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X-Eastertainment.

Easter is also known as Pascha, which is interesting, because it means that Easter was named after the phonetical spelling of Caesar's wry accountant. Learning this has made me appreciate Easter a little more than I did yesterday, but I still don't understand why Toys 'R' Us put together a full-blown Easter section so early. This didn't keep me from blowing 20 bucks on crap from it, but then, we all send shout-outs to Jesus in our own way.


I was immediately thrilled to find the Cadbury "Clucking Bunny" doll shown above, based on the infamous rabbit from the Creme Egg commercials of yesteryear. After a further inspection and a better assessment of my role in the universe at large, I told myself to chill out, and that bunnies that cluck when you squeeze their feet aren't worth performing public touchdown dances in celebration of. Inside, though, I was beaming. Beaming for bunnies.

Selling for just 6.99 and complete with a gooey Cadbury Creme Egg, it's a pretty good deal. The percentage of your soul which rightfully insists that nobody actually needs a clucking rabbit is easily conquered by the low price, and I found myself not debating whether or not I should own one, but rather, how many clucking rabbits needed to come home with me. I had this theory that placing one bucking bunny in each of the rooms in our apartment would create the synergy I've been pining for ever since we decided to paint every wall a different color. Cooler heads prevailed, and I'm now the proud owner of just one Cadbury Clucking Bunny: Not a litter's worth.


For the same price, I also picked up a "Spud Bunny" -- Mr. Potato Head's latest adventure in selling the fuck out. Whatever machismo Mr. Potato Head had left was promptly destroyed when he agreed to don fluffy bunny slippers, and by the time you get to the atrocious ears and puffy tall, Mr. Potato Head is no longer someone I can turn to when I need a wingman or advice on sports betting.

Notwithstanding that, there's something to be said for any scenario that allows a person to truthfully proclaim that they spent their afternoon dressing a potato up as a rabbit.


That picture. Is BLURRY. Why am I only now noticing this? It's SO blurry! I hang my hat on a nigh-pristine record of non-blurry pics. I can't believe I'm going to degrade my grade with a blurry shot of a stupid Wonka "Egg Hunt" set. What a waste.

The blurry bag contains a dozen egg-shaped containers filled with individually wrapped Wonka candies, ranging from Nerds to SweeTarts. All of the eggs are colored within the typically pastel-ridden Easter palette, which I totally loathe. It isn't something I would've bought for myself on those merits, nor would the set seem to be something worth writing 50 words about...until you notice the key phrase. Wonka Egg Hunt...with a Golden Egg.


You might think that a sack full of candy-in-eggs would be pretty self-explanatory, but they actually went through the trouble of including instructions. On Easter Sunday, you're supposed to gather the children around and set them off on a wild egg hunt, replacing the sad and clichéd hard-boiled real things with this ragtag bunch of plastic ovals. Whichever kid finds the elusive Golden Egg is to be crowned Master of All Things Easter.

It's suggested that parents fill the Golden Egg with money or a special prize, and I really must agree with this, as the only thing I found in mine was the same lame package of two SweeTarts that's already inside half of the normal eggs. I'd be pretty upset if I was christened Master of All Things Easter and all I got out of it were two SweeTarts. This also begs the question of whether or not it's wise to turn the traditional holiday egg hunt into a high stakes competition, as you can bet that any participating child not christened Master of All Things Easter will respond with kick-filled tantrums.

Being a parent only to cats and a half-dead bonsai tree has its benefits, as I'm free to claim the Golden Egg for myself and use its innate magical powers for ends that serve me and me alone. I've yet to ascertain how it helps its keeper gain the ability of flight, nor have I figured out how to make it shoot deadly laser beams, but no doubt, that day will come. And then, all who have crossed me will pay.

Posted by Matt on 02/17/2008. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 263 comments

Tell me somebody else is as fucking hooked to this game as I am:

http://kayin.pyoko.org/iwbtg/index.php

I CAN’T GET PAST THE SECOND GODDAMNED SCREEN!!!!!

FM

Chestnuts roasted by Fungusmungus @ 02/22/2008 5:48 PM

Guise… you’re talking crazy. It all comes down to genus. Spruce could certainly be chucked more efficiently than say maple. It’s a matter of density and hardness (as most things are… am I right fellas??!!)

Chestnuts roasted by Fungusmungus @ 02/22/2008 5:50 PM

I am so late coming to this party but at least I am here now. Life has been hectic as life tends to get!

I almost pee’d myself when I saw the Potato Head Bunny Rabbit. I actually did a double take and decided I am going to have to go buy one. HE HAS FUZZY STUFF ON HIS HEADBAND!!! OMFG!!!

While I am there I will also stop to pick up the clucking bunny because Easter is not Easter without a clucking bunny my friends.

As for the Golden Egg…I am only buying one if it comes with the goose. Gooses, geeses…I want a goose that lays gold eggs for Easter. I don’t care how! I want it now! :-)

Oh my, I am getting giddy just thinking about all the fun I am going to have at TRU tonight.

Chestnuts roasted by Cricket @ 02/22/2008 6:17 PM

Fungusmungus
Absolutely! Deciduous hardwoods are much denser, and, hence, heavier, than their coniferous brethren.

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 02/22/2008 6:18 PM

I just got done drinking the A&W Root Beer Float. It’s good, but nowhere near as good as the Sunkist one from yesterday. It basically tasted like a vanilla root beer cream soda. I’d drink it again if they started putting it in cans, though.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 02/22/2008 6:29 PM

Zoidberg vs. the alien from “American Dad”
Zoidberg Vs. Roger? Hmm…tough one since they’re both wimps.

But I’d say Zoidberg even if he wasn’t full of male jelly.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 02/22/2008 7:00 PM

FM, actually regarding the density of the wood, over an infinite time the number would still be unlimited, but the rate at which it is chucked would be lower.

For example, you could reason that maple has half the rate, so over time Maple is x and Spruce would be 2x. However, over unlimited time x would still be unlimited, but be thrown slower. If you monitored it, the constant would be 2x but that wouldn’t be over an unlimited period and thus the result would not be accurate.

However, if the question was “How much wood would two woodchucks chuck if one woodchuck could chuck light coniferous wood whilst the other threw denser wood over a period of two hours, using a standard distance and with a constant supply of pre-sized shaped wood batons?” then it’s a much simpler answer.

Dio: Oh, head on the ‘splodey side? Try this, X-E convention with a strict requirement for everyone to come in cosplay. Who is who/what, and you can’t describe your costume? :twisted:

Chestnuts roasted by Guise @ 02/22/2008 7:17 PM

Well, I would guess, to start with, Mystie would be Vampirella, guise would be Hxsslllo and kingklash would be Wolverine – unless you’re just talking Japanime characters, in which case I’m at a loss, as I’m not very familiar with them.

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 02/22/2008 7:27 PM

Johnny 5 vs. Bender
Bender….in fact Bender vs Flexo would be a better one

Zoidberg vs. the alien from “American Dad”
Dr Z! All you’d have to do is give him half a sandwich or a dead raccoon and he’d do anything you want, Roger would just bitch about everything

Garbage Pail Kids vs. Madballs
Madballs….they’re mad, that’s all you need

Gizmo vs. Orbity
Gizmo, because everyone says my dog looks like Gizmo, and my dog is rather evil

The aliens from “Batteries Not Included” vs. Tim “The Toolman” Taylor with Bob Villa as the referee.
Tough, probably the aliens, Tim Taylor is kind of a mess up, maybe if they tag teamed with Al he’d stand a chance

What’s the best way to eat an egg?
I like scrambled, but hard boiled and sunny side up are delicious too

Chestnuts roasted by Heza @ 02/22/2008 7:28 PM

BTW, Mystie
How was that Vampire/Goth party last week in Philly? (sorry, the name escapes me at the moment, and if you already talked about it in a previous thread, I apologize for not reading that post…)

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 02/22/2008 7:31 PM

Now Guise, what you have once again failed to consider is the propensity of the subject for primary numbers. If you were to create a Fibonaci sequence, replacing the prime numbers with woodchuck and filling the rest with beavers, you would be left with the lowly groundhog chasing shadows and rainbows in turn, and never catching either.

It’s sad when you consider the other woodland creatures and the quantum effects of the eager beaver and wily woodchuck. It all comes down to the groundhog. That’s why he has a day, and the woodchuck only has a riddle.

Now does it all make sense to you?

Chestnuts roasted by Fungusmungus @ 02/22/2008 8:27 PM

Oh Dracula’s Ball was totally hot. I danced, I met some cool people, was spanked by a dominatrix, got completely smashed, and I made out with a fair amount of people. Lol, probably why I’m sick now. But yeah, there was a lot of general debauchery going on.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 02/22/2008 8:43 PM

I can’t tell if this PSA is real or a parody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWZkuXwPVx0&feature=related

If it’s a parody, congratulations, you fooled me. If it’s real, I doubt turning it into an old episode of Benny Hill is a good way to educate people on a serious subject.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 02/22/2008 9:18 PM

JLAJRC
I think it’s legit, I vaguely remember seeing it on tv at one point.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 02/22/2008 9:24 PM

I’d say that has got to be fairly legit. I can’t believe the same PSA that shocked me just made me laugh too… though this one was the best to me, I love Daft Punk

Chestnuts roasted by Heza @ 02/22/2008 10:11 PM

I guess there must be something wrong with my sense of humor… at no point during that commercial did I have the urge to laugh – I guess I’m just over-analytical – plus, I already had seen the title of the Youtube and knew it was about land mines, so I wasn’t totally unprepared for the explosion, thus the shock value was defeated.

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 02/22/2008 10:34 PM

as everyone knows (or should know) the best way to eat an egg, is pickled. end of story.

Chestnuts roasted by TOmmy! @ 02/22/2008 11:52 PM

You Know TOmmy, I can honestly say that I’ve never had a pickled egg and don’t know that I’d have the “intestinal fortitude” to actually try one if I saw it.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 02/23/2008 12:12 AM

Awesome, Mystie. That sounds like quite a time.

You guys have got to see these: it’s a bunch of wacky LJ icons based on Choose Your Own Adventure covers

X-E’rs cosplaying? Let’s see, I’m thinking Kneg would perhaps be an Transformer of some sort. Either that or, like, a chick from FF. Dohopoki could be the hairy guy from the FreeCreditReport.com commercials. Guise I’m seeing as the Doctor. As for kingklash? Melting Grimace of course!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/23/2008 12:39 AM

anyone here diabetic? I’m kinda freaked right now…usually I can make a 20 oz bottle of soda last for about 8 hours and drink nothing the whole day besides that….but in the last few days or so…omg…i have gone through 4 18 oz bottles of water and a half gallon of juice and liter of soda a day. Plus I have been insanely tired and peeing alot….also today i was craving water so bad that I had to actually jump into a ice cold shower and soak my whole body and my mouth throat tounge and everything…i dont have a doctor and the ER is for basically emergency’s so….i guess i have to drop dead of a diabetic coma before i can get help

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 02/23/2008 12:55 AM

bender wins….because he owns my heart. zoidberg because he dressed up like jesus in that one episode….mad balls because they are 3-d and that is one d better than garbage pail kids. gizmo because he is so fucking cute. and the batteries not included aliens because i loathe both tim allen and bob vila with every fiber of my soul. And the best way to eat eggs is eggs benedict(which i guess is technically poached….but it is the whole set up that makes it so deelish).

Chestnuts roasted by Leigha @ 02/23/2008 1:03 AM

Mandy
My hubby has problems with his blood sugar from time to time,he doesn’t have full blown diabetes or anything, but I always keep crackers or candy in my purse for him if his sugar drops. It sounds like your sugar levels are all wayyyy too high, which means not enough insulin usually. If it keeps up you should head to the free clinic or those urgicare places, that’s where I go when I get sick since it’s far cheaper then going to a regular Dr.

And if your vision starts to get really blurry, you need help ASAP.

Chestnuts roasted by Heza @ 02/23/2008 1:15 AM

Time for a new riddle/limerick

How much is that doggy in the window (woof woof), the one with the waggley tail? :)

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 02/23/2008 2:50 AM

Mandy…if you’re craving water, by all means, drink it. Drink a lot of it. Also, if your body really needs water, don’t drink soda, juice, or other high-sugar drinks because it will only dehydrate you more. Take it from someone who has been to the ER for severe dehydration.

Anyway, your symptoms do sound like the classic symptoms of diabetes. My advice? Stop drinking regular soda immediately if you can. Cut way down on any sugars until you can see a doctor. You may not be diabetic but it doesn’t hurt to be safe. Diabetes is serious shit.

Sorry for sounding like a PSA, lol. Just trying to help out. Most of my family has diabetes, so I’ve had plenty of experience with it.

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 02/23/2008 3:44 AM

Dohopoki could be the hairy guy from the FreeCreditReport.com commercials.

Haha, yes. I even have just the guitar for it.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 02/23/2008 4:08 AM

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