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01/31/2008: Choose Your Own Adventure!

I used to love Choose Your Own Adventure books, and the fact that that’s far from a unique statement is less of an indictment of me and more of a testament to how amazing this giant collection of you-shape-the-stories was/is.

It feels nearly pointless to describe what they were, but assuming that there is even a single reader who never soaked in a CYOA book at some point, it worked like this: Read a page or two, and you’d be given options as to what the book’s star character should do next. If you wanted to do “Action A,” you turned to “Page X.” If you wanted to do “Action B,” you turned to “Page XX.” Rinse and repeat that for many pages, and what you had were these great, strange little stories with multiple endings, ranging from the mediocre to the ultra-happy, and even including a few where poor decisions caused your character to die in horrible ways.

The novelty of turning books into games notwithstanding, CYOA titles could be equally championed for the broad range of eerie and awesome topics they covered. In one book, your character attended a Halloween party in a house that may or may not have been filled with flesh-eating monsters. In another, you ran marathons with the Abominable Snowman. There were plenty of titles with lighter themes, but I always viewed the CYOA franchise as being my first introduction to “unsettling reading.”

If you forced me to pick a favorite, I wouldn’t have much trouble. Meet Gorga!


Gorga, The Space Monster was one of the “young reader” CYOA books, with more pictures, less pages and increased spacing between letters. I picked it up from the Troll Book Club during grade school and read it no less than 15,000 times. The story involves a young boy who finds a car-sized, three-eyed purple space monster in his backyard, which grows larger and larger throughout the book. Depending on which “actions” you chose to take, Gorga would be portrayed as everything from a befuddled pet to an out-of-control, planet-destroying maniac.

There wasn’t a definitive strategy involved with finding your way to one of the “good endings.” Not that it mattered much: If you ended up with a bad one, all you had to do was flip back to the original page and pick the other action. (Technically, this was cheating, but who was going to admonish you? Gorga? Gorga was paper; he couldn’t do shit.) Despite your decision-making process adding up to a crapshoot, it was still smart to avoid actions that seemed to be in bad taste:


This trick didn’t work universally, but more often than not, being a “nice kid” usually paved way for happier endings. In the case shown above, hitting poor Gorga over the head with a log brought forth an abrupt ending in which the monster…well, ate you. The “abrupt bad ending” was the worst thing that could happen to a CYOA reader. It was like walking into a Goomba on Level 1-1.

Happier endings involved the lead character successfully keeping Gorga safe from gun-toting officials, but in a way, I preferred the vaguely horrific bad endings. When I sat on Gorga’s back and flew him safely into space, yeah, I did good, but I didn’t really think about the story after closing the book. When something bad happened, it stuck with me for a little longer. See below.


I wouldn’t say that I actively sought out bad endings (I wanted to “win” more than I wanted Gorga to eat me and my family), but when you’re a kid and you’re just entering the wild world of books that aren’t 85% pictures, this kind of creepy stuff has a lasting effect.

The Choose Your Own Adventure series was enormously successful. Debuting in 1979 and still running today in some form or another, it’s amassed hundreds of titles with several printings. Course, I don’t want you to mistake this entry as a random tribute to CYOA, as I’m really only here to point to the obvious deity that is Gorga the space monster. I loved him!


Purple, porcine and triple-eyed, Gorga was easy to draw and fun to color. And, in one version of the story, he grew large enough to eat a passenger train. These are the traits of something worth sacrificing a live chicken to. Gorga deserves at least one Google hit that sends people to something other than a used book storefront, and if it’s my destiny to make that happen, I can now retire with my head held high.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 183 comments

And funny you oughta mention the I got You Babe song. Thats me and my husband danced to at our wedding

mandy_Reeves: :) That is because I am omnipotent. Err, wait, that isn’t the right word. I meant… dork, yeah, that’s right. I was a dork for quoting a song from Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day. What can I say? It is one of my all-time favorite movies.

So, the question is… are we going to get a new SNT? Or will we be here? What can I say, I haven’t been around for one in a while and tonight I am looking forward to it.

Ghosted by Magic Toy @ 02/02/2008 11:46 PM EST


Pretty soon its going to become SMT….Sunday morning thread…on the east coast at least.

Ghosted by Heza @ 02/03/2008 12:47 AM EST


Um, I know this isn’t exactly the right place to discuss politics, but…

You see, my state , Al-uh-bam-uh, is one of the Super Tuesday States, and I have a problem. You see, I don’t really like any of the candidates. None of them. Either party.

I think it’s important to have a voice in government, but considering what I just said, I was wondering…

Would it be making a mockery of my civic duties to write-in vote for Waiterbot, Mista Snowman, or James Lipton? Because I think any one of them would do a far better job as president.

Ghosted by Captain Will @ 02/03/2008 2:06 AM EST


I can see it now!
“Waiterbot/Lipton ‘08! Why? Because we can!”
At least it’d more sincere than most of the stuff you hear during an election year.

Ghosted by Dan H @ 02/03/2008 2:16 AM EST


Wow, someone else from Alabama….small flippin’ world….

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 02/03/2008 2:16 AM EST


You see, I don’t really like any of the candidates.

That’s the running theme they chose for this election.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 02/03/2008 2:22 AM EST


Goob
Im glad Im not the only one tormented by Sonic commercials, I live in up state washington and there are no sonics around. By the way anyone feel that sonic commercials are some of the funnier commercials on telivison?

Ghosted by Anonymous @ 02/03/2008 2:24 AM EST


Shuanfu: Hopefully you either got out or are in one of the more civilized parts. I’m up here in Florence, Lauderdale County, how about you?

Ghosted by Captain Will @ 02/03/2008 2:29 AM EST


Man, I was hoping for a great SNT tonight. Instead here we are talking about how none of the candidates, on either side, are truly appealing. I couldn’t agree more. Sure, there is a candidate or two, on each side, that appeals to me far more than the others… but none have secured my vote.

Darn reality invading my SNT buzz.

Ghosted by Magic Toy @ 02/03/2008 3:13 AM EST


I’m not one to discuss politics either, but it seems that Obama is the only candidate to buy airtime during times that appeal to the “Insomniac Geek” demographic in NY.

Hell, I’m impressed.

That, and I’d totally support Waiterbot for Pres. and now, some campaign slogans:

“Waiterbot: The Actual Lesser of 2 Evils”

“Waiterbot: He’s Got Santa’s Body, So You Must Automatically Trust Him!”

“Waiterbot: He Did Not Have Relations With Waiterbetty”

“Waiterbot: A Vote For Perculiarness.”

“Waiterbot: Christmas Chairs For All!”

“Waiterbot: Got Sushi? Neither Does He.”

“Waiterbot: So You Don’t Get Assimilated”

and finally:

“Waiterbot: He is Waiterbot.”

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 02/03/2008 3:20 AM EST


I’m sick of you self-righteous Waiterbot supporters waiving your nonsense around. The fact is that the only candidates that will bring this country back to its constitutional roots and restore its moral fibers is a Tigerboy and Knacks ticket.

Tigerboy/Knacks 2008

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 02/03/2008 3:57 AM EST


dohopoki: Oh please! Tigerboy and Knacks don’t have a strong stance on the issues! If those liberal wieners are elected, the terrorists are gonna invade this country and blow up all our Ding Dong factories while they’re busy worrying about “global warming”!

Pfft, anybody with any brains knows that we’re not making the planet warmer… Waiterbot is! And why? Because if he doesn’t make the polar ice caps melt, the terrorists win!

Hippies in tiger suits can’t protect our Ding Dongs!

Ghosted by Captain Will @ 02/03/2008 4:40 AM EST


You’re both wrong! If you want someone who is in touch with the issues, you need an independent. An independent who is literally affected by issues. Especially global warming.

You need Mista Snowman.

And for the overseer, you need somebody who can literally see over everything. Who else but Legotron?

Snowman/Tron for 2008!

Ghosted by Ben @ 02/03/2008 5:14 AM EST


I leave to restart my comp a couple of times and this is what happens.

Anon I HAVE seen a sonic before. It was in Hillsboro Oregon on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere really. I was surprised and happy but I never went in we were broke and busy with something else.

I just looked up locations (because I honestly didn’t remember it was in Hillsboro) and there is one sort of nearby where I live! Kennewick WA so woot. Any lurkers that live where I live, hey how’s it goin :)

There is a resturant chain called Burgerville in certain places in Oregon their burgers are overpriced and not something to write home about, their onion rings are good (for a fast food joint) but they have seasonal milkshakes that are really good. Seasonal meaning in the summer they have certain ones that have berries in them like marionberry I think and christmasy ones. They also have sweet potato fries that are seasonal and man they are good. I only had them once LOL.

But I saw someone they made sweet potato fries on tv a couple of weeks ago and that makes me want to make them when we move into our own place. They cut them with this wavy thing to make crinkle cut fries which are the best ones hands down for ones that aren’t seasoned curly fries and they baked them in the oven. So I havta try that sometime.

Ghosted by Goob @ 02/03/2008 5:26 AM EST


Now I’ll admit that Mr. Snowman has some nice ideas but the fact is he’s too different, too radical and political suicide. No one is going to elect a Snowman. Maybe in 2108, not in 2008.

Legotron on the otherhand, you’ve got to be kidding me. Flip-flop-flip-flop-flip-flop and if he had any more heads he’d have more flip than flop if you know what I mean.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 02/03/2008 5:45 AM EST


How could you all forget the first woman running for president angle and vote Mare. She’s changed, we can trust her now.
Wait, is that Mare or Hillary??

(between the election commentary and the adult CYOA ideas, this has been a great big ol’ comedy-fest. Great job!) :)

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 02/03/2008 10:36 AM EST


What about HSSXXLLO for President? He would be the first ex-devil worshipping rabbit to be elected.

The only problem is that devil worship and his name would probably make relgious people nervous. :)

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/03/2008 10:48 AM EST


anyone else get an email from HSSXXLLO? I did. Its kinda strange, and I cant make it out.

Ghosted by mandy_Reeves @ 02/03/2008 12:38 PM EST


Oh, man. HSSXXLLO would have the coolest campaign commercials ever. Although the gravelly voice and the grainy film would make people think he was always talking about his opponent.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 02/03/2008 12:50 PM EST


Do you think this nation is ready for its first reformed “formerly evil” candidates? It’s too soon! People will often bring up the evil that Mare used to unleash, and pundits will surely suspect a bit of hostility between her and snowman.

And Hssxxlllo? Do you think the nation is ready to elect its first rabbit president? THAT is radical. Besides, it is way too soon for this. Up until the end of December, he was trying to kill Christmas. Sure, he had his doubts, but this will be lost in mudslinging.

Right now this nation needs an open thinker. It needs someone to think outside the box, but has been here long enough to be trusted. Snowman is a logical choice for change. Besides, can anyone else be as excited about reforming usually mundane and boring parts of the government? I don’t think so, Tim.

Ghosted by Ben @ 02/03/2008 1:30 PM EST


Captain Will : I “got out” but came back for work…I’m on the GA side hear Columbus and I actually love it here

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 02/03/2008 2:16 PM EST


Happy hangover everyone!

Ghosted by phunqtroniq @ 02/03/2008 2:20 PM EST


Ben, but what about the fact he can barely remember his name and treats a fountain as a bidet?

Now, if I were an American, I’d obviously vote for the kind of leader who would willingly create me an army of scorpion-squirrel hybrids, and only one man has put forward his anti-squirrel stance enough to make me believe in his campaign. Only one man showed the ability to make money, and unlike another housemate, actually spend time making personal use of it. Only one man will of sex with his deformed, serious sex faced wife.

The future is Waiterbot.

Ghosted by Guise @ 02/03/2008 2:28 PM EST


Man, I’m upset that I missed an entire discussion on AC characters for Prez…..My pick is Lipton/Mista Snowman. Their run in office would be like an animated Salvidor Dali painting….but more surreal. Also, Kingklash I have the ION channel up here in Kent, Ohio, yet I have never actually watched it…PAX was a little too churchy for me, so I think the fact that it is on the same channel kind of scared me off. I will have to check it out now though. No Sonic restaurants here either, everytime those cheesecake bite commercials come on I feel the need to throw something at the TV. I know, I know,I really need to start controlling my cheesecake rage, but damn it, after a night at officemax, all you want it some cheesecake and some liquor.

Ghosted by Leigha @ 02/03/2008 2:35 PM EST


Ben: The only thing Hssxxlllo would need to do to win an election is to give everyone free Cadbury Eggs and Peeps while he is in office. If he did that, everyone would forgive his former devil-worshipping ways.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/03/2008 2:42 PM EST


Shuanfu: Oh yeah, you’re down there a little ways south of where I was born (if my memory is correct) and yes it is much better. More culture, more things to do, and less rednecks gumming up everything. I gotta say, I’m a little envious :)

Ghosted by Captain Will @ 02/03/2008 2:50 PM EST


http://www.arielarchives.com/brett/CYOASS51.jpg

by looking at this picture, nothing needs to be said.

Ghosted by Benji @ 02/03/2008 5:41 PM EST


Man, the best part of the CYOA books for me was finding the worst possible ending, and then working my way up to the best one. Thanks for reminding me of some great memories Matt. :)

Ghosted by Supermarioman @ 02/04/2008 5:32 PM EST


Though I love Choose Your Own Adventures, The Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark book series was my first introduction to “unsettling reading.” The pictures scared the holy bejeezus out of me and still weird me out to this day.

Ghosted by Cheetara @ 02/05/2008 3:29 PM EST


Yeah, I liked choose your own adventure. I was always amazed that teachers would let us use these for book reports. My preference though was for the “TIME MACHINE” books. CYOA seemed like a cheap knockoff by comparison. The Time Machine books operated on the same premise, but contained swirling pages and buttons that you had to touch to make your choices (ok, you actually just turned the page, but everyone I know actually pushed the image of a button and made some wierd time travel noise as they turned the pages).

Ghosted by mowntandew @ 02/06/2008 4:42 PM EST


For those of you still reading the thread, and thinking about Mario CYOA books, click my name for a nice present… :) I had the first two, I never realized there were more!

Ghosted by Dr Sketch @ 02/06/2008 5:45 PM EST


Dr Sketch, that is AWESOME.
I didn’t even know they made one for Nintendo games. Great stuff. :)
I’ve read a Star Trek one, It’s pretty crazy. You can do everything from fighting a Klingon Crusier to Killing a blob of Oatmeal. 0_o

Ghosted by Supermarioman @ 02/06/2008 6:30 PM EST


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