The X-Entertainment Blog

11/29/2007: X-E’s Christmas Chia Pet Project, Part I.

As much as I hate dredging up bad memories of the unfinished Cobra’s Chia Plot, I can’t let another holiday season go by without paying a straight up tribute to the almighty Chia Pet.

Because it is THE POTTERY THAT GROWS!

For whatever reason, the Chia Pet and The Clapper, both products of Joseph Enterprises, just seem to be forever intertwined with Christmas. Growing up, it was a safe bet that you’d see television ads for both products thirty times a day throughout the holiday season. While that aspect of their Christmasosityâ„¢ has worn off, they’re still pushed as “perfect presents” at just about every department store on the planet.

Due to their rather unpretentious packaging and the fact that both products have remained virtually unchanged since their debut, Chia Pets and Clappers hold a strange, nostalgic appeal for me. Of course, my personal interests lied more in Chias than Clappers. The ability to turn lamps off without dirtying my hands was one thing, but a strange creature that sprouts grass? Reviewable!

This isn’t my first Chia Pet, though it wasn’t until adulthood that the beasts finally entered my life. I asked for them year after year, but Santa Claus would never oblige. Never could figure that out. They’re cheap, they’re easy to find, and they pave way for on-topic reiterations of the famous “Ch Ch Ch Chia” ad jingle. Why wouldn’t anyone buy me one? Did they think it’d be too messy, or difficult to grow? Was it karmic payback for all the times I’d been a dick?

Despite my adult experiences with Chia Pets, I never did make good on that childhood dream of raising one during Christmastime. 2007 is as good a year as any, and I know I’m not alone, so consider this your official call to arms. If you too have spent life correlating Chia Pets with Christmastime, go out and buy one. Right now. If you follow the directions correctly, your Chia lamb/ram/sheep/Homer will have a full head of greeny goodness just in time for Christ’s mother to bring home the Cookie Puss cake.

Nothing good comes without sacrifice, and in the Chia Pet’s case, that sacrifice refers to the grueling, day-long waiting period you must endure before getting to do anything fun. You’ve gotta let the Chia soak for a solid 24 hours, at which point his clay skin will have absorbed enough water to turn him into a sheep-shaped soil bed. Similarly, the Chia Seeds need time to develop. Over the next day, the seeds and water will merge together to form a fun, gloppy gel. By the time they’re finished doing that, the Chia Pet will be ready for slathering. That’s the fun part. We stay for the sprouting greens, but we come for the slathering.

I’ll give you an update on my Chia Pet’s progress when he stops being naked. Join me in this Christmas Chia making mission, and together we will craft a new holiday tradition for the world to welcome and share.

And as if you needed another reason to buy a Chia Pet, note that mine came with a free clock, shaped like a Chia Pet, which sings the Chia jingle when the alarm goes off. I ask you, 9-5′ers: Unforgiving beeps, or the Chia song? I know which one I’d rather wake up to.

PS: There was another new blog entry made earlier today! Don’t neglect it!

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Did the Chia Pet/clock combo come from Tar-J? I saw “The Clapper” there the other day.

seriously matt, i swear that my fiancee thinks i have an online love affair since i am on this site so much. hooray

PS-I would love to have an alarm clock that sang “Ch-Ch-Ch-CHIA!” everyday. Right now I use my phone as an alarm clock and it plays fiona apple…..but chia pet song would own that shit.

Wow…two posts in one day! The giving Christmas spirit must truly be upon you, Matt.

Was I the only kid who never wanted a Chia? Except for the Homer Simpson one, of course. I just wanted to see what Homer would look like with bushy green hair.

I’ve never quite understood the appeal of Chia pets either. Mabe I just need to pick one up and experience the Chia goodness.

My sister got a Chia pet one year, but it didn’t grow. She ended up using it as a sort of piggy bank.

I had one but never used it. I think it was broke to begin with. Ah well. I may get my grandma the clapper for christmas. Then again…she has a bum shoulder, so I dont think she’ll be doing much clapping.

SPeaking of As Seen On TV products, I’m a sucker for these things…though they never Quitework as good as advertised.

That hands free can opener? complete trash…I also heard scary things about the tater mitts giving off noxious fumes from the friction of the love against the potato when you try and peel them.

I’m currently pestering the hubby to go down to 7-11 and fetch me a cranberry slurpee…i just took percocet so I cant drive.

What was the crappiest and best gift you ever got during a classroom gift exchange when you were young?

I had a Chia when I was a kid and it grew and grew and grew. I loved it and then one day it ceased to live anymore. Not sure what happened but it was painful and I have never bought another one.

Hey Matt– apparently Mad Balls have made a come back and they have them at Toys R Us. I totally picked up a couple today.

I’ve never seen a Chia pet in my life, but I have this idea that they must smell god-awful. How does it smell, anyway? And please don’t respond, “With its nose, ninny! Zing!”

My boyfriend always stops and ogles over the Homer Chia Pet, but I’ve never bothered to buy one because I always tell myself he needs clothes, or that he would enjoy Zelda Twilight Princess more than a Chia Pet. He probably won’t get the Chia this Christmas, but there’s always next year. We have a new Wii and we need games; games trump the Chia Pet.

Doho I have eaten chia before! My friends and I used to play truth or dare, and if you didn’t want to do your dare you had to eat chia. Sadly I think this was the reason my chia only lasted for 2 weeks then just died. I would love to have one again, this time I wouldn’t be consuming it.

i know this is not on the topic of foliage-sprouting ceramics…but, has anyone seen the candy cane tootsie pops yet this year? they are my absolute favorite and i haven’t found any yet. i’ve checked 2 wal-marts, a rite-aid and a cvs. if anyone knows where they can be found…let me know!

The inside of the card had, “soak your chia, spread the seeds … and watch it grow! (full coat appears in one to two wekeks)”

So, I really wanted to say that we never had a Chia Pet, but the more I think about it, we might have. Don’t think it grew. Or was that a dream? I don’t know. I have some pretty vague memories sometimes.

Speaking of which, I love your topic, mandy_ginger bread this time_Reeves, but I can only remember one thing I got from a gift exchange! Five Children and It by E. Nesbit, which I never read. My teacher made me choose that one because she knew it was a book, and I was the only kid in my class who actually liked to read. To be honest, I forgot all about classroom gift exchanges until just now. Oh! But I just remembered one thing- some kids brought “girl” or “boy” gifts, instead of unisex ones like I think we were supposed to, and one of the boys ended up picking probably the girliest thing anyone ever gave away in my class, but I can’t remember what it was, just the reaction!

I had a Chia Pet, but it kinda didn’t grow, since my mom actually started growing it about 5 years after I got it without taking it out of the box.

Hmmm…I’d like to combine the Chia Pet with The Clapper. You’d clap your hands, and then the grass starts growing!

I never got a Chia that I always asked for. My parents probably thought it’d end up in the same place the small cactus pots I wanted so bad but eventually wound up on the window sill above the kitchen sink.

Inv Norb, even better would be a light that won’t turn on until you grow chia on it.

Wow, between all the new posts, VLOGs, new DVD’s I’ve gotten and joining the 21st century by getting a new TV, I feel its Christmas already! Matt, are you working ahead a little on the advent calendar? I’d love to know it would come off without overtaking your life for a month. On the other hand, if that reduces the wackiness of it, then don’t do that. Cause the AC is awesome.

Hmmm… why does part of me think that the failed Chia Plot is somehow related to Box 23? Perhaps Cobra and the bunnies are teaming up to force Matt to finish the stuff that’s been sitting around.

I gave my friend Chi a Chia pet for Christmas. You can imagine her reaction when she opens it on the 25th…

Oh, this year I MUST get a Chia Pet. Because I want that damn clock. Look up “Chia Pet Alarm Clock” on YouTube to see a funny vid of the clock annoying the crap out of a puzzled cat.

Funny that you should mention the clapper. CNN has been playing (running?) since i got into work this morning on one of the sets in the office and ever since around 2000 ish the commercials for the clapper have started running. This year however it comes with an added bonus, some hideous little box you can mount in your house somewhere that when you push a button will turn on a light somewhere else in the house. Seems to me it destroys the entire charm of the device to begin with.

It needs to be a ringtone. How rad would you feel on your next elevator ride when someone calls you and you whip your phone out of your pocket as it beeps out the once ubiquitous “ch ch ch chia!”

Sorry for the double post, but I would also accept a ringtone that played “Byyyy Mennen!”
Who can make this happen?

I can’t download anything via P2P thanks to super-security on my campus, but I do have the technology to make ringtones out of any MP3 or .WAV file. One of these days I’ll be able to extract audio from video…

I also never saw the the appeal of a Chia Pet. I was never into any form of gardening (although I remember having to grow plants in milk cartons occaisionally in elementary school. My plants never grew very did and died quickly).

But the big reason is why would anyone want a furry green sheep/bunny/whatever? It’s good for about 5 minutes of conversation, then it’s forgotten forever. Plus, what happens to the figure when it dies? Throw it out? Keep it?

Even when they went into character licenses, they never made sense except Shrek. Scooby Doo with a green afro? Garfield?

Where’s the Incredible Hulk?
Kermit the Frog?
Oscar the Grouch?
Green Lantern?
Green Arrow?
The Jolly Green Giant?
The Honeysmacks frog?
She-Hulk?
Frankenstein?
Slimer?
Audrey II?

Kind of always wanted a Chia Pet but I think my family deemed them too stupid. My friend got the Tweety one for Christmas once and I was pretty mad because it was the closest I’d ever come to owning one and I hate Tweety. What a waste. Oh well, I liked my Grow-A-Heads better anyway.

Hmm, I think I’d rather have “Cooooostanza!”. Speaking of which, we were talking about something called the Santa Costanza in my art history class the other day, and it was all I could do not to bust up laughing at the mental image.
My alarm clock just died on me! I’ve never had that happen before. I considered getting the Scooby Chia as a Christmas present but when I tried to subtly inquire how it would be received it didn’t seem like a show stopper. This settles it, I’m going back and getting one for myself.

Last winter I had a Chia “Shrek”. I actually salvaged it from a friend who had tossed it at the office I worked at. He had grown one of the packets of seed, but the second was untouched. When he decided he was done with it I adopted the poor, bald Shrek head and attempted to grow it again. Considering it was still very cold outside (February in Chicago), and I was gone from 7:30am-6pm every week day, it didn’t get much sunlight, and never really grew.

I had to throw it away a few weeks into the experiment because it really didn’t smell very good, for whatever reason. Sometimes I have the desire to try again, but then I remember how much I really want an ecosphere. An ecosphere is so much cooler than grass growing on a clay sculpture. But I do agree that the Chia has a special place in the heart of many of the people who were children during the initial years of its launch. I did save the Shrek Chia head, and try to nurse it back to health, after all.

Speaking of other weird things to grow in your house… does anyone besides me really want to get an Aerogarden? I saw an infomercial for the product earlier this year and thought it looked really cool. I’m sure it takes up too much space, and doesn’t work as well as advertised, but I am a sucker for junk like this. Anyone else see one of these things?

I always liked the old lady laying in bed at the end of the Clapper commercial. The TV just irritated her so much!

I accidentally posted on an old blog sigh but the gist of the post was I was asking if anybody had the Simpsons game for the Wii? What do you think? And Wiiplay is a given right? My best friend almost seriously wants to buy a Wii and those are the two games that I have any interest in. I would get resident evil too but I am not into serious games anymore just the bubbly fun ones. Any input would be appreciated (and I don’t think that the Simpsons game has been mentioned yet as a topic of discussion)

I think this was mainly because instead of paying money, we’d make our own versions at school by attaching cotton wool to badly made constructs of papermache and toilet roll tubes, sprinkle on a heap of cress seeds and leave them in a cupboard for a week or so.

I seem to remember wanting a Chia pet when I was a young one, but I never got one. Now I have no desire for one, really.

A few years before my time, a few of my fraternity brothers who were living in the same apartment got one of those wireless remotes that lets you turn off lights from far away. They decided to use this device for evil and play a joke on another fraternity brother, who was not the sharpest knife in the set.

When said brother came home, they told him that they had gotten a Clapper, and then proceeded to demonstrate. Of course, while one brother turned on and off the light via clapping, another actually had the remote in his pocket and turned the lights on and off.

Well, this delighted the unsuspecting victim, who then decides the clapper was the greatest thing ever.

Apparently, this went on for MONTHS. Occasionally the brother would complain that the Clapper wasn’t working and they would tell him that it sort of phazed out sometimes (Of course, those times were when no one with the remote was home).

When the guy did eventually learn the truth, not only was he pissed to no hell, but he swore up and down that once he had done the clap-on, clap-off just perfectly when no one was around.

Chia Pets are something everyone should at least try out once, there’s no reason not to.

Aerogardens apparently work a lot better than you’d think. It’s one of those infomercial product that seems to actually live up to it’s promise. A family friend had one and I remember them talking about how well it actually worked, though I can’t recall what they were growing. It comes with what looks like a full spectrum bulb which should work for plants and veggies that bloom/fruit/flower automatically. It looks like there’s only 1 dual/full spectrum bulb that’s specific for it, but if it’s possible to use a 6500k blue spectrum bulb (blue sunlight in spring) for vegetative growth and swap it out for a 3000k red spectrum bulb (red/orange sunlight in fall/autumn) when the plant is ready to flower then you could probably make out like a bandit with all your wholesome herbs and veggies.

Pardon if this has been mentioned 100 times before, but have you been able to look into the Toy and Action Figure Museum?

With all of the Oklahomans here, that would make for an excellent X-E meetup spot that you may or may not even be interested in.

I haven’t been able to check it out, which I don’t have any excuse for, seeing that it’s just an hour’s drive south of where I live.

Holy shit! Alf is going to be on Bill O’rielly’s The factor tonight. i don’t know what to think about that.

I have always been curious about Chia Pets, but not enough to go out and buy one. Maybe I’ll get one for my son this year so I can see what the fuss is about.
I live in a really old building with apparently bad wiring because the power goes out all the time. So, I use my cell phone to wake myself up.(yes, I am aware that you can stick batteries in them for this reason, but I never think about buying a 9 volt when I am at Target) I don’t think I would change to the chia, but maybe I could get a chia ringtone.

I totally want the Aerogarden. Figured it was ridiculously expensive, since they don’t even mention the price in the commercials, just push the informational DVD.

You can always buy a CFL hood and grow organically, you could have bigger yields this way, but it’ll take up more space, cost just as much, and takes away from the novelty of growing aeroponically.

I just saw an ad for the Alvin & the Chipmunks movie, and it doesn’t look as bad as the poster would imply. (i.e. it doesn’t look like the chipmunks have become ghetto-fabulous)

You are a sneaky, twisted man, Maat.
Chuck an Andvent mystery on us folks whore are literally HANGING ON YOUR EVERY WORD for clues and WHAT DO YOU DO?
You bought a CHIA BUNNY-er…RABBIT.

Yeah, Ben but new to me is the fact that the chipmunks are actually chipmunk sized which just makes me want to snarl.

Sometimes visiting this site is eeriy. The Chia Pet commercial came on yesterday, and I turned to the wife and asked, ‘Should we get [our son] the Scooby-Doo Chia for Yule this year?’ (since he is really into Scooby-Doo and we are broke)

Also, it wasn’t a school gift exchange but a boy scout gift exchange that houses my worst gift exchange story (though it did take place at a school). I forgot about the exchange and was reminded as my dad and I were walking up to the meeting. So I made my dad go get me something to exchange. There was a $5 limit and the closest place was McDonalds, so my dad went out and got a $5 booklet of McDonald dollars. All the other scouts laughed.

So, if the Chipmunks movie does good, will the Chipettes be in the (inevitable) next one?

I was listening to the radio on the way into work this morning and heard Bobby Gaylor’s Christmas song entitled, “Don’t Give Me Crap For Christmas”. What were the first two items he listed as potential crap he could get for Christmas, you ask? The Clapper and Chia Pets. It made me smile because I had just read this blog an hour or so before.

I like Chia Pets because they give hope to people like me who can’t keep plants alive. Two cats? No problem. A bamboo plant? Dead in a week. But, knowing my luck, a Chia Pet would be dead before I ever put the seeds on it. Don’t ask me how, I can’t explain my lack of ability either.

we should all make it a mission to each have our pic taken with santa and then post it here. hmmm…that could be costly. Last time i visited santa was in 1997. It was 10 bucks back then.

I’d be totally into that. One friend a few years ago made it his Christmas card- sitting on his lap and everything.

That sounds a little like me. I can’t keep a simple ivy alive for longer than a couple of weeks, yet I was able to successfully “raise” a rubber tree plant for years, which, according to my mom (a horticulture expert) isn’t the easiest plant to take care of.

My sister in laws family runs the Santa Claus thing at Crossroads Mall, so if you want Santa pics, I can get you setup.

Don’t remind me of people I haven’t thought about in years, it always causes them to die!

*whines8 I want a Chia Pet alarm clock! I don’t even have anything to wake up for! And who put the sticker on upside down?

I just got my hands on my first Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash!! It was all sold out last year. And I found it in a random gas station in little old Michigan Center, MI. Where we’re playing tonight at some bar and grill. Hopefully the Detroit Airport will have some in the terminal so I can sit and be happy while my plane will undoubtedly get delayed seeing as there’s supposed to be 5 inches of snow/freezing rain on Sunday when I’m supposed to fly home.

A Chia has GOT to be easier than having a real plant and not killing it, henceforth I have always wanted one…i am a notorious plant killer.

Hearing about Evel Knievel’s death has greatly confused me because he was on my list of “celebrities I was sure had been dead for years but actually weren’t”. I seriously thought he died in the late 70s or something. Same thing happened when Frank Sinatra died - I was sure he had been dead for ages.

My quest for an advent calander of my own ended in disappointment, due to not finding one and proof, once again, that stores hire people who have no idea what they sell or even if they sell it…

So instead tonight I’m trying to recreate something my granny used to do: make ornaments. She used to make these holiday shaped little pillow-like things. I will venture to make something like it; I feel it right now that I’m living in her house. I’ll post pics if they look decent….

Holy crap! ALF is on “The O’Reilly Factor” right now. When did ALF come back??

Never had a Chia Pet. My apartment is dungeon-dark; very little grows in here. Don’t know anyone who ever asked for one, either.

I rarely got anything good in gift exchanges. One year, I actually took a present that turned out to be an old book and a used shirt, because I’d heard kids making fun of the girl who gave it. I knew she was really poor and, bad gift or not, I didn’t think that was fair.

If you lose interest in your Chia pet Matt, you can always harvest its salba grains. Salba’s apparently the new “in” superfood.

Holy crap! ALF is on “The O’Reilly Factor” right now. When did ALF come back??

My response to this is that I didn’t know ALF was conservative! Does this mean O’Reilly eats cats? It definitely puts a different spin on that “Falafel” thing.

I wanted a Chia Pet SO BADLY when I was like…11. And I got one for Christmas…but it was broken! So my mom returned it, and I had a new one by, oh, December 29th. I recall spreading the seed goo on it, but then losing interest in it pretty quickly.

In the meantime, my housemates and I celebrated the start of December by getting really…really drunk. Brandy + hot soya nog = Ariel drunk enough to ask out the cute guy at the grocery store.

P.S. the quote is “Remember Alf? He’s back! In pog form.” Even drunk, I win at Simpsons quotes.

I realize that both of these product came from the same genius of a mind, but did you know this-???? In the original commercial for the clapper, the old lady in bed who we all have come to love uses the clapper to turn of her TV. Anyone know what commercial was playing on the TV set before she magically clapped her hands on rolled over to sleep??? None other than the Chia Pet commercial. I always got a big kick out of this as a kid, until later in life when I found out they were from the same company. An ingenious piece of advertisement!!!!

Matt, as it’s a Chia Pet, have you got a name for it or are you just going to call it an ‘it’ while it grows? Could get quite attached to the little thing!

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