The X-Entertainment Blog

12/02/2007: X-E’s Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit!

I’ve long been obsessed with survival kits. There is a very slim chance that I will ever need one, but there’s something about being able to cram all of life’s bare necessities into tiny little boxes and bags that’s strangely appealing.

If you’ve seen one of these kits, you’ve seen ‘em all. The contents include everything a person would need to survive if caught in the wilderness for a night or two: Fishing gear, ready-to-eat meals, foil blankets, flares, first aid equipment, water and so forth.

More recently, I’ve become completely enamored with an adorable spin on such kits. There are a number of people who have perfected the art of fitting entire survival kits into empty Altoids tins, and the results are totally incredible. Picture it! You’re lost in the woods with no way to get in touch with the outside world, and your only chance for survival lies in the contents of an Altoids tin! Actually enduring that probably isn’t much fun, but imagining it is a blast.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the things, ultimately realizing that I wouldn’t stop thinking about Altoids survival kits until I made one myself. Only problem is…what would I do with it? I don’t rock climb, I don’t camp, and if my car broke down on the side of the road, it’s a safe bet that a gas station would be just a short walk away.

So, I’ve modified the formula. I created something that isn’t a physical survival kit, but a mental one. Something that could help me survive terribly long car trips, or surprise stays at boring hotels. I’m so proud of my creation, and I sincerely believe that it’s something everyone should have on their person at all times. Without further ado, I present to you: X-E’s Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit!

My goal was simple: Stuff as much entertaining crap into an Altoids tin as humanly possible. Diversity was of utmost importance. I wanted things to do, things to eat, things to drink, things to play with…I wanted a foolproof cure-all for boredom, all crammed into a peppermint-smelling Altoids tin. Personal mileage may vary, but I think I’ve succeeded.

Should you decide to create your own Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit, remember to be creative! You can draw from my experiences, but whatever you stuff into the tin with should appeal to your own sense of fun and good taste. Below is a breakdown of my kit’s contents, and yes, I absolutely swear that everything fit into one Altoids tin…

1) Listerine Pocket Pak: Not only is this a high tech, low rent way of brushing one’s teeth, but I find that it’s impossible to be bored when you’ve got a slice of turbocharged Listerine zapping every nerve in your mouth.

2) A Die: Sure, a pair of dice would’ve been better, but space is a luxury in an Altoids tin. Still, even one die can provide hours of entertainment. If you’re sharing your Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit with a buddy, you could surely come up with countless games. Example: You both keep rolling until someone gets a five. The person who gets it has to sing a song of the winner’s choosing, no matter how horrible it is.

3) Beef Jerky: In terms of food, I wanted something that reflected “real” survival kits. Jerky is perfect — it doesn’t need to be refrigerated, it doesn’t go bad, and if you shop around, you can even get it in a swank teriyaki flavor. My kit includes a rough handful of the stuff, neatly packed in a tiny-sized Ziploc.

4) A Cigar: Most stores sell a few cigar brands small enough to fit into an Altoids tin, but you could always cut down a bigger one if not. Cigars are a great way to kill a few minutes, and best of all, you’ll be kind of tired and sleepy when you’re finished smoking it. You won’t mind being bored when you’re done smoking a cigar.

5) Matches: Ostensibly for the cigar, though you may come up with other uses. Since a full pack of matches would eat up too much of the tin’s real estate, I simply cut off a third of a pack. It has enough matches to get by on, and even the shortened striking strip still works just fine.

6) Crossword Puzzle Pages: Absolutely key! Unless you’re really good at crossword puzzles, these will keep you occupied for a long while. I ripped out and include two pages from a random crossword puzzle book. One of the pages has a puzzle on each side, while the second page has the answers. Two full puzzles, with answers, and you’ll barely waste any tin space on it!

7) Fruit Stripe Gum Stick: Fruit Stripe’s flavor doesn’t last anywhere near as long as most of the other “stick gums” out there, but it’s fucking Fruit Stripe. I cannot survive without Fruit Stripe.

Big Red Gum Stick: A more sophisticated flavor, in case you run into any other lost souls and need to make sure your tongue doesn’t smell like beef jerky.

9) Vial of Sambuca: Yes! After emptying out one of those small glass vials of ginseng that most stores seem to be carrying these days, I was free to fill it up with the alcohol of my choosing. You get a full shot’s worth, so choose wisely. I went with Sambuca, as even a single shot of that is enough to put me in the mood for a nap. If I was stuck on a ten hour car ride with nothing but my Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit to keep me entertained, I’d want something to help induce a nice, happy coma.

10) Paper: Essential! Use it to create a little travel log of your adventure, or to play Hangman with anyone tagging along on your adventure. I went with five heavy stock index cards, trimmed to fit inside of the tin.

11) Pencil: Sharpened down to a tiny size, this is a must-have. You don’t want to get stuck cursing God because you forgot the mandatory tool for use with paper and crossword puzzles.

12) Brick of Clay: A simple lump of clay in a little baggy. It isn’t big enough to create any grand clay fantasy lands, but just having something to play with goes a long way.

13) Stickers: Mainly for vandalism purposes. If you’re stuck in a junky car or a bad hotel room, you may as well mark your trek with unforgiving, permanent stickers. Someone might clean them off later, but there will always be a wee bit of sticker residue left to prove that you were indeed once there.

Thirteen items, one tin: That’s X-E’s Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit. I’m already thinking of different items to throw in next time — everything from drowsy cold pills to tiny-sized decks of cards. What fun! If you have any suggestions on what else might be added to this most important kit, please, fire away!

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

That is a pretty nifty sanity savings kit, but no time to make one yet, King of the Hill is on!!

What a great article. Next time, i’d fit in some forget-me-now’s so you don’t remember the horrible time!

i’d put one of those little roly-poly bugs in it. those things can keep me entertained foreeeever.

I’ve got an MP3 player that would fit in an altoids can. Would that be cheating?

I guess I would make sure to put in a subway map for some city. New York, Washington D.C….Some place like that. I would spend time on long trips memorizing it when bored so that when I was in those cities with friends later I could impress them with my almost God-like knowledge of the subway route in that city.

Matt, that reminds me of the Pringles packing that some friends and I used to do.

After seeing a Dilbert strip, where he said he could fit a days clothes in a Pringles tube, we started trying the same - obviously jeans, jackets and the like were no go, but everything else was fine, and one girl got all her following day clothes in because of a small top and skirt.

But, anyway, we made coach packs to, mine had a can of Coke, mini-playing cards, pencils and paper in a baggie, chocolate, and a rolled up Focus magazine. We covered the Pringles tubes in plain wallpaper so that we could doodle on them during the trip.

Best use of the tubes was being able to smuggle vodka and rum in to a hotel by emptying over half a tube, putting the bottle in and then covering the top with remaining pringles.

Thinking about it you could combine the listerine strips with the big red and sambucca, and i’m sure there’s an insane taste sensation to be had.

This is so totally awesome. I might include a piece of string for doing those stupid cat’s cradle tricks I learned as a kid but can never get right anymore, and a rubber band to snap or shoot at people.

The Pringles can idea is totally awesome too. I wanna try that. Granted, both these ideas are wasted on me because I have an iPod, a Nintendo DS and a purse you could fit a newborn foal into, but I like the idea of feeling like a spy anyway.

Especially if you are packing clothes and you eat salt and vinegar or BBQ Pringles.

The jerky reminded me that I need food to fuel my brain, so I’m going to type this up before I get something to eat. As soon as I can find an Altoids tin, I will make one of those…

Matt, and commenters on X-Entertainment, I have a bizarre request. My cousin has set up a Secret Santa for the past few years, and usually things run just fine. This year, I got her husband, and my mom told me that he’s “easy to shop for.” I just learned that he is not easy at all. He set up Elfster and WhatToGive Christmas lists, complementing each other, and here’s the problem. We have a spending limit of around $20-30, and most of the items he’s asking for are anywhere from the $60-3000 range. (Including a feathertop kingsize mattress and a kayak) There are three items total that are potentially within the price range: batteries, and liquor. Yes, three. As he put it, he wants “your red wine of choice” and/or “your whiskey of choice.”

So my question is this: What is your red wine/whiskey of choice? For the record, I’m a 20 year old teetotaler, so I have no idea what to get. My brother (who is 22) said that he would buy them for me if I paid him back, so acquiring them is no problem. Please help me out, guys and gals!

Ben, why not make him a “brew it yourself kit”, get a huge lot of grapes, an empty bottle, some foot soap (for afterwards)and some yeast. Tell him it’s an experience holiday to the french wine regions, without having to leave home.

I’ll let someone else give you red wine advice, but as far as whisky goes you cannot go wrong with either of these two. Both sell for around $30 a bottle.

Guise
That’s an awesome idea but you’d have to make sure the person has a sense of humor enough to appreciate the gift.
As far as a good bourbon/whiskey goes Makers Mark is always a good choice.

That little pencil reminds me of elementary school days and trying to see how short you could actually sharpen a pencil.

Ben
I’d go with good ol Jack Daniels for the whiskey and for the wine a nice bottle of Spellbound Petite Sirah.

Dan H. is right, Makers Mark is a very good choice if he is into the bourbon “subset” of whiskey.

Yikes! Stripes! I am so happy they still make that most prettiest and sugary gum.

That’s a fascinating and wonderful squishing of a person’s habits into a 3 inch tin. Personally, fresh breath doesn’t do much for my sanity, nor does gum, nor do the smoke sticks (but I’d keep the matches anyway!). Post-its, jerky, and fire, that’s all I’d need. That’s a party right there.

I would add a package of Pop Rocks, a piece of chalk, and a balloon. Pop rocks is self explanatory, the chalk can be used to write on any surface once the pencil is used up, and you can make up many games with a balloon!

Oh good, now I know what to do with that random York Mints tin that’s too pretty to throw out and too small to do anything with. I’d replace the liquor with tea and probably add more gum or a deck of cards instead of the cigar - I don’t smoke or drink. (Liquor doesn’t agree with me at all, and tobacco products aren’t cheap in New Jersey), but everything else would work. Maybe I’d find a mini-book with goofy joke or inspiring phrases, or travel packs aspirin (for headaches, bad knee aches, and certain times of the month). I’d keep the matches, though. You never know when you’ll be in the dark (literally and figuratively).

With regards to the Advent Calender: It looks as though someone is plotting against Santa! And judging by the way it’s depicted, their intentions may not be honorable.

Hi Matt. First time poster, long time lurker. I love X-E, but I love this article so much I had to post. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to have a number of “emergency” kits that consisted of cheap plastic suitcases filled with cheap plastic fast food toys: a pen disguised as an octopus, a decoder disguised as an apple (both from Wendy’s), a Halloween themed bubble timer from Oriental Trading for if I wanted to time myself for a minute, a number of small fimo clay beads I made that I was convinced I’d be able to trade with strangers, just like the Native Americans, and a Beanie Baby (for company). I brought them with me to my brother’s soccer games in case they forgot about me and I had to fend for myself on the rough terrain of the middle school sports field. Good times. Thanks for the incentive to make another one!

um, deck oh cards, square of paper for origami, pencil, everything you have, and a knife, cant live without a knife, i even take one to school just in case

I bet the actor whom played Darth Maul keft his fair share of stickers around the set of Phantom Menace!! haha

I am intrigued by this idea and must get some tinned altoids sometime this week in an attempt to compile one of these myself. I will report on possible results!

When I was around 7-10 years old, I carried around a denim sack my grandmother made me filled with all sorts of crap to play with in times of boredom. I called it my Emergency Bag Of Toys. Mostly it had Happy Meal-style toys, like those “Fraggle Rock” cars that were pickles and carrots and stuff, some of those “Stomper” monster truck toys, a Changeable or two, and (my favorite) that skateboarding Kermit from “Muppet Babies.” Good times were had with the E.B.O.T.

I’d throw a joint in there. Takes up very little space and could create a lot of fun.

I’d add some Mad-Libs, and a toy car. I’d take out the jerky and add some chocolate mini eggs. I must make a tin now, there has to be other stuff I would add, gotta think about it.

Yeah any emergency kit I could ever fathom would need to have chocolate in it. So I guess mine would probably have a couple Hershey’s miniatures or Andes Mints. I’d also need a bottle of Bon-Bons nailpolish and replace the pencil with one of those mini Sharpies. And some glitter glue.

Sorry about the downtime/slowness on the blog today, guys. Site’s getting hit with a lot of traffic tonight and we keep needing to reboot the database.

For some reason, i think your kit needs a piece of hard candy. like penny candy.

I was trying to keep it clean, but yeah, an adults only Altoids Survival Kit could be a party-in-a-box.

SaffronScarf- Welcome! What you are describing is like what my son carried around with him at all times. Only he uses a Dora the Explorer style backpack.

Ben I’m agreeing with the others who said Maker’s Mark. Can’t go wrong with it.
Survival kits are awesome, I used to make them when I was younger. A Christmas one would be cool, with stuff like one of those mini candy canes and these super tiny books of Christmas stories I used to have that were only like an inch high, but you could still read. My mom was obsessed with miniatures so we had an unusual amount of tiny things.

Wow, I just realized I posted basically the same thing SaffronScarf did. But I never had Beanie Babies.

Definately a mini Sharpie, some stamps, a joint, coupons for fast food restaurants, and some candy.

Last year I spent three months in Madagascar studying lemurs. To get there I had the longest trip of my life - a 21 hour plane-trip (with stop-overs) plus a ten-hour car ride on winding mountain roads. I had my own little survival kit which included:
-dark chocolate
-nuts & dried fruit
-notebook/pens
-old New Yorkers
-a couple novels
-tiny bottles of wine stolen from Air France
-cigarettes (and occasionally pot :p)

The main difficulty I had with the trip was that I had no way of listening to music (I didn’t bring my laptop and don’t own an Mp3 player). I never realized I was a music addict until I had to go without!

Last year I spent three months in Madagascar studying lemurs and daydreaming… but in order to GET there I had to go on the longest trip of my life (roughly 21 hrs by plane, including stopovers, followed by a ten-hours bus ride on winding mountain roads!!)

My survival kit included dark chocolate, dried fruits/nuts, old issues of the New Yorker, a couple novels, cigarettes, writing paper and some little tiny bottles of wine (courtesy of Air France :p). I really really missed listening to music… never knew I was an addict til I was forced to go without!!

James, check out the Box #23 discussion threads. The conspiracy theories and such on them are pretty entertaining.

Ben
If you want something a little different for the red wine, try some Graham’s Six Grapes Ruby Port. God, I love that stuff!

SaffronScarf- Welcome! What you are describing is like what my son carried around with him at all times. Only he uses a Dora the Explorer style backpack.

…I’ll suggest the joint with this backpack, so he can actually see it talk to him.

Other than that, I really got nothing. I’m not even a fan of Altoids. I’m too tired to think of anything cool to put in a survival kit.

Basically, my gf hit me with one of those Weird Questions tonight. She asked me which female historical figure would I want to screw? She chose Abe Lincoln on her side. While I, just to screw with her, chose Harriet Tubman.

OH MY GOD YES. I was clamoring all last year for Pauly Pooch to come back, and there he is! Hot dog! Any chance of Bird the Crow making a cameo as well?

A few months ago a major storm swept through the area I live and knocked out power to tens of thousands of homes for a significant time. Luckily I was only without power for a few hours, but it did get me thinking. I was not in possession of any of the necessary items you would want in a situation like that. As soon as my power did come back on that night, around 10 PM, I hit my local Target and bought a large lantern that could easily light an entire room. Hey, I had been stuck in a dark house, alone, with only a cheap $2 Rayovac flashlight just an hour earlier. I survived the two hours of darkness by playing games on my DS!

Still, how unprepared I was by the whole ordeal made me rethink the “survival pack” idea. I did a lot of research on the internet in the following days and got a lot of good ideas about the items I should acquire for my survival kit. However, like any good slacker with a few continuous days of electricity, the importance of the project lessened, and was soon forgotten.

Going through something like that, as harmless as it was for me, does make you rethink your preparedness for natural disasters though.

Or in this case (blog topic) disasters of boredom. Both equally important though because hey, even if you are still alive, it is even worth going through the motions of existence if you don’t have some sort of entertainment? Pssht. Not likely. Like I said before… I spent my hours of darkness playing New Super Mario Brothers and eating a cold leftover Arby’s roast beef sandwich by candlelight (ALONE!). No microwave = no heat. Cruel fate.

The fiance and I bought our first Christmas tree together today (and my first real tree). I bought the Playmobil nativity set and we’ve been playing with that for the last two hours, cracking jokes about baby Jesus and throwing wise men at each other.

The Advent Calendar is remarkablous, of course, but there’s not much I can say at this point, I’m just anxious for more!

And the Bunnies are using a different Advent Calendar! What’s in store for Bunny Box #3?!

Thanks everybody! I think I’m going to get my cousin-in-law Maker’s Mark. It has more votes than anything else, and the bottle looks cool.

Matt, that was freaking hilarious. Makes me wish I had my own box of fire. In the future, I’ll make sure I use “This really steams my piss” at some point! =D

before you leave, polish the inside of the tin to a good sheen and have a mirror on top of everything else. It won’t harm your driver’s ability to be aware on the road and there is simply no telling how much people like to look at themselves. It’s ego-tastic, safe and wastes absolutely zero space.

I’m sure if I was still in my drug induced haze of my past, all I would need in mine is about 5 tabs of acid (even 5 tabs in a small baggy takes up no room), a crayon, something shiny, maybe a small laser pointer, and a few pieces of hard candy if there was enough room.

I loved the “jumping the shark” reference in the newest advent entry. Very nice. And James Lipton’s facination with bears is oddly compelling.

Update on slowness/downtime: Should be all fixed now. Had to reboot everything to wash off the dirt.

That is a pretty nifty sanity savings kit, but no time to make one yet, King of the Hill is on!!

I was wondering, is there a link to the previous calendars anywhere? I’m trying to introduce my friends to the joy that is spending Advent with Kuse and Knacks, and they could do with a recap!

Arkenor, I promised to add them to the main blog sidebar, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Meantime, you can find them all here.

Yay, Box is back! But…he’s regressed to the childhood he didn’t get to finish? I’ve gotta wonder what happened to him to cause that. Well, *besides* the odd manner of growing up…

I worry about the bunnies, period.
Our group had a version of the party-in-a-box back in the day. I’ve still got it, it’s full of LED lights with dead batteries, Homies and old sour candy.
I’ve actually got an Altoids tin I’ve been saving for an art project. It’s one of the snazzy chocolate-covered gold ones too. I think I might save that one and go get a regular style tin. A survival tin seems like it should be more utilitarian than decorative.
I have those exact same Pokemon stickers!

Matt, you should have a contest for a mystery Sanity-Saving Altoids Survival Kit.

Ahh, another christmas, and here I am again. Advent calendar time! The one thing that I look forward to most at christmastime. Although this year I actually missioned off to an old-timey christmas ornament shop, run by a family who looked like they were born with no other purpose in life. There was even a little dog. And home-made ice-cream. I mean, damn.

This sanity-saving kit sounds like juuuust the sorta thing I need for work, actually. Last two years I’ve been working in a bar. This year, I started in telecommunications, which is about as a big a change as I could go for. It’s been railing at the sanity lately. Heh.

I’m totally going to see if the filter at work doesn’t like X-E tomorrow. Mmyeah.

Crap. When I saw the bunnies in the last panel, I actually got a gut-deep jolt of momentary panic.

Congratulations, Matt. Your Box 23 shenanigans have given me some sort of friggin’ complex about the second most harmless woodland creature around.

I have tons of Altoid tins laying around and have done numerous projects with them.

Don’t know how many DIYers or Techies are around but my favorite project was the MintyBoost! Altoid tin portable USB charger.

If you’re confident enough that you won’t fry your mp3 player, this is a fun little project. The guide calls for a mini Altoid tin but when I built mine I used a regular size tin.

Saw something while walking through my hometown that I thought I’d share with all of you.

Jedoc
I don’t know if this has already been pointed out, but Matt is not the first to allege the evil nature of bunnies - besides Donnie Darko, there is the episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, “Once More With Feeling”, which was the “musical” episode, where one character goes into a rant about the possibility of bunnies being the cause of the suspicious goings-on, and how she’s never trusted them, while all the other characters look at her like she’s nuts…

Holy fuck, the bunnies have the mid-evil Playmobil advent calendar. That shit comes with knights man. Knights with SWORDS and FANCY HATS. I only pray the bunnies are actually on the side of justiceâ€¦

My only suggestion would be to swap out the clay with Silly putty. It is always entertaining, and never drys out.

Of course the first thing I would probably do is superglue to altoid cans together back to back and double my space.

I should point out that Maker’s Mark is whisky, not whiskey. Either way, it is the best whisky. Gotta love that wax top. If I had a vial of liquor-to-go, Maker’s would definitely be it.

#12 looks more like a baggie of heroin, joined with the vial from #9 and the baggie from #3, I wonder if Matt has another job on the side. But hey, Christmas cash is Christmas cash.

Sudoku puzzle pages with flat carpenters pencil or sharpened pencil identical to that pictured above. Two hard difficulty puzzles should keep one occupied for some time.
I also carry a pack of fresh strips, though mine would be cinnamon. I’m obsessed with having fresh breath, so I always have mints of some sort, but with space being limited, strips it is!
Mini-Bic or Clipper lighter
This might be cheating a bit, but an SD card full of mp3s I could trade out with the one in my phone that’s already packed full of random crap.
A random, fast food gift card. Isn’t it a rule to eat unhealthy if you’re on a road trip?
1 marble. How could any pocket sized collection be complete without a marble? Even if only just for the novelty. Though I would personally have it for entertainment purposes.
1 small, yet strong magnet. You’re never bored when you have a magnet, no matter who you are or where you’re at, though it might not get along too well with my SD card.

Without having these items at hand or a common Altoids can (I do have a round Altoids sours can at my desk) I can’t test for available space left, so I’ll just stop there.

While grocery shopping last night I spotted the red (pink) and green star and tree shaped marshmallows. I didn’t know they still made them, I haven’t seen them in years. Probably since I haven’t lived at home in a while.

Rabbits have appeared everywhere I’ve been for at least the past month, and now they’re here. So rad.

Seriously though, what is up with all the bunnies everywhere this year? We’re becoming a rabbit-centric society.

Good choice on the Big Red gum - when you’ve unwrapped it, tear the wrapper in half. You and a friend each lick your half and stick it to your forehead. Person who leaves it on the longest wins!

This doesn’t sound like a game, but believe me, when you try it, you’ll understand why it is.

Awesome survial kit! I would add a flint kit, to start random fires! Oh, and by the way, waiterbot should look into the Chirstmas song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” as another topic for the pacurliazation(I know I spelled that wrong) of Christmas…those lyrics should make dads hide their daughters.

Especially the Leon Redbone & Zooey Deschanel’s version (even though I really, really like that song, it’s also my fav version). With Leon being 130 some odd years old and Zooey in her 20s when that song was recorded. Just makes him sound like a pervert.

Steven, the Tom Jones/Cerys Matthews version of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” rocks too much though.

I happen to have a bottle of Maker’s Mark sitting on a shelf in my home office, and it is indeed spelled “whisky” - which is kind of odd, because most bourbons are spelled “whiskey”. Go figure - I had always thought only the Scots spelled their distilled beverage that way…

Ben, as a Kentuckian I have an overly snobbish and high-handed opinion on whiskey, and I can therefore tell you with 100% metaphysical certitude that the only way to go when giving the gift of whiskey is giving real Kentucky bourbon, and the only real Kentucky bourbons in the world have the words “Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey” printed on the bottle. If you don’t see those words, in that order, then you’re not getting the best you can get.

Old Jim, that is weird. Americans and Irish spell it “whiskey,” while Canadians and Scots spell it “whisky.” But the Maker’s Mark distillery is right here in Kentucky. I know, I’ve toured it. I’ve never noticed that before; I wonder why they spell it that way? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?

The best version of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is the one with Louis Armstrong and Velma Middleton. I generally hate that song, but Louis Armstrong made anything awesome. Also his version is full of extra snarky comments.

I usually have a either a backpack or messenger bag nearby with a binder w/paper and writing implements, a couple small screwdrivers, a small wrench, a magazine or two, my GBA SP, a GB Micro, games, some form of FM scanning radio, tiny flashlight, some other random flotsom, jetsam, and occasionally a portable DVD player. I’m kind of like that guy in the Twilight Zone episode “Just What You Need” because I might actually have a box of toothpicks or a copy of Kingdom Come right when someone asks for it. I even have a mini OuiJa board keychain, because you never know….

Speaking of Maker’s, those of you familiar with my public urination default myspace pic, it was due to several Maker’s on ice.

dood. awesome. I need to make a survival case. I mean, I have my purse but that’s Never got anyhing fun.

As long as I’m not going into any airports, I like to keep a swiss army knife nearby. They’re so handy. You never know when you’re gonna need to cut something/open a bottle of wine/file your nails/tweeze a splinter out of your finger.

Which reminds me, my roommate borrowed the tweezers from my knife for her EYEBROWS (bleah). I think I’m the only woman on the planet who doesn’t spend every waking hour tweezing, plucking and painting every slightest imperfection.

Also: although I’m more of a scotch fan myself, I do have a soft spot for Canadian Club… mix it with gingerale and you have the ultimate cure for a stomachache.

Jinsky:
Maybe it’s just my Irish heritage, but I can’t stand the taste of Scotch - the first legal drink I bought when I turned 21 was a scotch and soda - I took one sip and gagged - fortunbately, the bartender was a friend of my older brother, and he was willing to exchange it for a J.D. on the rocks - my tastes have since expanded to a variety of beverages, but I still can’t stand Scotch.

I was going to suggest putting in a sudoku page or one of those shitty little thumb-sized excalibur games, but then I realised that this was a SURVIVAL kit…

“Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey”, the four greatest words in alcohol. String me up if you’d like, but I’ll take Jim Beam of Maker’s Mark any day. Sure Maker’s has that sweet waxy top, but it’s overpriced in my book. Get the man a handle of Beam and a two liter of Mountain Dew and he’ll be in hillbilly heaven. If Beam reeks of cheap, get yourself some George Dickel (yeah, it’s Tennessee, but oh well) Maker’s Mark is played out, Dickel is something he probably hasn’t had before.

Also, where can I purchase an advent calendar? Preferably one with cheesy toys in it.

Hm. As mentioned, I worked in a bar for some time. Though whiskey (Or whisky) isn’t necessarily my drink of choice, I prefer good ol’ Irish Jameson when it is. Good sipping whiskey, that - If it’s just going to be smothered in cola anyway, one may as well turn to JD or Beam.

I’m glad I skipped it last week and held out for a hopeful rerun. If this is a repeat sorry, I can’t read the latest replies cause I’m hacking my iPhone right now and working to get it done before 7pm (central).

Ok, I could’ve been bothered to do an “Ctrl + F” for Charlie and see it was the first mention. Sorry. Please don’t hate me

You know…James Lipton looks way too much like James Lipton for Lego to NOT have intended it to be James Lipton…and that’s just plain weird.

I’ve got a bottle of 12-year-old Jameson Reserve that I bought when I visited the Old Jameson Distillery in Dublin, Ireland in 2003 (so I guess it’s really 16 years old!). I’m waiting for a special occasion to open that puppy. You know the best part about it is it’s triple-distilled!

ooh, y’all. my mouth is watering.
What I wouldn’t give for a heavy-handed washington red apple. With CROWN, OF COURSE.
As for the Whisky, I’m partial to Laphroaig myself. That makes you KNOW you’re sipping Whisky.

This is probably a crazy question, but why is the drink in question called a Washington Red Apple? I mean, there are something like 10 different states in the US that are major apple producers…

Same reason Georgia’s known for peaches. Because its the premiere apple state.

I have an odd question. Someone left a full bottle of rum at my house. What goes with Rum? Don’t say Coke cause I need to fall asleep sometime tonight.
And, I love the name James Lipton.

I find just about any juice or soda (except 7-up) goes with rum… of course, I’ll drink just about anything, even including mixing vodka and 3-year-old Ecto Cooler juice boxes (it was the only mixer at the party, and everybody was drinking beer, and I was still in my “beer tastes like carbonated piss” stage) at New Years 1991, which resulted in a rather spectacular technicolor vomit stream

Yeah, sorry about that. We know what the issue is but it may not be totally fixed until midday tomorrow.

I find just about any juice or soda (except 7-up)-that’s exactly what I chose :( But now I am going to make a special trip for cider…tomorrow.

Fixed…but maybe only for the moment. We’ll see. AC: Probably going up a bit late.

Update on the loading times: A couple of blog entries got some outside sites linking it, and it seems as though the problem was that we were hitting our cap on how many users could access the blog at any one particular time. I’m working on improving that cap so this won’t happen again.

Is there no end in sight to Matt’s creativity!? A sanity survival kit, who else in the whole world has the vision to create such things??!! No one! No one but Matt I tell you!!!

I just came across this website, and found a bunch of things that interested me, thought maybe you guys would dig it too….

Matt- That sounds like a kind of good problem. I am being a blog hog tonight…sorry about that.

Also, I took a nap at 7:30, and didn’t wake up til 8:30, which means I missed Charlie Brown Christmas…AGAIN!! Oh well, next time. Didn’t really help that they followed it up with the Seasons Greetings Shorts special where Sally’s voice had OD’d on Helium just before the record.

Night owls: Posting AC #4 tonight, but very late. Got caught up in the server stuff.

Hello Matt and Bill, and e’erbody else. As always, I am flattered beyond words when I am actually missed

It is the end of the semester and I’m fighting anti-Christmas wavelengths stemming from still being stuck back in October

would a gameboy micro fit in there? im totally gonna try to make a kit tommorow!!!

Awww, Kneg. :) Well, hope you get over the educational and mental blocks soon…feels kind we’re missing a piece of the pie. (And for that matter, someone drag DJ D back from the cave he’s hiding out in.)

I’ve been getting popups on here once a day for the past week, Matt. I’ve been forgetting to mention them before now.

Spent much of the evening wrapping presents…now I have to pack ‘em for shipping.

It greatly amuses me to think of the unsuspecting people browsing YouTube that stumble across the bizarre bunny videos!

Matt, does the server problem come down to “those blasted people and their sprawling conspiracy threads” and by resolved soon mean “December 26″?

Seriously, though. If you ever need a kidney, or somebody to take the fall for a murder rap, or a tiramisu, you need to contact me immediately. That is how much this year’s calendar rocks.

Call me sacreligious, but…I actually pictures Knacks as having a voice more like Waiterbot’s on his vlog. I thought Waiterbot should sound like the robot voice features on Mac computers, or like that voice thingy Stephen Hawking uses to talk. I dunno, cause he’s called WaiterBOT; I always thought he was some kind of cyborg.

I haven’t been following the Box 23 conspiracy stuff, but those bunnies are really starting to creep me out. Are they Good? Are they Evil? What’s their problem?

What was that noise in the background in the bunny video? It sounded like a parakeet being attacked by a kitten who was somehow caught in a mousetrap.

Whenever there’s a fark/digg/metafilter link here I’m always a little surprised to remember that there are actually people out there for whom X-E isn’t their default destination online. Who are these deprived people?
I’m concerned about blond Mare. Too much weird stuff going on lately to not be worried about someone gone missing.

Little advantage to seeing the new entry at school: That Vid was 100x creepier without any sound on. I felt like I was in The Ring or something.

Speaking of the Fark link, yes it just linked here. The comments section is ok, most of them were expecting Matt to include Pot. I seriously don’t think Matt needs it to come up with all this awesomeness.

And goddamn, Box & James Lipton are still awesome. I neglected to mention in yesterday’s entry, Waiterbetty’s “Serious Sex Face” is just Waiterbetty with the Sailor Hat on is one of the funniest/creepiest things I’ve ever seen.

Matt, I found paradise last night at Kansas City’s ‘Sprint Center’. I attended the Hannah Montana concert with my niece. Up an escalator, I began wandering, mystified by the sea of Disney kids when I saw a wondrous sight! A concession area…with a WALL full of slurpee machines. There had to be at least 15 varieties along one wall. I almost fainted. I wish I had a camera with me, I would’ve taken a picture. Until the time which I can, please imagine such a peaceful land of beauty.

I am so excited that you are rocking 3 Advents this year and I actually have 2 of the 3 at home. The man has the mystery one, the offspring has the Princess one and I am sporting the Christmas in the Park one. Life is berry berry good to me!

The Bunnies kept a-rollin’ all night long! With a week that started out with Fark declaring Sundy to be Bunnday, the day for LOL-rabbit pics, and the fascinating developments within the calendar, by the time Saturday (Caturday) rolls around, I may be coloring eggs and eating (sugar-free) jelly beans. Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, hippity-hoppity, Xmas is on the way….

Can anyone help me identify/find something? I figure this would be the place, since this item is one of those as-seen-on-TV, Chia Pet, Ginsu Knives sort of things that seem to make Matt so happy.

I used to see commercials for this very clever roll-open, angular, plastic storage box sort of thing with a number of compartments of differing sizes inside. I have no idea what the thing was called, but I’ve always wanted one. You would roll it open to reveal the compartments. When you rolled it shut, it closed itself up in such a way that the bottoms of the inner compartments became the lids for the compartments they rolled on top of. It could be completely full of whatever tiny stuff you wanted to put inside it, and when you rolled it, all the compartment walls came together so that nothing ever spilled or got mixed up. I don’t feel like I’m describing this very well, but when it was all closed up it was hexagonal or octagonal, and I believe it even had a built in handle. I’m sorry I can’t think of any other way to describe this, but I’ve had zero luck with search engines and I have to figure out what these things were called. It’s driving me nuts. You guys gotta help me, please!

Chris: I totally remember those things, but I have no idea what they were called

I remember seeing them on QVC or something years ago.

No problem! I’ve always wanted one of those, too, so I knew exactly what Chris was talking about. :) In fact, now that I know where to get one, I just may buy myself one after Christmas. I could use it for all my sewing junk.

Anyway, how is everyone this afternoon? I’m stressed at work and using X-E as an escape.

If I could fit my nano and ds in an altoid’s can, then I’d be set for life. XD

The man has the mystery one, the offspring has the Princess one and I am sporting the Christmas in the Park one. Life is berry berry good to me!

You might be happy to know that “Christmas In The Park” was LAST year’s Advent calendar. My, won’t you be surprised when you open up to find Box, and an unscathed 2006 Santa!

Indeed, the traditional AC has the exact same stuff as last year. :( New entry being posted around 5 PM, I hope…it’s about COOKIES. (Of sorts!)

I can’t remember what year it was, but there was definitely one Christmas season in particular when Rolly kits were the in-thing. Everyone was giving them, everyone was getting them.

On second thought, the cookies came out terrible and the pictures are so unappetizing that I can’t bring myself to post them on here and force everyone to look at them for a week. New entry, non-cookie related, up sometime tonight.

On a side note, last weekend I finally located the all elusive Gingerbread Pop Tarts. And they were indeed the best Pop Tarts ever. Thanks to Matt for pointing out the existence of these awesome holiday treats. I usually just by pass the Pop Tarts shelf, more of a Toaster Strudel person. But the Gingerbread Pop Tarts were like the movie Grindhouse in my mouth. All kinds of awesomeness. I should really be working now.

Matt, you know we’d likely be just as entertained by a cookie disaster as much as a cookie success, right?

Reel American Hero, the phrase “like the movie Grindhouse in my mouth” was so cool it was like the movie Grindhouse on my eyes.

Well, okay that doesn’t work as well. But it was still all kinds of word awesomeness.

The FUCK is up with this years advent? I feel like I’m in the fucking da Vinci Code.

I agree with Cotter. What the hell is this year’s advent calendar on? (And where can I get some? XD )

I figured it out….LSD is what’s in Box 23. That explains everything. But onto survival kit matters.

If you shove a tiny mechanical pencil and pencil lead into the can, you could prolong the pencil, but I don’t know if you’d have to sacrifice another item for space for the lead case. I don’t have an Altoids case to check though.

I just got to the 4th’s entry. Nice. I love that video and I don’t even know what it is.
Today is my birthday and we are snowed in. I wouldn’t have done anything fabulous anyhow, but knowing I can’t makes the fact that I didn’t plan anything a lot better.

There’s some set of numbers at the bottom of dinosaurdracula.com/thing. Is there a code-cracker in the house? I’m terrible at cryptic riddles and codes. Solving them, at least. Writing them is another story.

Don’t compare the genius of Matt’s writing to that hack Dan Brown! AC 2k7 is far better in four days than Da Vinci code ever was…

Love the kit, and I can certainly relate to having need of survival kits in the civilized realm.
Also, has anyone mentioned the super-duper Shrek 3-Christmas McDonald’s Happy Meal premium yet? If not I’m surprised. Hollow Shrek character statues festooned with Santa hats and such that pop open to reveal equally festive puzzle cards. It’s insane, delightful, definitely deserving of a Blog entry this season, Matt. That is, if you can weather the same of ordering a Happy Meal as the ancient adult you paint yourself to be.

This whole rabbit thing is even creepier if you’ve seen “Inland Empire.” Good thing we have Mista Snowman’s relentless holiday spirit on our side!

What about? — a length of dental floss, a quarter ($0.25), a safety pin, a tiny pic of G.W. Bush (to use with pin), a pill or two, a little air (Republicans will eventually charge for it), a tiny capsule containing bullshit (as a reminder of present U.S. government), a condom, telephone number for ACLU, a piece of fishing line, a lead weight, and a fishing hook, a small lure, small mirror for signaling (and to see the dope that didn’t include something vital).

I’d suggest a different die [icosahedron or dodecahedron] for numbers higher than 6, but still space-considerate.

I would need the “super-size” tin because I can’t survive without my laptop!! PoPo

Brilliant concept! A few more suggestions:
An LED pinch-light would come in handy in case your mental-survival situation happened at night or in an unlit place (say you accidentally got locked in a car trunk for example). These lights will provide light for 12-20 hours of continuous use.

I would also suggest swapping out the brick of clay for a brick of Silly Putty. Silly putty can be formed into a super-ball which is always fun. It can also be used for sculpting, or for lifting images from newspapers and stamping in another location. This could fulfill the same purpose as the stickers in your kit–as a means of marking your presence. I would also suggest including 2 different colors of silly putty for a reason which will I explain in a moment.

Another idea would be to draw a checkerboard on the back of the tin with red and black Sharpie markers. You could then play checkers with a pal, using small flattened bits of Silly Putty as pieces. That’s why I recommend two different colors of Silly Putty above.

Finally, you may want to include a condom with the kit. Who knows, you might find a friend who’s willing to help make the best of a trying situation with you. If you’re not that lucky, you could use the condom to carry water, as they stretch to an incredible capacity while retaining a high degree of strength.

I may be way late, but a good brand of whiskey, BEN, is Evan Williams, and it sells for roughly 25 dollars for a couple pints. REALLY STRONG STUFF.

Came here from the “Link of the Day” in userfriendly.org I know the Altoids tin is a free leftover but I’d want a larger box so I could carry more stuff. Something similar to the “Keep-It Safe” container by Witz. It’s also waterproof.

Forget the clay, think Silly Putty. You can still mold it but has more annoyance factor for others.

I would add one of those plastic toothpicks with the little brush on one end, a 1/2 file to reshape all my 20 nailbeds for a fun long time, a chap stick, and 3 bottles Jagermeister. I dont need the cig, but a piece of culy wire would be good to use with the clay. And some of those real teeny mints, they could roll all over and make a fun shaker box. And LOTS of glitter to fill it in, and anoy all the other people crammed in the car with me.!!

I would definitely have to include a photo of my children that is what ALWAYS keeps me sane.

my favorite things are the pokemon stickers and the beef jerkey, this brings me back to when my brother used to make r/c cars from altoids tins.

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