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The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t!

It's October! Kind of feels like September flew by. I don't know if I'm ready for this. I often have trouble persuading myself to have fun, but this is the time to do it. I spent the morning scouring the web for semi-local pumpkin patches and hayride places, and even if I never make it to them, at least I got to see a ton of hijacked Halloween clipart, oftentimes animated with crude lightning bolts. Is it some sort of prerequisite for any pumpkin patch or hayride place with an Internet connection to make their homepage look like complete shit? I'm not complaining, though. It's part of their charm. Plus, I get paid a dollar every time I set eyes on the image below, and today, I saw it like 9,000 times:

Now, if only it wasn't still so damned hot outside. I haven't heard wind in the trees around here since 1957. I don't get it. It's sort of like how I can just never understand Christmas in Australia. October doesn't feel right unless I'm getting blown all over while clouds piss on me. Whatever, October 1st is an important day, as it marks the exact moment that we can openly gush about Halloweeny things without anyone yelling at us because "it's too early." Let us celebrate with this review of The Halloween That Almost Wasn't, later retitled, The Night That Dracula Saved The World. Originally airing in 1979 and starring Judd Hirsch as Dracula, it's a nice, quiet, fun little Halloween special that reminds us to love our mummies and witches just as much as all of the sleeker horror movie characters who stole their place later.

Also, I didn't touch on this in the article, but I need to get it off my chest. I have no idea why they renamed it The Night That Dracula Saved The World. Number one, the world is never in any danger and thus is not in any need of saving. There is no "world saving" to speak of within this special. Two, even if you had an argument against what I just wrote, it isn't Dracula who actually does the saving here, but rather THE WITCH! SO many things wrong with that title! Why did they change it?

Posted by Matt on 10/01/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 166 comments
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Has anybody seen my tambourine?

Chestnuts roasted by Nizz @ 10/01/2007 4:40 PM

love the site matt. almost got fired for reading it

Chestnuts roasted by 616commando @ 10/01/2007 4:41 PM

I always knew bad clip art was hazardous to your health but that one is about to send me into epileptic seizures.

Chestnuts roasted by Ann @ 10/01/2007 4:53 PM

Hmmm… a Jewish Dracula? Does a Rabbi have to bless the blood so that it’s kosher before he can drink it???

Chestnuts roasted by Saint @ 10/01/2007 4:55 PM

Has anyone seen Rockula?

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 10/01/2007 5:08 PM

If they had called it “The Night Judd Hirsch Saved the World” I bet it would be as much of a Halloween staple as the Great Pumpkin.

Chestnuts roasted by Monte @ 10/01/2007 5:37 PM

Judd makes a great Dracula- TGIO thank god its october

Chestnuts roasted by Joker @ 10/01/2007 5:39 PM

“Dear John…by the time you read this letter i’ll be gone.” Damn, now it’s in my head.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 10/01/2007 5:39 PM

Okay kids, confession time. Back when I was about nine years old or so, when all my classmates were crushing on the teen idol of the day, I had a raging crush on Judd Hirsch. Finally I have the opportunty to get this off my chest. Thanks, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 10/01/2007 5:40 PM

Saint: Hmmm… a Jewish Dracula? Does a Rabbi have to bless the blood so that it’s kosher before he can drink it???

Since part of the definition of kosher as that it doesn’t contain any blood, I imagine he’d have some trouble with that bit.

More importantly, would a crucifix still drive him back? Or would you have to lay hands on a Star of David to elicit the hissing and cloak-shielding action?

Oh, and Matt? That’s the most horrible gif I’ve seen since geocities was cool. Nice find.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 10/01/2007 5:47 PM

I remember this one. I thought it was just the right amount of cornball for a on-the-cheap holiday special. If my brain doesn’t betray me, it also has one of my favorite jokes about Frankenstein’s “Creature”:

“My feet hurt!”
“Be quiet, they’re not even yours!”
*sniff* “You didn’t have to remind me!”

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash in: The Hallowe'en that Clogged the Toilet @ 10/01/2007 6:00 PM

So that explains why Judd Hirsch drives a taxi at night! Does that mean Latka and Jim and Elaine are vampires, too? I always knew there was something weird about Elaine…

Speaking of vampires, I was a zombie yesterday. I got better.

Chestnuts roasted by Special K @ 10/01/2007 6:04 PM

Dracula > a witch. That’s why he’s the last boss and witches are mostly random enemies, MAYBE a boss every so often.

Chestnuts roasted by Ben @ 10/01/2007 6:06 PM

You’re damn right about September, Matt, September didn’t last for shit

I usually don’t do anything to celebrate Halloween at all despite my love for it, but this year X-E inspired me to go out and buy a TINY bit, some sort of crazy voodoo witch guy from Target to decorate with, only 3 bucks. So far I’ve found Target has the best Halloween section this year, at least in my neck of the woods anyway. Even though I can’t afford most of the shit I really enjoy seeing it all at least. ONE DAY, I will be able to be the materialistic bitch I really want, and justify buying up the entire stock of spooky goodies and decorate and celebrate proper.

Chestnuts roasted by Ktulu @ 10/01/2007 6:16 PM

I went scouring for Halloween clip art yesterday, too. I found some pretty sweet like 1996 MS Paint pumpkins. Brought me back.
I also saw that image. It’s really pissing my cursor off.

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 10/01/2007 6:19 PM

Wait a minute, is that widescreen? Is this out on DVD? That’d save me a lot of trouble from having to convert it and … you know, buy something to convert it with.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike W @ 10/01/2007 6:22 PM

I’m excited that it’s October because that means I’m one month away from November…when I quit my crappy temp job to look for housing in Mississippi.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 10/01/2007 6:22 PM

MAtt, do you still consider yourself one article behind, or are we just gonna miss an article?

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 10/01/2007 6:52 PM

One behind, but no longer dating as such. Will make it up when the mood strikes. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/01/2007 6:57 PM

I thought it was time to come out of hiding and say hi! So hi!

I am stoked it is finally October and that I have a 3 year old who is obsessed with scary stuff. Seriously she just wants to find monsters and play with all of the Halloween stuff in every store we go to. This little lady has no fear and while I am sure this should worry me on some level it actually makes me feel warm and giddy all over. She is like me and I am liking it.

Plus the month of October starts what can only be described as the best most kick ass 3 out of 12 months of the calendar year thanks to our friend Matt and his most haunted and holy of websites!

Chestnuts roasted by Cricket @ 10/01/2007 7:04 PM

Has anyone realized that daylight savings time was changed this year? I remember it last winter when it was changed but didn’t realize that it would affect halloween and the general halloween season. They go forword an hour sometime in the beginning of november now. That means we won’t get that halloweeny feel that “oh, it’s really getting dark now” in early to mid october. I don’t know about you guys but this kinda pisses me off. I can only imagine what the kids who still trick or treat are thinking now that they have an hour less time to go house to house.

Chestnuts roasted by Tenacious Tate @ 10/01/2007 7:11 PM

Why’d they give Dracula top billing instead of the witch? It’s all politics man. Nobody trusts witches. You start putting “witch” in the title of your film, people will start looking down on you, but Dracula, people like Dracula. There’s an irrational prejudice against Witches in this country I tell ya! Where’s the ACLU when you really need them?

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 10/01/2007 7:18 PM

Wow, I TOTALLY forgot I have this shit. And I was saving it SPECIFICALLY for Halloween. Thanks a lot Matt, you ruined my cycle. Dammit! Guess I’ll go watch pumpkin head or something… :|

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 10/01/2007 7:19 PM

Darth Poop: It’s a long story, but it turns out lawyers and witches are natural enemies, while lawyers and vampires admire one another’s fashion sense and lack of pigmentation. I don’t think the ACLU is going to pick up this one.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 10/01/2007 7:23 PM

October is nice and all, but I’m kinda sad that it’s already here, and I’m still not with my fiance. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Annette @ 10/01/2007 7:27 PM

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