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Summer Megaparty: Goodbye, Fair Cap’n.

You know, I hate to sound like a broken record about this stuff, especially because it's done with the right intentions. But come on...

"Limiting Ads of Junk Food to Children."

The basic gist of the story is that a whole load of food companies are altering or outright ending decades-spanning ad campaigns because kids are getting too fat by eating their stuff. And I understand the "epidemic," I really do. I've been to seminars via work where people have spoken at length about how true it is and about how it can't all be written off as "fanatical watchdogs getting their way," but to deprive the world of Cap'n Crunch commercials? I would rather every child on this planet be a perfectly round ball of sick than see them grow up in a society that disallows the continuing animated adventures of a pirate who maintains peace, prosperity and crunchiness against a horde of milky monsters with Scut Farkus eyeballs.

I'm not kidding: They're killing off Cap'n Crunch. He'll still be on the boxes, but without those commercials, he's only as good as that eyepatch-wearing seal on the generic brand's packaging.

Worse yet, the movement is now extending to the Internet. That was these companies' collective ace in the hole. To a degree, it didn't matter how much shit the TV-version of Sonny had to deal with, because he'd still be able to create virtual ball pits out of Cocoa Puffs online. What are kids going to do with their Sunday mornings if they're not getting codes on cereal boxes to enter online for a chance to play riffs on "Asteroids" with cereal pieces in place of comets? What, are they supposed to go outside? Come on.

Oh well. I'm not going to lose sleep over it, because finding out that there will be no more Cap'n Crunch commercials just ain't that important in the grand scheme of life. But I'm certainly glad to do my part to preserve the memories of what's now "what was."


With that in mind, click here to watch an old Peanut Butter Crunch commercial, starring our now-banned pal. Shed a tear. Eat celery.

Posted by Matt on 07/19/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 138 comments

Surely it’s the Cap’n's fault that kids are fat, right? Right? I mean, you can expect parental rule to compete with cartoons.
I know we’ve hashed and rehashed the whole parental responsibility thing, but I have to share this. I was at the zoo with my friends and their well-behaved children. We were walking under the brand-new underwater polar bear tunnel and in walks a 9-year-old kid with one of those souvenir cup’s straws. The kind that give that high-pitched whistle once out of the drink. As he piped away at it, the mom smiled at us and said “Sorry – I’d take it away if I could!” and gave a you-know-what-I-mean laugh.
I’m sure that Cap’n Crunch is making her kid fat, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 07/19/2007 10:35 PM

i haven’t seen a commercial for tasty kids type food in like a couple years. there are no more commercials for fruit roll ups, sugary cereals, or hostess anything. does anyone else remember the vultures running into the truck or car or van or whatever, cause they thought it was a twinkie. i’m not overweight, but my brother is. i’ve seen the difference in a generation, and it’s not like my mom isn’t responsible it’s just they stress far too much on playing video games, where as I even at 20 still want to go to the zoo and walk around.

Chestnuts roasted by danny @ 07/19/2007 10:38 PM

sorry i meant stress to much on video games and technology, it just is really the only popular thing anymore that kids too, it’s the cool thing. there is no playing outside, there is no neighborhood social networking, its facebook and myspace now.

Chestnuts roasted by danny @ 07/19/2007 10:40 PM

IT’S TIME TO MARCH ON WASHINGTON PEOPLE!!!

oh cap’n my cap’n…

Chestnuts roasted by Danny J @ 07/19/2007 10:40 PM

Which Danny is which? who do I shoot? Who’s got the Fall Out Boy tickets? :P

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 10:44 PM

haha kneg hmm maybe I should switch to a more non first name initialized identity on this fair site…would probably stop the confusion. (if any)

Chestnuts roasted by Danny JJJJJJJ @ 07/19/2007 10:48 PM

Eating healthy is relatively cheap, if you buy only the basics. For awhile I was at Whole Food’s buying all the overpriced organic and gmo free foods I could. But seriously, milk, eggs, meat, fruits and veggies. Just buying those isn’t bad at all. Oh, and cereal. We eat alot of cereal at my house. It’s my son’s “treat”.
From experience it is MUCH easier to give in to your child’s whining for candy and soda than to hand them a carrot stick. But if most of what you buy and keep at home is healthy, that’s what they’ll eat. My son get’s stoked about a bowl of Apple jacks, cause that’s what he gets if he eats his veggies all gone. It’s such a simple concept I have a hard time realizing the problem some parents deal with. I assume it has to do with the parents wanting to keep the junk in their home so they can eat it as well. I am not trying to be self righeous here, it’s just how I feel.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/19/2007 10:48 PM

i’d be fall out boy ticket danny.

Chestnuts roasted by danny @ 07/19/2007 10:50 PM

I had a feeling that FOB danny was lower-case and w/o the J. Then I remembered that during the F13 allnighter Danny forgot his J and how easy it would be for him to forget to capitalize his name.

I’m always fascinated by the people who post with regular names. Especially those who’ll do both first and last name. This is the internet people, get your superhero secret identity on.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 10:54 PM

there a new name for a different danny, i will now be known as FOB danny, primarily for you kneg so you don’t get discombobulated again.

Chestnuts roasted by FOB danny @ 07/19/2007 10:56 PM

my usual online names(in chronological order):

DrPhilIsDaDevil
demonicdrphil
LaDEEfureekingDa
Lt.Dan144

not much to pick from so I just went with the real name(or is it) *shifty eyes

Chestnuts roasted by Danny J @ 07/19/2007 10:57 PM

Jessica Marie
I would’ve told that bitch, “You have two hands.”
That or “Well, how about I take it away.”

Seriously, the only way to combat retards like that is to be utterly rude to them. It’s okay as long as you do it with a smile!

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 07/19/2007 10:58 PM

Damn…it’s like Crunch has been swallowed by the corporate Kraken.

But fret not, for I am confident that THIS Cap’n Crunch (click my name) will be able to summon him back from the abyss with the use of a mere whistle. I hope. Or not.

Chestnuts roasted by Frostor @ 07/19/2007 10:58 PM

Who’s gonna beat those Soggies now? What a crock of bullshit! Kids are going to have to buy twinkees on the black market with the way things are going…but seriously what’s next? Age restrictions on junk food? Junk Food being placed in a “back room” a la the porn section at the movie store? Its this kinda of censorship that makes me sad…

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 07/19/2007 11:01 PM

I hate when people are blame the system for overweight kids. It is a multi-directional fault. I think more parents pawn off their responsibilities because it is easy to do so. The one thing I can’t stand is when people talk down to people or kids who have a weight problem. You think they are oblivious to this? It’s the one vulnerability that people can see. I think successful parenting is when you can have kids that are healthy and happy with who they are, not what they look like.
I used to work for the fitness industry out of college and I have seen some fucked up things and people.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/19/2007 11:04 PM

IT IS I! CAPTAIN VEGETABLE! WITH MY CARROT, AND MY CELERY!

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/19/2007 11:10 PM

DrPhilIsDaDevil. I like you so much more than I already did, now.

So, you get the new Yellowcard, FOB danny?

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 11:11 PM

I think there was an entire summer growing up where I had Micro Magic fries and Chef Boyardee ravioli cups for lunch every single day. And yet, today I am of a normal BMI and eat pretty healthy.

Honestly, you should never deprive a kid of his cravings. Just teach them how to satisfy it without going overboard.

(this comes from a girl who eagerly looks forward to her bagel with cream cheese every Friday) :)

Chestnuts roasted by eliza @ 07/19/2007 11:12 PM

Heh you would be surprised how many people like it and how many hate it. Never met anyone on XBOX Live who didn’t crack up from reading it though.

Chestnuts roasted by Danny J @ 07/19/2007 11:14 PM

nah, little debbies aren’t really cheaper than fruit!

At the local produce place for $20 I can FILL a cart full of fruits and veggies, they’re just expensive at the big chain grocery stores. Look for farmers markets or food co-ops. Eating health can be 10x cheaper than eating convenience foods.

Chestnuts roasted by slim goodbody @ 07/19/2007 11:15 PM

i have not heard it because yellowcard has let me down before, they’re really good and then not so good. you should check out the new straylight run, it’s really really good.

Chestnuts roasted by danny @ 07/19/2007 11:15 PM

Sorry if this is a double post but I thought this was oddly fitting

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF224-Commander_Crisp.jpg#209

Chestnuts roasted by Danny J @ 07/19/2007 11:15 PM

If you’re talking about Lights and Sounds (which you have to be, since all the rest of the Ryan Key-led albums are perfect, IMHO) then you’ll be pleasantly surprised. They are back on track.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 11:19 PM

To end all of this I shall slowly phase out Danny J. … after all danny was here before me and yea.

Chestnuts roasted by DrPhilIsDaDevil=Danny J @ 07/19/2007 11:19 PM

This kind of garbage just breaks my heart. My only consolation is that someone mentioned the Kraken.

Chestnuts roasted by Shelby @ 07/19/2007 11:21 PM

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