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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

Trees! Snow! Popcorn!

Well, we got our Christmas tree. Actually, we've had it for several days now. Too frequently in the past, we set up our tree so late that there was really only a week's worth of enjoyment before Christmas passed. While I firmly believe that Christmas trees should stay up at least until January 1st, it's just as true that looking at them after Christmas can be a little depressing.


We're decorating it tonight. I worry that we brought it home too early, as the floor around the tree already looks a bit like a shag rug, and even the slightest shake of the branches makes the floor look even more like a shag rug. And yet, I keep shaking those branches, because I've convinced myself that the loose needles are of a finite amount, and eventually, it'll get to the point where my branch shakes bear no floor needles. This went on for about fifteen minutes last night. I'm living large.

The tree's been here for around a week now, and yeah, technically, we may have purchased it too early. I don't know. I researched online to see what the Christmas tree experts thought, but everyone had a different opinion. Some people said that it didn't matter, because the trees at the lots were already cut and delivered in November. Others said that heated homes are too dry for trees to look healthy inside for more than a week. This is part of the reason why legitimate books should always be viewed more seriously than online guides. You never know if you're getting instructions from a true professional or the guy in the weird house down the street who collects lawn ornaments in the shape of ducks.


I totally kicked my old scratch-off lottery card addiction, but it's a lot harder to keep it that way when there are so many holiday-themed ways to win big money. I always need to remind myself that, despite outward appearances, these Christmassy scratch-off cards have not been imbued with lucky holiday magic. They are not more likely to be winners than regular, non-Christmassy scratch-off cards. And even after I remind myself of this, I still go home with a few.

Just before I went freelance, I bought the cards mainly as a hope shot that I'd win a zillion dollars and never have to work again. There was a little kiosk right outside the office that sold them, and every lunch break, I'd head down and wait on a line filled with similarly disenfranchised 9-to-5'ers, praying for a cinematic moment. There's no sense of desperation in me buying them now; it's just that I can never pass on something with snowflake graphics and "Santa red" trim. My afflictions have changed, but they're just as stupid.


Around this time of year, my sister starts a family-wide e-mail chain to discuss who is making/bringing what for Christmas Eve dinner. As we're all Italian Catholics who were brought up on the "seven fish dish" meal, Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas if there aren't 50,000 things to get full on. The e-mail chain helps us divide and conquer, and when all's said and done, we'll have covered everything from coconut shrimp to stuffed calamari, the latter of which being my least favorite thing on the planet.

The only thing my family never seems to consider is the junk food. As much as certain dishes are synonymous with traditional holiday dinners, I find that certain junk foods are just as synonymous with those occasions. Example: It'll be a cold day in Hades before I let one of our Christmas Eve get-togethers slip by without a jar of Planters cocktail peanuts on the table, not because I think they're the greatest things ever, but because I remember them being there since I was five-years-old.

Of course, the photo above is of popcorn, so I digress. I would consider it a personal offense if you told me that you got through the entire month of December without at least one of those magical holiday popcorn tins, filled with curtained-off sections of popcorn in three different flavors. Popcorn is an all-year snack, sure, but these subdivided popcorn tins are Christmas through and through.

I know at least one of you will punch me for this, but I hate caramel-covered popcorn. Always have. I'll never understand why stupid caramel-covered popcorn achieves the largest portion of these holiday tins when it's so obvious that the honor should go to the cheese-dusted version. You may disagree, but that's okay. I know you're wrong, and that's all that matters.


Just in case it doesn't snow again this year: Look! A picture of snow! Our latest "storm" was really mild, and most of the heavenly white stuff has melted away. As much as I love a full-blown, tundra-level landscape-saturating mess, I'm also fond of the extended aftermath of a snowstorm. It's not even that cold today, and spotting these random patches of snow that refuse to melt away makes me believe that of all the many fruits of weather, snow is the only one with a sense of self-determination. It's impossible to see these errant patches of snow existing in fairly warm temperatures and not think that they're really trying to keep themselves together. Snow with soul!

And on a final note, an update on X-E's Christmas Chia Pet Project:


No longer the hairless, prepubescent Chia Pet of last week, our friend has begun sprouting his winter coat. I'm pretty stoked, because the green stuff is growing at a slow-but-steady rate, and it seems like he'll peak just around Christmas. Finally, one of my master plans may pay off!

Have you made it this far? Let's toss a survey into this, then. In the comments section, name the one thing you want most for Christmas this year. (Or whatever you celebrate, though I do admit that this site seems to ostracize everyone who celebrates anything that I don't.)

I'll start: A watch. Yeah, just a watch. Reason: I have a couple of work gigs coming up in the new year, and I feel that a good, new watch will mesmerize my employers and make them believe that I'm both timely and fashionable. Also, since my wardrobe palette currently weighs in with a total of three colors, I'm thinking that a shiny watch will help break things up a bit. So yeah. A watch. Your turn.

Posted by Matt on 12/07/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 246 comments

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Dan,

“When out on the lawn there arose such a thud,
I thought thet’d dropped a bomb, if only a dud.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, ready on window to bash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what nightmare my wondering eyes saw,
A miniature sleigh, and eight slavering rancor,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
He’d torn up my begonias, that clumsy old prick.
More ravenous than eagles his coursers became,
They tore apart the neighbours four inquisitive great danes.”

Chestnuts roasted by Guise @ 12/08/2007 7:54 PM


OMG, Soap! I miss that show! Got hooked on it when I was in middle school and they used to air the reruns on Comedy Central at some ungodly hour like 7am on Sunday or something. At that age I woke up early naturally (as opposed to now, where I consider a phone call before noon offensive because I’m still asleep then), so I usually watched it. I can’t remember much of it now except everyone was crazy and Billy Crystal played a gay guy, which at the time the show was new (late 70s I think?) was a huge big deal.

Chestnuts roasted by jazzy @ 12/08/2007 7:56 PM


OK, I’m watching Santa Clause 2. I loved the first one. But I don’t get this one so far. Clearly Scott has been Santa for a few years since his kid is older. So why does this Clause only go into effect now?

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 12/08/2007 8:15 PM


hmmm…So Santa Clause 2 is what we are watching? I will look it up on youtube or one of the pirate sites I frequent…i dont have cable right now.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 12/08/2007 8:32 PM


Mandy_where is your nickname_Reeves
Actually I think it’s pretty much anything right now…watch what you want and comment on it…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 12/08/2007 8:42 PM


Cameron T: Yeah, there’s some definite plot holes in this movie, that being a major one. It gets better as it goes on, though. I personally like it a lot.

Chestnuts roasted by jazzy @ 12/08/2007 8:42 PM


i just started it on youtube.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 12/08/2007 8:43 PM


Advent updated. Starting on the blog post now. Would anyone kill me if we started SNT’ing at 9:30ish?

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 12/08/2007 8:44 PM


That would be pretty late, can’t you post a quickie and then edit it later with an actual post?

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 12/08/2007 8:55 PM


I just don’t feel like being so cheesy with the middle names every post. anyway, im up for a 930 SNT…im watching Shooter right now on…a… um… download site…nope! no pirating here! pirating only is pirating if YOU copy the movie, but watching is okay.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 12/08/2007 9:00 PM


Oh shit, I thought we were watching The Grinch.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 12/08/2007 9:03 PM


Matt, seeing as I have no real notion of what time it actually is there, just that the site time lies like the temperature gauge on a Travelodge hotel shower, I’d say the SNT could easily be the Saturday Night Thread or even Sunday Noon Thread.

We got a calendar, that’s the biggie. That and a british guy making moves on a lead character, which is cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Guise @ 12/08/2007 9:03 PM


9:30 is fine… doesn’t seem like a lot of people are around just yet anyway. Plus whatever conversations we start here will just get carried over to the next thread anyway :)

I absolutely love Waiterbot’s reaction to those birds in the new Advent post.

Chestnuts roasted by jazzy @ 12/08/2007 9:04 PM


Well, being James Lipton wasn’t there to say it today, may I just say that today’s Advent Calendar entry was certainly remarkablous. And I learned that Tigerboy’s true hair color is brown.

Matt
What did you use for sand in the Tahiti set? sand or granulated sugar? Just curious…

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 12/08/2007 9:09 PM


I put up the placeholder. Goob’s right, no sense in waiting. Survey’s attached. See you shortly. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 12/08/2007 9:09 PM


This might be blasphemy, but I’m currently watching last night’s Christmas episode of Las Vegas that I downloaded off the Internet. I didn’t feel like watching Jim Carrey or Tim Allen tonight.

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 12/08/2007 9:14 PM


I’m right…I’m right…I think I’m going to print that and hang it on me wall :)

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 12/08/2007 9:19 PM


The problem with that lottery ticket is that candy canes are supposed to be peppermint flavoured, not spearmint. I mean JEEZ.

I’m excited for X-mas because I get to visit my ancient cat Seymour. I only see said ancient cat a couple times a year because he lives at my mother’s place, but he’s seventeen now… we got him (as a kitten) when I was six.

He’s diabetic now and needs insulin shots 2x daily but otherwise he’s in good health!! He was always a christmas fixture when I was a kid… either playing with the wrapping paper or basking by the fireplace.

Chestnuts roasted by Jinsky @ 12/09/2007 8:44 PM


For those of you looking for it, there’s an unedited version of the Muppet Family Christmas available in the UK.

I’m so glad to have it! Christmas was just all wrong for all the years it wasn’t televised in all its glory.

Chestnuts roasted by Molly @ 12/10/2007 7:03 AM


For xmas this year I want and I am getting a screen accurate ROTJ Darth Vader fiberglass helmet!

Chestnuts roasted by JBUNGIE @ 12/13/2007 1:21 PM


LAST POST!!! W0090000T!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Mamas Boy @ 11/21/2008 9:14 PM


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