The X-Entertainment Blog

02/12/2008: Drinking and driving will turn you into BONES.

Oops! I haven’t written anything for over a week. I’m feelin’ like a criminal. Been super busy with work, which is good for the overall pie chart but bad for the X-E slice’s percentage. Next week looks to be pretty horrendously busy as well, but after that, I’m virtually clear and can live like an unemployed slug once more.

Tonight, I toss aside any prep work I should be doing for tomorrow to tell you about one of my favorite public service announcements in history: The one where drunk drivers turn into skeletons.

Good Christ. The infamous PSA debuted in 1983 and has remained picture-perfectly burned into my soul for over twenty years. After seeing it again recently, I couldn’t believe that it was exactly as I’d remembered, right down to the flash frames and oddball effects. This isn’t a testament to my memory powers, but rather how effective the spot was.

The PSA kicks off with a very hip and eclectic group of ’80s teens, rocking out to Michael Jackson’s latest hit outside of a local club. (Or a dive bar, or a convenience mart — I was never really sure.) A party-crazy jock and his wild girlfriend lead the night, while party-crazy jock’s less–crazy friend tries to convince his concerned and moody girlfriend to stay out late and hit up a new scene. She just wants to go home, especially when the aforementioned party-crazy pals decide to bring beer into the car with reckless abandon.

It’s literal drinking and driving, folks. This isn’t a case where you get drunk and make the poor choice to drive afterwards…they’re actually drinking while driving. It’s a little hammer-over-the-head as far as sociopolitical plot points go, but when you’ve only got thirty seconds to get a message across, exaggerations help. Besides, if the teens didn’t decide to do their drinking in the car, this spot wouldn’t have been so effective. Here’s why:

With a beer in hand, party-crazy jock puts his key in the ignition, and WHAM! A white flash, and they’re all a bunch of spooky dead skeletons! Cue voiceover: “If you don’t stop your friend from drinking and driving…you’re as good as dead.” AHHHHHHHHH

I mean, holy shit. I was four-years-old when this thing aired. It scared me beyond belief, but probably not in the way that the PSA’s creators intended. See, I was too young to connect the “beer” portion of the equation to the “dead” part of the equation, nor was I worldly enough to understand that the visuals were metaphorical. For as effective and frightening as this all was, I took home a wholly inappropriate lesson from it:

Drinking in the car…drinking anything in the car…would cause a person to immediately transform into a dead skeleton.

That’s what I believed. I honestly and sincerely believed that bringing any sort of beverage into any sort of automobile was an open invitation for ominous thunderclaps and subsequent skin removal. One night, I was out with my parents somewhere, and they wanted to grab a quick bite in the car before getting back on the road. As my mother approached the passenger side door with a neatly organized fast food tray, I spotted the most horrible sight a kid with these beliefs could see: Three paper cups filled with Coca-Cola.

I freaked out. I really freaked out. I kicked and screamed and cried and just went totally batshit until they let me have my way. We ate outside the car that night, using the trunk as a table. They tried to explain that what I saw on television wasn’t a literal interpretation, and that Coca-Cola wasn’t the same as alcohol. I didn’t care. Hell, I didn’t even know what the word “literal” meant. All I knew was that there was no fucking way I was going to let myself turn into bones just so I could drink a goddamned Coke in the goddamned car. Nooooo freakin’ way.

I can’t remember when I got over it, but eventually, I did. I realize how ridiculous it was to believe such a thing, but if you’ll watch the PSA and try to keep a child’s perspective in mind, I don’t think it’s such a stretch that I did.

I grew up in the midst of the years-spanning “Just Say No” campaign, which started out as an anti-drug thing but ultimately branched off into other areas. Though the campaign was often criticized for whittling society’s problems down to something “too simplistic,” they were damned effective when targeted at small kids. Hey, if I’m five-years-old and you tell me that drugs will make me see green monsters and jump out of high windows to avoid them, I’m going to believe it. I think this skeleton-pumped PSA perfectly reflects that era’s methods of keeping children away from bad things: Exaggerate until they shit themselves straight.

RANDOM DRUG-FILLED ARTICLES FROM X-E’S PAST:
Evil Snakeman! - Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue! - You’re A Turkey!

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Ugh, I remember this. While it didn’t make me afraid to eat in the car, it certainly gave me some unpleasant dreams for a few days.

But then again, I’ve always been a sensitive kid. I still can remember freaking out at the original HBO version of “Sweedney Todd” with Angela Landsbury when I was about six, and the Disney wartime short version of “Chicken Little” scared me so much around the same time, I wouldn’t watch it and ended up with a school nurse telling me how fake it all was and how it shouldn’t bother me.

Hooray for my first visit to X-E at my new apartment via the wonders of dial-up Internet. And, for the record, this nor any other similar ad can come close to touching the “Evil Snakeman” ad for sheer insansity.

I remember that PSA like it was yesterday but I guess I was old enough at the time not to suffer the ill effects

Growing up in Kansas City we had a series of awesome local PSA’s from the power company, KCP&L. Some were based on Alfred Hitchcock classics with lots of drama created by digging near buried cables or flying kites by overhead lines.

My favorite featured “Billy, the tree climbing expert”. It started out: Hi I’m Billy and I’m a tree climbing expert, if you touch an overhead line or the branch your climbing touches an overhead line, it can lead to sudden death.

Then there would be a voice-over saying, “anything you put in touch with an overhead line puts you in touch with sudden death”.

I guess they were effective since I still remember them and heed the warnings some 30 years later.

Now THAT is how you do a PSA. Now, we do “Song of the South” parodies with cartoon characters singing about “magical amounts.” Ugh. I HATE those TRUTH ads.

When I read the first few sentences of this post, I couldn’t get the picture of Matt singing Fiona Apple’s song “criminal” out of my head. i don’t remember this PSA for some reason, I think I may be a little too young. I was born in 85′ so its a good possibility that they still ran it when i was around 4 or 5, but who knows….

I was that same kid: Every skeleton/alien/monster of any type would freak me out for days and I would instantly relate it to the entirely wrong thing. But I never got into hard drugs, so I guess it worked it that regard as well

I also thought that these ads were speaking of drinks of any kind. My mother had to explain to me the difference.

Loved that commercial. I also liked the two beers that smashed together with tire screeching sounds. But skeletons do leave an impression.

Dude hahaaha This PSA scared the shit out of me as well. I’m glad to see I wasn’t the only one.

I guess it was a pretty effective PSA for it’s time. It made me not have my first real drink until I was 21.

And Andrew, nothing wrong with that at all. It’s probably healthier than what you would get from McDonalds!

Nice PSA. I always remember the PSAs with superimposed clips of the original TMNT show in em.

Speaking of which, awesome that you linked to Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue, the very article that brought me to this site!

Have any of you ever watch the review by TheNostalgiaCritic? his review is right up with Matt’s in terms of awesomeness.

uuuggggghhhhhh…. i’m so erfing bored. i had hernia surgery last friday so i’ve been trapped in my room all this time… i’m going crazy.. sigh.

Man, that is some crazy stuff. They sure don’t air stuff like that anymore, most of the recent anti-drug ads are pretty low key.

Matt
My wife said I had to tell you thank you for the best laugh she’s had in a long time. I read her this article and she about fell off the couch laughing.

Heck, I still pretty much believe stuff like that, so those types of ads sure were effective. Drug-free 23 years and counting…

Brilliant! Though I just barely remember this commercial, since I was born in 83.

Andrew, I’m really sorry about your surgery. Unfortunately, hernias run very heavily on both sides of my family, and considering I turn 25 in just 8 more days, I’ve only got a shy half decade left before I’ll be in the age group that all my relatives were in when they had to have their operations. It scares the hell out of me. Feel better soon!

Oh man, I wish I’d seen that commercial when I was a kid, because when I was about 5 I was obsessed with skeletons and “Beat It”. Combining the two just sent me RIGHT back to preschool. Yeah, I was a pretty freaky little kid. I used to obsess over the one scene from Beetlejuice where they briefly show a bunch of skeletons sitting in a classroom… anybody remember that?

Andrew: That really sucks, man

I hear you on the stuck at home thing though. Right now I’m sick with what I’m pretty sure is mono (I seem to come down with it every few years). We can be miserable shut-ins together!

Andrew: I’ll be a shut in with you too. Since I lost my job back in September I’ve been stuck at home way too much too. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Nice. Hearing about you forcing your parents to eat outside of the car (on the trunk no less) because of this commercial is… well, cute. Sorry, but it is. Just imagining a kid doing that is adorable.

It is great that you posted this video clip today considering that I picked up the 25th anniversary edition of Thriller (which was just released), and have already heard “Beat It” about five times in the past five hours.

Magic Toy: Ooh, I didn’t realize that was out already. How are the new remixes? I have the 20th anniversary edition but my CD has conveniently decided to start messing up recently, so I just might have to pick up the new release - the version with the awesome zombie cover, of course

Ah, yes… I don’t think I ever saw that commercial, but I do recall my parents laughing at me when I noticed with great horror that my dad was sipping a diet Sprite while driving, and so as the TV said to do, I reminded him not to drink and drive.

jazzy: Well, to this point I’ve only heard one of the remixes - Kanye West’s mix of “Billie Jean”. My first impression was that it was sort of, well, subdued, and unnecessary. Nothing memorable. Disappointing as I do own, and enjoy, all of Kanye’s previous work.

Since I really haven’t heard them yet, I’ll play them now and give a review. Not that I’m qualified, but what the hell? Here goes…

“The Girl Is Mine” w/ will.i.am - Not horrible, not great. I don’t have all that much experience with will.i.am, so to hear him rapping instead of Paul McCartney singing is a bit of a regression. Different, but not in a bad way. Still the original is far better.

“P.Y.T” w/ will.i.am - I have to say the original is a lot better on this one. Again, it isn’t terrible, but nothing special. The added lyrics aren’t great unless you want to hear will.i.am rap about peeling jeans off (of a girl) like a tangerine. I guess that is somewhat acceptable as I am a big fan of women and citrus fruit.

“Wanna Be Startin’ Something” w/ Akon - Was NOT crazy about this. Thumbs down.

“Beat It” w/ Fergie - Impression from the first twenty seconds - WHERE IS EDDIE VAN HALEN? So much of of Beat It is Eddie Van Halen’s pulsing guitar riff, IMHO. Fergie trying to match MJ’s vocals is pretty weak, weak as hell. Play the original instead of this garbage. The original just grips you and makes you like it, even if you didn’t want to… this just annoyingly tickles you and begs you to punch it in the face.

“Billie Jean” Kanye’s mix - Well, this was the first remix I listened to (in the car, on the way home). Initially I figured this to be pretty damn weak, and thought that the others would be better. After listening to them, I’m not so sure. This basically is Billie Jean with a new beat, and it still does feel a bit more subdued. Sadly, this may be the best remix on the album.

In other words… pick this up if you want a excellent sounding version of the original album. The remixes are nothing to write home about, but apparently important enough to write to X-E about (

BONUS: There is a second disc that has the original videos of Billie Jean, Thriller, Beat It, and MJ’s performance of Billie Jean at the Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, and Forever.

Oh, if you buy it at Best Buy you get a *hidden* track 17, which is a different version of “Thriller”. It is sort of disco-esque. Well, not sort of, it is, totally.

So yeah, but it if you don’t already own it, sound quality is EXTREMELY important, or if you NEED DVD version videos of a few classic MJ videos.

Well, I am an idiot. Turns out Eddie Van Halen only performed the solo in Beat It, not any of the other guitar riffs.

andrew had a hernia surgery myself, back in high school. being a high-school stoner, my friends and I used to joke that we would have to scrape the screen they put in after the hernia.

heheh

Matt, I totally sympathize with you. Back in the day they used to have those PSAs with Tweety bird telling you how you could get SCALDED in the bathtub and until I was 13 I was still convincing my parents they should at LEAST be on the same floor as me when I was having a bath–JUST IN CASE

Check out some of the PSAs from Europe and Australia on YouTube . . . they’re more traumatizing than scary.

Speaking of, one of our local car dealerships is currently running a screamer commercial on late night TV! How messed up is that?

thanks for the get well wishes guys! this was actually my second hernia surgery .. yawn, i guess i should head to bed? goodnight.. i think.

PSAs really worked on me. I don’t drink, smoke or use any other drugs, and I think I owe that to being born in 1983.

“Drinking in the carâ€¦drinking anything in the carâ€¦would cause a person to immediately transform into a dead skeleton.”

Hey, as long as it convinced you not to drink and drive, it was close enough, right? Right?

I, too, had to have the distinction between “drinking liquids” and “drinking alcohol” in a car explained to me as a kid. They really ought to have just called it something more distinctive, like “boozing and driving”, except that wouldn’t have had the alliteration.

Magic Toy: Thanks for the detailed review! Those remixes sound like crap. Seriously, Fergie? What were they thinking? I think I’ll stay away from the new release, at least until the CD I have totally craps out. A bunch of bonus tracks of Quincy Jones talking is annoying, but it’s better than hearing songs I like totally destroyed.

Re: PSAs. I don’t remember many of them, but I remember they definitely worked on me. Particularly the classic “this is your brain on drugs” one. I remember thinking about that every time I saw someone crack an egg. I also have an old tape that includes a PSA of some girl saying “They say smoking pot affects your memory, but that’s whack. I’ve been getting high since… since… since…” It’s a really annoying PSA and the girl was a terrible actress, but it definitely stuck with me.

I think this skeleton-pumped PSA perfectly reflects that era’s methods of keeping children away from bad things: Exaggerate until they shit themselves straight.

Funny you say that, Matt, because that seemed to be the same tactic my mom used to keep me from killing myself with electrical outlets or some shit. She’d tell me in an alarmed tone “Do not EVER, EVER [insert dangerous activity here] because YOU WILL DIE.” It made me pretty anxious and overly cautious, but I definitely did not try to drink bleach or stick my finger near any major sources of electricity, so I can’t say it wasn’t effective.

Before I talk about my opinion about anti-drugs psas and a little tidbit about my life I had kind of an odd prank on me today on my blog.

This last weekend I posted a blog post. Tonight when I was checking my email I saw a new post on my blog, I thought ok well it’s probably Will you know saying great post or whatever. I saw the name Matt and my head tilted to the side and I smirked a little. I thought Matt? THE Matt? I scrolled down, and saw Matt with the x-entertainment url. Then I saw “suck it, retard” So I had to remove that today. I know the person is here and probably talking about it is a stupid move but I have to say this.

Yeah I’m a retard and being told to suck it is very original and very insulting. Hah hah hah hah.

Moving on, being in the class of 2000 they told us we were going to be the future and held us to a higher standard. In 4th grade we got these bright yellow t shirts with this logo on it that said smoke free class of 2000. I think there was an assembly talking about why you shouldn’t smoke. We were supposed to wear our t shirts every friday. Unfortunately at the end of the year we were supposed to return them. I probably couldn’t wear it now but it would be nice to still have, it’s just a memory to me now. I mean why would they want them back? It’s not like they can reuse them for another class. I have a sticker in my old sticker album though that says smoke free class of 2000 on it so that’s good.

I don’t remember this PSA exactly. I remember so many other ones. I remember when I was in high school about 1pm Saturday and Sunday afternoon they would show these programs that were like a long psa. They were a half hour. I think they were made in the 70’s it looked like it. I enjoyed watching them because it seemed like the people that made them thought it was like a funny thing to do and the audience would take them seriously. If that makes any sense. The people overacted of course in the programs. One was drunk driving home from a prom, one was a guy was an alcoholic and it was an intervention. I remember in that one his gf said that their sex life was getting poorer and poorer because he couldn’t get it up. She said it in a very uncomfortable way looking down a lot. Then they flashed to a scene where he apologizing and she said oh it’s ok I didn’t want to anyway! LOL! I think that is a pretty poor reason why to get sober, so your gf can get satisfied in the sack again. I mean it has to take more then that. I watch intervention on A&E I know how that shit goes. Anyway that show threw in teen pregnancy too I think. It had a cheesy lifetime movie type of style to them.

My third topic is we just moved into a place! So that means we won’t have the internet until the 25th. So you won’t see me then. I just wanted you guys to know that. I am trying to do all of my internet stuff tonight thinking of all the stuff I will want these next two weeks so I can cue stuff up so I won’t be clawing my eyes out when I am disconnected. I just remembered I might want some photographs to draw to list so now I am trying to brainstorm ideas for photos to search! Ahhhh technology. So bittersweet.

Its Ironic that Im going to court tommorow for a DUI, I deserved it though stupid move on my part. but ironic non the less. Dont drink and drive kids you could kill someone no joke. I lucked out but am just as guilty as the drunk who didint get lucky and smashed into the van with the mom and three kids.

OH!! I can’t believe I forgot this lol! If you want to see a tour of my new place, click on my name, then click on my youtube link. Or search Goobian on youtube. It’s the one I posted today and it’s pretty obvious.

I had the same fear of literal drinking and driving- I once freaked out on my mom for drinking a juice box in the car. Not sure if the fear stemmed from this commercial, but it seems plausible.

Matt, if you have it, can you post the anti-drug psa where the kids all sing “I don’t want to be chicken soup, I dont want to be potato (awkward pause), I don’t want to be pea soup, I just want to be ME!!”? Or possibly, the Latin Empire rap “school’s the move”… you know? “The last day of school you finally find out, that your getting left back, so you decided to drop out… etc”

This is kind of the opposite of Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, which makes drugs look so much fun.

Makes you feel cool, makes you think strange, original ideas and warms your body to your soul. Been known to expand minds and provide a controlled stress-release. BUT DON’T DO IT OR YOU WILL START SMOKING ROCK AND SNORTING COKE AND DIE ON THE FLOOR OF AN NYC CRACKHOUSE AT 23!!!!!

I remember this PSA scaring the shit out of me as well, so much so to the point that if I saw it, I would change the channel or leave the room.

I sadly do not recall this PSA. Pity me, as the only somewhat related PSA I can recall is the now highly overdone, egg in a frying pan, “This is your brain on drugs.” These days you don’t see anything nearly as effective.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to Beat It without thinking of the 80’s diner in Back To The Future 2. Isn’t it about that time now?

Matt, it’s so funny to read this post because I had exactly the same reaction. I think we’re probably about the same age, and I remember seeing this during Voltron, He-Man, or Thundercats episodes. I think my mom was driving me to preschool and I went crazy! “NOOOO!!!! We’ll turn into skeletons!!!” I cried. She had to explain to me that drinking and driving meant drinking alcohol, not just drinking anything. I can’t believe how similar our stories are.

I’m a lot younger than you are, so I haven’t seen anywhere near as many scary-ass PSA’s as you have. I did, however, have pretty much the same reaction to the safety symbol that they put on “corrosive” products - you know, that little skeletal hand? I honestly believed that if you got anywhere near this stuff without 1-inch thick rubber gloves, you’d start turning into a “Day of the Dead” reveler. I even remember a dream I had where my face began to resemble the “poisonous” symbol. Egad. Whenever I saw my mom using bleach with reckless abandon, I started planning my 911 call.

Gotta respect that they got MJ for the soundtrack - likely why the commercial was so low budget, they blew $2.2M on the “Beat It” license. Awesome ad, tho!

yeah i remember those public service announcements being pretty scary as a kid (i was kinda young when that one debuted, but they must have reused it for years, because i clearly remember watching it)… recently i found what may be the creepiest PSA’s ever made though, theyre directed by Darren Aronofsky (director of “Requiem for a Dream” if that gives you a clue to the level of disturbing) watch ‘em if you want, but be forewarned they arent for the faint of heart…

allthough their not quite as bad as aronofsky’s, canada made some PSA’s recently for a multitude of things from spousal abuse to workplace safety that are also somewhat knee jerkingly weird…

7: Ha, I recently read in one of my teaching textbooks that “The DARE program was found to be ineffective.” Gee, I can’t imagine why.

My high school health class sounded exactly like that though. I remember some people coming in to give us a talk about ecstasy and raves. “These kids take drugs that make everything feel AMAZING and they dress up in bright colors and eat lollipops and dance! But you don’t want to do THAT! NO!” I remember actually becoming fascinated with the idea of raves after that, though thankfully I never got my hands on any X. No thanks to you, public school drug education program.

Oh! Does anyone remember the episode of Captain Planet where a bunch of kids are taking this weird drug - I think it was called bliss - that basically turns them into zombies? That was disturbing shit, but it was also funny. It made drugs look like something you never wanted to take, but that you might enjoy watching other people take and make asses of themselves. Which is pretty much my attitude toward drugs, to be honest. “Nah, I don’t want any weed, but I’ll be glad to sit here and watch you guys put flavored condoms on your arms and lick them!”

can’t say I know this one. But I do remember DARE being taught by a local Cop. Talk about being scared of chewing gum in class…

I was born in ‘83, so I don’t think I ever saw this particular PSA. However, I do remember thinking that “drinking and driving” meant drinking anything in the car at all. They should have called it something else.

One of the PSAs that I remember is the “Be An Original” one from 1987 or thereabouts. “You got a ri-i-i-ght to say no!”

Sigh, I’ve been trying to reply to this thread since yesterday, but noooo, my internet isn’t having it. So here I am in my brief window of opportunity.

I was a dare program kid too, “dare to keep the kids off drugs”. I always seem to remember slogans like “be cool about fire safety”, “tree’s are terrific!” (from that arbor day owl). I also remember that egg in a frying pan to show you what your brain is on drugs…that one was scary to me.

I don’t remember PSA’s as much as after school specials, like the one about the grown man who couldn’t read.

I don’t know how let down I should feel that I can’t remember that many British equivalents other than learning the Green Cross Code and firework handling.

Though every week was like ‘a very special episode’ on Grange Hill and Byker Grove, including the putting condoms on cucumbers.

Of course, the anti-drink/drive ads were tailored for much older people than even teens.

Of course, had this come out when I was a kid…http://youtube.com/watch?v=uRU11fGUomY

Guise
WTF was that!! Holy cow that’s gonna give me nightmares now much less a kid! lol

Ok it’s official I am A) never getting a cell phone and B) never drinking around people with balloons and scaffolding!

i had completely forgotten about this one till i spotted a link to an article about it on the site… sadly the article didnt have a link to the video (although i’m sure its on here somewhere) but i thought we all should see it again… the holy of holy’s… the ninja turtles classroom talk (via satellite from the sewers of course) about the dangers of marijuana…

Ok Guise, your officially redeemed. Now I just have to find a neon orange jacket to wear.

Holy Mother of God! Those THINK ads are absolutely horiffic! I can’t imagine seeing those as a child!

Also, um, I should apologise if this is getting further from the drink drive and more like spam, but…well, it’s cross-cultural learnings. Forgiven?

Guise I’ll forgive you for all the links, but I don’t know if I can do the same for the trauma I just went through (although I plan on subjecting my b/f to it when I get home). Our PSAs over her pale in comparison to those. I think I’d rather stick to the singing pills and skeletons!

Don’t drink a big green slush before you board the Tilt-A-Whirl.
You don’t play leap-frog with a unicorn.
Never moon a werewolf.
Grilled-cheese is not a toy.
Unless you want it to be.
That whole thing about sunscreen? You’re better off just staying inside.
When somebody says, “Payback’s a bitch.” don’t say, “Only to those who believe in revenge.” while true, it just creates un-needed aggression.
Because he was “born” when the rocket opened, Superman is a legal resident of the U.S. and therefore, he can run for president.
The Internet is for porn.
And recipies.
X-Entertainment.
I will never be over Macho Grande.

Good grief! I can only imagine what the youth of today would be like if we had PSA’s like those here! I guess I have to add not driving over 30 to my list of things I’m never gonna do again.

Have you guys seen this PSA on restaurant safety? I saw it on news networks a few weeks ago talking about it. This would NEVER be aired here in the US.

I can remember these PSAs, however the one that struck me the most was the glasses crashing together at the end in slow-mo and thinking (later on in life), “who where the dumbasses that signed up for the ‘acting roles’ to smash two beer/drink glasses together and risk potentially get their hands perforated by glass shards?”

JLAJRD: You beat me to it. I was coming here to post about that PSA, and its siblings.

If we think the PSAs we saw as kids were enough to traumatize us, just imagine the poor children witnessing these.

Holy God in heaven. Don’t you think maybe they’re taking it a little too far with those…?

(I also happen to dislike the “truth” ads and think they’re way too over-the-top, but that’s just me.)

Man I never realized how truly twisted PSA’s have gotten. Makes the one’s I saw as a kid look like nothing.

I know one was Lorenzo Music who also did the voices for Garfield and Venkman in the Real Ghostbusters cartoon, not sure who the other guy is.

He did a voice on Wait till your father gets home. I think his name is Jack Burns.

Working at the bookstore, I was the lucky one to price and place all the new Michael Jackson CDs when they arrived. I have had MJ in my head ever since.

I know I watched these psa spots all the time, and I can say they worked because I never did drugs. I always just assumed as a kid that anyone who went and did drugs anyway couldn’t possibly know what they did, because if you knew how could you do it? Meh, live and learn…

At any rate, despite being bombarded with psa’s like everyone born in the 80s, the only one that really sticks out in my memory is this one with Rachel Lee Cook (I think?) swinging a pan and breaking everything in the kitchen. It wasn’t especially scary, but I think I always figured that somehow, drugs destroyed everything.

Candace, that’s damn effective for “Remember kids. Don’t make an omelette while high” too.

Hey Matt, do you have a copy of the PSA where they smash two *huge* mugs of beer together to the sound of tires screeching? I think they had college team logos on the mugs, and it was broadcast around the time of the final four playoffs.

I remember when NBC used to do those “One To Grow On” PSA’s during their Saturday morning lineups. I mainly remember them for the animation and the cool theme music. The one I remember the most i where a mother breaks her leg by stepping on her child’s left out rollerskate. We then got a warning from Michael J. Fox on picking up your toys so no one gets hurt.

TOmmy! Thank you for posting those links. They play the car accident one a lot and the “not going to be like that guy” one a lot here.

JLAJRC You mean like this one? wow those psa’s hit on some heavy subjects. That isn’t like the Time for Timer ones at all or other child ones.

I for one think they should ditch the current format of PSAs and bring back the old government sponsored ones.

You know, the ones where weed turns you into a swamp creature and cigarettes instill in you an urgent desire to drink blood.

Wow…human Tetris, I would mop the floor with that game, some of those shapes look too hard for someone to actually get through. I can’t see it being as popular in America at all.

I used to have human Super Mario Bros. dreams. Breaking the bricks with my head was very satisfying.

Goob: Those are the ones. I just loved the giant tv the celebrities stood in front of.

I totally remember the skeletons in the car one, and remember it kind of creeping me out, and yet really liking it at the same time. The thing that always got me with the one where they slam the beer mugs together was, how in the world did it not cut their hands all to shreds? It’s funny how when our parents tried to scare the safety into us back then it just really messed us up. I kind of have a similar story. When I was like 4 or 5, we were at the beach and I was running around and ran into some big guy with a long beard who was smoking a cigarette. He said something like, “Hey, watch out, I’ll burn with this cigarette here.” He said it in a way to just warn me and tell me to be more careful, but I took it as a complete threat, and apparently, to hear my parents tell the story, for a few years after that I would get kind of freaked out around any big guys with long beards for fear that they would come after me, lit cigarettes in hand, looking to burn the hell out of me. To this day, the idea of Santa smoking a cig makes me a little uneasy.

From what I’ve read about all these Thriller remixes, I have no desire to hear this at all. Just sounds like they got a bunch of annoying R&B people to completely piss all over one of the greatest albums ever made. Why don’t they just get Puff/P/Daddy/Diddy/whatthehellever he’s calling himself this week to do it while they’re at it? Will.i.am?? Seriously??? That’s what this guy calls himself? Oh, please.

Bill, I completely agree about the Back to the Future 2 thing. Where’s my levitating car? Can we at least get a hoverboard? It’s two-thousand-freaking-eight already. Is that too much to ask? Btw, thanks loads for posting the thing with Timer and OG Readmore. I have so many memories attached to those. Here’s another one in that vein–Does anyone else remember one with a dancing, singing animated black guy with an afro? He would sing songs about American history and music and such in between commercials during the Saturday morning cartoons. I’ve brought this up to several people and no one seems to know what I’m talking about.

JLAJRC, All I’ve got to say is, JESUS! I had never seen that one before and definitely didn’t see that one coming. I loved it, but my god, was all that necessary? I think I’m going to go scrub my kitchen floor right now.

Oh yeah, I remember this one.
Put me down in the club of “Mom, you can’t drink and drive.”
“WHAATT! I NEVER…ooohhh, you mean this coffee. Not the same thing sweetie.”

Everyone disses the JUST SAY NO campaign and I guess the rebirth of drugs in the mid-90’s proved that it didn’t work but I can vouch that it had an impact on me. (A) I was never a druggie even though EVERYONE else I knew was and (B) I did puppet shows at the day care where my mom worked warning 3 year olds about the dangers of drugs/drinking and driving.
Bizarre.

He lurks in closets of small children, and when it’s foggy out that’s really his cigarette-butt fingers filling the air with smoke. Eventually he’ll creep out, stroke his chest length beard, bend over and hold twitchy, burning ended fingers towards the kid. He’ll give a friendly-yet-twisted smile and say “oh, be careful, sonny…or I’ll burn ya!”

I remember this PSA!! It scared me to damn death. I’d just be watching my afternoon cartoons, ya know, Heathcliff and the like, and this horror show would send my heart into overdrive.

DJD: Are you talking about the old “SchoolHouse Rock” cartoons? They used to do things like history in between cartoons.

I hope you are all full of dark chocolate-covered strawberries, imported champagne and buried to the knee caps in cards featuring half-nekkid obese winged archers!

I wuv you all so much that…well, that it burns a little whenever I pee. OH MY GOD! THAT’S HOW MUCH!

I thought of a joke so bad I have to tell it to everybody. It’s a reference to a microorganism so if you don’t get it, you aren’t the only one. =P
Ahem.

Ben, looking at those things…I’m torn between Aww and Eww. It’s like a brain-sucking alien creature who is afraid to commit and would just really like a hug. On the Wiki page it even curls up in a cute likkle bundle of WUV.

Oh, and happy freaking Valentine’s Day everybody! I got my man a really cool present that he’s going to flip out over, so I’m happy.

Oh, yeah! I love Schoolhouse Rock! I used to see them back in the days of three networks. Watch Shazam!, Fat Albert, Speed Buggy, anything Krofft, and SHR between shows on ABC. Click the name for a favorite SHR.

Happy Valentine’s Day!! My b/f and I are celebrating by going to see “Body Worlds!” What a better way to express love than to see a plastinated human heart?

these are not PSA’s at all, just regular commercials from about 84/85… but they need to be seen… ladies and gentlemen, Carvel Ice Cream ads…

so i definitely think that X-E gives me nightmares in a roundabout sort of way. i have been going back through the archives and reading everything in sight. i finally read through the star tours review from way back when, and for some reason it was the setting of my dream last night. thats right kids, zombies were attacking me in the star tours part of disneyland, and it was awful. just a heads up to everyone that this website may cause very very odd dreams….if you havent already figured it out.

I don’t know, I think drug PSAs sort of promote blind following. I mean, I don’t think children should be out hitting rock, but there is nothing wrong with a little adventure.

I mean, look at me, I’ve down basically everything under the sun and I’m still alive, not only that! I’m working on my ph.d in psychology!

JLAJRC, It may have been part of the whole Schoolhouse rock thing, but I’m not sure. I remember a specific one where he’s singing about how the American flag was designed, and how the stripes represented the colonies and all that. Now my curiosity’s up. I’m Googling this thing, and I’ll get back to you guys. I’m starting to think I just conjured this up on my own.

Leigha, Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve had a couple of dreams about Matt. The only one I can remember is one where I was at his house, sitting with his parents, watching old home movies of when he was a little kid. He was playing in a band and had on makeup and a purple wig or something. Someone else in the band (the bass player or something) was dressed up in a Batman costume. That’s all I can remember of it. I think the day after I had it, I hopped on to whatever comments thread was going at the time and described it, but that was a while back. I still hold on to my old idea that I brought up once that Matt doesn’t even exist and is just a figment of all of our collective imaginations. You realize of course, that eventually, when he gains enough power, we’ll be asked to “choose the form of the destroyer”……Mother pussbucket!

Too late, DJ D, Gozer is a past poster, and continues to pop up now and then. Especially if Ghost Busters becomes a thread topic. All we can do is aim for the flattop.

Oh yeah, I forgot Gozer hangs out here from time to time. Just remember, the next time he/she shows up again and asks you if you’re a god, you say yes!

DJ D, yeah, with all the PSAs and stuff going on, “Choose the form of the destroyer” could be anything.

Guise
That’s hard to beat, I wanted to get The Soup’s Vajapocalypse clip, but the only one around isn’t the same one I was thinking of, so in return, I give you this

following what seems to be the current post topic… i did think of one clip that may top “Oprahs Va-jay-jay”… i give to you a clip from alexiss k. taylors now infamous call in show… (not for the timid)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...dGJxI6LrX4&feature=related

at some point i had heard talk of a drinking game in which you drink every time she says the word “vagina”, but i think i would be dead of alcohol poisoning before the first 7 minute clip was done playing…

I like how in the beginning she says the man will go to some-bah-tee else. The way she insists on saying “Va-JIGH-na” makes me uncomfortable, though–About as uncomfortable as the lady with the laptop. She looked like she really didn’t want to be there.

TOmmy!
I was thinking about using any Vagina Power clip, they are both good contenders.

I took a broadcast class once, and my partner planned out a really over-the-top PSA about drunk driving. At the end a skeleton hand comes out and drags me away. I hope he didn’t plagiarize from this one!

You know I was a little bummed about being single on Valentine’s and then I realized being single is way better than being with some abusive fuck or an asshole that doesn’t wanna do nothin for V-Day. Personally, I feel sorry for the girls that are now with some of the jerks I’ve dated the past couple years.

Also I’ve made the decision that it’s just too fucking cold here, so I’m going to Florida to move in with Bill. I’m going to assume he has room for my massive collection of videos and DVDs, otherwise I may need to get rid of some of his things.

man, why am i always late to the party? i check for updates every couple hours for like a week and then dont check for 2 days and bam! new posts. anyway, i am sad to say that i don’t think i ever saw this PSA, but that in no way means that i escaped the terrifying anti drug commercial march.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s strange that people are wishing me a Happy VD? I keep getting these on my MySpace comments. Happy VD? What is that exactly? Is that the same as Happy Herpes?…Giddy Gonorrhea?…Silly Syphilis?

On an un-Valentine Day/PSA note, if anyone is interested the trailer for the new Indiana Jones movie is out. Click my name for the link

PSA’s are so dramatic they tend to miss the mark. But, damn skippy, they’re entertaining….

Awesome article Matt - although it’s funny that we have skeletons for Valentine’s Day.

Dan - thanks for the link, I hadn’t gotten the chance to check it out before you posted it. Looks pretty darn good though. Between Indiana, Iron Man, Wolverine and the Dark Knight summer is looking pretty busy on the movie front.

FYI everyone: Matt’s got another article -about M.U.S.C.L.E. figures this time- in the new issue of Toyfare….just wanted to share the knowledge

This one was hella creepy. But don’t think that ALL PSA’s have gone tame since this one. Here in Louisiana we had a locally-produced PSA last year about seat belt safety where this family runs into a tree. Mommy and Daddy were not wearing seat belts, while Junior was strapped into his car seat. Mom and Dad float out of their dirty, bloody bodies as spirits. Junior’s spirit starts to fly out, but goes back in just as he opens his eyes and cries out, “Mommy? Daddy?”

Basic message was EVERYONE should buckle up, but damn if they didn’t have to thoroughly disturb everyone to get the point across!

So, no radio show tonight unfortunately. Big apologies for those of you hoping to tune in. I had to put my car in the shop today and really have no way of getting to the studio and back, so I’m waiting it out another week. I PINKY SWEAR ALL TO HELL that I’ll be on the air next week and I’ll make it worth it. I’ll do the Anti-Valentine’s Day show then that I was planning on doing tonight, chock full of loads of bitterness, heartache, betrayal, and probably some necrophilia. Look at it this way, waiting another week will give me more time to prepare and make it that much better when you do finally hear it. Big apologies to all….2 or 3 of you who were going to actually listen to the bloody thing.

Once again, I hated Valentine’s Day this year. I’m not desperate anymore, thanks to my recently ended relationship. I’m just currently bitter & slightly depressed everytime someoned asked me what I did today.

They probably used ’sugar glass’ for the colliding glasses and beer bottles. Its what they use for bottles that are broken over actors’ heads. It breaks easily, and doesn’t injure people.

Where I was these PSAs had to compete with the bizarre and damn entertaining Rainier Beer commercials.

Norb, that’s exactly why I use VD! Being bitter and cynical at Valentines Day has it upsides though and it’s a lot damn cheaper!

speaking of beer commercials… it seems that Pabst Blue Ribbon (for those of you that are familiar with it) is having an art competition… you can enter a painting, a sculpture (made from empty PBR cans only!), or a photograph… winners get 1,893 dollars (why such a specific amount im not sure) and get this, A YEARS WORTH OF BEER! i know what im working on next week…

Well I had a GREAT Valentines day…best ever so far. Husband got me a card and Professor layton and the Curious village for my DS

Yesterday was a good day for me too. Giving my man presents is so much fun because he’s like a kid at Christmas every time. I gave him the complete collection of this mecha anime he’d been looking for. Nothing says romance like giant robots, you know. Also we went out to El Chico, which is always great. Their guacamole is so awesome.

An offshoot of the PSA’s were those “Afterschool Specials” they used to occaisionally do. HBO still shows those old “Lifestories” once in awhile.

ellaenchanted wrote: “Matt, I totally sympathize with you. Back in the day they used to have those PSAs with Tweety bird telling you how you could get SCALDED in the bathtub and until I was 13 I was still convincing my parents they should at LEAST be on the same floor as me when I was having a bathâ€“JUST IN CASE”

Yeah, I’ll never forget that “hot water can burn, in less than TWEE seconds!”

Valentines was average, my husband gave me a pig that sings “hot stuff”, unfortunately I hate pigs, and he knows this. My hubby was never the type to appreciate valentines day though… :-/

Now, I don’t think the little guy has much taste in music, but he is entertaining nonetheless.

It’s funny that someone mentioned the singing pills out of the bottle- that commercial scared the living crap out of me as a kid- I would run away from the TV in terror whenever they showed up

I spent VD at school until nearly ten at night. But one of my classmates brought in cupcakes, so it wasn’t a total flop of a holiday. I mean, cupcakes are technically cake and any day with cake is bound to be decent.

Do I post here EVER anymore? I kept thinking of posts I made, but maybe I was dreaming that. Man, feels weird. I was like “No one acknowledges my posts!” and I didn’t have any. I swear I’m not on medication.

Pffftttt… I’d consider letting Bill have a say in it, but he won’t answer his phone and apparently his mailbox is full.

I’m sorry, did you guys hear that? Sounded like Terror Claws Cole said something. No, I must be imagining things.

Mystie, I can’t imagine why. You’d think he was trying to avoid somebody, like some kooky, love crazed stalker…all hopped on nail polish and Reese’s Whoppers. I’m sure he’s just busy.

wait…..reeses makes whoppers? i like how that was the one thing that i thought was odd in your post DJ D Oh i love this place…..

if you feel like blowing half an hour on some nostalgia, heres 30 minutes of “80’s” cartoon opening sequences!

I use quotation marks because the guy who put this together seems to consider any show that started in ‘89 to be an “80’s cartoon”… now i dont know anyone else’s feelings on this subject…i however do not consider anything that started after ‘87 or MAYBE the early part of ‘88 to be an “80’s cartoon… its still pretty entertaining though! i loved all of these shows when they came out even if it wasnt really in the 80’s…

Personally, I’d be willing to call something from ‘89 an 80s cartoon, unless it’s something like The Simpsons that basically only had one episode in ‘89 and then exploded in the 90s. I don’t mind when people stretch the 80s out a bit (like when 80s radio stations play songs from ‘79, etc.) Culturally, it seems like the 80s were already in the making around ‘78, and didn’t fade out all the way until around ‘92.

Plus, I was born in ‘85, so I’m willing to accept whatever makes me feel like I remember more

Leigha, I’m not sure who’s making who, whether they’re Reese’s flavored Whoppers or Whopper-fied Reese’s, but you can read all about it on Mystie’s Crown Combo thing. Just click on her name to find out all about it.

As for 80’s technicalities, I gotta go with jazzy on this one. If it was in the 80’s, it’s 80’s. I’m more forgiving of going back to late 70’s than the 90’s though. Once 1990 hit, it was over.

To yours truly, the defining years of any decade usually fall in the years xxx2-to xxx8, with the remaining being transistion years. The scale slides a bit, as I am a firm believer in hedging one’s bets. But that’s how I usually see things.

Don’t know if anyone cares, but DC is publishing a mini that “bridges the gap” between the original and upcoming Lost Boys movies.

I don’t think I ever saw the skeleton PSA. It might ring a bell, so maybe I saw it watching Saturday cartoons on the channels from the US. But we had plenty of our own here in Canada, and there was one I found somewhat scary.
It was something to do with teaching kids not to go into No Trespassing areas because they might be blown up. At least, that’s what I got out of it! From what I recall, this boy and girl go under a fenceand I don’t know if they find anything, but a military guy or scientist sees them and warns them and proceeds to show them what could happen to them if they were to wander around the area. He takes a flat fake wooden hand shaped thing, puts it into a hole on the ground, and from some distance away, they blow it up! That always creeped me out, and to this day I can clearly remember the fake greyish looking hand thing exploding. Then I guess the kids are sent away, having learned a valuable lesson.
It seems kind of obscure. Actually, now that I think about it more, maybe it had something to do with a power station as well. Maybe they were going to enter a power station, but the guy used the wooded area and the hand to show them what would happen if they got electrocuted.

kingklash, I’m up for the job if no one else is interested. Unfortunately, I think her heart belongs to another….he who’s “just sittin’ on Capitol Hill”.

JLAJRC, Thanks for that link. I had no idea about that. I’ll be sure to pick that up. I think I heard Corey Feldman’s going to be in the sequel, but not Corey Haim. I wonder if the other Frog brother will be in it too. I was a decent Corey Haim fan till I saw “The Corey’s” TV show. He just came off like a crazy, drugged out jackass.

As for what qualifies as “80s” I’d say anything from 78 - 92, depending. I was born in 81, so I’m probably biased, but that’s where I stand. Besides, for me it isn’t so much about “the 80s” as “my childhood.”

Wait, there’s going to be a new Lost Boys movie? How have I not heard about this?

That seems wrong to me. A lot of the appeal of the Lost Boys (at least for me) is how cheesy and blatantly 80s it is. Now, I’m a fan of badfilm, so I like my movies cheesy in general. But I don’t think I’m alone on this one. I mean, come on, it’s a Coreys movie. You can’t update the Coreys.

hey, i got nothin against 90’s cartoons, i loved most of them. i’m just saying that cartoons from 89 aren’t really 80’s cartoons… they don’t look like 80’s cartoons, the characters don’t act like characters from 80’s cartoons ect… as far as music and movies go, i think the “80’s” probably lasted till about ‘92, but where cartoons are concerned they ended in ‘89…

I’m assuming this is gonna be the SNT thread for this weekend. Since we all had so much fun last weekend with vs. debates and surveys, I got a few more.

Norman Bates vs. Hannibal Lechter
Poltergeist vs. The Amittyville House
Chucky vs. The Unborn baby
Rosemary’s Baby vs. The Omen kid Damian

For a survey, I did some minor research. I don’t know if you guys realize this, but Matt has written just slightly over 975 articles (this excludes the Halloween/Christmas Coundowns, plus blog entries.) So my question to you is, what should Matt’s 1,000 article be about?

Hannibal wins…..amityville wins, just because COACH isnt there….I’ve never seen the unborn, but anything has to be better than that little fucker known as chucky…..ugh…..i really hate chucky….and i would say the omen kid….the original though….creepy as shit. as far as matt’s 1000th article, I dont know what it could possibly be about….seriously, just when i think he has covered everything, he comes up with something else. OH! i saw the funniest PSA style billboard today here in akron, ohio. It had a lady with her baby laying on her chest. and it said “BABIES SLEEP ON THEIR BACKS….NOT ON THEIR BELLIES” and then beside the picture of the mom and baby duo it said “NO!” in huge bold red letters. i love it, and I think i need to take a picture of it. It’s in the ghetto though, so I might get shot.

No offense but I really don’t give much of a shit about horror. How about Campbells vs Progresso?

It should be about early 2000s X-entertainment and how Matt grew up with it as an early 20s child.

Tony the Tiger vs. Chester Cheetah
Prego vs. Ragu
Heinz vs. Hunts
The Trix Rabbit vs. The Quik Bunny
Mrs. Butterworth vs. Aunt Jemima
Charlie the Tuna vs. That little Mermaid on the other tuna.
Jiff vs. Skippy vs. Peter Pan
That Sunmaid Raisin girl vs. the Chiquita Banana girl

Tony The Tiger
Oh god… Ragu. That’s tough
Heinz and I will personally murder anyone who says Hunts.
The Quik Bunny
Mrs. Butterworth
Charlie the Tuna
I rotate my peanut butter buying so I never tire of one brand
Write in: Land-O Lakes lady.

Is anyone else spending the night making He-Man and other various MOTU Shrinky Dinks? No? Just me?

My favorite PSA was the one where the dad asked the kid where did you learn to do this and the kid screams” I learned it by watching you”….that was a classic…

speaking of drugs and the such…maybe Matt can explain to me what this is…I found it in the trucnk of my car…it was christmas present for one of my kids and I just finally got around to removing it…. http://i74.photobucket.com/alb...ms/i242/trifecta1/whatthef.jpg

Cheez Whiz vs. Velveeta
Hellmans vs. Miracle Whip
Lifesavers vs. Jolly Ranchers
Lays vs. Ruffles
Hi-C vs. Hawaiin Punch vs. Kool-Aid
Weight Watchers vs. Lean Cuisine
Hillshire farms vs. Hickory Farms
7-Up vs. Sprite
Skittles vs. Starburst
Jello Pudding vs. Jello Gelatin
Pop-Tarts vs. Toaster Struedels

Invader Norbert, I think we posted at the exact same time and it cancelled my post.

Velveeta
What’s Hellmans?
Lifesavers
Lays
Kool-Aid
Weight Watchers
Hillshire farms
Sprite barely
Skittles, not when you compare the regular editions but skittles have several good theme editions whereas every kind of starburst other than the original is pretty awful.
Jello Gelatin
Toaster Struedels :O

Matt’s 1000th article should be a re-cap of his experiences running this site. His favorite memories associated with this site - whether it is recapping his favorite articles, his favored behind-the-scenes stories, or anything else that sticks out in his mind. It should just be a chance for him to reflect on, and celebrate, all things X-E.

Poltergeist > Amityville
Lecter > Bates
Chucky > Unborn Baby (?)
Damien > Rosemary’s Baby
Heinz > Hunts
Tony the Tiger > Chester the Cheetah
Prego vs. Ragu… err… neither.
Quik Rabbit > Trix Rabbit
Mrs. Buttersworth > Aunt Jemima
Charlie the tuna > mermaid
Jiff > Skippy > Peter Pan
Sunmaid Raisin girl > Chiquita chica
Velveeta > Cheese Whiz
Miracle Whip > Hellman’s REAL mayo
Jolly Ranchers > Life Savers (I guess)
Kool-Aid > Hawaiian Punch > Hi-C
Lean Cuisine > Weight Watchers
Hickory Farms > Hillshire farms (mmm, summer sausage)
7-Up >>>>> Sprite

Skittles = Starbust (EQUAL!)
Jell-O pudding > Jell-O gelatin (in freezer pop form?)
Toaster Struedels > Pop-Tarts (sacrilegious, I know)

Cheez Whiz
Hellmans
Jolly Ranchers
Lays
Hawaiian Punch
Sprite
Starburst
Pudding
Toaster Struedels

Tony the Tiger vs. Chester Cheetah
Tony wins. But that whole battle would be worth watching.

Heinz vs. Hunts
Heinz wins every day of the week. I eat so much of it, I should really consider buying stock in it. In the last 7 or so years, I’ve gone probably 4 or 5 days without eating it.

Mrs. Butterworth vs. Aunt Jemima
You’d just know that Aunt Jemima would bring the pain.

Charlie the Tuna vs. That little Mermaid on the other tuna.
Definitely Charlie. He has that feeling like he’ll gut you, then stick you inside Starkist cans and be sold by noontime.

That Sunmaid Raisin girl vs. the Chiquita Banana girl
Chiquita Bananas all the way!

Cheez Whiz vs. Velveeta
Cheez Whiz! The King of Whiz! Put it in a perfect Cheesesteak!

Lays vs. Ruffles
Ruffles, because their ridges can penetrate anything Lays can throw at em.

Hi-C vs. Hawaiian Punch vs. Kool-Aid
Now this is a great one. In terms of taste…I’ll have to go with Hi-C. But if we’re talking about Mascots, Koll-Aid Man wins!

Weight Watchers vs. Lean Cuisine
I’ll go with Weight Watches, despite earning 100 points does not get you another life

Skittles vs. Starburst
Starburst! Both of their recent ad campaigns have been creepy and annoying, but Skittles made more of em.

Pop-Tarts vs. Toaster Struedels
I’m gonna have to go with Pop-Tarts. Don’t they make Toaster Strudel? Or am I thinking of Pillsbury?

Nestea vs. Snapple vs. Lipton
Despite the hipster-ness of it, I’ll go with Snapple.

But now I present a new Challenge: The 7-Up Red Dots vs The Sprite Little Guy vs the Sierra Mist Holiday Hawk.

THe Holiday Hawk would eat the Red Dots and peck out the eyes on the little Sprite guy.

I’m Prego all the way. It’s just thicker.
Heinz
Tony is stronger than Chester
Aunt Jemima
Charlie the Tuna
I actually think the Quik Rabbit is smarter. He actually gets to use his product.
For PB, my favorite brand is the Reeces one. I think they discontinued it. Otherwise, Jif.
Chiquita Banana Girl.
Cheez Whiz- If only because it’s already melted in the jar.
Lean Cuisine
7-Up
Miracle Whip- if only because it’s the one the family uses.
Lifesavers=Jolly Ranchers
Lays=Ruffles
Hawaiian Punch
Skittles=Starburst
Gelatin- I’ve never been a pudding fan.
Toaster Streuedels
I don’t drink tea.

How about Chef Boyardee vs. Franco Americano (aka the Spaghettios people)
Best Captain Crunch flavor?- PB, although the short-lived “OOPS, All Berries ROCKED!”
Uncle Ben vs. Rice-a-Ronie
Betty Crocker vs. Pillbury
Little Debbie vs. Hostess
The Noid vs. those little Caesars people
Burger King vs. Ronald McDonald vs. Wendy
Popeye vs. The Crackerjack sailor

Tang vs. Sunny Delight
Taco Bell vs. Taco Johns
Donald Duck vs. Daffy Duck
Tom/Jerry vs. Sylvester/Tweety
Elmer Fudd vs. Yosamite Sam
Snoopy vs. Garfield
Kermite the Frog vs. the Honeycomb Frog
“Cocoa Puffs” Sonny vs. The Roadrunner
The Flinstones vs. Those commercial/sitcom Cavemen
Captain Crunch vs. Captain Jack Sparrow
Mr. Roboto vs. Johnny 5
Pluto vs. Marmaduke
Hershey vs. Nestle
Geico lizard vs. Budweiser Frogs
KFC Colonel vs. Orville Reddenbacher

CMJ, there was a scary electricity safety one when I was growing up that scared me a bit. It was about the small substations, the ones that take up about the size of a shed, but without a roof.

We had one at the end of our street growing up, and this film would play every so often with kids kicking around a football (soccer ball) and it would land in the small substation, so one kid would climb the gate, creep through the small area filled with strange metal structures and thick wires and he’d bend down to pick up the ball…placing a hand on one of the metal things and his body would convulse, he’d fall to the ground, twitching. Then it would warn you about playing near electricity.

They also had the ones with a kid with a long fishing pole. One was an accident of him not dismantling the pole and walking in to an overhead wire, the other they were trying to tap the wire with the pole.

When I first saw the one for gas leaks, about not turning lights on in case the house blows up, I was scared of turning lights on when I got home for weeks. We didn’t even have gas.

Velveeta
Miracle Whip
Lifesavers
BAKED lays
Hi-C, Kool-Aid, and Hawaiian punch in a close third
Lean Cuisine
Hillshire farms
Sprite
Skittles
Jello Gelatin, but if you turn the pudding into a pie, then that totally wins
Pop-Tarts right now for me

Sunny Delight
Taco Bell, simply because there are no taco johns in any of the 2 towns I’ve lived in. There was a Captain Taco, but I never ate it.
Donald Duck
Tom/Jerry
Yosamite Sam
Snoopy
Kermite the Frog
“Cocoa Puffs” Sonny
The Flinstones
Captain Jack Sparrow
Mr. Roboto
Marmaduke
Hershey
Original Geico lizard, not the newer one
KFC Colonel, chicken beats popcorn….unless you marry the 2 concepts, popcorn chicken is amazing

I tell ya, my computer crashes, and in the process of getting it back up and running, I miss a close-to-200-posts thread…

The Budweiser Frogs would win any day. Same with the Flintstones, although I find humor in that they endorse children’s vitamins despite endorsing Winston cigarettes a while ago.

Plus, Pluto would probably beat Marmaduke in that he’s not anorexic. Plus, he doesn’t repeat the same material everyday.

The Keebler Elves vs. The Smurfs
Conan vs. He-Man
She-Ra vs. Red Sonja
Snoopy’s Red Baron vs. Red Baron Pizza
Orko vs. Snarf
Scrappy Doo vs. Odie
Chip N Dale vs. Alvin and the Chipmunks
Bagels vs. English Muffins vs. regular toast
Pancakes vs. French Toast
Brownies vs. cupcakes

Smurfs vs. Snorks
Bono vs. Sting
USFL vs. WHA
Heckyl vs. Jeckyl
Ed vs. Edd vs. Eddy
Trinidad vs. Tobago
NPR vs. PBS - which is the better sleep aid?

Conan vs. He-Man
He-Man…though it might be the most homo-erotic beefcake match EVA!

Orko vs. Snarf
Snarf, because Orko is just a magical screw up. I’d like Presto from D&D vs Orko.

Bono vs Sting
Bono would get his butt whooped by Sting and the whine about Police brutality.

I swear, I turn my back for one 3-day bender….
(that’s a little Squidbillies quote for you, folks)

No, actually I spent the majority of last night (like I do most SNT’s) at work, and am back at work now and just checking this for the first time since yesterday afternoon. I don’t even know where to start responding to all this. Last weekend I posted up the first so-and-so vs. so-and-so, thinking we’d have just a little fun. I never thought that a week later, it would get so out of control. What in the hell did I start? I don’t think at this point I could add anything else that would top Guise’s last post anyway. I agree with all that, although I’ve never seen Ed, Edd, and Eddy so I have no clue about such things. Oh, what the heck. I’m a horror nut, so here goes with some JLAJRC action:

Hannibal would make lunch of Norman Bates, after entertaining himself by just messing with him for a while. Then he’d sit down to some Bates stew with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Poltergeist would kick the crap out of the Amytiville Horror house, although I really like that house. Either way, whoever’s living there would be screwed cause both families would be too stupid to get the hell out of the house as soon as some little girl says “There here” or the house starts whispering “Get out” to you. I mean, seriously. If your house is LITERALLY telling you to “get out!”, get the fuck out! You ain’t gotta tell me twice.

I’m going with Chucky. He’s older, a little bigger, and nastier. Not cause I want him to win. I just think he would.

Again, I’m going with Damian. I’m rooting for Rosemary’s Baby, but I think Damian’s got it.

As for the 1000th article (how did you figure out it had been 975?), I think Matt should either do the retrospective thing, or do that ONE article that he’s been dying to do for the longest of times but has been waiting for a special occasion or a time when he can get round to actually writing it cause he’s been procrastinating on it for years–that is assuming that he has one of those that he’s been sitting on for a while.

DJ D, “Lookin’ Good, OKC” best damn theme song for a 1980s sitcom about a family growing up in the suburbs of OKC and their neighbours (the good cop who always teaches little Danny a valuable lesson, Mrs Waterbreakin who works the ladies unmentionables counter, and the kids of the diner). Who can forget their classic catchphrases “Oh, OKC, really!”, “Danny, go fetch my revolver” and “Well, now were all Lookin’ Good!”

As you can see, the number in the link above is 969. If you combine that number with all of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade reviews Matt has done, the number is 975 (give or take an article or two).

Guise, The way you phrased it, it looks like Mrs. Waterbreakin is working the ladies unmentionables counter as well as working the kids of the diner. She gets around.

I’m having visions of what the opening credits would look like. You’ve got a shot of the cop dad at the dinner table loading his revolver. It goes off accidently and the whole family kind of points at him and laughs as he turns toward camera and shrugs.

Next shot–Teenagers grabbing handfulls of ladies’ unmentionables from the counter and running off with them. Mrs Waterbeakin looks shocked then shakes her head and smiles at the camera slowly zooms in, as if to say her famous catchphrase, “Them kids looooove my undershorts!”

JLAJRC, Well done, then. I had no idea what the number up there represented. I don’t know if your final tally is completely accurate, but I’m cool with whatever you come up with. Now I’m really intrigued as to what the big 1000 might be. No Pressure, Matt. It’s only your 1000th article that we’re all waiting with baited breath to read.

Oh, and it’s Pennywise the Clown from “IT” without a doubt. To this day, if you ever find yourself walking down a sidewalk with me and I see a yellow balloon bouncing along by itself, I’m leaving your ass right then and there. I’m gone. The only thing you’ll see left of me will be the trail of dust I leave behind.

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