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07/26/2007: Summer Megaparty: Make My Monsters Grow MORE THAN THIS!

Note: I’ve decided to extend the Megaparty into the month of August, partly because I skipped some days but mostly because I’m just digging doing it and will probably be more likely to keep doing it if I say I will. So, let’s continue the party!

It’s time to see the results from the Grow-A-Toy experiment from a few posts back. Are you amped?

I’m putting cotton in my cheeks so I can sound more like Sean Connery when I say, “I’m waiting to be impressed.” I’m pretty bad at judging mass, but does that seem like a 600% increase in size to you? To provide some sense of scale, I’ve included one of those cute little animal statues Tetley Tea used to give out for no apparent reason.

Bumble fared a lot better than Kong, but as expected, the finely detailed features seen in his small, dry form were almost totally eradicated by the rapid, soaking growth. If Tootsie made vanilla Toosie Pops, his head is what one of them would look like just before the bite that brings us to the chewy center.

Kong is just a mess. If a dog took a shit and it looked like that, I’d be impressed at the Kong similarities. But since it’s supposed to look like King Kong, I’m left wondering why it looks like dog shit. All of his detailing is gone. The only silver lining is that, if you turn him sideways, he kind of looks like a black goldfish speeding away with a stolen money bag.

Even if they aren’t pretty, I’m still hoping that Kong and Bumble just need a little more time to realize the incredible size advertised on their packages. They’re back in the water now, but I need them to hurry the fuck up, as they’re keeping us from any opportunity to make a pitcher of iced tea. Perhaps I should’ve chosen different items to use as Grow-A-Toy tanks?

I’ve never commented before but am a long-time fan of the site. Just wanted to say my fiance and I are really enjoying the Summer Megaparty! So glad to find you’re going to keep it going! Awesomeness!

My party-in-the-sky predictions are coming to fruition. When do we start the looting, Kingklash?

hey Matt,long time reader,first time poster.i’m not much for them water growy things,but at my local wally world they got these little packages with random marvel comics characters that like that,i dunno do something like that but apparantly you have no clue what character your getting till you drop em in water?i duno they sound cool,anyone seen these things?anyways this site is tits

But Matt, haven’t we been through this before with growing water thingies? They allways need more time than it says on the package to reach their full potential. Although Kong definately does look like crap. Poor Kong.

Poor, pathetic Kong. It wasn’t the airplanes, ’twas water that killed the beast.

BTW, has anyone had any damn luck tracking down a copy of Monster Squad on DVD? I checked seven, yes SEVEN, different stores today that should have had it, but all were sold out.

Now for the second part of the experiment: Seeing how they handle being shrunk back down. And then the third part, growing them again!

Awww… shrinking them back down is never fun. They just end up looking like wrinkly, dried-out old pieces of crap. At least, I’ve never had a grow-in-water thingy that hasn’t ended up that way.

Yo did you put them in warm->hot water? Otherwise they won’t grow properly. I tried a dinosaur in tap water and nothing happened after a day other than it getting swollen and gross (like Kong above) but in warmer water it grew just fine.

Poor Kong looks like black mushrooms on a tree or something. At least Bumble is still fairly recognizable.

And yay for the MegaParty! I was hoping you’d keep it going. Other than my vacation, it makes up for these last few months being kinda dull.

Eddie: I must admit that the water is just room temperature. Maybe…maybe I should microwave them?

If you microwave them, please video that. I predict explosion, and I think it would be entertaining.
I have had these types and they seem to get far bigger than yours. But we left them for a week. Well, the parts of them that my son took apart.

Looking forward to the extended megaparty. I was thinking the other day that it was nearly over, YAY for it not being. There’s not going to be that much time between this and Halloween.

As for the experiment, I wouldn’t say they’re too bad. Kong looks like he suffered a terrible accident

But I’m still itching for one of those Bumbles.
And when I first had these things when I was four, I didn’t knew you could shrink them back down again. We threw out my Cocoa Pebbles’ Pebbles grow-thing!

Magic Toy I found Monster Sqaud on DVD at Coconuts, which is a sister store of FYE/Sun Coast. Has anyone seen those play until you win claw machines at WalMart that usually have crap that you would find in a gumball machine in them? I got a grow a baseball player in one of the machines and have yet to grow him, the article has inspired me to find him and throw him in a cup of water.

Wow, those are still really small. Great description for Kong- he really does look like a goldfish thief. Also, yay for more Megaparty!

That Bumble looks frosty, almost like a snow sculpture with dyed parts. I wonder if it was intentional?

I always wonder if toy companies ever test these kind of toys to see if they come out looking good enough to justify selling. They probably just make them look good small, and just not give a crap whether or not it looks o.k. hydrated. I dunno, I guess the idea of toy scientists wearing lab coats and goggles in the Mattel Toy Testing Headquarters testing grow-a-toys in big beakers makes me feel good.

That reminds me of the gremlin grow toy you did. All bubbly and gross. But that was cool because it reminded us of the mutating scene in the movie Gremlins.

Awesome Bill Those are called Zizzlingers our beloved regular Mystie wrote a blog post on her site about the disney princess version she bought, complete with video.

Microwaving sounds like it should be done outside, with adult supervision. But nah, where’s the fun in that?

I forgot to say thanks, Matt, for continuing the Megaparty. At least I’ll have that to look forward to…

Maybe if you just tossed them into some boiling water. Hm. Every “Grow-A” thing I’ve gotten looks like it’s got crazy boils all over it.

Blllaaahhhhh I still haven’t finished the 1992 article. Got it part way read during class! I’m so drained right now…. *curls into little ball*

magictoy i had a hard time finding monster squad also but i found it after my third attempt alot of bestbuys arent carrying it and wally world alot are only getting two copies wtf anyway if you find at wally world its 14.44 plus tax and the disc are bad ass the transfer is awesome the featurettes are atleast an hour and half out together the deleted scenes arent alot but cool but i hope you find and anyone else thats looking for good luck

Matt also i love the megaparty i commented once before in the blog but i dont know if you read it is there anyway that you could do an entry about burples i cant find shit on them on the net if you could it would great and who evere did the post about warm water they are absolutely correct i just bought a cheapo grow in water fish from walmart for 88 cents and its fucking huge now anyway take care and keep up the great work

Back in the age of the dinosaurs, there were a bunch of tar pits. At least according to cartoons. The island where Kong used to reside had dinosaurs on it (awesome!! But beside the point). So maybe the toy makers thought that His Majesty Monkey fell in a tar pit… and turned into tar. It looks like a big glob of tar to me.

Or take the movie Akira. You know when Tetsuo turns into the big flesh-machine glob that the director/writer likes so much. Imagine that except pure black, not so massive, and without the girlfriend-turned-pimple part. (That was just gross)

These things always turn into disappointment. You’d think by now they could have improved the “Grow-a-Thing” technology; forget world peace, let’s solve the big problems first!

joker9866: Thanks for the tip. I did check two different Wal-Marts today, both had been bled dry. It is very frustrating to turn down the new release aisle and see the one blank row where discs should be. Without fail it was always the movie I was looking for. I guess it just goes to show that many of the folks doing the ordering on behalf of these stores have no idea what the demand is for certain cult movies.

I finally gave up after wasting probably $10 in gas and ordered from one of the marketplace sellers on Amazon.com. Even Amazon says they are out until Aug. 2nd. This is what I get for not going out first thing on Tuesday to grab a copy.

I haven’t had a “grow-a-thing” toy since the mid ’80s. All I can remember is that it was a robot (heavily Transformer-esque, but not licensed) and that it was blue. I also remember taking it into a nursing home, or some place similar that, in my memories, gives off that “nursing home” vibe. Weird.

I thought Kong looked more like a tarantula that met his fate in a microwave ala Gremlins.

They just casted the new Mr. Spock in the Star Trek prequel. It’s Sylar from HEROES.

You know, Star Trek (any version) is one of the few subjects I don’t think has ever been on this website. Of course, I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong.

The article from which so many holy things flow, the great X-E Quiz had a question about Star Trek

Funny that Star Trek is mentioned today, of all days. Yesterday I received a copy of Star Trek: The Motion Picture from Netflix. I got through maybe the first hour or so before exhaustion overcame me and I had to turn it off and get some sleep.

I was never a Trek-fan growing up - at all. My best friend, however, was a card carrying trekkie. He showed me all of the ST movies that were available at that time (1987) and we also watched when ST:TNG premiered.

I decided to give it another go positing that maybe my new found maturity (ha ha) will make it much more enjoyable.

I did think the first hour or so was pretty good, better than I remembered it. Then again I didn’t have access to vodka in 1987.

Star Trek always seemed so boring to me. I don’t like straight up sci-fi/space travel. I need some twist to it. I love Star Wars of course. Live and Breathe the Matrix. Cyberpunk is very good times. Did you see what they did to Shadowrun? Inexcusable.

i love star trek, i’m a huge fan. i have the complete series on vhs and the first (6) original series movies. oh, and the motion picture was as boring as watching grass grow- personally, i feel its all special effects and .. well, nothing else.

I used to watch The Search For Spock all the friggin’ time when I was a little kid. It was the only Star Trek movie we had. I’m not real familiar with the other ones.

To be perfectly honest, I only rented the first movie so I would be in the proper frame of mind to watch The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock again.

BTW, I was also blown away to recognize the guy who played the father in 7th Heaven in the first ST movie. I am going to show my lady that later on Friday because she will never believe it. Well, she would believe it, but it is more fun to show her anyway.

Ick…that’s the second creepiest reveal in blog history. Doesn’t quite beat Doc Apple Brown Betty though.
Welcome in, Kelly and D-town Bill!
Yay for extended Megaparty! Does this mean Shark Week coverage?

Star Trek eh? Huh.
I’d say the original series and TNG are excellent, in writing at the very least. My fathers a huge fan of it, so I’ve kinda been immersed in it my whole life. I’m not rabid about it, but I can certainly appreciate it.

Knegative, I know what you mean about straight science fiction. I’m something of a Heinlein fan, but more of his dramas with science fiction elements. I’m reading his novel The Rolling Stones right now, which I’m having troubles getting into, though it is picking up.

ahahahahahaha… i totally forgot the father from 7th heaven was in the motion picture.. hahahahahahahha….

I was a huge fan of TNG. I even had alot of the toys Kenner did, including the Enterprise. I’ve also seen all of the TNG movies except the last one.

Never watched DS9. Enterprise sucked. Only watched Voyager when 7of9 joined the cast and liked the show itself. Surprisingly, I’ve only seen a couple episodes of the original series and the original (boring) motion picture.

I’ve also seen the indy film Free Enterprise, and the two Trekkies docs, which are cool.

My cousin wants me to just be myself, because he wants to see what the difference is between him in 1992, and me when i was his age in 1992.

In reference to 1992: Bill was my age in 1992, and this is what is important to me. When i grow up, i want to be a college basketball player. After college i want to be a personal trainer for the UGA girls basketball team. I don’t watch cartoons, i watch law and order. :] My favorite movies are Dirty Love, and 10 things i hate about you.

As a teenager, i love to hang out with my friends. When i come home from school, i do my homework, and go shoot hoops. I don’t know what “Ducktales” is. I think skater boys are hott.

Breaking news: Stephen Colbert just ate a Dorito dipped in Marshmallow Fluff. And Karen Allen is going to be in Indy 4!
I don’t want to think about chicken when I’m watching satirical news shows.

I don’t want to think about chicken while looking at that hideous mutation of King Kong! I mean what the FUCK?! I had some of these things when I was a kid, and some of them disappointed me, but they never made me question my sanity like this thing that should not be!

I swear on my life that where I work I’ve seen someone with the license plate “KHAAAN”

Just wanted to say that I think it’s great that you’re continuing the Summer Megaparty into August. I don’t usually comment because I get discouraged by the always high comment count, but I read and appreciate all the blogs and articles. I also appreciate your quoting a Connery line from LXG. I haven’t thought about that movie in forever, but I quoted that line constantly back in the day. And thirdly, I appreciate your inclusion of that statuette in the pictures for scale. However, I must take issue with the fact that I have no idea how big the statuette is.

I have one of these “growing things”. Can’t remember the brand it was, but anyways, my lizard really grew
really big and it looked like a lizard (with painted parts and such.

The inside absorbs the water whilst the outside does not to retain the shape. The water moves in over concentration gradients. Impurities in the water reduce flow in and can result in flow out (adding salt to the water will make the toys shrink). So if you water is bad you may want to use the distilled water. It is also recommended to change the water everyday initially.

It is not recommended to use hot water. Use the room temperature water. Hot or boiling water can cause the “toys” to fall apart. That is never a good thing.

I submit that the corporate leadership of Valve Software should be executed for treason against these United States. Proof to follow.

As you know, several industries–including video games, movies, old television shows on DVD, and a wide range of shiny objects with knobs on–rely on a highly specific demographic to generate a disproportionate fraction of their revenue. This group of people, consisting largely of American males between the ages of eighteen and thirty and skewing heavily towards college students and young professionals, is known among these industries as Generation E, for their strong connection with the internet and e-business. In game theory calculations, they are always represented by the variable e.

Now, the reason Generation E is valued above their female demographic counterparts is because their purchasing behavior is governed by a few very simple equations. At its heart, the study of e dynamics deals with the variables w=want and s=sloth. W is acted upon by a few outside variables, including how impressive it will be to members of the opposite sex, hXc where X is the likely vector of the influence.

Simply put, where the value of w exceeds s, the subject gets off the couch, drives across town, and purchases a nonessential good or service. This domain is bounded by the outside variable of how much money e currently possesses, but this is not a sliding scale so much as a hard cap. w remains constant whether cm=$40 or $400, right up to the point of complete destitution. This is important for later, so make a note of it.

In the normal course of things, w and s tend to balance each other out so that when e visits the grocery store, he has some money left over. Note that e will never budget money for food ahead of time, but if cm exceeds the ramen quotient (the amount of money needed to purchase a flat of ramen noodles, ~R) he will generally purchase some frozen pizzas, canned pasta, or–if he is trying to impress a hot vegan chick, hVc–possibly even fresh produce. This provides enough sporadic nutrition to keep them alive and mostly functional.

Now. The introduction of a stable and reasonably stocked digital delivery service for PC games, Valve’s Steam platform, threatens to disturb this delicate balance. For a long time, it was thought that the long download times would invoke s as readily as the drive across town to the store. However, these assumptions failed to take into account the trouser phenomenon Î˜T which states that given two similar activities, e is always more likely to choose the one which doesn’t involve putting on trousers. For more information, see my earlier paper, “Î˜T Transformations in Personal Game Theory: The Trouble With Trousers.” In addition, most members of Generation E have broadband connections far better than the national average. Again, see my earlier paper, “The Role of Bandwidth in the Existential Well-Being of Young Men: Baud, e, and Soul.”

These two factors combine to inflate w and depress s to the point where Generation E is spending an unprecedented amount of time below the Ramen Quotient. Here is the unsettling prediction which my calculations point to:

Within the decade, Japan will invade us with their mechanical legions of doom (see: “Implications of Militaristic, Nationalistic, and Technological Trends in 21st Century Japan: The Gaijin’s Guide to the Robot Apocalypse”). Just at the point where we need a massive number of young, able-bodied males to throw beneath the blood-slick treads of an unstoppable flood of pitiless killing machines, we will find that the majority of Generation E are either dead or incapacitated by ramen-induced scurvy. America will lose the coming war due to a lack of manpower, and it is all Valve’s fault.

So, uh, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m currently downloading the new Civ IV expansion, so if you don’t see me for a couple of weeks it’s because that skinny bastard Ghandi is giving me guff again. You understand, I daresay.

And please don’t tell me I’m the only X-Er that saw The Simpsons Movie already? I thought it was utterly fantastic, and well worth the wait. I’m going to see it again, possible tonight.

Good story about last night, as my friend was driving me & the gf back home, he gets pulled over by a cop. Wow. It was because his rear lights were out, but it was still embarassing, but it left us all in a bummer the rest of the trip back. I sure hope he’s ok now.

Sorry to back-track, but I saw a post from someone (sorry- can’t remember who, but thank you!) Tuesday that The Monster Squad was being released… so I zipped over to Amazon and had it in hands Wednesday afternoon! It is as good as I remember it… I have to admit my new favorite line is “This is too hard… we should be firefighters.” Just hit me the right way.

Just out of curiosity, what do those things feel like?? Bumble looks almost like a stuffed animal…Kong, however, not so much…

YAY to extending the megaparty…I must admit that I feel almost spoiled by the abundance of X-E goodness…

Matt, I thought it was Red Rose tea that had those figurines in them. I just remember how we had an army of those figurines all over the house. I remember my mom seeing them at some craft sale and someone was selling them for $2 each.

Yeah it was definitely Red Rose that had those little figurines, I know because I used to make my Mom buy Red Rose specifically so that I could get them. I know, I know, it’s sad. Sadder still is that I probably still have a whole pile of them somewhere… bummer about King Kong though.

hannah (bill’s cousin) - most of that is fine. But they have ducktales on dvd, I think. Not watching that is inexcusable, and welcome!

That Kong reminds me of this game I used to have called Grape Escape. It was similar to Mouse Trap, except you molded your game pieces from Play-Doh using this mold that made little grape people. Then you went through the game, which had various obstacles that never worked exactly right, like scissors that would cut your little grape dude in half. Obviously if that happened you were out of the game. It wasn’t that fun except for the carnage factor, but it was pretty cool to be able to literally destroy your opponents.

Kong is just a mess. If a dog took a shit and it looked like that, I’d be impressed at the Kong similarities. But since it’s supposed to look like King Kong, I’m left wondering why it looks like dog shit.

LOL, I needed a good laugh. Coughing up green shit and having a sore throat… who the fuck gets sick in July!?!? This sucks.

2. I just walked into the bathroom at work to find Christmas “glistening snow” air freshener. Is it Christmas yet?

Hooray Christmas in July…which brought up an image of reindeer eating power pellets…that were on trees…

I have a feeling this is the only place that has people who know what the hell I am talking about

On the 25th, XM turned on one of their holiday channels for the day to celebrate Christmas in July. I’m bummed because I forgot.

Diego, I had the same complaint. I have no clue how big that statue is. I’m glad someone else said something. I was afraid that it was one of those things everyone knew about but me. I’m sorry! We always bought Luzianne in the box of family-sized bags!

Poor Kong. The only Grow-A-Whatever I’ve ever got that worked was the year my mother sent me a Grow-A-Date for Valentine’s Day with a note saying “I want a grandkid.” My mom’s way twisted.

As for Star Trek, one of my best friends in college used to get me liquored up and then put Star Trek movies on, knowing it was the only way I’d agree to watch them. I always felt violated after it happened. But she just grinned and smoke a cigarette.

I’m pretty sure we got our figurines from Tetley, since I had never heard of Red Rose until moving to the East coast seven years ago.

Matt, your rhino (is that what it is?) reminded me of this one we had… We had a blue squirrel figure that wouldn’t go away. I know we had others, but they all vanished into some tiny ceramic vortex, leaving the blue squirrel behind I guess. It was kind of odd, because just when we figured it was completely lost, someone would say “What ever happened to…” and it would show up again within a couple of days. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad sends it to me now that I have said something about it.

I’m making maps of the best places for ice and snacks, and Energon refueling points, Kneg. Because it’s not a PAR-TAY until something gets broken, I know a couple of large houses that can have lifting engines attached quickly, just in case. Warm up those cocktail weiners, this shindig’s about to get off the ground! And Disaster Area is on the stereo!

Meanthewhiles, a humble tip of the brain pan to the Mighty Mighty Master of Malarkey, Jedoc. Were that I was as good with the buzzwords, I might have actually gone to college. But didn’t Japan introduce the world to Ramen? Unless that’s part of the overall plan….

Sweet! There is another Bill….from Dawsonville!…and he is awesome. I used to have an apartment in Dawsonville, GA way back before the turn of the millennium. Small world.

I made my cousin explain what is wrong with kids today on here. Sorry about that folks.

Back on other topics:
I was such a Star Wars kid that I never got into Star Trek. It wasn’t until one summer when we had just moved to the house on the backwaters and had a lack of cable tv. Three channels; four if we were lucky. It must have been raining because I was inside and ST:TNG came on one late Saturday evening. I, for some reason, was all of a sudden hooked. I stayed with the show until the awesomeness that was the series finale.

What’s even more odd: Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country is my favorite of the movies. Weird. Maybe it was all the Shakespeare references….

Hey I used to have those figures from the tea boxes too. I am sure I left them all the house I lived at while I collected them all. I didn’t really collect them. More or less I just lined them up on my kitchen windowsill when I opened a new box of tea. I am kind of glad to be rid of them.

Hey another first time poster here. Love the site. Speaking of Star Trek, how ’bout a Trek-related article or blog entry Matt?

Still haven’t caught up all the way but I just wanted to say, THE SIMPSONS MOVIE is really good; near great! Check it out!

Ahhhh I used to collect those little Rose Red figurines! Had a little glass curio on my wall that I kept them in. I used to get figurines from the upstairs section of Farmer Brown’s grocery, they were huge tables full of them, all lined up on their little cardstock pieces. That was such a cool store back in the day. Big glass jugs full of strawberry milk, the tiny gift shop, the old wooden watermill, and, oh yes, The Chicken Machine!

Woo hoo! I went and checked out the American Science and Surplus store today! Someone here mentioned it a couple of weeks ago and linked to an older article Matt had written on the place.

What an intriguing store. My lady got some popsicle sticks for use in her classroom. I, on the other hand, found a few vital items. I purchased a “grow-in-water” brain (I was inspired by this blog post), a drinking bird (been looking for one for years!), and a green glow stick. Quite the haul.

Also I’m headed to the drive-in tonight to check out The Simpsons Movie along with I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. This time I’ll be sure to bring plenty of OFF spray.

Impressive Jedoc, just wow.
And you gotta love the instantaneous “back to normal” closer.

kingklash: Good lord, you’re right! The Japanese must have been planning this for longer than I had suspected! This demands a follow-up study immediately.

Do you run a freshwater tank or a salty one? I have a freshwater and I’ve heard there are freshwater puffers, but people have also told me that puffers can’ tlive in freshwater forever, just when they’re born until they’re teenaged balloons, then they go to brackish, followed by salt.
Anyway, maybe after the summer party you could talk about your little critters or somethi–Oh, I know.

Next time you’re in Atlanta, go to the Georgia Aquarium. That place is amazing, and I know you’d feel the urge to write an article about as long as that Disney feature. BEWARE–it’s a full-day activity full of magic and awesome.

Also, Matt: DO NOT MICROWAVE THEM. They turn into what looks like feathery little debris inside the water, and they’ll permanently foul the vessel you microwave them in.

I’m just writing to say that the reason they didn’t turn into footlong squishbeasts is that the 600% was probably a reference to volume, meaning that they would only get longer by a factor of the CUBE ROOT of six, which is about 1.8.
Hi, by the way. I’ve been reading for a while.

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