I really needed a kick in the neck to restore my motivation after a week's worth of dry X-E due to an overload of work, and last night, I got it.

We went over to Best Buy, because I felt that I could relieve stress by purchasing DVDs that I would probably never open. The woman strolled off to whatever aisle it is that she usually strolls off to, and I made my way into the horror section. I'm not sure if the two-disc Jaws special edition set could be considered a "horror" DVD, but there it was, and due to its 50% off sticker, it went into my pile.

Next was It's Alive, a fairly famous flick (alliteration!) that I've somehow never seen outside of creepy pictures in old science fiction magazines. At five bucks, I couldn't pass it up. Finally, I chose the first season set of Tales From The Crypt, mainly for the episode where Larry Drake plays a psychotic killer Santa Claus.

Now armed with over 12 hours of quality entertainment, I was ready to go home. The woman wandered over with a copy of Bridge to Terabithia, which I talked her out of by saying that I heard it sucked, even though I've never heard anything about it, and in reality just didn't want to see yet another movie with the kid who had to take a "wicked crap" in RV. Enough's enough.

So, we sauntered up the horror aisle on our trek to the cashier, and out of the corner of my eye, I see...this:

Holy hell! I couldn't believe it. Ghoulies IV made its way to DVD? Ghoulies IV?! I would've been less surprised to see a DVD of that Lifetime movie where an evil Johnny Galecki commits suicide by walking into a burning house to the chagrin of Judith Light. Really, Ghoulies IV?

My gasp was audible, my excitement palpable, and there were a ton of other cliches swarming around as I lifted the DVD box, held it to the sky and thanked God. While it's rarely a good sign to see a DVD with a seven buck price tag when it isn't even on sale, I'm just happy to know that this very obscure and final chapter of my beloved Ghoulies series can now be witnessed by more than the three people who rented the VHS copy back in 1994.

That's not the best part. As I reviewed the cover artwork, I flipped to the back of the box to see if there were any special features included. No dice there, but I saw something even better...

I'm quoted! I AM MOTHERFUCKING QUOTED ON THE GHOULIES IV DVD BOX!

"...one of the more better-acted films of the genre..." -- X-ENTERTAINMENT
The line isn't even grammatical, and I don't care! Longtime readers may remember that I reviewed the film back in 2002, and that review is where they grabbed the quote from. This incident instantly became one of my all time favorite X-E moments, narrowly beating out the day one of the girls who starred in that Treehouse Trolls video e-mailed me to confirm that what she starred in was stupid.

I'm wondering how this will change things for me. Like, if I head down to Nobu or some other ritzy restaurant, can I flash the back of this DVD box to the maitre d' for priority seating? If I ever make it back to Six Flags, will they let me skip to the front of the lines?

I'm totally going to have to get new business cards made up, too. There's so much to be done!

Fondly recalling my time spent as a five-year-old at the long-dead Ma & Pa video store up the block from our old house, staring at that little green monster in the toilet on the VHS sleeve for the original Ghoulies movie and wondering what in the fuck, it's nice to see things come full circle. Now that I am a bona fide celebrity nearing the top of the A list, I promise to use my powers for the forces of good.

Posted by Matt on 08/17/2007. E-mail me!