick's Day, they had a whole freakin' tank of painted parrot fish. You know, the kind that are unnaturally dyed in a bevy of neon colors? I bought a bunch of 'em several years ago, and upon learning about the process by which they're turned into technicolor freaks, I vowed never to buy them again. Still, when faced with an Irish pet store featuring a tankful of clover green parrot fish, convictions may sometimes find themselves taking a backseat to awesomeness.

Regarding the photo above, you'll have to use your imagination a bit. Try as I might, it just isn't easy to take pictures of stuff inside fish tanks.

Yes, I bought one. Yes, I know that I shouldn't support the business practice of injecting innocent fish with fast-fading food dye. Everyone's allowed a weak moment, and after all, it's not like I picked some normal fish from a tank and sent them to the back room with a syringe. They already did the deed, and at least I'll give the poor thing a better home than some seven-year-old Irish kid with intentions of using an upside-down football helmet for a fish tank.

All but one of my original painted parrots from that ancient blog post have died off. The one that's left was originally bright red, but over time, his color has faded to a very muted and nearly natural yellow. He's grown much bigger and lived for far longer than a lot of fish-related websites told me he would, which is either a minor miracle or, you know, just one of those things.

Despite our collective misgivings about the animal rights issues involved here, I have to admit that holiday-themed fish is a concept that I'd be happy to volunteer time to and/or draw up signage for. It's important to support the causes you believe in, even if we're just talking about fish that look like Christmas or Halloween. Or stupid St. Patrick's Day.

Maybe the dye mutated your lone surviving original fish into some sort of fish super-hero?

Sure, you can forgo your quest for the Shamrock Shake…but at least around Toronto, every McDonald's I've seen has been promoting their glorious return!

I want a Shamrock Shake so bad, but every McDonalds I've crossed paths with had nothing about them up. I'll have to go out on a glorious hunt later this week and bring me home one.

I as hoping this was somehow going to be a post about Cloverfield. Alas I guess we can't have everything.

And yes, Shamrock Shakes are at my local McDonalds again this year! Its like Christmas… only, green.

Our fish from Christmas died already. I should buy my son some of these. Do they stay dyed forever?

Is all I saw when I refreshed the blog – screw green dye, they should inject these fish with monsterous-sea-monster genes - and then give them small sea-city-castles to smash!

The Shrek shake is not the same as the Shamrock shake, but it is really close. Or at least that's what I remember, but I never had them side by side. I always thought the Shrek shake had more chocolate in it. Both are darn yummy though.

Last year, I had to settle on a minty mudbath, which from what I remember seemed to be like a shamrock with bits of whatever in it. Of course it's been years since I've had a Shamrock Shake, since before I knew they were that big of a deal.

Wait, wait, wait. Do you guys think there is a connection between the Shamrock Shake and Slusho? Because I do now!

pretty much every mickey dees within a 50000 mile radius of me has been championing the return of the good ole' shamrock shake like the next coming of christ, and i can't say i blame them. i seriously have had one every day since they came in stock. p.s. do those fish look as radioactive as bright green dyed fish should? and if so do you plan to mutate them into infant mutant samurai fish?

Okay, here we go… I've mentioned on a few recent postings that I would soon share the sordid particulars of my brush with annihilation a little more than 16 months ago, and now I will make good on that promise. Please bear in mind that all the details of the incident itself that I am about to divulge were told to me after the fact; I learned about most of the finer points second-hand because I can't remember a bit of it myself. In fact, my memory of the entire day leading up to the occurrence (during which I apparently taught The Picture of Dorian Gray to a local class of high school seniors and also bought a pair of concert tickets at the Ticketmaster counter in a local Kroger store) has been wiped clean. But anyway, on to the gruesome main event…

On the day of Friday October 27, 2006, I had planned to travel to the city of Columbus, Ohio (just a shade under a two-hour drive from my home) for what was promising to be one hell of a swell weekend. I was planning to catch a GWAR concert Friday night and then attend a zombie-themed Halloween party on Saturday. In fact, the last entry I posted on the X-E Blog before this heinous series of events was put into motion was probably the one in which I asked the advice of all the X-E bloggers concerning what kind of zombie I should dress myself as. Remember? I think the final consensus was a "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Zombie, but I ended up settling for dressing up as a regular ol' zombie with all kinds of bite-wound prosthetics on my neck (I never got around to wearing the make-up and prosthetics I purchased that year, but, happily, most of them maintained their structural and chemical integrity until I was finally able to slather myself with them during Halloween '07). Anyway, that's where I was heading that particular Friday evening in my pine-green 2003 Toyota Tacoma SR5 — the truck that gave its life to save mine.

Apparently, it was just piss-pouring the rain that afternoon. I probably had no business driving anywhere with the weather as nasty as it was, but, being the devoted fan of the lurid, feral absurdity of a live GWAR performance that I am, I imagine that I felt compelled to make the drive regardless of the perilous conditions on the road. I was heading north on State Route 23 on my way to Columbus, and I was just about one mile north of the city of Waverly, Ohio when a person driving a black pickup truck (a person who has, to this very day, yet to be prosecuted or even identified) came barreling up behind my truck at about 65mph, struck my truck's rear bumper, and sent my truck (with my fragile self contained therein) spinning into the southbound lane. I'd like to emphasize the word "SPINNING" in the previous sentence because it is undoubtedly by virtue of that spinning that I am still alive today. By the time my truck arrived in the southbound lane, it had done almost a complete 180-degree spin and was practically facing due-south when a fucking Sherman Tank of a tan cargo van came rolling along in the southbound lane and collided with the rear of my truck. Had my truck failed to pirouette as it did on the rain-slicked highway and remained pointing due-north until the time of the arrival of the cargo van, I'm pretty sure that my body would have been liquefied upon impact.

The police report estimated that both my truck and the cargo van that hit it were each traveling at a speed of roughly 50mph when the collision occurred. My poor truck — hardly a match for the cargo van in terms of weight or solidity — was totaled (I'll try to get some aftermath photos up on Flickr shortly…stay tuned). Although my little pissant truck's flimsy aluminum frame folded like a cheap suit when the decidedly beefier cargo van rammed into it, it folded in all the right places so as to keep my even flimsier entrails from being strewn all across the countryside like so many non-biodegradable styrofoam Big Mac containers. My dad — after having peered into my truck's cabin following the wreck — assured me that a person could not have possibly survived that crash unless he or she had been sitting exactly where I was sitting. The truck was turned into a "double-croissant" of sorts (curled on both the X and Y-Axis) which functioned perfectly in protecting the driver. The strategic curling and collapsing performed by my selflessly heroic truck kept me from being crushed under a mass of twisted metal. Truly, my '03 Tacoma has earned a place of distinction at the banquet table in Pickup-Truck Valhalla. It achieved the greatest honor attainable by any automobile: it sacrificed itself in combat in an effort to save its master's life. Your courage and devotion will forever be commended and celebrated, pine-green 2003 Toyota Tacoma SR5. I salute you.

As for myself, I did not come out of the ordeal in much better shape than my poor truck did. In fact, I didn't come out of it at all. I died. I was clinically dead at the scene of the accident. That means I wasn't breathing, my heart wasn't beating, I had no pulse, nothing. Amazingly, the paramedics on the scene were able to revive me ("resurrect" me, if you will) only to lose me once again (that's right, I died twice in one day!). After completing their apparent practice-run, the paramedics revived me for good on the second try and I was whisked away (via ambulance, not in a med-evac helicopter since it was raining so hard that afternoon) to Grant Medical Center Trauma Unit in Columbus roughly a 90-minute drive away (I made it to Columbus after all!) where I was treated for my injuries and placed on life-support.

Now here's where the shit gets a little scary: I sustained no physically-observable injuries (no broken bones, cuts or lacerations of any kind) that one would typically expect to result from an incident such as the one I had endured except for two funky-looking bruises (called "hematomas" in doctor-speak) on my shoulder and on my hip where my seatbelt had dug into my flesh during impact. The one major injury I did sustain, though, was a doozy. I sustained what doctors refer to as a TBI or "Traumatic Brain Injury". Yikes. What happened, basically, was my head was shaken around very violently during the collision (it even bounced off the rear window of my truck's cab, the doctors suspected) and my brain, in turn, was also shaken around very violently inside my skull. Various bits of brain tissue and blood vessels were, as a result, stretched, twisted and torn and my brain actually collided with the inside of my skull and was scratched by the bony surface. The damage done to my brain was essentially tantamount to the damage that is typically suffered by the brain of a stroke victim. I was comatose when I arrived at the Grant Trauma Unit, and the surgeons on hand told my parents (who hauled ass to Columbus in record time when they heard the news of my wreck) that it would probably be at least six months before I would regain consciousness, but they weren't optimistic of me ever regaining consciousness at all.

Those surgeons, it would appear, weren't aware of my tenacity, my resolve, and my mutant healing ability (just call me Weapon-X). I had, after all, eluded certain death not once but twice earlier that day…I wasn't about to allow something trifling like a coma slow me down for long. I was awake and wondering (very loudly) what in the hell happened less than four weeks later. I cannot recall the early days of my recovery in the hospital, but I hear that they were some wacky times (I wish someone had been videotaping some of it). Brain damage can make you do some screwy stuff, and I guess that I was good at keeping everyone present (members of both my family and of the medical profession) on their toes. There were days I would shout obscenities at everyone I laid eyes upon, days I would spout off with gibberish about being lost in the jungles of Borneo with Keith Olbermann (no joke), days I would speak with a British accent, days I flat-out refused to wear any clothes, days I would defiantly yank out the various tubes and hoses the nurses had fed into every orifice of my body…I'm telling you, I was a one-man freakshow.

Of all the embarrassing stories that I heard concerning myself and my recovery, though, my favorite is the following: one night, my brother and his wife came to visit me, and, when they arrived, I asked for them to turn on the TV. The television was tuned to the Bravo channel and Inside the Actor's Studio was just going off the air. Al Pacino had been that evening's guest, and, according to my brother, I went batshit-crazy when I saw Pacino on the TV screen. He says that I started shrieking and cursing about missing an Al Pacino interview and how much I would've enjoyed listening to his thoughts on acting and so forth. And then, about 2 minutes into my little tirade, my brother tells me that I fired into the most pitch-perfect Al Pacino impression he had ever seen! Apparently, I started off quoting lines from Pacino flicks like The Godfather and Heat and so forth, and then I just began carrying on a normal conversation with my brother and sister-in-law, all the while talking like Pacino. My brother says it was surreal. For the next 40 minutes or something, I talked about normal everyday stuff (like movies and comic-books and crappy hospital food and whatever), but I talked about it while executing a spot-on impersonation of Al Pacino. Truly, the human brain is a wondrous, terrifying device.

So anyway, near the middle of November, after an intense period of treatment and observation, I was transferred from Grant Medical Center to a hospital that was a little closer to home to begin my in-patient rehab. And then, on the 22nd of November (the day before Thanksgiving) I was released from the hospital for good, and I continued with physical, occupational, and speech therapy for an additional two months. I was deemed functionally incapable to live on my own, though, and was remanded to the care of my parents — without whose love, assistance and encouragement I wouldn't have had a prayer in surviving this whole ordeal. I continued to suffer from a number of cognitive disorders for a little while after returning home. I had some trouble concentrating as well as difficulty maintaining my balance for a few months after leaving the hospital, but those difficulties soon passed. My short-term memory was also totally fucked for about a month after returning home. I mean, I was like the dude from Memento. My short-term memory was never really all that stellar to begin with, but it was practically non-existent following the wreck. I couldn't remember a goddamned thing for a while, but, happily, that too ran its course, and I returned to college the following Spring to continue working toward a license to teach high school English Language-Arts classes, and now here I am completing my Pre-Service Teaching requirement in the city of Xi'an in the Peoples' Republic of China. Y'know…onward and upward, and all that!

And then, finally, there's also this to consider: as if the pain, hardship and indignity heaped upon myself and my family by this whole god-awful, shitty mess wasn't astronomical enough already, I'm also being sued. The driver of the tan van (at the behest of his insurance company) is suing me for "failure to control my motor-vehicle resulting in the injury of others" or some horseshit like that (the passengers of the tan van refused medical attention at the scene of the crash while I was lying dead along the highway, by the way). I don't want to sound whiny here or anything, but shouldn't I be awarded some kind of "get-out-of-jail-free" card when it comes to lawsuits since I was, y'know, DEAD and all? My attorney — a delightfully affable fellow who my dad and I have nicknamed "Dangerous Dan" due to his thoroughly unthreatening demeanor — assures me that the prosecution doesn't have a leg to stand on with this case (since there were multiple eyewitness accounts logged in the police report naming the "phantom driver" of the black pickup as the instigator of the whole incident), but it will undoubtedly take an excessive amount of time for the courts to arrive at that decision. That is, I'll keep getting hassled for depositions and sworn testimonies and so forth for at least another year, probably, just so the case can eventually be thrown out. Not exactly what I'd call the definition of "swift justice", but as long as I don't have to shell out any dough, I guess I can't bitch about it too much.

It's been an arduous, occasionally frustrating, utterly surreal climb out of the gutter since Halloween of '06, but I should consider myself fortunate for coming out of it as well as I have (I think that Private Joker said it best at the end of Full Metal Jacket when he said: "I am in a world of shit, yes…but I am alive"). If I were a man of absolutely any religious faith at all, I'd refer to my recovery as "miraculous", but I'm not, so I won't. I will, however, refer to it as a process that would not have been successful (or even possible) in any sense whatsoever without the support of my friends and family. I came dangerously close to surrendering to my own self-pity on numerous occasions throughout my convalescence and becoming completely embittered about my situation. Thankfully, my loved-ones would have none of that and kept a fire lit under my ass to continually push myself during rehab even when all I wanted to do was lie in bed and feel sorry for myself. As cheesy as it may sound, it was only by virtue of the faith and confidence that my friends and family showed in me that I was able to find any faith in myself. I owe my life to them every bit as much as I do to the doctors, therapists and paramedics who worked so diligently in keeping me firmly fastened to the mortal coil.

Well, it was great fun (and oddly cathartic) outlining this whole mess here on the X-E blog. I hope you enjoyed reading it. I also hope that this rather lengthy explanation earns me the forgiveness of the collective X-E community for my rather spotty posting here on the blog during the past 16 months. If it doesn't, though…fuckin' sue me, why don't you?

Man, I was in the area's only McDonald's in biking distance from me today and didn't even THINK about Shamrock Shakes! I'll try when I go over there for next week's library volunteering session. (The Haddon Township Library is literally over the hill from the McDonald's.) I don't drink beer of any color and don't have the room for a fish tank, so this is the only green I'll be having this St. Patty's Day besides the leafy variety.

Totally unrelated, sorry, but for a limited time, Amazon has Autobot and Decepticon collectors watches on sale for $25 each. They come in kick ass tins, too.

St. Patty's Day is not stupid Matt, that happens to be me day o' birth. I will find that shake!

you have to try the new Dr.Pepper, it's Dr Pepper Cherry Chocolate it is disgusting as hell and taste and smells as like ass

I think my favorite part of fishy posts is seeing if Sean will pop in for an appearance. Can't recall offhand ever being disappointed

I had the most amazing visions of Cloverfield-themed mutant fish until the scrolldown. As far as the ethical implications, I stand by my initial "meh" assessment. Just as long as the rest of us don't get inspired to go out and buy them…

Yeti, that's a pretty incredible story. Good luck continuing fighting the good fight. Be careful, just when you think you're out, they pull you back in. You know how it is.

Where is that Petland? It looks like the one in Commack, NY in the Pathmark shopping center on Jericho Turnpike

I've never had a true Shamrock Shake, but I had the Minty Mudbath Shake last year. Some would say the Shamrock Shake is Mint & Vanilla, I'd say that Minty Mudbatth is Mint & Chocolate.

Speaking of pets, my cat finally found my pet frog, who is sitting on top of my dresser (the frog) and she had become obsessed at looking at it, as far as jumping on top of said dresser and risking injury.

For the first time since I have begun reading this blog, I am actually disappointed. When I read "Cloverfish" and saw the picture of the pet store, I was expecting something about a mysterious fish. When I scrolled down a little more I thought I saw a green monster face in the right hand side of the picture. Turns out it was about fish, and the clover was the run of the mill "they're taking over my backyard" green thing and the fish was a fish.

Halloween is one holiday in which you don't need the unnatural buggers. Just get a bunch of black and orange guppies and throw a black light behind em.

Yeti, Great story, that. Too bad you can't remember any sort of white light or any of that jazz. I can't believe the people in the van would actually have the gaul to sue you after all that. The never of some people. I too had a brush with automotive death when I was a kid. I won't go into details right now, but it involved a van load of 13 kids, the North Carolina mountans, a muddy embankment, flipping the van 3 times, landing in a creek, and coming away from it with a pretty impressive scar from where my leg was cut all the way down to the bone. I could actually see my knee socket working back and forth. Oddly enough, when it happened I didn't feel a thing. Not a bit of pain. The novacaine shots and stitches were another thing altogether though.

Hey, like you said, legal troubles aside, at least you're still kicking. Hoo-wa!

I too was duped by the promise of Cloverfield mania until I started reading. Good post, but still kind of a tease. I thought we were going to get an entry about some kind of mutant Clover-fish rising from a pet store to kill us all.

I know I've been talking about it fora while but I think today may be the day that I actually go on the hunt for a Shamrock Shake. I got my Cadbury fix already, now it's time to see what all this fuss is about.

And Matt, I second what dohopoki said…you have a 4 year old fish? Wow.

Wow, Yeti. That was a pretty epic story. Good luck with everything, and illegitimi non carborundum.

Larry… that Petland is in the Pergament Shopping Center in Staten Island, across the street from the SI mall.

For any S.I.ers- I love that the shopping center is still called, and roadside sign still says, "Pergament Mall"- even though Pergament hasn't been there for some, oh, 90 years now. I liked it better when Consumers and Roll 'n Roaster were there. Now that Jembro has closed up shop, there's becoming less and less of a reason to go there.

wow Yeti, amazing story, I'll definetly be buckling up and driving a little slower in the rain after reading that. Glad you made it through.

As for being sued, don't be too angry at those people, its really usually the insurance companies fault. It wouldn't suprise me if their own insurance was refusing to pay for any of their damages unless they brought the suit. Gotta love insurance companies, you and pay and pay just in case and then when just in case happens they refuse to pay.

I'm glad you're alive and well. I've been feeling pretty crappy this week and can't wait to go to the doctor soon. It's been a long time since I've actually been sick.

I saw a cable news story this morning where people are taking poodles, rabbits, etc and dying them in Easter colors.

Speaking of St. Patricks Day, have you seen those commercials where Abe Lincoln and Uncle Sam are asked their opinion on making SPD a national holiday? They then link to an online petition about it. I was kinda surprised because I always thought that SPD was a national holiday, just rarely celebrated except by the Irish or used as an excuse to get drunk on green beer.

Yeti, that was an amazing story and well written, I'm glad you are still around to be able to write about.

JLA, when you put SPD I kept think Space Patrol Delta, even though I saw St Patricks Day. I was wondering why it was going to become a national holiday. Duh!!

Matt, you know I love you and your site but it makes me sad that you bought these poor injected green fish.

If you wanted green fishies, you should've bought actual fish that are born like that. I would've called up the ASPCA on that friggin' Pet Land Discount store…

I love Parrot fish, I have a bunch of the "natural" ones and they went from pale yellow to oranges and reds as adults.

"pet land discounts, for the best care a pet can get" That jingle is almost as old as me! I remember hearing it when i was like 4, and to this very day it is still in commercials occasionaly.

I SO wanna dye my shit-zu pepto bismol pink. i dunno though…I'm afraid the PETA freaks would hunt me down and turn MY hair pink as retaliation.

I did get brawl and I will post my Friend code as soon as I play again in a hour or so.

Mystie is your brothers video game convention in Reading, PA? There is one there in July that is having the National Guitar hero championships.

Yeti wow, that is some story!!! See though, your young ad strong which is why you survived….possibly someone in their 50's may not have…or would have but been really a mess.

DJD yknow, the whole being able to see your knee socket, made me throw up in my mouth a little. I mean I would'nt have minded if it was ice cream i was just eating, because the taste would'nt have been so bad coming up. But after eating cold baked ziti…and refluxing into your mouth, ew ew ew ew not to mention the heartburn.

Sorry to be gross like that…I hope no one else pukes now, an X-E Barf O Rama!!!

from Wikipedia-
During the 1980s, McDonald’s used the Uncle O’Grimacey character to market Shamrock Shakes. However, he has been phased out, but is said to return along with Grimace and Mayor McCheese in a series of television spots on Nickelodeon starting in 2008.

My dad reminisces about Roll n' Roaster every time we pass that shopping center. As for me, I'm still thinking about the Ground Round.

Yeti, thanks for sharing that incredible story. And it was very well written. Keep us updated as things proceed.

Wow, Yeti, that was a True Story Of Survival! Thank the Maker for crumple zones and proper automotive engineering. My Sister's wreck also resulted in a Closed Brain Injury, on top of destroying a Nash Rambler, so I know how crazy recovery can be. She was eighteen when it happened, back in '85. Large portions of her onboard memory were suddenly blocked off, causing her to not have access to any memories of most of her life. Ma and oldest Sis had to reteach her almost all basic knowledge, (like what happened to Uhura after NOMAD gave her brain a good scrubbing) more or less raising her from a baby to young adult in a matter of days. Interesting times back then. But years later, when she was 33, she carried through on her goal of enlisting in the Army, which she wanted to do after High School. She didn't want to miss out an account of turning 34 and be too old to join. She outperformed all the eighteen year-olds in her group, and was getting final training when 9/11 happened. Later, her troop was about to be shipped to Iraq when Saddam gave up. I think he knew she was coming. She regains an odd memory now and then, like a character from The Big O, and she may one day get it all back. So raise your Shamrock Shakes, a toast for the Human Brain, it really is one tough nut to crack! As the Irish say, L'Chiam!

I'm currently chowing down on some Hawaiian Punch Jellybeans, and I'm kinda disappointed. They're not the worst jellybeans I've ever had, but they're not that great either. They're edible and come in different flavors, at least.

But I really shouldn't be surprised since Brachs made them, one of the most overrated candy companies ever, despite being around for 838739 years.

Whoa, congrats on coming back from the dead twice Yeti. That’s like something out of a movie. He’s dead, then he comes back, then he’s dead again… Then he’s back for a sequel! The Yeti 2, Electric Boogaloo coming to a theater near you.

My Smash Brothers Brawl code is 0516 6926 0534 everyone add me and post your codes plz.

I knew this one girl, back in like 1987 or 88, her bf ran her over with is car because she dumped him…she ended up not so great, lived but only regained the mental capacity of maybe a 10 year old.

im probably the last person to find this site… but if your a transformers fan (and you know you are!) you should probably check it out… they have information about all things transformerery (sic?) including scans of the little catalog toy sheets that i used to drool over for hours at a time….

That's truly amazing, Yeti. Thank God you made it. It blows me away to hear stories that should have ended in death, but didn't!

As for Shamrock Shakes, I haven't been paying attention to the McDonald's in the area, but I doubt that I'd find any if I did go looking for them.

Wow, Yeti. What a story. The Human Body is an amazing machine. I'm always amazed by what this sack of meat and bones and electronscan do in the face of adversity.
I'm glad you made it and were able to relage us with your story.
And best of all, I'm glad you didn't let it ruin you. I know many people who have faced adversity much less than yours and have just thrown up their hands and refused to move on.

mandy, yep! That'd be the one! But I checked it out, and it's not in July, it's gonna be May 5. And I think I may luck out this year and not have to run the door, although it did get me a chance meeting with Kid Nicky last year. Lol, and the year before that the guy that was co-oping with my brother kept coming over and making really blatant passes at me.

i found a website that is posting where to find shamrock shakes… its a little iffy because anyone that wants to can post a location so theres a lot of listings that are just zip codes, or "next to the kinko's downtown" etc… if you have found a shamrock shake you should post the location so others in your area can have one too! i dont even like mcdonalds but all this talk has me wanting a shamrock shake now…

I just called all the McDonalds in a 5 mile radius from my house and they all said they don't have them and probably won't be getting them. Now I'm bummed. Somebody get me one, freeze it and mail the bitch. I will be forever in your debt.

There may be some hope though. My mom's birthday is on St. Patrick's Day. I'm going up to visit the family next weekend and if they decide to extend the shakes past St. Patty's Day I might be able to snag one where my family lives (about an hour and a half away from here).

The Yeti - Wow… I totally remember you talking about the Roddy Piper costume, and I love Oscar Wilde, and after reading that amazing story, I just wanna give you a really long hug. So glad you overcame everything.

That's pretty fucking amazing. Have you thought about putting "Died twice and lived to tell about it" under the "Rewards and Activities" section of your resume? And at least you have an automatic ice-breaker at parties now forever. Even better, you can one-up anybody at anything. "Oh, you scaled Mt. Everest. That's cute. I died twice. How many times did you die? Was it zero or zero?"

Also, Matt, your Shamrock Shake article is what brought me here (Someone linked it on the Sham. Shake Wikipedia entry). Don't you forget what brought you to the top! It wasn't a cloverfish! It was the Shamrock Shake! And I want one right now, but there's none around here. Damn it!

Holy smokes…thank you all so much for the kind words and well-wishing. The X-E Blog truly is home to the nicest, friendliest online community of individuals who share a common passion for the (to quote our man Matt) "awesomely shitty" things in life. You all are the best.

As for right now, I'm pretty much out of the woods as far as cognitive disorders are concerned. I still occasionally have what I've come to refer to as "retard moments" during which I'll leave the house without something very important (like my keys or my wallet, for example) or I'll realize 8 or 9 minutes into a cartrip that I'm driving in the wrong direction. I'm certainly light-years beyond where I was a little over a year ago, but I'm still not perfect. I don't suffer from anything overtly debilitating, just a few things that can be pretty fucking annoying. Once again, thanks a bunch, gang.

Rich,
Reading your above comment made me explode with laughter in a crowded office and embarrass myself terribly. Nicely done.

Hey, mandy_loves_her_some_ziti_Reeves, Nice to know I could be of service. That wasn't what I was going for, but whatever. If you want, I could take a picture of the scar and send it to you. It's pretty rad.

I had my first shamrock shake about a week ago. Had another one the next day. I've stopped since then.

Yeti-Wow, what a story. I'm really glad you are o.k. I work in a day habilitation program, and some of the clients have TBI, and it's unbelieveable to see. Good luck to you.
On a different, comprably mundane note, I went to my local McD's yesterday, asked if they had shamrock shakes, and got a look like I was speaking a foreign language. Sigh…

The Yeti just like everyone else said, your story is amazing, and you are a bad motha-shut yo' mouth. I've never had a shamrock shake….but oh well. I dont do the mcdonalds shakes anyways, just swenson's shakes (most of you dont know what swensons is, but i dont care).

Yeti:
Wow. Just…wow. I've been in spinning cars a few times, but I've been lucky enough to not have anything bad come of them…shame to hear that the driver of the tan truck is actually trying to sue, but it honestly doesn't surprise me in the least. Still, I'd buy you a drink or something if I ever met you.

Speaking of drinks, the ongoing Shamrock Shake discussion: According to the site that TOmmy! linked to, I'll have to drive three hours and pass through some toll booths to get one. I'm not about to go to Chicago to get one, but maybe that's just because I've never actually had one. Dunno, I'm gonna check at the McDonald's nearby tomorrow when I take my movies back to Family Video.

I remember your old fish, Matt. It makes me happy that one of them is still among the living.
I am even more happy that you made it through, Yeti! That was an amazing story. You died twice and lived to tell about it. Scary, scary.

Hey Amund, I get a flyer with coupons on it every week for a Family Video store that opened recently. Would it be worth checking out? I subscribe to Netflix already, but I feel kinda bad for having all these coupons and never using them.

Hey Matt, have you seen the new promotion that IHOP is doing? I haven't been to the blog in a little while, so forgive me if I am covering something you have already seen, but it is just too awesome to not mention.

They are currently running a promo with Horton Hears a Who and serving up some Seussian-inspired meal choices - Beezlenut Soda, Who-cakes (you have to see these things…there is a friggin lollipop in the middle), and Green Eggs and f'ing Ham.

Apparently I am the only one who finds the marketing blitz and consumer manipulation of major films offensive . . .

Goody: I've seen the commercials and am thoroughly thrilled. Hope to try 'em out this week.

Speaking of Shamrock Shakes…which aren't available here, but today I had me a Creme Egg McFlurry, which was more a Caramel Egg McFlurry to be honest - though people insist the orange streaks actually in the ice cream are fondant, I only really noticed the silky caramel drizzle on top.

Creme Egg McFlurry. Three words that must be read with the same pacing and inflection as "Grays. Sports. Almanac." I mean, holy shit.

Has anyone seen/tried the new Wildly Cherry M&Ms? I saw them at the Circle K the other day.

A trick I use for taking pictures at aquariums: I use the video setting on my digital camera and then take stills out of it later. The only problem is it uses up the memory a lot faster.

Matt, take one of those things back in time with you and you'd definately own the future!

I posted this in the last thread,but if you didn't see it,my Smash Bros. code is 3780 8675 5923

He's "The Yeti That Wouldn't Die!"
Starring Al Pacino as Yeti, with special appearance by James Lipton.

Justin a coworker of mine bought some of the cherry m&m's last week so i had to try a few… they're pretty good. tastes kind of like one of those cherry cordial chocolates, but less, you know… awesome…

Wait a damn minute…they made another Hulk movie? O_o And Ed Norton is in it?! I don't know if I should be happy or pissed off about this.

Annette:
I like Family Video better than Blockbuster. Cheaper game rentals, generally cheaper rentals overall. New movies are about $3 for one night, give or take. Kid's movies and educational movies are free. Most other rentals are a dollar for five nights, though some are two for a dollar. Rentals are half off for your first 30 days. There's an adult section, too, but I haven't been in there.

>_still haven't bothered to check for Shamrock Shakes, but my brother said earlier (somewhat in jest) that we could drive up to Springfield to get some.

While I'm fine with a new Hulk movie, I'm fine with Ed Norton and I'm fine with them starting over again so soon, I'm going to be annoyed with anyone who complained about the first movie's Hulk looking too fake and then be willing to give this version a free pass.

Kingklash,
That sounds like box-office gold to me!
"This summer…one yeti will stand tall in the face of certain death…one yeti will dare to make a difference…one yeti will risk it all! Coming Memorial Day weekend, it's THE YETI THAT WOULDN'T DIE"

Wow, Yeti. That story was terrifying and awesome at the same time. Badass, badass indeed. You are a great story teller, by the way. I particularly loved the way you personified and honored your truck. I anthropomorphize a lot, and I sometimes eulogize things before I throw them away (e.g. a favorite pen). I think a lot of the posters on this blog have that tendency as well, and it shows up a lot in Matt's writing. One of the things I love about this place.

Wow, was that a tangent or what. Oh, and I still have to say, what a BASTARD in the tan van!! Ugh. Well, I haven't posted here very long so I don't really know you, but I'm glad you're still kicking, Pacino.

Yeti,don't take this the wrong way,because I'm glad you're still alive,but that would be HILLARIOUS if you made it to the concert unhurt,and you're rocking out,and like "This is the best show EVER!!!" and it just keeps going and going,and three days into it you realise you're actually dead and in Hell.

Bluejay, my fiance and I personify random things a lot. It gets ridiculous sometimes.

Interesting premise, Kid Nicky. However, were I truly in Hell, it'd be Slayer on stage and probably not GWAR (GWAR could open for them, though…I think Lucifer could arrange a kick-ass billing like that).

i don't know about u guys, but where i live in Toronto, every mcdonalds I've been too including all of the one's outside of the city are ALL offering the shamrock shake, its like they FINALLY caught on and brought it back for realsies, I think this because every mcdonalds I've passed by has a huge sign or poster that says SHAMROCK SHAKE IS BACK! I even saw it on the display board on a giant golden arches sign out front of one….I want one of those posters

im gonna have to agree with dohopoki on this one… i really liked the last hulk movie… i like the idea of a new one… i like ed norton… but this one looks WAY more like a video game than the other… the clip of the fight scene seriously looks like someones playing a ps3 or something… it would look better with Lou Ferrigno… thats right…

Hey, this just in. So, our schedule's a little different at the radio station this week so my show will actually be going on 2 hours early tonight. It'll start at midnight (eastern time) and go till around 3am-ish. If you wanna listen, it's streaming live at: http://wusc.sc.edu I'll be playing stuff from the new album by BAUHAUS!!! It's their first album in 25 years.

As far as Hulk goes, I haven't seen the new trailer yet, but the screen caps look to have about the same quality in CGI as the first one. I was really let down by the first one, but at least in this one the Hulk looks really good. I think they nailed the way he looks in the comics. He was waaaay too big in the first one. I'm really placing all my bets on Edward Norton on this one. He's never let me down before, so I hope this works out. I just hope the CGI isn't too bad. It was practically a cartoon the first time around.

Anyone seen the trailer for the new Lost Boys movie? It's got Corey Feldman in it. I don't expect much from it, but I guess one out of 2 Coreys ain't bad.

I'm not a huge fan of the 2003 Hulk flick. I am, however, a huge fan of the scene in that flick that showcases the big green dope catching a missle fired at him by a helicopter like it was a Nerf football, biting off its warhead, and then spitting said warhead back at the chopper and blowing it up. Fucking hardcore, if you ask me. I also think that it's fantastic that Ed Norton is on-board this time around. He is one of my all-time favorite actors and will definitely bring a sense of credence and dignity to what would otherwise probably be just a silly comic-book movie. The only better choice of actor to portray Dr. Banner and his gamma-infused alter-ego would be Bruce Campbell. Bruce wouldn't provide any additional dignity or credence, mind you, but it'd still be awesome seeing him transform into a giant, mutated goliath.

Awesome. I was listen to the web stream of your show. When is the "regular" time for your show?

I remember seeing a preview of the first Hulk movie my freshman year of college; it looked atrocious. My friend still insisted on seeing it, and concurred that it was an awful movie. This one looks better, but I don't think it's going to be one of the great superhero movies. Then again, the only superhero movie I thought was great since the X-Men movie came out 10 years ago was Batman Begins and presumably The Dark Knight will be #2.

Glad my comments could provide some humor given the situation. I think you'd be the coolest person to talk to at a party, unless Dave Foley is there as the "Sarcastic Guy" from Kids in the Hall.

Rich,
Thanks for the vote of confidence in my coolness. I must concede, though, that Dave Foley in "Sarcastic Guy" mode would bury me nearly without effort in terms of being fun at a party. But if Foley and I were ever to join forces…ohhh, the possibilities!

They are currently running a promo with Horton Hears a Who and serving up some Seussian-inspired meal choices - Beezlenut Soda, Who-cakes (you have to see these things…there is a friggin lollipop in the middle), and Green Eggs and f'ing Ham.

I was just at an IHOP last friday. Although I wanted the Beezlenut soda, I didn't get it. As for Green Eggs & Ham…they're not actually green, unlike in Islands of Adventure in Orlando. It's just a green topping on some eggs.

Hey, Matt. Someone (not me) has finally posted the Gremlins anti-drug/drinking PSA on YouTube. (it's actually on there twice, though one has better quality than the other)

There is also another notable Gremlins commercial on YT; an 80s Korean TV spot advertising the flick. Interestingly enough, they play the E.T. theme during the commercial.

thank heavens!!! no x-e all morning, i wasn't sure what i was going to do with myself!!

Long time no comment, though I've been reading. I now have the desire to seek out Shamrock shakes today. It's like a requirement. On the Suess note, I was at IHOP yesterday and had the green eggs and ham/whocakes deal. The eggs were okay, the spinach in them was decent but the whocakes were damned near amazing.

the clip of the fight scene seriously looks like someones playing a ps3 or something

And just an FYI, I did like the first the movie but upon every repeated viewing I can't deny I wish the movie was much shorter. Truth be told, I don't really like the Hulk character to begin with. I think he's the best concept for a lousy character that just never works no matter what you do with him. In that sense, the first Hulk movie was just about everything I could expect from a Hulk movie.

Yeti's thanks for sharing your story. That is an amazing story, I'm glad you are around to tell it!

My cousin was in a car wreck, sadly he did die, and now my Aunt is getting sewed 1mill from the other car!

Your story is also kinda slightly reminding me of The Dead Zone, simply because I am reading it at the moment. I guess if you didn't see the light, I suppose you didn't gain the power to tell the future if you touch someone?

Actually Yeti has the power to go to parties and charm the ladies with,"Hey, is this guy boring you? Why don't you talk to me, I died twice in one day…." just like that hoopy frood Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Doho, I didn't dislike the last Hulk for looking fake, I knew it was going to look fake as soon as they said it was CGI, and this one looks fake on the 'too detailed' side. My only reason for preferring this Hulk is the dark green instead of the bright green, the old green made me want to adjust the settings on my TV.

That said, I really dislike the Hulk as a series anyway. I'd rather they made a movie series on the Darkhold, maybe directed by Lynch, Burton or Craven. The Darkhold dwarf is just screaming to be Lynch-ified.

My nigh-impossible dream movie would be based on a couple of Amalgam Universe titles. Dare and Catsai in a race to beat Lobo the Duck and Etrigan the Speed Demon to a valuable cosmic artifact. Boobs and bloody fun for the entire family.

King, only if they do Dark Claw and Sparrow vs. Hyena too. Sparrow rocked in hawtness, and Hyena is fairly like Joker from new The Batman cartoon.

Y'know, I'd never heard of a shamrock shake until Matt mentioned them, and certainly never seen one before. And when I did hear about 'em, I thought for sure that I'd never end up seeing one at all, since they were so hard to find. But lo, what happens on my way downtown yesterday? I see a GIANT sign on McDonald's proclaiming "Shamrock Shakes Are Back!". I would take a picture, but it's not the best part of town and I don't really have any intentions of actually buying one. So you'll have to go without pictures of a Canadian shamrock shake.

Yeti you know I actually have an ex/friend that's named Dave Foley. Shit you not. Had dinner with the guy last night. I don't think he's ever watched Kids in the Hall, though, cuz when I mentioned something about it to him one day he looked at me like I was nuts.

Matt, I currently work at a privately owned pet store with the Godfather of Fishes as a manager. He said that the injection process of the parrot fish does no harm to them. As he said to me, "If it were hurting them it would be illegal to do." So you shouldn't feel bad, and actually I bet the fish like gettin all pretty anyway.

I had my first Shamrock Shake tonight…(actually, there's a bit still in the cup because I haven't been able to finish a McDonald's shake in years) …anyway, not too bad. Bought a set with Pi and another movie, can't be bothered to check what it is right now. So there's my Pi Day celebratory stuff out of the way. Yay. I'm off to bed.

Amund,
Is it Requiem for a Dream that's included in your Pi two-fer pack? I've seen those two flicks saran-wrapped together on various DVD racks here and there. If those are indeed the two you have purchased, way to go. I am in total awe of Darren Aronofsky and his abilities as a filmmaker, but each of his movies make me want to cry after I watch them. Especially Requiem…the scene that shows Sarah all twisted out of her gourd after electroshock theray and her two friends weeping and embracing on a bench after visiting her…it just rips the guts outta me every time.

That assertion could potentially be problematic in that there's nothing in a fish's behavior that one could consider as pain-behavior, so even when a fish is being dyed, there might be nothing in its behavior that might signify it as experiencing pain. I was just glancing on wikipedia, and it seems that there is debate about whether or not fish even experience pain. I think pain is the wrong way to go about this and that the problems Andrew mentions in his original article are probably the problems one should focus on when debating the merits of dyed fish.

The Yeti Requiem is by far one of my favorite movies. I was engaged once before and the guy ended up being a heroin addict, so I kind of have horrible flashback nightmares after watching the flick, but at least I didn't end up as bad as Jennifer Connelly, and I never did the smack myself, so I think I'll be ok in the long run. But still, it is one of the first movies I ever watched and thought to myself "wow, this movie is just so good I have to tell everyone about it"

I love Kids in The Hall…my other sketch show i would watch when I was a teen was The State. OMG! soooo funny! I'm glad the cast is still together for the most part, I loved Viva Variety and I love Reno 911.

Kid Nicky, Hell yeah, and it's great. The packaging is kind of weird. It's all white (the name of the album is "Go Away White"), and all the lettering is like off-white on white, and near impossible to read unless you hold it up to the light just the right way. Also, there's no track listing of the songs anywhere on the CD or packaging, so I had to go to Amazon.com to find out what it was.

mandy_Reeves, so glad you mentioned The State! I used to love that. I really dug Exit 57 too. Remember that one?

Requiem for a Dream is an AMAZING movie, with an amazing soundtrack that I keep hearing everywhere. They keep using the score for it in a ton of other trailers for other movies. The way I met one of my friends was because one Halloween she was dressed as Sarah Goldfarb. She had the red dress, crazy orange hair, and she was holding a medicine bottle with a lable she made for herself of "Diet Pills". She was going up to everyone saying, "Have you seen my son, Harry?? I'm gonna be on television!" I went up to her and told her it was the best Halloween costume I had ever seen and we've been friends ever since.

I am worried that this HULK venture might finally be Ed Norton's downfall…I hope not, though. I am really pulling for him.

Requiem for a Dream should be shown in high school– kids would never do hard drugs after that. They would listen more to a rocking film than some boring pathetic teacher.

When Uncle O'Grimacey tries to give up the booze, he gets the Shamrock Shakes sumptin' awful.

I spaced out on doing anything for Pi Day. I did make a Leap Year cake a couple weeks ago though.
I actually liked the first Hulk movie, but I think Ed Norton is a great actor so I'm intrigued by the new version. Actually, I'm pretty jazzed about a lot of the movies coming out the next few months. The trailer for the Sex and the City movie made me eager to see it, to my own surprise. And everything about the Indiana Jones poster makes me super excited to see it, even Shia LaBeouf and his studiously rebellious leather jacket and eyebrows.

Yay, new fish. I hope we get some updates on him and his fishy friends now and then…as a fish nerd, I always enjoyed your tank posts.

Do not mess with Parrot Fish! They are extremely tough. I have six of them in their "normal" orange color - when they want to argue with their much bigger tankmate (a two foot arowana) they stack up like a totem pole of rage and face off against the leviathan! More charismatic fish I've never seen. They also leap out of the tank an inch or so to get food into their weird snoots. They are like the whack-a-moles of the aquarium.

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