I got a rock.

Happy Halloween, you creatures! Though some may cry foul over Halloween falling on a Wednesday this year, at least it helps make the impenetrable hump of the workweek a little more palatable. Even people who don’t give a shit about Halloween know enough to only work at half-speed today, and that in of itself is enough for me to toss aside all previous misgivings and shout, “I LURV HALLO.”


Of course I watched It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown last night. It’s just incredible to think that I’ve been watching that special for 25 Halloweens straight, give or take. I don’t know when I started the tradition, and I’m sure I’ve missed a year here and there, but it’s just so odd to realize that I watched that very same cartoon, probably at the same exact time of year on the same exact channel, decades ago.

When you’ve seen anything that many times, it’s tough to avoid being on autopilot. When I view this special (and others in a similar vain), it’s kind of like being at church: You know you’re supposed to be paying attention and soaking it all in, but truth be told, your shoelaces suddenly became extremely interesting.


Throughout most of the special, I had a cat in my lap. We have five cats, and through some Halloween-inspired horrible luck of the draw, I got…”Kitten.” Kitten’s proper name is “Saturn,” but we never call her that, because a generic, ironically nice-sounding moniker seemed to be a more natural fit the cat from hell. Don’t get me wrong — I’d fight off a Doberman if it picked on Kitten, but she is definitely the meanest cat in the history of cats.

You know how some animals have “hot spots?” Parts of their body that may result in offbeat vicious behavior when touched? Well, every part of Kitten’s body is a hot spot. Since she’s the smallest of our cats and kind of cute in her own little ugly way, Kitten is the first feline visitors want to approach when they’re in our apartment for the first time. They never believe us when we tell them that this is a grave, grave mistake. This is a cat capable of simultaneously striking with her teeth and all four claws in less than a second, a talent that she truly enjoys showing off. Everyone loves scratching a cat right above their tail, but if you do this to Kitten, five parts of you will bleed.

And yet, she manages these rare bouts of total and complete affection, always at the oddest times — like, for example, when I’m trying to take pictures of Charlie Brown television specials. Digging into my soft pink flesh with her hard eggshell claws, I could only hope that she’d grow bored quickly. It’s one thing to touch Kitten’s hot spots when she’s just roaming around, but if you bug her when she’s trying to be cute, the pain you’ll face is positively legendary. I’m not sure if any of this has anything to do with Halloween, but it’s helped make this appear to be fairly large for a blog post. Thanks, evil Kitten!


They stretched the Charlie Brown stuff into a hourlong broadcast by showing You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown right after the pumpkin show. I guess we have to accept this as part of the tradition, as they’ve been doing it for a few years now. It feels wrong to get up or change the channel when Charlie Freakin’ Brown is on prime time network television, but man, that special sucks. I used the time to peruse the new and gigantic Toys ‘R’ Us catalog, which had just enough errant snowflake graphics to remind me of happy Christmas decorations and log fires and all of that other junk that will help take the sting out of a Halloween season that just never seemed to pork my soul like a pro this year.

You guys are great. You let me off the hook for this year’s Halloween Countdown, and I appreciate that. You probably read plenty of websites, and…how can I put this? I’m sure you can tell when the people running them are “gunning for class president,” so to speak. Clearly, I’m not. There’s a freedom in that for me, to be honest. It’s about trading some bravado and momentum to just do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I do feel bad about broken promises, but I won’t make a habit out of it. This site’s Christmas season will rock, and if it doesn’t, I will personally stage an event where every reader is invited to bring along a bag of rocks and stone me to death.

Haven’t seen a single trick-or-treater today. I guess nobody wants tiny Twix bars or Jolly Rancher lollipops shaped like Dracula. More for me. It’s really calm out, and kind of chilly, and kind of darker than it should be at this hour. Pretty perfect, and I’ve got just enough gusto to drink something Halloweeny and watch something Halloweeny and be happy with that.

Better days are ahead, but this one isn’t so bad.

193 thoughts on “I got a rock.

  1. sarzec

    I like the Garfield halloween special better. There I said it. Four peg-legs. Odie u r so crazy.

  2. Knegative

    Bast me, baby.

    So, I’m up early to register for classes, but for some reason the system says we are an hour behind where we should be. Isn’t that shite supposed to happen this weekend?

    Not like I can’t get the classes I want. We’re already slotted into our Student Teaching assignments anyway. Oh well, here’s to an hour of surfing the net.

  3. Cameron T.

    Knegative
    Yep, “Fall Back” is this Sunday night at 2 AM. I’m prepared for a deluge of media reports that incorrectly call it “Daylight Savings Time”. There is no second “s” on Saving. It’s “Daylight Saving Time.”

    What can I say, I was an English major in college…

  4. Matt Post author

    Cameron: This revelation has rocked my world. I can add this right alongside “intents and purposes” whenever I need to make my comrades feel dumb.

  5. Primus

    Happy bday DJ…

    Probably along with all the other Canucks that read this, I get a big kick out of how Thanksgiving is such a big deal in the US. Our family skipped ours this year due to schedules and such but we decided to have it on the 23rd of November to sorta sync up with y’all.

    Matt having almost lost my own wordpress database and seeing the lovely wordpress error screens, I feel your pain and empathize with that heart stopping moment when the error first loads and all you can thinks is “ooooohhhhhh fuuuuuuuuuuuddddggggeee”…

  6. Matt Post author

    Primus: Oh, it was awful. I was on the verge of tears. I had Google’d around about the particular error message, and everyone was saying, “oh, you’re entirely wiped out…hope you have a good backup!” If nothing else, it at least motivated me to put something in place that protects the blog from ever really losing its data should that happen again.

  7. Primus

    It’s funny that it takes one hit like that before anyone really puts any measures in to protect content…. lmao i did the same.. now everything is backing up daily file-wise and database-wise.

  8. Bill

    That’s strange because I couldn’t sign into my WordPress page yesterday afternoon. I too almost had an episode.

    You know what you should never do? Never fall asleep to Nick at Nite. Because I had a dream that Linda Blair was singing the Dora The Explorer theme song right before I got up. “Come on and get to it, I know that we can do it!”

  9. Matt Post author

    Back when I was a drunk, that used to kill me. Finally passing out to some beloved sitcom rerun, and waking to that horrible little girl telling me that “she knew that I could do it.” It’s mainly why I straightened up my act.

  10. Bill

    Aaaa…I still love to drink a few beers and watch Home Improvement and Benson. But when the George Lopez show comes I break glasses. When is Nick at Nite going to air the better shows like ALF, Mr. Belvedere, Empty Nest, or Golden Girls instead of shit shows like Lopez? I like the fact that this is a big deal to me.

  11. Jinsky

    DJ D: I made a cute kitty with fangs – kind of cartoonish but with an edge!!
    I say “eh” non-stop and my friends in the states think it’s hilarious. I speak french, but I learned it in france and never picked up the Quebecois drawl… so when I visit Quebec they usually don’t know where I’m from!
    The one Canadian stereotype I never figured out was “aboot”. Maybe it’s a maritime thing but I have never heard anyone pronounce “about” like that!!

  12. nogood

    if you watch some kids in the hall you’ll pick up some “aboots” from the canadian members, i’ve noticed other canadians doing it as well but that’s the first example to come to mind.. but maybe you don’t notice it as much, you know since you’re canadian and everything ;)

  13. Joshua

    Better than my Halloween… I was stuck studying for a medical terminology final… I had it the freakn’ day after Halloween!!! So… Needless to say, I was also not into my favorite day of the year either this year.. Glad to know I wasn’t the only one, though!!

  14. DJ D

    At my old job, I did hear a few “aboots” and they were great. That was another thing I thought was just a myth, but nope, I heard a few genuine ones.

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