I'd classify Hamburger Helper's anthropomorphic "Helping Hand" as one of the more undervalued product mascots of the past century, but in 1990, parent company Betty Crocker did away with the talking palm entirely for a very odd Hamburger Helper spinoff that took meaty macaroni...into outer space.
The 1990 "Space Adventure" brand was a real shot in the dark and one that clearly didn't pan out for Ms. Crocker, but let's be honest. Show of hands: Who wouldn't prefer to eat macaroni that came from a box with a picture of Saturn on it to macaroni that didn't?
Making "fun-shaped" macaroni was nothing new even back in 1990, but what separated the "Space Adventure" brand was its thoroughosity, for lack of a word that actually exists. Had this stuff just come in a regular Hamburger Helper box with a little text burst reading, "HEY KIDS: NEW SPACE-SHAPED RONIS INSIDE," I'd be neither here nor there. But with such a fuss made out of everything on the packaging, it's tough to disagree that every variety of pasta should have a space-themed alternative.
There were five different weirdo shapes in each box, which Betty Crocker went through the trouble of naming and describing. We had the "UFO," "Alien," "Space Runner I," "Saturn" and "Blaze." Most of those are self-explanatory, but you should know that "Space Runner I" is a "high speed spaceship," and that "Blaze" is the "hottest star in the universe." You should also know that the supposed "UFO" looked like a Hershey's Kiss with feet.
Incredibly, there were four different flavors in the "Space Adventure" collection, each with a different theme. The Saturn-themed box I own featured a spaghetti sauce flavor, but it looks like "beef" got the coolest mascot -- that one's box had a kickass killer space robot on the front.
If you were the type of person prone to making spoonfuls of Spaghettios fly around your head for a minute before swallowing, the "Space Adventure" brand helped such actions make sense. Pasta shaped like spaceships should have a chance to fly around your head before you eat it. And you should totally make razzy noises with your mouth to serve as engine thrust sound effects while doing this.
Every new product push is footnoted by a clever slogan, and here was Betty Crocker's for the "Space Adventure" collection: "Down to earth nutrition. Out of this world fun."
I hate it when people don't capitalize "Earth" when they're referring to the planet and not its soil. It's technically correct either way, but if you can't call "Jupiter" "jupiter," why can you call "Earth" "earth?" Would Betty Crocker mind if I called her betty crocker?
Posted by Matt on 07/28/2007. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
But don’t anyone dare come at me, I don’t watch either of them and have no room to comment at all.
Simpsons movie! Simpsons Movie! Simpsons Movie!