I miss Heinz EZ Squirt. I love blue ketchup.

There are a number of things which came into and ended production during this site’s lifetime that I really wish I archived, but few products provide such a sense of lost opportunity more than Heinz’s EZ Squirt brand. In short: Ketchup in wild and crazy colors. I’m frequently depressed by the fact that I was webmastering X-E when these came out and didn’t do a damn thing about it. Woe is Matt.


The concept seems to have taken on a general air of failure in more recent years, meaning that most people assume that that the green, orange, purple and blue ketchups weren’t a collective hit. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Heinz began the collection in 2000 with “Blazin’ Green,” likely because green is a nearly natural color for something edible, and not as offensive as, say, purple. The product’s success was absurd. Kids ate the shit up. Smartly, the “EZ Squirt” bottle was designed with a very tiny blowhole, which allowed ketchup eaters to properly draw faces all over their hamburgers with a manageable stream of jet-powered green ketchup.

With sales so high, Heinz waited a while before debuting the other colors. In fact, they waited around two years. The follow-up colors weren’t as much of a smash hit, but I think that had more to do with parents finding blue ketchup disgusting than kids not being into it. With green, it’s been said that many consumers assumed that Heinz used green tomatoes — weird but acceptable, if totally untrue. Blue ketchup, sadly, had no organic roots to cling to.

Sucks, because I can think of nothing more in the world that I’d love to cradle in my arms right now than a squeezy plastic bottle full of blue ketchup. I’m so enamored with the idea that I refuse to accept that it’s a dead brand. There are times when I’ll think something’s out of production, only to find that it’s just out of production where I live. If I find out that I’m wrong and 25 of you call me idiots as you squirt more purple catsup on your fries, I’ll be totally okay with that…so long as you’ll mail me a bottle or three.

What’s so strange is that the products arrived with so much fanfare and attention, yet died with a whimper and left almost no trace of their existence behind. It’s hardly an exaggeration to say that I’ve visited every page of the Internet looking for information on the brand, only to come up with a handful of news reports and barely enough images to consider what’s below as an impressive photo gallery:


Then again, perhaps EZ Squirt’s vanishing act and subsequent mystique plays into why I write out long love letters to Heinz on a nightly basis. If I could still buy blue ketchup today, would it really be that special? Amazing as the product was, I tend to think that something like weirdly colored ketchup could get old. Maybe we’re better off without it. The world may have thrown out their Nevermind albums if they saw Kurt Cobain in his 40s, and the world may have shat on blue ketchup if they tried to eat it for five years straight. Yes, yes, let’s run with that.


EZ SQUIRT DOLL, STOP JUMPING AROUND YOU R MAKIN ME PICTURES COME OUT NOT FOCUSSSED!


ALL BETTER NOW, PADRE

114 thoughts on “I miss Heinz EZ Squirt. I love blue ketchup.

  1. jazzy

    I don’t know if you’ll still check this thread or not but Squee: I just asked a friend of mine who lives in Singapore and he said he’s never seen Bertie Botts’ Beans there, but that there’s a big candy store that sells nearly everything. However, he’s not sure they have them, so unless your friend has specifically looked for them he probably hasn’t found them either.

  2. Jonah N.

    Wow. At first for three months I ate the green stuff up and then never touched ketchup again for months. Currently peanuts are on the “probation” list.

  3. Maggie

    I worked at Burger King the summer that Heinz’s green ketchup came out. BK jumped on the band wagon and we had boxes and boxes of green ketchup packets to give away to customers. It wasn’t popular at all, and even a lot of kids wouldn’t eat it, even after I told them that it tasted the same, only it was green. Our manager wouldn’t let us give the customers regular ketchup packets until the green shit was gone. So even though there were boxes of regular ketchup packets in the back room, we were forced to lie to customers and say we only had the green stuff. The customers got pissed, especially the old ones.

  4. Sabi

    While I’m not a fan of ketchup, I’d enjoy putting weird colored mustard on a corndog or burger. Maybe French’s needs some prodding.

  5. batgrlhg

    Man I miss this ketchup. I feel sort of responsible in a way for it’s demise because I never bought any – I just used it constantly at a great cajun restaurant when I lived in Louisiana. Everything there was fried, even the bread that came with the seafood platter I always got there. And it would come with a bushel of fries. I guess they were trying to attract customers with kids because they always had all three colors of ketchup – and I loved using the green and purple ketchup. It was a bit too sweet, but just for the color alone I had to have it. And of course, if you used the mustard, you’d have mardi gras colors with purple, green and yellow. Sad to see it’s actually all gone…

  6. Kristi

    Being to young when colored ketchup to think it was cool or even eatable I had no part of it, I am now recently engaged and wanting to throw my huby to be a wedding bunch with “the thin blue line” as the theme…aka blue kechup. I am extremely anoyed to find that the brand is dead…they should totally bring it back now that it has had time to become an icon. the kids that were told not to eat it or were lil wimps like me and were to afraid to try it now would most likly buy it now!

  7. johnny

    ok i dont see wat the big deal was it tasted just the same as red ketchup just better because it was green and blue and everything my dad bought it for me to try and it was the best u wouldnt of been able to find regular ketchup in our house u could only find blue and green. I loved it

  8. Wes

    I hated the stuff. It wasn’t the color, it had a different consistency than normal ketchup and was too sweet.

  9. Paul O

    With Pop Qwiz essentially returning after 2 decades absence, maybe we will see EQ Squirt return in 2021.

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