Caught The Hills Have Eyes 2 on pay-per-view the other night, and I guess I’m in the minority — I liked it. I was also in the minority who liked the first Hills remake, and while this one lacks its predecessor’s well-defined heroes and more provoking storyline, it survives purely on the merit of being unabashedly dirty and depraved.
If you don’t know the general concept of these movies, here goes: Mutated from nuclear testing, a ragtag bunch of cave-dwellin’ freakazoids wreak havoc on anyone and everyone silly enough to linger too close to their makeshift abodes. In Hills 2, it’s the mutants versus a group of National Guard rookies…who fare no better than the normal, everyday family from the previous film. The radioactive mutation thing is really just a license to create a series of progressively weirder (but still humanoid) monsters, and this time, we get everything from a cracked out Frankenstein to some dude who looks like a pile of rocks. It’s a vile, disgusting and wholly unpleasant movie that few people would ever want to watch twice, but for fans of the twisted, it’s probably worth seeing once. Note the caveat: This ain’t a date movie.
One small Halloween tradition of mine that I never scored a few X-E paragraphs out of: Halloween stickers. Throughout childhood, I could not let the scary season slip by without swiping several spooky sticker sheets, and I totally deserve a bejeweled throne for racking up that many “s” words in one sentence.
I think the obsession at least partly stemmed from the fact that I was one of those lamers who tagged along on Mommy’s grocery store trips all the time, and if I was going to endure aisle after aisle of boring food shopping, I at least had to finagle my way into free gifts. Grocery stores rarely had much in the way of toys, but they usually had greeting card sections — and those sections usually came with neat, twirly standees bursting with awesome stickers. During most months, the stickers were pretty blah, but during October, what I found was just cause to imitate Master P’s catcall.
The Peanuts Halloween stickers shown above are nice, covering all the necessary characters and bullets, and boasting nice sparkly touches that absolutely refused to photograph. I’m not sure what I can use them for now that all my notebooks and pads have gone electronic, but life still seems sweeter with an adhesive Lucy in a witch hat.
I’ve decided to share this immense wealth with everyone, so the first 12 people who e-mail me their name and address will receive a letter with two of these fantastic stickers on it. Seriously. I’m a philanthropist, which is to say, a guy who studies Uncle Phil.