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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

The Halloween Mood Table.

Ehhh, you know what, I'm just going to have to be honest here and admit that I'm not feeling the "daily Halloween madness" this year, for whatever reason. And I don't foresee tremendous joy for writer or reader if I force myself to do it everyday just because I said I would. I'd rather just add the entries when it feels right, because then the entries will feel right. Hope you understand.

I think a part of the problem is that much of the stuff I've found is certainly worth writing about and paying tribute to, but not at any tremendous length. It feels like a bit of a backwards progression at this stage of the game to stretch 400 words into 2000 just for the sake of length.

So, count on daily updates from here on out, but with a bigger split between official Countdown entries and smaller blog entries. Let's start on that right now.


See that table? It's no ordinary table. Up until a few years ago, Halloween was an excuse to cover every square inch of my living space with as many decorations as possible. In more recent times, such efforts haven't been practical. For as much gusto as I always have when I'm putting up the decorations, there has twice as much laziness when it came to taking them down. Year after year, I'd see rubber spiders and cardboard witches next to the television set while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and that's plain wrong.

So, some time back, I came up with a solution: That table. If I wasn't going to cover my entire apartment with animatronic Draculas and Freddy Krueger window clings, I'd at least make damn sure to saturate each and every centimeter of that little table with pure, concentrated Halloween goodness.

The good news is that small, dingy tables are by no means a tool exclusive to me. I assume that everyone has access to a small, dingy table of some sort. If you're facing the same kind of decorating woes that I once did, salvation is at your fingertips. With a little love, you can turn an ordinary little side table into the Halloween capital of the universe:


I call it...Halloween Mood Table. It's got everything I need to keep my holiday spirit healthy, and its presence is a constant reminder to indulge in the many spooky activities that are only really fun to do before Halloween comes around.

If you decide to create a Halloween Mood Table, it's important to make it just for you. One of the inherent problems with decorating for the holidays is the notion that we're prettying up our houses for someone else's eyes. Who gives a shit about them? It's your money, your time and your table. Don't worry about charming the people who may or may not visit your home this October...just worry about charming yourself.

And since that's the goal, I'm a little hesitant to tell you how to create one. It should be a mood table of your design and your design alone. On the other hand, I'm not sure that life will ever throw me another opportunity to make use of my exhaustive experience in building Halloween Mood Tables, so it seems like too much of a shame to not offer at least a few tips.

Key features of any Halloween Mood Table include...

1) A pumpkin. You need a pumpkin. A real pumpkin, I mean -- not some faux, junky one. If you look at the calendar year, there are very, very few opportunities to transform fruit into decorations. Don't blow this one. I recommend saving the official big carving pumpkin for another afternoon, and just using a little one for your mood table. This is partly to save space for other things, but mostly because little pumpkins are hella cute.

2) Candles. Make sure the candles are on or in some kind of safe holder that will allow you to burn them without worrying about setting all of the other mood table stuff ablaze. At no other time of year is candlelight more fun and appropriate, so take fucking advantage my friends. I like to incorporate a mix of the standard Halloween novelty candles (shaped like demon heads, bleeding hands, whatever) and at least one that just smells good. I've got one of those "autumn harvest" Glade deals on mine. Makes our entire apartment smell like pie!

3) Candy. You want to have a reason to consult your Halloween Mood Table on a regular basis, and a nice bowl of candy is a good way to guarantee that. Try to have a variety of sweets that all fall under the trick-or-treat "fun-sized" variety. We're too old to go trick-or-treating for real, so now we get to sort of knock on our own doors and ask for candy.

4) Books & DVDs. I have three bookcases full of books and a fourth dedicated entirely to DVDs, but I always pull a few out and add them to the mood table. Aside from heightening the overall ambiance, the idea is this: If they're on the mood table, I must read/watch the book/DVD before Halloween. As such, I try to pick some of the more obscure books and shittier horror DVDs in my collection. It's kind of a cheat to put your favorites on there, because you'd read/watch them anyway.

5) Decorations. Duh. What I try to do is use decorations that just aren't cool enough to work as "standalones" anywhere else. Make sure there are at least a few things of real, personal worth. Stuff that's been with you for years. Look close, and you'll see that Shrunken Apple Head I made like 45 years ago. Stuff like that.

Halloween Mood Tables take about 40 minutes to build, but they'll keep your holiday tank fueled for a full month. I urge each of you to go find a tiny table right now and fill it with spooky crap.

EDIT: Just for kicks, and after some suggestions, I turned this one into a "real" Countdown entry.

Posted by Matt on 10/03/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 153 comments

penmissile: I so wish I could make it to the Orlando thing. Damn my brokedness. Damn it all to hell. Oh, and it’s absolutely impossible for me to look at your name and not see “penismissile”. Just thought you’d like to know.

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 10/03/2007 10:44 PM


matt, you could write in 6 point San Fransisco font with a flashing pink and green background and I’d still read every word…just don’t stop writing!

I listened to Rocky Horror Picture Show at work this morning before we opened the doors. All of my coworkers stared at like I was some kind of thing

It was awesome! :)

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 10/03/2007 11:11 PM


This is what I get for not checking XE during school…

I’m never one for rushing or antagonizing you for making a short blog post into a countdown article, but I want more Ghost With The Most!

The “New” Halloween Jones Sodas intrigue me. Bubblegum in a “Scary” bottle? I’m in.

Don’t have a target nearby? Check Waldbaums, they actually sell Jones now too. I also found that Lemon Drop got an upgrade to REGULAR FLAVOR!

I’m actually sad that the case of Ecto Cooler didn’t mae it to the table…But the Optimash Prime and the Rankin-Bass DVD were also great finds in addition to the Shrunken Head.

I need to get my ass to McDs so I can scammed by monopoly again…

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/03/2007 11:30 PM


Ok, so I must be blinder than usual, cause I’m not seeing the Optimash Prime. Where is he?

Chestnuts roasted by DJ D @ 10/03/2007 11:36 PM


i may be way off.. but that bottle of black licorice Jones looks like it has a picture of you on it.. – i mean, i know anybody can submit those pictures.. but it reminds me a lot of some of the real old articles where you donned vampiric and other makeup..

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 10/04/2007 12:12 AM


Brian — It’s not me, unless I’ve been mistaken and I actually do look a heck of a lot like a zombified Christina Ricci. I wish. :/

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/04/2007 12:27 AM


That thing looks like an add on for a Sims game. Click that tile and watch everyone put on ghost sheets. It’s good to see you doing your best to not fizzle out and phone it in although the countdown revamp is disheartening. I’m still thinking about the jewish dracual debate spawned in the earlier thread though, so that keeps my spirits high.

Chestnuts roasted by Jay @ 10/04/2007 12:42 AM


I always wanted to get a photo onto a bottle of Jones. Didn’t they offer customizing at one time?
I just got to a desktop and caught up on a bunch of videos and whatnot. “Happy Halloween from the Ghostbusters” is so becoming my default LJ icon for the month. It will go well with the GIF of Ernie Hudson bout to get run over by the ghost train. And that Jason/Arsenio interview might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 10/04/2007 12:43 AM


Jay: Don’t worry. All told, I probably won’t miss many more days than I usually do in October. I’m just giving myself a license to write well instead of fast.

And, to be honest, my attitude about the whole thing has vastly improved since posting this earlier today, so I don’t think it’ll be so bad.

I’m listening to the Jukebox now, and it’s making me feel Hallofied. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/04/2007 12:47 AM


That happens to me allot. I came up with this really good idea for a story I want to write, I just haven’t gotten started on it not sure why, just now feeling it.

Chestnuts roasted by mjgrass @ 10/04/2007 12:53 AM


wouldn’t it be rocking if someone gave away Halloween versions of the Jones cola glass bottles? A little heavy for the trick or treaters but fun :)

I want to get a bunch of those mini moon pies (and keep them away from Billy! ‘shakes finger’) and hand those out to trick or treaters this year. I can afford to. Would that be neat?

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 10/04/2007 1:01 AM


I saw a Freddy Krueger mask and glove set for $10. I wanted it so much…and then I realized that I have no money. It broke my heart a little bit.

Chestnuts roasted by Vanilla Fire @ 10/04/2007 1:10 AM


“Oh, and it’s absolutely impossible for me to look at your name and not see ‘penismissile’. Just thought you’d like to know.”

DJD:
lol, I get that alot – I love it.

Chestnuts roasted by pen(is)missile @ 10/04/2007 1:12 AM


Not very Halloweeny, but I’m off to my old hometown for OKTOBERFEST Yeah boy!

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy @ 10/04/2007 1:30 AM


Holy Crap, is that an Optimus Prime Potato head?

Chestnuts roasted by OhgodtheRats @ 10/04/2007 3:46 AM


Thx for the “Halloween Decorating Tips” Matt, Watch out Martha Stewart..There’s a new kid in town! Think I will designate a small part of my desk at work for a personal Halloween Mood Area!

Chestnuts roasted by Gregor! @ 10/04/2007 7:58 AM


Yeah, I think the whole TV aspect of Halloween has been slowly ebbing away for years. Hopefully we’ll get some decent marathons closer to the day itself.

Oh, and if you haven’t ever heard the song “Re: Your Brains,” you owe it to yourself to click my name.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 10/04/2007 7:59 AM


What tv network has time to air anything Halloween related when they have such quality programming such as Cavemen and Carpoolers?

Chestnuts roasted by KJX @ 10/04/2007 9:27 AM


Damn Jedoc, I think I just peed myself a little watching that. Genious!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 10/04/2007 9:34 AM


I’m not sure if this is available nationwide or just in the Seattle area. I’m pretty sure you can order it off the Jones Soda website if you’re insane.

Seahawks Collector Pack

1 Natural Field Turf Soda
(featuring Josh Brown)

1 Sports Cream Soda
(featuring Matt Hasselbeck)

1 Perspiration Soda
(featuring Deion Branch)

1 Dirt Soda
(featuring Lofa Tatupu)

1 Sweet Victory Soda
(featuring Walter Jones)

Anybody willing to drink ‘em down and post a review?

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Martin @ 10/04/2007 11:07 AM


I love this idea! I have to make a table tonight!! And then it can be a Thanksgiving table and a Christmas table and then I guess I’ll have to think of something to do with it between January and September next year.

I think this is my favorite countdown entry so far this year!! The countdown has gone really far to get me into the halloween spirit, I read all the old entried again and it is truly all hallow’s eve in my soul. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve been very into the ghoultide season this year- had my orange lights and pumpkin candle going for weeks now. And my netflix queue is full of scary movies so i’ll be fully stocked until the 31st.

Thanks Matt for helping us all feel spookier inside!!!

Chestnuts roasted by cb @ 10/04/2007 11:14 AM


Wia, if this one is a real countdown entry, why is it not on this year’s countdown entry list.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 10/04/2007 11:28 AM


Because I forgot to add it…I will when I get home.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/04/2007 11:43 AM


And now, the Groovie Goolies:

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/04/2007 12:17 PM


Thanks so much for the countdown, Matt. I moved to Germany in May and the lack of Halloween-ness here is absolutely heartbreaking.

Btw, was that bleeding zombie candle lit in that pic? *wants a video of said candle being all oozy*

Chestnuts roasted by Candice @ 10/04/2007 12:38 PM


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