X-E’s Christmas Chia Pet Project, Part I.

As much as I hate dredging up bad memories of the unfinished Cobra’s Chia Plot, I can’t let another holiday season go by without paying a straight up tribute to the almighty Chia Pet.

Because it is THE POTTERY THAT GROWS!


For whatever reason, the Chia Pet and The Clapper, both products of Joseph Enterprises, just seem to be forever intertwined with Christmas. Growing up, it was a safe bet that you’d see television ads for both products thirty times a day throughout the holiday season. While that aspect of their Christmasosityâ„¢ has worn off, they’re still pushed as “perfect presents” at just about every department store on the planet.

Due to their rather unpretentious packaging and the fact that both products have remained virtually unchanged since their debut, Chia Pets and Clappers hold a strange, nostalgic appeal for me. Of course, my personal interests lied more in Chias than Clappers. The ability to turn lamps off without dirtying my hands was one thing, but a strange creature that sprouts grass? Reviewable!

This isn’t my first Chia Pet, though it wasn’t until adulthood that the beasts finally entered my life. I asked for them year after year, but Santa Claus would never oblige. Never could figure that out. They’re cheap, they’re easy to find, and they pave way for on-topic reiterations of the famous “Ch Ch Ch Chia” ad jingle. Why wouldn’t anyone buy me one? Did they think it’d be too messy, or difficult to grow? Was it karmic payback for all the times I’d been a dick?

Despite my adult experiences with Chia Pets, I never did make good on that childhood dream of raising one during Christmastime. 2007 is as good a year as any, and I know I’m not alone, so consider this your official call to arms. If you too have spent life correlating Chia Pets with Christmastime, go out and buy one. Right now. If you follow the directions correctly, your Chia lamb/ram/sheep/Homer will have a full head of greeny goodness just in time for Christ’s mother to bring home the Cookie Puss cake.


Nothing good comes without sacrifice, and in the Chia Pet’s case, that sacrifice refers to the grueling, day-long waiting period you must endure before getting to do anything fun. You’ve gotta let the Chia soak for a solid 24 hours, at which point his clay skin will have absorbed enough water to turn him into a sheep-shaped soil bed. Similarly, the Chia Seeds need time to develop. Over the next day, the seeds and water will merge together to form a fun, gloppy gel. By the time they’re finished doing that, the Chia Pet will be ready for slathering. That’s the fun part. We stay for the sprouting greens, but we come for the slathering.

I’ll give you an update on my Chia Pet’s progress when he stops being naked. Join me in this Christmas Chia making mission, and together we will craft a new holiday tradition for the world to welcome and share.

And as if you needed another reason to buy a Chia Pet, note that mine came with a free clock, shaped like a Chia Pet, which sings the Chia jingle when the alarm goes off. I ask you, 9-5′ers: Unforgiving beeps, or the Chia song? I know which one I’d rather wake up to.

PS: There was another new blog entry made earlier today! Don’t neglect it!

75 thoughts on “X-E’s Christmas Chia Pet Project, Part I.

  1. Phil

    Sometimes visiting this site is eeriy. The Chia Pet commercial came on yesterday, and I turned to the wife and asked, ‘Should we get [our son] the Scooby-Doo Chia for Yule this year?’ (since he is really into Scooby-Doo and we are broke)

    Then I came here and Matt is talking about Chias. A sign?

    Also, it wasn’t a school gift exchange but a boy scout gift exchange that houses my worst gift exchange story (though it did take place at a school). I forgot about the exchange and was reminded as my dad and I were walking up to the meeting. So I made my dad go get me something to exchange. There was a $5 limit and the closest place was McDonalds, so my dad went out and got a $5 booklet of McDonald dollars. All the other scouts laughed.

  2. kingklash

    So, if the Chipmunks movie does good, will the Chipettes be in the (inevitable) next one?

    Is the upside-down sticker on the box another secret message?

  3. Karen

    I was listening to the radio on the way into work this morning and heard Bobby Gaylor’s Christmas song entitled, “Don’t Give Me Crap For Christmas”. What were the first two items he listed as potential crap he could get for Christmas, you ask? The Clapper and Chia Pets. It made me smile because I had just read this blog an hour or so before.

  4. Special K

    I like Chia Pets because they give hope to people like me who can’t keep plants alive. Two cats? No problem. A bamboo plant? Dead in a week. But, knowing my luck, a Chia Pet would be dead before I ever put the seeds on it. Don’t ask me how, I can’t explain my lack of ability either.

    The Clapper? Definately on my Christmas list because I’m lazy.

  5. mandy_egg nog_Reeves

    we should all make it a mission to each have our pic taken with santa and then post it here. hmmm…that could be costly. Last time i visited santa was in 1997. It was 10 bucks back then.

  6. kittymao

    I’d be totally into that. One friend a few years ago made it his Christmas card- sitting on his lap and everything.

    Santa looked SO SCARED.

  7. fistpittingnork

    Special K

    That sounds a little like me. I can’t keep a simple ivy alive for longer than a couple of weeks, yet I was able to successfully “raise” a rubber tree plant for years, which, according to my mom (a horticulture expert) isn’t the easiest plant to take care of.

    My sister in laws family runs the Santa Claus thing at Crossroads Mall, so if you want Santa pics, I can get you setup.

  8. dohopoki

    Don’t remind me of people I haven’t thought about in years, it always causes them to die!

  9. Brian

    *whines8 I want a Chia Pet alarm clock! I don’t even have anything to wake up for! And who put the sticker on upside down?

    I just got my hands on my first Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash!! It was all sold out last year. And I found it in a random gas station in little old Michigan Center, MI. Where we’re playing tonight at some bar and grill. Hopefully the Detroit Airport will have some in the terminal so I can sit and be happy while my plane will undoubtedly get delayed seeing as there’s supposed to be 5 inches of snow/freezing rain on Sunday when I’m supposed to fly home.

  10. Muppet Baby

    A Chia has GOT to be easier than having a real plant and not killing it, henceforth I have always wanted one…i am a notorious plant killer. :(

  11. jazzy

    Hearing about Evel Knievel’s death has greatly confused me because he was on my list of “celebrities I was sure had been dead for years but actually weren’t”. I seriously thought he died in the late 70s or something. Same thing happened when Frank Sinatra died – I was sure he had been dead for ages.

    I need to pay more attention to stuff.

  12. Shuanfu

    I was the same way jazzy….

    My quest for an advent calander of my own ended in disappointment, due to not finding one and proof, once again, that stores hire people who have no idea what they sell or even if they sell it…

    “Do you sell any Playmobil here?”

    “What’s that?! Never hurd uh it, so….no”

    One minute later I’m walking in the PLaymobil section.

    “Do you have any advent calendars?”

    “What’s an adent calendar?”

    “You know, you open little doors to get a gift each day ’til Christmas”

    “Never heard of it, so…no.”

    Sigh

    So instead tonight I’m trying to recreate something my granny used to do: make ornaments. She used to make these holiday shaped little pillow-like things. I will venture to make something like it; I feel it right now that I’m living in her house. I’ll post pics if they look decent….

  13. Dane

    Holy crap! ALF is on “The O’Reilly Factor” right now. When did ALF come back??

  14. starwenn

    Never had a Chia Pet. My apartment is dungeon-dark; very little grows in here. Don’t know anyone who ever asked for one, either.

    I rarely got anything good in gift exchanges. One year, I actually took a present that turned out to be an old book and a used shirt, because I’d heard kids making fun of the girl who gave it. I knew she was really poor and, bad gift or not, I didn’t think that was fair.

  15. nina

    If you lose interest in your Chia pet Matt, you can always harvest its salba grains. Salba’s apparently the new “in” superfood.

  16. Invader Norbert

    Holy crap! ALF is on “The O’Reilly Factor” right now. When did ALF come back??

    My response to this is that I didn’t know ALF was conservative! Does this mean O’Reilly eats cats? It definitely puts a different spin on that “Falafel” thing.

  17. Ariel

    I wanted a Chia Pet SO BADLY when I was like…11. And I got one for Christmas…but it was broken! So my mom returned it, and I had a new one by, oh, December 29th. I recall spreading the seed goo on it, but then losing interest in it pretty quickly.

    In the meantime, my housemates and I celebrated the start of December by getting really…really drunk. Brandy + hot soya nog = Ariel drunk enough to ask out the cute guy at the grocery store.

    P.S. the quote is “Remember Alf? He’s back! In pog form.” Even drunk, I win at Simpsons quotes.

  18. Eric

    I realize that both of these product came from the same genius of a mind, but did you know this-???? In the original commercial for the clapper, the old lady in bed who we all have come to love uses the clapper to turn of her TV. Anyone know what commercial was playing on the TV set before she magically clapped her hands on rolled over to sleep??? None other than the Chia Pet commercial. I always got a big kick out of this as a kid, until later in life when I found out they were from the same company. An ingenious piece of advertisement!!!!

  19. Guise

    Matt, as it’s a Chia Pet, have you got a name for it or are you just going to call it an ‘it’ while it grows? Could get quite attached to the little thing!

  20. kay

    does anyone remember a chia head commercial where there is a super cute little boy who asks the park ranger “which ones the chia guy”? It was 1996-1997 and its about mt. chia-a-more? thats my super cute little guy and I have been looking for this video forever with no luck. Can anyone help?

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